I don't own twilight. All belongs to Stephenie Meyer!! This is depressing, so if you don't like sad stories, stay away. I just felt like dabbling in other departments. Don't worry, most will not be like this.

Reminder: Takes place after New Moon, Bella never found the motorcycles, thus, never befriending Jacob.

Bella POV

As I sat on my bed – the knife, pills I stole from the pharmacy, paper, and pencil – lay on my night stand looking all the more glorious.

I gave up forcing Edward's name out of my head. It was a worthless effort. I closed my eyes as I remembered his, golden and beautiful and the way they could penetrate my soul. Tears stung my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.

No more pain. I thought. Tonight would be the end of my pain.

Edward left me months ago. Everyone said I should've gotten over him. Nobody knew how attached I had believed we were. But in the end, I guess I was never really good enough for him.

I didn't blame him. I knew it was my entire fault. I would never be perfect enough for Edward. I was fragile, clumsy, I doubted too often.

Dwelling on that accomplished nothing though. I had to focus on other things.

I sat in the shortest shorts I could find and a white tee. I wanted everyone to see my cuts when they found me.

Looking at my legs and arms, I remembered each cut vividly. On my left leg, "FAILURE," had been carved so I would never forget that I was the one who made Edward leave.

My right thigh had cuts in the shapes of X's for every memory I wished was erased.

On my left arm I had cut across from the top of my shoulders, to my wrists. I had 25 cuts in all. I always wore long sleeves.

The right arm was where I had carved an eye. The swollen pink lines were still fresh from last week's cuts.

I regretted none of it.

Charlie had tried to put my on some sort of pill that would "cure" me. There was no cure for heart break. If anything, I had sunken deeper into this depression. I still don't blame Charlie.

I thought about all the tests I had failed and the "friends" I'd let down. They didn't truly care. No one did.

Alice called once, I could hear her squeaky voice when Charlie answered. I ran to my room and cut an X into my leg, hoping it would erase Alice.

It didn't.

I started cutting for pain then. So I wouldn't be so hurt for emotional reasons. The cuts were physical pain that I had reason to be hurt for. They were rational reasons.

Plus I deserved it. I deserved pain. I needed to punish myself for thinking that Edward had loved me.

He needed to let me have a normal life. I laughed bitterly at that. Was this what a normal life was? Always fighting through the pain – the ever present numbness?

The worst part was that if Edward would somehow find out about my cutting, he still wouldn't have cared.

My heart ripped further when I realized that. That's when I carved the eye. It was to make me believe that he still cared. That he still watched out for me.

That was a worthless effort as well.

I was a failure now. No one could depend on me. I stopped cooking a month after Edward left. Charlie went back to the way things were before I showed up and ruined his perfectly fine life.

He gave up on me – like everyone else – after I stopped cooking. I only came out of my room to use the bathroom and to go to school.

I don't know why I went to school, I maintained an F in every class proudly. It was my mark, my trade if you will, to fail.

I grabbed the paper and pencil and began to write.

"Good bye Charlie. I've failed you, again.

I hope life will get better for you once I'm gone.

Bella"

I opened the pill bottle and took 20 pills out. The box said 10 would kill you.

I swallowed them one at a time, feeling each one slide down my throat.

My head was spinning and the lines around my vision started to blur. I grabbed the knife and stabbed myself in the crease of my elbow. From there I cut my skin apart to the edge of my hand.

Blood poured out of my skin. The blurred lines sharpened surprisingly as the pain cleared my head. Tears leaked from my eyes endlessly.

I looked out my window as the rain hit my window like any other night. But unlike any other night a horror stricken face stared at me. My head cocked slightly, fear was the last thing on my mind, as I strained to see who it was.

My head started to spin more dizzily than before when Edward stepped in my room.

"Bella?!" Edward's frantic voice tore at my heart. I could feel my heartbeat underneath the skin of each scar, as if I'd just cut.

I laughed bitterly as my head hit the pillow.

Review please! I know it's sad, but is it good?