Hi, this is Alphonse. I'm not really supposed to be writing right now, since my brother is a bit worried about my writings being found by someone who shouldn't see them, so please, don't let him know that I'm writing this, okay?
Anyway, I know that a lot of you have questions that you've always wanted to ask me and my brother, but you haven't gotten very far because Brother will never even acknowledge your existence. Sorry about that, he's like that with just about everybody. I'd be happy to try and answer your questions for you, but please don't let him know I'm doing this, okay? He's stressed enough right now without knowing what I'm doing behind his back.
Okay, the first letter I've got is this:
How did you and Edward find Huskeson? And what did you do when you did?
Well, in all honesty, we haven't found him yet. We've been searching long and hard for him, but he's a difficult man to track down, as well as the fact that Brother is easily distractible. Every time he sees something happening, he tends to veer off track and check out the other situation. Just the other day, he saw someone harassing a Jew, and he went and got into a fight with the assailant. Normally I would have told him not to, but in the case of there being an innocent victim, I wasn't sure what to say. I just hope that he doesn't get himself hurt doing that. I won't even tell you what he does when Nazis are involved.
Anyway, we're still traveling, trying to find the guy, though we haven't been getting very far. Brother doesn't say much about it lately. I think he's afraid that we're going to fail to find it and that there will indeed be another huge war. He doesn't have to even say it aloud; I know that that's what he's thinking. I just hope I'm wrong. Next question.
Why does Ed look like a girlie man?! Dudes don't have long hair and they definitely don't braid it if they do...
Um…girlie man? I'm assuming you're questioning Brother's masculinity, right? I'm sure glad that Brother isn't reading this, though I must admit I'm slightly amused.
I personally don't think it's that strange for him to wear long hair like that. It tends to run in the family. There were a lot of people back in Amestris that wore their hair that way, actually. I even tried it for a time since I missed my brother and wanted to emulate him, as it made me feel closer to him somehow. I never did braid it, but my hair doesn't braid as well as his does.
Um…also…what exactly is a 'dude'? Sorry, that word just confused me a bit…
Anyway, if anyone else has a question for me, feel free to write me and ask. Just please understand that my native language is Amestrian, and I'm still trying to get a grasp of this English dialect, so it would be helpful if you made it as easy for me as possible by not using too much slang. If I have to show someone your letter to have them explain the meaning, you'll likely only see the translated version of it if and when I answered it, so your letter might not be word for word.
Oh and one more thing: You'll have to forgive a bad habit of mine. I tend to take funny topics seriously and serious topics funny, as well as a general interspersing of naiveté, philosophy, and sarcasm whether the topic calls for it or not. Sorry, that's just what I tend to do, and I don't always notice myself doing it. If it annoys you, I apologize, but that's just the way I tend to write. If you want someone who reacts differently, go and find one of those people who like to pretend to be my brother…though that's kind of creepy.
Okay, one session down, now I hope that you enjoy my ramblings, though I honestly don't know what's so special about it. If you want more, feel free to write to me, and I'll try to answer your questions.