Unwilling Union

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I've never been so afraid in my life. My sister has always helped me with my fears, but she's gone. She lives with her husband, in another country. She'd be able to tell me that everything is going to be alright, even though it's not. All I want to do right now is pull the covers over my head and drift away into another galaxy.

"Jude are you up?" My mother asked as she burst into the room, throwing open the curtains letting in the blinding sun. "You only have an hour before they get here. Put on your blue dress, you'll look divine in it." With that she left as quickly as she came. I give myself a few minutes to cry softly, I don't need to be punished over something I can't help.

I pull myself up and pour water into the basin to wash the tears from my face. I gazed at my reflection to see how sallow I appeared. I don't look like myself. My dad always called me Sunshine, because I've always had this light about me. He told me I could make anything brighter. I think my blond hair helped with that.

"Jude you should be dressed already. We need to fix- Why were you crying?" She sounded disgusted. How did she know? "Why were you crying?"

"I was just- the blue dress?" I brought up the dress to distract her. She regained her happy demeanor she uses around guests. She gave a nod of approval before she started to leave.

"Hurry up, dear, you mustn't keep him waiting." She left without another word. I breathed a sigh of relief and moved to get the dress out of my armoire. The cool wood against my hands helped me think straight. It was something familiar in all the chaos. I looked over to the door when I heard someone enter. She stood there waiting for me to give her my instructions.

I held onto the post of my bed as Beth, a maid, tightened my corset. Little by little I felt my breath leaving. I've only had this corset for two weeks, hopefully a few more weeks will make it livable. I guess she was told not to speak to me, Beth was usually happy and chatty with me. Right now she's just doing as instructed and not saying a word.

The last button was in place, my hair was pulled into a bun and it was time I made my mother happy and went downstairs. I padded down the hall, my light footsteps echoed off the honey colored wood surrounding me. Each step brought me closer to the inevitable. Lifting the front on my dress I took the stairs slowly, I've never been the most coordinated person to walk the Earth.

"Now Darling, what did I tell you? That dress is perfect for today." Oh yes, blue. Show how much purity there is in me. I feel like I should be wearing black. In a way this is my death, the end of my life here. I'm moving to a new place, far away from anything I know. "Have a seat here, dear. They should be here any moment."

I sat next to my father on the divan. I have so many memories in this room, most of them good. Playing with my sister when I was younger, we'd hide from our mother in the corner behind the piano. Being in here for prayer, one of the few times I saw my family all together. My grandfather passed soon after. Sitting in the chair by the fireplace with my pa, he would sit there for hours after twilight teaching me to read. I was in that chair when I was told I was to be married, I was fifteen, I haven't sat there since.

"Papa," I looked up into his gentle eyes. He knew exactly what was wrong. He patted and held my hand comfortingly, he knew words wouldn't help me in this situation. I was nearing another tearing, my eyes burned as I attempted to blink them away. Not even looking teary eyed would get me out of this problem.

"Stuart, they're here." My mother said as she looked on from the window. My father patted my hand once more before he got up to greet out guests. I remember hearing mother say to stay seated and wait for everyone to enter, I hope she was referring to this time.

I straightened in my seat and folded my hands in my lap. Careful not to twist my hands nervously like I usually do. I'll save that for later when my hands are hidden beneath the table. I brushed the wrinkles from my dress and moved so if I had to get up, I would do it gracefully.

I look over to see three elegantly dressed people enter the room. Behind them I saw Beth struggling to carry there possessions. She seems so frail but she can tie a corset with the best of them. "Jude, you remember the Quincys." My mother said as she gestured to the couple to her right. "And Thomas." I tried my best to keep a happy expression on my face, even if I'm falling apart inside.

"This is our Jude," papa said proudly as he showed the Quincys to a place on the other divan. They haven't seen me since I was five. Thomas walked over to me. I saw that he had blue eyes, but I couldn't study them as I wished. He took my hand and kissed it. I smiled politely and looked away slightly embarrassed. I was actually doing what my mother told me and that's never keep eye contact for too long. 'It's not proper for a young lady to be so bold', she'd tell me day after day. I never feel like myself when I'm around her. She wants me to be the perfect lady and that's not going to happen in this lifetime.

Papa came and sat next to me again. Mother took the available space on my other side. "Mama," she prefers when I call her that in front of company. "May I please be excused?" She tried to control her glower and asked why. "I'm parched."

"Go ahead. Hurry back though, dear." She said as I walked away from the room. I sagged in relief when I got into the safety of the hall. Their conversation was polite, proper. Hearing my papa talk like he was, it's so comical. He's such a boisterous man, laughing and joking with everyone, except my mother. She's above such things.

I really am thirsty, but my hand's shaking so much I can't even bring the glass to my lips. I look up to see Beth studying me, I'm not in the mood to be studied. Straightening my back I turn and walked briskly from the room and pause at the entrance to the parlor. An unknown male voice is the only one I heard, it must belong to Thomas. Or his father's, but I imagine Mr. Quincy's voice to be more gruff.

Thomas, that name doesn't fit him. Well his appearance anyway. He looks more like a Tom or a Tommy. Well I could always call one of our kids that, oh my, I'm going to marry him. "Jude, honey, is that you?" Why does she insist on calling me these pet names? She doesn't even like me that much.

"Yes, Mama. I'll be right there." I tried to make my voice sound further away than I actually was. Breathe, I can do this. I walked back into the room with my head held high a polite smile on my face. I reclaimed the seat between my parents and placed my hands back in my lap.

"Jude, I was just telling the Quincy's what a wonderful singer you are." Great, I'm already being sold and now you're going to turn me into a performing monkey. "Would you mind very much to sing for them?"

"I'd be glad to," I'm not stupid, I saw the look in her eyes. Its either do this now or pay for it later. I stand by my piano, where I'm most comfortable, and take in a breath.

"Play the piano as well, I think you sound fantastic accompanied," my mother smiled up at me from her seat. I returned it and sat down on the bench. I poised my hands over the keys, then looked over at my parents.

"Is there a particular song you would like for me to play?" Mother told me which song and I thought about it for a moment. "I'll need some help with the piano for that one. Papa?"

"Thomas can play the piano. Perhaps he could assist you?" Mrs. Quincy looked from me to her son. I could see the wheels turning in her head. It didn't take a scientist to figure out what she was doing.

"If you wish," I said as I scooted over to the end of the bench. Tommy, as I now think of him, spoke quietly to his mother. I couldn't quite make out all of the words, but it sounded like he was complaining to her. I looked up to see him walk over to the piano, expression thoughtful and I was suddenly grateful I was sitting. I pulled out the sheet music from the pile and placed it in front of him.

He started to play and I waited for my cue to start. With the first word out of me I saw how everyones expression changed. I tried not to pay attention to how they looked at me curiously and kept my eyes on the keys. I played and waited for my part to sing again, but I was surprised when Tommy joined me that time. I met his eyes, I knew he could see the wonder in them.

I knew I should have looked away but the ocean blue eyes were so beautiful. Even the real ocean couldn't rival them. I could hear my voice start to waver and I tore my gaze away from him and concentrated on the keys beneath my fingers.

I finished the song and turned my head slightly to see Tom, he looked so cold and distant. His eyes even took on the qualities of ice. He didn't look anything like the man I saw mere seconds ago. I turned back toward my parents and smiled thankfully as they clapped.

Thomas, as he shall be known, offered me his hand and I politely, you can notice I do that often, and let him lead me back to my spot on the divan. My papa cleared his throat which meant it was time for the men to begin the talk of the betrothal.

"If you will excuse us, there are a few things we need to discuss," Papa said as he stood. He motioned for Mr. Quincy and Thomas to follow him to the next room, where they would talk out the final details of the imminent wedding. I did my best to hold in my sigh of disgust. Mother tossed me the look and turned to Mrs. Quincy. They began prattling on and I tried to tune it all out.

I don't know how long I was in a haven but I was out of it too soon. My mother tugged lightly on my arm and told me, rather harshly, that I was needed in the other room. I followed her and saw a chair pulled out next to papa. He smiled at me encouragingly and moved his hand telling me to sit. I knew this was it, they were going to tell me when my wedding takes place. When I was to become this man's wife.

I looked at him as I sat across from him, his blue eyes filled with hate. I hope that hate isn't directed towards me; we're together forever now. I'm hoping he isn't happy about the discussion that took place earlier. His eyes met mine and I wanted to flinch as I saw what was in the depths.

I kept my eyes lowered after that, focusing on the grain of the oak table under my folded hands. Breathing seemed impossible as the reality of the situation came down on me, but the corset could have had something to do with it. I'm really going to... Their voices drifted away, the room began to spin.

"Jude, sweetheart, something wrong?" a hand came down on my shoulder. I don't know if it was meant to be comforting or to keep me steady, because it did neither, I felt the chair wobble beneath me. All the faces flashed before me, expressions ranging from concern, shock, and disgust.

The feel of my father near me helped with the dizziness, but I wished it would end. I just want to black out, to not think about anything pertaining to my marriage. Marriage, I gulped at the thought of it.

Darkness was creeping up on me and I welcomed it wholeheartedly. I happily succumbed to the nothingness and prayed I stayed there.

Review please! Tell me if you want more.

Thanks, Eternita14.