Abandon

by Baliansword

In the midst of their falling out, Alexander announces Hephaestion's half sister will be wed to Cassander, dispite Phae's disapproval. Upon her arrival, a seer predicts a dangerous prophecy, and an assassin attempts to murder the King and his lover.

1. Chapter 1

Title: Abandon

Author: Baliansword

Rating: M for sexual content and adult situations

Warnings: A/H

Chapter: 1 of unknown

Summary: Alexander betroths Hephaestion's half sister Myrihne to Cassander, despite Hephaestion's protests. Yet when Myrihne arrives in Babylon, Hephaestion questions whether distancing himself from Alexander was the right decision.

Tagline: Is blood thicker than water?

0

0

0

There were many things about him that I could not understand, even after knowing him for most of our lives and becoming his close confidant. Yet what I did not understand another did, whether it be another of the Companions, or perhaps his mother home in Pella, or even Bagoas, who despite being the thorn in my side gave my Alexander some comfort. And even should no one else know, Alexander knew, and that was enough to keep him going, and to give me solace in these matters. However, I think that this decision was even beyond even his rational. It would have been one thing were this any other. That is to say, at least it would have meant less to me if it would have been another. Thinking back I do not ever recall him being so quick to make a decision like this, or so foolish. Yes, foolish, and I was the only one to say such a thing to him, and now he stares me down as if I had rammed a sword into his side whilst he was turned and looking the other way. Perhaps that would not have been such a bad idea. At least then he would have paid me some attention before this point. All watch him now, watching me, and I know what they are wondering. What will Alexander do now that his precious Hephaestion has questioned him? No, now that he has openly defied his wishes in front of all of the Companions. Yes, what will Alexander do?

"Hephaestion," he asks, attempting to smile though I know he cannot believe that I have betrayed him, for in a sense that is what I have done. Or at least this is what he thinks I have done and it will remain burned into his memories in such a way for the rest of his life. I continue to stand in the back of the crowded room where I have always stood, silently listening and thinking, waiting for another to say the wrong words. However, this time I am the one that has said the wrong thing, and so far, no one has leapt up to defend him as I would have. Yet I suppose their current silence is enough of a defense, because it says that they agree with him and that my concerns should be abandoned.

"We will talk privately," the king then decides, turning his attention away from me for the time being. This gives me enough time to release the breath that I have been holding. I am not afraid of him, not as other men are, but I know that to cross him is comparable to cursing Zeus. He turns his attention back to the rest of the Companions, some of whom are releasing their own breaths, and I even hear Ptolemy swallow. He attempts to glance over his shoulder at me, pretending to stretch, but Alexander begins talking before he can toss at me a look that would ask me if I needed him to distract Alexander. I would have shaken my head in a soft 'no' had he been able to complete the gesture, however, Alexander was going on about bringing his mother to Babylon. Over and over she had asked for this, and he had denied her each and every time. This time she had gone even around me and had sent a letter to Ptolemy, who was fool enough to have brought it up the night before.

"…and only when I am sure that her presence will not stir anything up in Babylon will I allow her to be brought," Alexander finished, leaning back heavily in his chair. Sometimes the Companions were able to see the weight of the world he had conquered on his shoulders. This was one of those times. We all knew that he loved her, at least as much as a troubled son who ran across the world to be rid of her could, but we also wondered if she truly loved him. There were times when I myself, reading her letters, questioned this. At times I thought she wanted power that she could never have been given under Philip's tight control and that she would seek it from Alexander, knowing she could convince him to give it to her. Yet at other times she seemed only lonely, so very lonely, and only wanted to wrap her son, her only remaining ally, in her arms and hold him.

"Of course," Ptolemy nodded, wishing that he had not let the matter reveal itself last night. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair but was finally able to look over his shoulder at me. I had set my hands over my chest and was chewing on my thumbnail, nothing out of the ordinary, but he knew what it meant. He would have said something else to Alexander, made up some ration situation with the grain, or complained about how the horses had been shod, but I shook my head slightly. It was unnecessary. I did not need to buy myself more time, for Alexander was not going to forget this issue. I would not let him.

"You have my orders," Alexander then said, rising from his chair, lifting his cup with him. He waved them off like this many times and as always they said quick goodbyes before leaving us. I remained, knowing that I was not supposed to move, and stared at him. He looked at me with dark eyes for a moment and then sat down. Perhaps he was disappointed with me, and I knew he was angry, but he tried to soothe his own angers before he spoke. I watched as he ran a hand through his golden hair and as he drained the rest of the contents in his glass. He drew a quick breath in before shaking his head at me and faintly laughing.

"You should not have done that," he said, still shaking his head. He then stopped and looked at me again. "I know that I did not tell you of these plans, but you should be pleased. You and I both know what it is that men look for in wives and that she does not fit these desires. Besides, you've barely spoken with her. How do you know that she would not want this? Hephaestion be reasonable, think of her before you think of yourself. Do you think I do not know what this is really about," he then asked, raising an eyebrow. "You wouldn't object if I offered her to Ptolemy. I don't even think you would have objected had I randomly selected some Athenian from the foot soldiers!"

"You did not speak with me about this because you already had made your mind up that my opinion on the matter would not count," I threw back at him. I knew that this hurt him. Ever since Bagoas had come between us things had been different. He'd seen the error in assuming that in my older age I would no longer want him and that I should instead want to take a wife and have an heir, which was his dream when we stopped sharing a bed, which was far from true. In fact, I allowed Drypetis to have her own lovers outside of our marriage, which was a sham in itself. But in seeing the errors he had made Alexander had tried to rekindle our romance. It started with looks, and then gentle touches as he would walk past me in a crowd, and just a few nights before we had met in his chambers to discuss a letter he had received from Aristotle. There was still no sharing of the bed. Everything we had been building I feared I had just ruined with my statement, but it needed to be said.

"I did not mention it to you because I knew that you would turn it against me," Alexander protested, his voice getting louder. He was up and pacing now, cursing under his breath. I had known for months what he wanted from me. He wanted the old Hephaestion, the one that he had grown up with who would never speak against him and who would unquestioningly stand at his side like an obedient dog. I wanted to be that as well. I wanted to close my eyes at times and forget that any of this was happening.

"I am not turning it against you," I answered pleadingly, wishing that he could see what this would mean for not only me, but for her. I moved forward and blocked the path in which he paced, forcing him to look at me. "I have never questioned your graciousness Alexander, and I do not even question it now. It would be a great honor for her, but it could also be a curse. Not only do I disagree to it on my behalf, but on hers as well. Cassander is not a suitable husband."

"Why," he asked, placing a hand on my chest to move me backward. He did not do it to anger me, but rather so that he could walk around the grand table and pour himself another cup of watered wine. As he did this I admit to rolling my eyes. When conversation could not end his troubles he would turn to blood or wine. "He is of a high birth and is not only a great soldier but also a Companion, one that I can somewhat trust, and he is wealthy. He can provide her with a home…"

"He will provide her with a life of sorrow as he leaves her at home to tend to children while he goes off womanizing every doe-eyed girl that passes him by. You don't even trust him to carry messages for you. How are you going to look at me and tell me that you would trust him with my sister?"

"Myrihne is your half sister," he corrected, quite pleased with himself for doing so. He then sighed, realizing that the more he fought with me the more we were separating again. He sat, the cup in his hand, and again ran a hand through his hair, a sign of his troubles.

After thinking he went on, "Myrihne has none of your outer beauty; she takes on after your father. Setting aside that fact, she is very close to being Amyntor's bastard. Had you not asked my mother to step in, that is how it would have been years ago. She is also, according to Olympias, 'bland and boring not only in looks but in thought and speech'. And if you could find a man that would look past that, we must remember that she has been wed twice and has lost two husbands in odd circumstances. Some even rumor that she might have killed the second."

"She did not," I spat, but I did not know this. If the entire truth be told, I did not even know about the second marriage. I could not blame her for not inviting me, or at least even writing me about it. I had been with Alexander for years, so far from home, and she knew little of me before that. She was nine when I left to cross the sands into Siwah with Alexander and I had only seen her about five times previous to the day we left. I sent money to her mother when I began receiving the salary of a soldier. When I came into wealth, which Alexander forced upon me more than I accepted it, I sent this directly back to Athens to be directly delivered into her hands. She wrote a few times initially, but after her first marriage I had not heard from her.

"You know how rumors spread," Alexander warned. He took another drink and then set his cup down. "Myrihne will do fine with Cassander. Besides, it will take her months to travel to Babylon. It will give him time to get women out of his system, and if he chooses to take a mistress, who doesn't?"

"Men that love their wives," I answered smartly. It was also a personal jab at his emotions. He played with my emotions constantly, so I might as well return to him the favor. Alexander laughed, which I did not expect. He then looked at me again, the fire dancing in his eyes.

"She will wed Cassander!"

"She will not," I screamed, liking the feeling. "I will keep her from him at all costs, and from you for the matter, even if it means hiding her from you!"

I would have been screaming outside for days had I known that it felt so good. I could understand now why I always saw Cassander storming down hallways screaming. Maybe he wasn't as angry as I would have thought. Maybe he was just venting. After I noted my defiance Alexander stared at me. I couldn't tell if he was shocked that I had said it, that I had screamed, or perhaps it was both.

"You have no right," he forewarned, pointing at me. "It will be an honor for her to wed someone so close to me."

"No," I said again, leaning over the table between us, looking him directly in the eyes so that he could see the seriousness in my face. He was not one to back down though. He continued to look at me, and then he reached out. I half expected him to punch me, which I might have deserved, but instead he grabbed my right arm. He then pulled hard, forcing me to jerk forward, my stomach crashing onto the table, and he pulled me closer. His lips smothered mine and he pulled me forward. Alexander wound a hand in the hair at the nape of my neck and clung to me, sliding his tongue over my lower lip until I parted and allowed his tongue entrance into the dark cavern of my mouth. He moaned against me as his lips continued to work their magic on me.

I hadn't been with a man, with anyone, since Alexander and I had gone through our falling out. I cannot say that at this very moment I was not dying in wait for his touch, begging for his attention, yearning deep in my loins for sexual release. Denying it would only be a lie, for as inevitable as it was, I was not expecting this moment ever again. I wondered if I was to set aside my anger, or if instead I should continue to let him embrace me. Should I keep my mouth open to him, or refuse him; I did not know. I so badly wanted him to be mine once again, but not at the price of my sister, half or not. But damn being right or wrong and curse loving and hating, I knew what I wanted, and it was him. I wanted this. No, I needed this one last time, for if we were to part after this I would want it to be fresh in my mind that he had loved me at one time. I needed to believe that he had loved me just before I stood my ground and defied him.

I began to back away from him, and he let me. He let his hand fall away from my hair and stared at me, his lips bruised from their force over my own, as silent as ever. He had not heard the sound of footsteps in the hall, but now the page had entered the room. He carried with him a tray, as if to clean the Companion room, and as he entered Alexander lifted a hand. The page quickly disappeared and in this time Alexander had not once looked away from me. Instead his eyes were locked on mine and his chest still rose and fell quickly.

"Myrihne will not wed him," I told him, my defiance still shocking. I could barely believe myself that I was saying this. I knew, somewhere deep down, that Alexander was only trying to help Myrihne, and somehow was also trying to repay me for something. He did this often, with gifts and gold that I would never use or need. I wanted none of it; I had only ever wanted his love and friendship.

"You will be at the feast tonight," Alexander ordered as I made my way to the door. I stopped, hand ready to push the door open, and looked over my shoulder at him. His eyes had still not left me. I frowned but refrained from saying any more. I had said all that needed to be said in that moment. In silence I left, making my way through the palace of Babylon. I stopped only when I reached the gardens, just a few steps outside from the chambers that Alexander had set aside for me. Sighing I walked amongst the flowers and vines. It was said that years before Darius' birth one of his great grandfathers had ordered the garden to be planted for his queen, who missed the flowers in her mother's garden. I suppose no one could know if it was entirely true, but I believed it.

I remained in the garden until night fell. Inside of the palace I could hear the feasting, but outside it had grown deathly silent. The birds had long since left me in silence and the jaguar that remained on a golden chain had wandered back into his cage for his night's rest. I felt for him. I knew what it was like to be in a cage. Something crashed inside of the grand dining hall, causing enough ruckus that I could hear it even outside. I glanced over my shoulder, thinking of Philip and his drunken parties and cursed under my breath. Ptolemy must have heard me as he approached, a silver cup in hand and a ornamental wreath on his head, complete with dark red berries.

"He sent pages to your room," Ptolemy said, interrupting my peace and sitting down beside me on a bench I'd commandeered. "Imagine what that took for him. Not to mention, they found that you were not there. The whole palace is on lockdown under his not so secretive orders, no one in, and no one out. Luckily all of the guards were able to tell him that you had not left."

"He'll be drunk enough in another hour. He'll forget it all by morning."

"He's furious," Ptolemy warned me, drinking from his cup as if he'd never left the party. "Alexander wants to look for you himself. I can see it in his eyes. Besides, he's about to have a damned panic attack again. You remember the last one."

"He's fine," I said again, reaching out and taking the cup from him. I drained the rest of its contents before handing it back to him."His last panic attack was during the day. And he wasn't drunk."

"Go get dressed; don't make me say it again or I'll treat you like a child."

"One more night of this horse piss and I think I'll throw myself from my balcony," I muttered, standing.

"That's why he didn't give you a room with a balcony," Ptolemy laughed, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. He clapped me hard, partly because he was proud of me, and partially because he was about to stumble over his own feet. "Go put something on, and make it sensual. Make him ache in his loins for you."

"Shut up," I said, pushing him away from me for a moment. As I entered my rooms I noticed that Ptolemy had stumbled off by himself. He would be fine. Even in his most drunken stupors he managed to get to where he needed to be. And in the morning he was one of the few men that would seem fine.

After entering my room I threw myself onto the bed, hoping to feel its comforts for just a moment. However, I knew that there was truth in what Ptolemy had said. Alexander was likely more than restless at this moment and would soon be creating new wars over my disappearance. It was odd for him to hate me so much at times but to still keep a close watch on me. But it was his nature. And I can't say that I didn't keep a guard of my own posted on him when I was not speaking to him.

I went to a clothes chest and removed the hardbound book that I had placed on top of it. I had found it in Darius' library, written by one of his scribes, and thought it would be interesting to read his philosophies. However, it almost put me to sleep. It was not that he did not have good ideas, but there was no fire in what he wrote, there was no passion. Alexander's scribes loved him for the same reason that his men loved him, he knew how to speak, and this allowed scribes the ability to write. After setting the book aside I went back to the clothes, searching for something that I had long gone without wearing. Removing the Persian cloth from my body I took the garment that I held and put it on. I checked my appearance only once and after removing the liner from my eyes left the room.

I made my way through the winding hallways, but it would have been impossible to get lost. Any soul could have followed the sounds of laughter, shouts, and breaking plates and found the grand dining room. Entering, I saw Ptolemy flirting with some young girl pouring him more wine. I smirked, knowing that he truly wanted to find to love, but if he continued to do it this way he never would. He raised his cup to me and then went back to what had truly caught his attention, a hand on his crotch. I laughed but further entered the room, making my way past numerous dancers, servants, generals, and other important military figures. Alexander was nowhere to be seen, but I knew that at any moment I would hear him knock something over.

"You're trying too hard," someone said from behind me. I turned around to face Cassander, who clearly had hogged at least an entire pitcher of un-watered wine to himself. He seemed pleased with himself; I didn't know if he was more pleased about having my sister, about causing another rift between Alexander and I, or if he was just pleased with irritating me.

"What would you know about it," I asked, shoving him away from me. Usually he would shove me, but I was furious and it was the other way around this time. Cassander took the shove and raised his cup in a mock toast.

"I cannot wait to ravish your sister."

I would have let his comment go had it been another day perhaps, but it was a combination of my frustrations that led me to lash out at him. I reached out and grabbed a piece of his chitin, pulling him close before shoving him into the nearest wall. While crashing to the ground he managed to attempt to catch himself on the table, with only brought the cloth and its contents down with him. Wine spilled onto the floor, staining his crème chitin and soaking his hair, and grapes and other fruits scattered out around him. Smirking I looked down at him and without saying it warned him never to say such a thing again. However, I heard silence surrounding me. In most of these fights between us it would be over with a quick hit, but the party never stopped around us. It could only mean one thing. As I turned I came face to face with Alexander.

"Say nothing," he warned sternly. He then tossed a glare to Alexander, who stood up and slipped away. Alexander turned away from me as well and began to leave, but then paused. I was meant to follow him. Muttering a curse under my breath I followed as he went back to his couch. He was fuming on the inside but did not want others to know, so when we approached the couch he motioned for me to sit with a quick point. I did so, sitting to his right, which was not far from ordinary. He had a slave pour him another drink and then ordered him to pour me one as well. I would not drink it, however, Alexander already knew this. So, he pushed me into his own corner.

"Hephaestion Amyntor," he toasted boldly, "to your sister Myrihne and her happy marriage with Cassander."

Others raised their cups around us. Ptolemy, who had seemingly made his way back to the couches, hesitated but ended up raising his as well. I watched Alexander and narrowed my eyes. I then raised my cup in toast as well. The others drank on Alexander's command, however, I waited. I waited until all of the others had finished and then set my cup down, full. Alexander raised an unmasked eyebrow in my direction, furious with me.

"I'm retiring," Alexander announced, shooting me another look before rising. Ptolemy swallowed, suddenly sober, and watched as Alexander pointed at me. I knew what he meant. I picked up the cup of wine, though I cannot say why, and winked at Ptolemy. Cassander, cleaned up, was leaning against a column as I stood and made my leave, following Alexander. He was my king. I could only deny him so much. Clearly I could not deny an audience with him, as I was his general.

We entered the hallways and made our way to his chambers, which were on the highest story of the palace, complete with an elaborate balcony. Alexander waved the guards away, ordering them to stay at the far hall. They were to let no one pass, less there be a revolt to be heard of. The three guards nodded and quickly left, allowing him entrance to the room. They made no contact with me as they passed and I followed Alexander into his room.

"Shut the door," he ordered, taking the cup from my hand before turning away. I did as I was ordered and shut the door. I then began to turn before he instructed me to lock it. I turned again and drew the lock down in silence. When I turned to face him he was gone. I ran a hand through my hair before padding through the main room and into the bedroom where he was disrobing. He threw his Persian robe aside and quickly made not of my presence. Crossing his arms over his chest he shook his head.

"You have never asked much of me," he noted sourly, a hit of bitterness mixed in. I saw that his fingers were twitching. Something was troubling him, and Ptolemy was right, he was about to go into another one of his panics. However, after his last panic he shut himself away in his rooms for nine days. He would not even let me enter his bedroom at that point, but I was able to speak to him from the main room. If something was troubling him now it would have made more sense for him to lock himself away again. He would not throw a lavish feast.

"No," I answered in agreement, "which is why I cannot understand why you will not grant me this one thing. She is a half-sister, but still a sister, and he is Cassander. You know somewhere in your mind that your approach to this is only an attempt to lash out at me."

"It is not that," he insisted, shouting and causing me to swallow the rest of my words. "It is…it does not matter, she is already on her way. I sent for her long ago. She should arrive tomorrow or the day after. You are not to leave the palace until then, under any circumstances. Do I make myself clear?"

"No," I once again defied. "Why can I not leave?"

"It does not matter," he whispered, "just leave me. I'll send for you when I wish to speak to you again. Until then, do not leave."

"As you wish," I spat, practically biting my own lip to keep me from saying something vile to him that I would later regret. I left as he ordered, slamming his door purposely behind me, and vowed that even if he summoned me I would not come. This vow was broken the next morning.

0

0

0

A/N: To be continued. Let me know what you think. This is a longer post, since "Gone" has been getting shorter and shorter in post length. Also, I have not updated "Gone" in some time because I haven't decided how to end it. However, for those reading it, an end will soon come. Thank you all for your continued support.

Baliansword

Michelle