Author's Notes: This is my first fic so any suggestions to help my writing will be appreciated.
Summary: Roy was willing to share a lot of things with Ed, but there was just that one past thing that he knew he would never tell him.
Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own any of this…. tear
Warnings: Roy x Ed, don't like don't read.
What I'll Never Tell
There were a lot of things that Roy was willing to share with Ed; his deepest thoughts, his bed, his house, his heart, and apparently his pillow. He sat up partially in the bed and just watched his blonde lover sleep. He smiled as mumbled words escaped Ed's lips. Yes, there were plenty of things he would share. Darkness filled his eyes as he thought of the one thing he would never willingly tell Ed.
Roy had done a lot of bad things in his life. His participation in the Ishbalen Massacre was a prime example. Ed knew about that and he had accepted it, but Roy hadn't told him the whole truth. He hadn't told Ed that he had been the one to kill the Rockbells. Roy knew how badly that had affected Ed, Al, and their friend Winry. He knew how important family was to them.
He would never tell them. Roy sighed; he was afraid to tell Ed. That was one thing he would admit; he was afraid about how Ed might react. He was afraid of the look of betrayal he would see in his eyes. He was afraid of never being able to hold him in his arms again. He was afraid that learning the truth would break the last strains of sanity Ed had left.
There was only one thing that could be worse than those things. Roy was afraid that Ed might not get really mad. He knew there was a possibility that Ed would see how badly killing those two doctors had hurt Roy, and understand. Ed could understand that it was a war, and that it would forever haunt Roy. He was afraid that Ed would hold him and say he understands. He was afraid that if that happened, he would cry. It had been so long since he had cried, and he didn't know if he could stop.
Roy didn't want anyone to know what he had done. He didn't want anyone to forgive him. He had made the mistake and he would forever feel the weight of it on his shoulders. He was willing to carry that guilt to his grave. That's the least of the punishment he deserved.
Roy looked down again, and knew that he would never tell Ed. The boy had too much going on with the Philosopher's Stone to deal with the past. Roy knew that he was currently one of the few good things Ed had, and he refused to let anyone mess with that. He refused to see sadness on his face again.
As he snuggled back down into the covers he gave the subject one last thought. If Ed knew, he would probably kill him. Strangely, Roy drifted off with a smile on his face.