The burden of knowledge
Julia von Wincott knew many things.
She knew when it was about to rain by the way the air itself felt against her face. She knew when Anissina had a new invention by the way the men of the castle would make themselves scarce. She knew how to navigate through the castle corridors without sight by feeling her way with maryoku.
And she knew her destiny was to die. Her birth was just a little bit off. Maybe someone in the soul's past had lived a little too long or met his or her end a little too soon, but whatever the reason, whatever the cause, she knew the solution. She was to die, so the next maou of Shin Makoku could be born.
It was a burden she bore alone, and like her blindness and her penchant for sweets and any other challenge she'd been born with she handled it gracefully.
Some days were harder than others. She knew it made no sense to speak of it. There was nothing that could be done, and it would only hurt those who loved her to share her burden. And so she was always just a little distant—a little alone.
Maybe that's why she could see something of herself in Cheri's troubled, middle son. He was always polite and attentive, but he stood apart from the others. His bloodline made him different, and whether others knew or cared or not, he was always aware of the separation.
Be independent, because in the end you are all you have. Focus on others, so they don't focus on you. And never get too close.
At first their encounters were fleeting. They would meet at social engagements within the castle and then he would happen across her and insist on escorting her wherever she was going. Then she would be in need of assistance and he would happen to be nearby.
These encounters remained "accidental" but extended in length until an escort became a long, leisurely stroll. And soon there was nothing unplanned about their meetings in the garden where they would discuss the deepest of matters along with the lightest.
She was very aware her friendship with the unmarried man was not exactly encouraged while she was engaged to another just as he was very aware that even as the maou's son he was a half blood spending large amounts of his free time with a noble woman.
But as aware as they were, they could still be found sitting together beneath a large flowering tree talking about the war and then the stars and then their lips met and talking ceased.
They both knew it was an act they weren't allowed for many reasons, but for just a few minutes under a starlit sky with a cool breeze flowing through their hair, none of those reasons mattered.
But it was only a moment.
The next day the decision was made to send the soldiers of mixed blood into an almost hopeless battle. The prince would leave soon and the healer would be going as well, but she knew she wouldn't be coming back.
That night she went to the shrine to talk to Ulrike. In all the time she had known of her sacrifice she had made no complaint and asked for nothing until now. Her request was a simple one. She wanted Conrad, and Conrad alone, to deliver her soul into the next life.
Violet eyes had opened widely in surprise at the request, but the small woman had only nodded her consent after conferring with the Shinou.
Relived, Julia left the shrine. If they needed her soul to be transferred on, then they would have to make sure that the messenger stayed alive long enough to carry it along.
As painful as it was to watch him leave for such a battle she had been secure in knowing he would not be allowed to die that day. And for that reason, she had no regrets when her time came.