The nightmare begins

He smelled of beer and vodka, it was hard for him to keep his balance but not even the fact that he couldn't see straight stopped him from hitting the little bounce in the corner of the room. The little boy who sat there with his arms over his head, not moving not making any sound out of fear of his father waited for this whole scenario to end.

His father came nearer and the little boy could smell him. He didn't fear the punches he would get; he got them almost every night, every night his father came home after drinking and sleeping with other women. He could smell too on his father. He smell the cheap perfume, the cheap alcohol, he could smell the smoke and urine. Probably his fathers own urine.

His father kicked him in the rips but the boy remained still. He was afraid if he would cry or show any fear or hurt his father would scream at him and wake up his mom. He didn't want him to wake his mom. She would came and protect her, but his father would hit her, like he hit him. And he wouldn't let his father hurt her. He had hurt her enough.

"Stand up, you bastard."

The boy did as he was told but he fell back to the ground when his father kicked him once again in the stomach. He tried again but his father grabbed a chair and hit him over the head with it. He grabbed the boys t-shirt and forced him to stand up. He put his hand around the boys' neck and pushed him against the wall. The boy gasped and tried to wrestle himself free because it became hard for him to breathe.

"Say something, coward. You're the one with all the questions and answers; you're the genius here, so say something, damn, say something."

He was screaming in his ear and the boy tried to speak but his father closed his hand more forceful around his neck and with the other fist he punched the boys face. One time, two times, three times. It wouldn't stop.

He let go of the boys neck and grabbed his arm pushed him again against the wall and then on the table. The boy fell on the floor with a loud pang and his father stood above him and kicked him in his stomach.

Bang, bang, bang. He could even hear his bones brake.

Bang, bang, bang. The sound remained although every thing before the boys' eyes went black.

Bang, bang, bang.

Bobby sat up in his bed. He had dreamt again. But it felt so real, so he searched on his body after brushes and broken bones and cuts. But there were just scars, old scars, reminding him of his youth, new scary, reminding him of his life.

Bang, bang. But there was this sound. Why could he hear the sound when he woke up?

"BOBBY! Open the door damn."

Eames? What would she want here? Usually he was happy to see her, she was the only one who could make him smile and make his heart beat faster. He knew that he shouldn't feel this way about her but he just couldn't help. He never intended to fall in love with her.

But even if he was allowed to love her he would be afraid to tell her. Her friendship meant so much more to him. He couldn't live without her. And if he told her what he felt and she didn't love him back their whole friendship and partnership would brake apart. He couldn't risk this. And she was mad at him. Mad because he didn't say anything. Mad because he betrayed her. He hurt her and now it seemed like she didn't trust him anymore.

"Open the door, Bobby. I'll kick it in. Three..."

He hopped onto his feet and opened the door when she said "One.".

A really angry and mad, furious, looking Alexandra Eames was standing before him. But when she saw him all the anger disappeared and was replaced by worry. But soon she remembered that she was supposed to be mad at him and her worrying look vanished, but she didn't look angry anymore, she looked tired.

"What happened to you? You look like hell."

On her way in she brushed against him and he felt how his stomach turned over and his heart began beating so fast he thought it would get out and ran away. He wanted to kiss her but this would destroy every thing he valued so much, their partnership and more important their friendship…although he thought that their friendship was in danger too after Testarossa.

He didn't think that she loved him, would ever love him, could love him. Not someone like him. He had too much problems, he pushed her away, didn't want any one near him so no one could see how vulnerable he was. Alex needed a better man, a man who would love her without her having any doubt, a man who could make the money, who would give her a decent life and home. He couldn't do this. All he had to give was him. His love and his life. But for Alex this would never be enough.

"The captain called. We have the weekend off. But he couldn't reach you and when I called you didn't pick up. Care to explain?"

She walked to his couch grabbing the newspaper and sitting on it.

"I slept."

He scratched his neck and felt her eyes roam up and down his body. That's when he realised that he opened the door in his boxers and a t-shirt. His boxers were black with blue stripes on it and his black t-shirt was not really a wide one, Eames could see every muscle trough it.

"Uhuh…you don't look like it."

Suddenly she looked shocked, then hurt and her eyes were so sad he wanted to go and hug her breathless. But then her eyes narrowed and she had fire in them.

"Are you alone?"

She whispered almost. Her eyes darted through the room and she stood on her tiptoes to look past him. She looked as if she was going to throw a tantrum and search in his apartment for any sign of a woman to kill her after wards.

He was perplexed. Why did she think he was with a woman? And why did she look so hurt and mad? Was it because she thought that there was a woman with him? Could it be that she was jealous?

No way! Alex Eames wouldn't be jealous. Not when she thought he had a girlfriend. And by the way, the last time he had a relation ship with a woman was before she went into maternity leave. After that hadn't had a girlfriend. But that didn't mean that he wasn't with a woman from time to time. Truth was he was very often with a woman at night. Sometimes he met new one, other times he called Denise or Tina, one of them would always come to him.

The hurt crept back in her eyes again and he realised that he was lost in his thoughts for too long. She really did think that he was with a woman. Maybe she was truly jealous.

"No…I…uh…I just didn't sleep very well, that's all."

She just nodded and looked down o the floor. He had pushed her to many times away, blocked her out of his life countless times. If she really was jealous there could be a chance for them and he couldn't let it pass it away. He had to open up and trust her completely so that she could trust him again too.

"I had a night mare."

Sitting next to her on the couch he waited 'till she turned towards him, taking a deep breath and wondering if it was right to tell her about it he opened his mouth and hoped that this would make their relationship stronger and not more destroyed.

"About my father."

It was hard to tell her but she nodded and seemed less angry than she was when she entered his apartment. She sensed that he wanted to tell her something important, something he kept away from but was now brave enough to share it with her, so she waited for him to continue.

"He was never at home. Always away. Drinking. Sleeping with other women. He didn't even work anymore. At night he would sometimes came home, smelling of alcohol and cheap perfume."

She was shocked to say the least. Of course she thought that his father wasn't the best, but hearing it from Bobby himself was different. It was special, not only because he finally let her in his life, but also because it was Bobby who had this terrible father.

"Frank always said that dad was in paradise when I asked him were he was. He said that Dad didn't have to worry about mom, the bills or us. I was five then. I never understood what Frank meant. One day he said that every thing than being with mom. I couldn't understand this. I loved her so much. She…she was the only one who cared about me. Dad would never even look at me. He always said I wasn't worth his time and love. He wanted a girl, not a boy."

Eames put her hand on his, encouraging him to continue. He looked up and her smile warmed his heart.

"Frank was like him. I think sometimes that he just was so cruel towards me because that was what Dad expected from him. Frank was the golden boy. Dad loved him. He always said that Frank would be something better some day. He never liked me very much. Frank was the kid he wanted, I was just one mouth more to feed."

He sighed and lost himself for a few minutes in his own world, remembering how dark his youth was and how much he wanted to be loved by his father.

"I wanted him to like me. I looked up at him, wanted to learn from him. But every time I asked him something he would scream at me. Every thing I made and said never made him smile at me. Mom argued with him a lot. When he left I was nine, Frank never got home again after Dad left. I think he went with him, but sometimes he would come home and ask for money."

"Mom said always it was my fault. That they left. She said I wasn't a good enough son and brother and took all away from her. When she saw 'them' again she would scream at me, sometimes she beat me."

Eames gasped and Bobby turned his had to her. He had tears in his eyes.

"She was a good mom, Eames. She didn't know what she did to me then. And I never wanted to tell her. I never wanted to tell her that Frank left because he didn't want to be around her any more, because he didn't want o take care of her. It would have broken her heart. It was easier to let her think it was my fault, it was easier for her. And I couldn't tell her what Dad did to me, she loved him too much. I never told her."

"Never told her what?"

Eames asked quietly, not wanting him to stop but wanting to hear more. It was so sad; it hurt her so much to hear that Bobby had such a terrible time when he was a kid. She was happy when she was a kid. Her parents loved her and her brothers and sisters, she had everything then, but Bobby had nothing.

"That he beat me."

There were no tears anymore I his eyes, all she could see what hate. This man who never said a good word to him and never did him a good thing was now hated by him although he once fought for his love. But Bobby learned how much he hurt his mother and although he didn't care anymore what he did to him he hated him for hurting his mom.

"He said that if I told her, if I cried or shouted he would beat her instead of me. He wanted to hurt her! I had to stop him. And if he beat me he wouldn't want to go and beat her. Since I was seven I thought that mom played games with us when she talked about 'them'. It was a fun game, and both Frank and I always enjoyed playing it. But one night I realised that it wasn't a game, that she really saw them. And it scared me, it scared me to hell. So I went to my Dad and I had tears in my eyes. I thought someone wanted to hurt her. But when I asked him he grabbed my arm and twisted it so hard the bone broke and a piece of it cut trough my arm. The next day I tried it again. She was lying in her bed and I thought she was ill, but he just kicked me telling me to shut up and never ask again."

He laughed bitterly.

"You know me, Alex. I can't stop asking questions. It's in my nature. I was just worried. When he came home, drunk and angry, he threw me out of my bed, hitting me 'till he was too tired. Sometimes I waited for him. He said if he didn't hit me he would hit mom. I had no other choice. I had to protect her."

He was looking at the floor, not wanting to meet her gaze. She knew that he feared what he would see in them. He didn't want pity, but then she didn't pity him, she felt with him, hurting deeply like he did.

She lifted his chin with her hand and caressed his face. Their eyes met and her eyes drifted down to his lips. His eyes widened in shock when he saw it and when he felt her lips pressed against his. They were soft and warm, her taste wasn't to compare with anything, she just felt so damn good.

When he felt her tongue slide past his lips, begging for entry his breath slipped away. Why did she kiss him? Right after he told her all this? Was it Pity? Or was she just happy he let her in his life? He didn't respond to the kiss and felt like she drew away.

She felt like a coward. He was telling her the deepest and most terrible memories of his life and she was sitting there, kissing him horny. He just wanted a friend, not a love-sick partner. She blushed and couldn't look him in the eyes; she just ruined every thing, right then when it promised to be better than before his suspension.

"I…I'm…"

"Don't. You have nothing to apologize for. Don't say you're sorry, 'cause I'm not. I love you, Alex; I loved you for a very long time. I never knew how you felt about me and I was too afraid to make a step. I want to kiss you. I want to do a lot more than kissing with you. But before that I need to know if you love me. I need to know it because if you don't and this is just a one time thing it'll break my heart. And I want you to be honest. I need you to be honest. I can live with a no, Alex. And I can just go on like nothing happened. But not if we go further."

She was speechless, stunned. This night was a night of confessions. Bobby's confessions. And here she stood, her dreams were becoming true. He loved her. But she couldn't answer him. She just couldn't say a word, but this didn't seem to mind Bobby; he went on with his speech.

"Alex. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to not only dream about you but with you. I want to hold you in my arms during the nights; I want the first thing I see in the morning to be your beautiful face. I know that I have nothing to offer but you can have all I have, it isn't much but I give you my life, my heart…I give you myself. I want to learn how to love, how to share. I want you to know about me, about my past, about my thoughts. I want you to be my future. When I think of what will be in ten years I see you. I see you always, I think of you always, even if you are right next to me. I did this undercover thing not to just have my badge back but to have you back. I can't imagine what I'd do without you. I never want to close my eyes again because all I want to see is you but when I close my eyes I see you too. You're my heart, Alex. You're my sole, my fate; you are my life and my everything. You are the reason I stand up in the mornings, you are the reason I breathe. When you came into my life I began to live."

He took a deep breath and stepped towards her. After the kiss she had stood up and so had he. Tears where running down her face and when he took it into both hands she looked up to him with her beautiful brown eyes, letting him feel like he was going to melt.

"Tell me, Alex. Tell me the truth. Do you love me, too?"

She pressed her lips against his again and this time he let her tongue in and caressed his. She had no words after his speech, but her actions spoke more than her words ever could. He picked her up and led her to his bedroom, beginning to love the rest of his life with her.