A Fax oneshot for all you Fax lovers out there! Well, Valentines Day is fast approaching- or as I like to call it, Singles Awareness Day! Oh well, we can all live vicariously through Max and Fang- I mean come on, who out there doesn't want their own Fang??!! =P
Disclaimer- I am not a man and my name is not James Patterson, therefore I conclude that I own nothing.
There was a brisk breeze in the air so chilling that it made us shiver. The Flock lay asleep behind us swathed in extra blankets at Max's adamant insistence. Nobody argued with her maternal fussing- well, no one except me. I was the only one that didn't see her as a mother figure. She was my Leader, my Best Friend, my Commander, my… my Max. But not really. Not yet.
She was taking first watch- just like always. And just like always, she was ignoring her own pearls of wisdom. There was only one sweater clinging to her slim frame. Max wasn't always that great at practising what she preached- everyone else came first, and she usually didn't bother thinking about herself at all. So I thought about her instead. I never stopped thinking about her. I would protect her in the big ways and the small ones- I would catch her when she fell down, I would wrap blankets around her slender shoulders when she shivered during her alert and concentrated watch. The little things that would let her think that nobody was looking after her, but at the same time assure her subconscious that somebody was.
"Thanks," Max mumbled as I sat beside her and wrapped my own blanket around my back. I didn't answer, and she didn't expect me to. Her blonde head was tilted back so that her gaze rested on the onyx sky. It was a matt black canvas with little daubs of silver poking through like the white spaces a hasty paintbrush had forgotten to cover up.
"You hear something?" I asked lowly, cocking my ear and scanning the skies.
More strands of spun-gold wisped around her face as my Leader shook her head. "Nope. Just… looking at the stars. Kind of funny- all the ice on the ground, it sparkles more then the stars. Like diamonds."
She was right- like usual. The dark, stony floor outside the cave glimmered spectacularly as though it were coated in lavish sprinkles of glitter. It was much clearer than the dim stars hidden behind the billowing clouds. I looked at Max's face- it was relaxed and calm, a very rare expression. It wouldn't last long, it never did. I missed it when it was gone, I hated the look of pressure and pain that often adorned her face. I wanted to run my hands over her skin until I eased the lines and furrows of stress away. I wanted to look into her deep eyes until the determination and paranoia slipped away and the bright gleam of happiness returned. I wanted to kiss each one of her scars until they didn't hurt her anymore- I wanted to man up and quench the ridiculously sappy sentiments in my head, that's what I wanted to do. But I never could.
It was Max. Maximum Ride. The Invincible, the Unforgettable, the Indescribable Maximum Ride. My Max- but not really my Max. She was the one who kept me up at night. She haunted me and drove me to the brink of dementia. She ran around me in circles, and didn't even know it. She made me crazy, and confused me until I lost all train of reasonable, logical thought. Because I loved her. I stayed awake to make sure that she was safe. I kept running after her because I couldn't let her go. I flew close to her so that I could catch her. I watched her because I couldn't bear not to, because seeing her confirmed that she was okay and instilled a strange sense of relief in me. I loved her- no matter how many times I tried to talk myself out of it or convince myself that I didn't, I always ended up realising that I did. When she was in danger, a huge wave of over-protective anger and fear consumed me and told me to do anything possible to keep her safe. When she was upset, I wanted nothing more then to cheer her up and then promptly beat up whatever unworthy brute had caused her pain to within an inch of his life. When I sat beside her at the mouths of caves that sparkled like diamonds, I wanted to wrap my arm around her shoulders and hold her close.
All that considered, I decided that I must be in love with her. I had loved her for an absurdly long time too. I had tried so many times to show her, but she never really let me. She let me in just enough to torment me even further, then she pushed me away.
"It's beautiful," Max mused in conclusion as her eyes mirrored the diamond studded ground.
"Yeah," I answered. "You are."
And there goes my internal brain filter.
"I- what?" Max's incredulous face filled my vision instantly. Her forehead was scrunched up and her eyes were narrowed yet wild with confusion and an odd tint of panic.
"You heard me." Oh, jeez. Why not just tell her that you want to marry her and live in a suburban bungalow with window boxes and a white picket fence, have two point three children and a pet Labrador? It would probably go down just as freaking well as this admission.
"I don't want to talk about this, Fang," she said resolutely as she stuck out her chin stubbornly and ducked her head away from my gaze.
"You never want to talk about it," I sighed bitterly, glaring at the ice-spangled stone beneath my cold feet.
"So why don't you just drop it?" Max retorted. I could see her fists clench at her sides out of the corner of my eye.
"Because I can't, Max!" I exclaimed, turning to her in my exasperation. "And don't say that you can't deal with this, because you were damn well able to deal with it when Sam started drooling over you in Virginia!"
It was as if the words just wouldn't stop spilling from my mouth. I had abandoned all hope of returning this conversation to safe ground at this stage.
Max growled furiously under her breath. "You never talk when I want you to and then you decide to pull a Nudge when I want you to shut up! What does this have to do with Sam, anyhow? That was different and you know it."
"Yeah, it was different," I agreed, to her surprise. "He wasn't good enough for you. He isn't good enough for you, and he never will be good enough for you! So yeah, it's different."
Why did we always argue? Every single time I tried it ended in one of us flying away, getting hurt or hurling abuse at the other. What a fantastic base to lay the foundations for our suburban bungalow on. The typical urge to strike the hard rock wall behind me rose up in my throat again.
"And who is good enough? You?" she shrieked in a low whisper, mindful not to wake the Flock. They were always on her mind, worrying her and giving her something to care for.
"Who knows about your wings, me or him?" Max remained silent. I stared at her purposefully until she answered.
"You- but that doesn't mean-"
"Who catches you when you drop out of the sky from a brain attack?" I interrupted adamantly.
"You," she mumbled.
"Who do you go to when the stress gets too much?"
"You."
"Who has been there since the beginning? Who is here now?" I continued obstinately. Diligently digging myself further into my self-imposed hole.
"You. But Fang-"
"Me, Max," I said softly, cutting her off once more. I didn't talk much, I might as well make sure I was heard when I did. "Me. So why can't we be more? Why is it that you can trust me with everything else, but not this?"
"I do trust you!" Her rosy lips were pursed, and her eyes squeezed shut. She hated this conversation, and I knew it. But I needed answers. I craved them. I longed for them. I wanted her.
"You're my best friend, Fang," she began. I could tell that although she was trying to remain calm and collected on the outside, she was struggling on the inside for suitable words. I could think of some: 'yes', 'I want you', 'kiss me'. My mind scathingly pointed out that I sounded like the girl in this non-existent relationship.
"Exactly." I swivelled around to face her side, silently imploring the shadow-cloaked silhouette to look at me. "I am your best friend. You are my best friend. We have known each other since the School. We live together, we fight together, we belong to the same family. I wouldn't do anything to mess that up. And I, more then anyone else in this world, would never do anything to hurt you." The words continued to rush from between my lips and I didn't bother trying to stop them.
"You've been watching chat shows again," Max commented dryly with a slight waver in her voice. She shook her head sending more blonde locks tumbling out of her ponytail. "I should write a strongly worded letter to Oprah for preaching the importance of communication. Of all episodes you had to watch, it had to be the one where she told you to open up and talk."
"Stop changing the subject, Max."
The wind sent shivers down my spine and I clawed my hands deeper into the blanket, it kept me in one place and was much smarter then punching the boulder sitting to my left.
"I don't want to lose you," she admitted softly after agonising seconds of silence.
I gave a short bark of humourless laughter. "Max, I'm just after telling you that I don't want to leave you or hurt you. You are the only one pushing me away."
"I don't mean to!" she cried in frustration. My hand gently closed the small space between us on its own accord and my fingers wrapped around Max's forearm. Hesitantly she turned to face me, her sparkling eyes boring deep into mine. How could she be so oblivious? How could she not realise how much of an affect she had on me?
"Then stop over-thinking everything," I said, masking the pleading in my voice. "Stop asking yourself 'what if' and weighing up pros and cons. Stop worrying about the Flock's reaction, just let me in and don't push me away."
Her white teeth clamped down on her pink lower lip. It was a tiny indication of submission. "Don't tell me- glossy magazines and cheesy sitcoms?" she taunted half-heartedly.
"Give out 'cause I talk when you want me to shut up, and yet you won't ever shut up," I muttered darkly. She was still hiding behind the defensive front of sarcasm, deflecting my every attempt to be proactive.
Max's palm darted out and slapped my arm. Not surprising really. Although, my reaction kind of was. No sooner had her hand connected to my arm, then my lips had captured hers. She let out a squeak of indignation, and her hand moved as if to hit me again- so I did what anyone would in the same situation, I grabbed her wrists in my hands and kissed her again. That idiot Sam never would have had the courage to do that. Hell, if he had I would have kicked him from here to next Tuesday. Her lips were soft beneath mine and her hands ceased to fight me so mine slid around the back of her neck. And for once, for one surreal time in this messed up universe, it was me who pulled away first- and when I did, Max didn't run or fly or flee. She stayed.
So I angled my head and kissed her again. I wasn't a selfish person, but I was taking what I could get while it lasted. She kissed me back, and if it wasn't for the cold wind plucking at my jacket sleeves I would have thought that I was dreaming.
"Still gonna send Oprah that strongly worded letter?" I asked with a smirk as I reluctantly left her embrace.
Max's cheeks tinged slightly pink as she cast her eyes downward. "Maybe."
I stifled a chuckle- there was no need to get too un-Fanglike. Even though I felt so exuberantly happy that I felt like laughing or spinning my Leader through the air. It wasn't an outright yes, it wasn't an outright no- but it was a hell of a lot better than I had expected.
As the ground continued to sparkle like glittery diamonds under the black sky, I kissed Max again. My Max. Sure, she kept me up at night and drove me crazy, but I loved her. We didn't have a home and we were running for our lives -in the literal sense- but right at this moment, life couldn't get any better. Not even if we had the bungalow in the suburbs. This was us- a decrepit cave under the open sky with our family beside us. This was us, and for tonight this was perfect.