As I Fall Into Darkness
Summary: (Before release of BBS) The emotions felt as Terra battles with himself, and his dear friend.
Why?
Why am I the one who carries such darkness?
I can't even look her in the eyes now. Before, I felt so right in what I was doing – I could clearly see the path put before me. Back then, during those peaceful days, I could see my own light.
"Terra!" Her voice tugs at something deep within me. I try to look up at her, but I can only manage to focus my eyes just beside her head. I can't see anger in her eyes, I don't know what I would do if I saw her eyes clouded by disappointment and betrayal.
Why do you look at me differently?
"Why Terra," Her voice tells how hurt she is, "why are you giving in to the darkness?" I finally look into her eyes and see the light that so powerfully fills her heart.
"I wanted to become stronger." My lips moved without my thinking. I am tired of hiding from her, and I'm tired of lying to her face. I've done nothing but deceive my friends, and I'm finally too tired to continue, "I want to take control of the darkness in my heart." I lift my hand and close it into a fist, "With it, I can fulfill my dream."
She shakes her head in disbelief, "No Terra, the darkness isn't something that can be controlled." She takes a pleading step forward, as if reaching out to snatch me away from danger, "Please Terra, just come back to Master Eraqus with me. He can help you."
She does not understand.
She'll never understand.
Her heart, so full of light, can never understand a heart falling into darkness.
"Help me." My shame turns into something different, something unnaturally hot. I meet her eyes once more and shake my head in refusal, "No, I don't need help." I turn to face her, my keyblade in hand, "I need you to move out of my way."
"Terra,"
"No!" He wave my hand, as if to slap away her final plea, "Don't you get it Aqua?" I glare into her eyes with jealousy, with longing, "I'm not like you and Ven!" My heart twisted when those words left my mouth. She stands up straight and steps back, "Out of all three of us, I'm the one who has darkness in my heart."
"That's not true." It's such a terrible lie that she had to use a stoic tone.
Why can't I just be with you?
Out of the three of us, why is it me?
I snort at her, "Don't lie to me Aqua." I give her a bitter smirk, "You and Ven are terrible liars." But I can do it easily. Our differences don't end there. You're always the one to correct me, to broaden my view beyond myself. It was always my dream, my goal, my power, and my life, but with you and Ven, it's always 'us' and 'we' and 'our'. I always needed to be reminded.
"Terra," Aqua looks away from me before her keyblade appears in her hand, "I wanted to help you like a friend would." She sighs, "But if you won't let me help you as your friend," With eyes full of determination, she meets my gaze, "then I'll force you to come with me as a Keyblade Master."
Something tore within me when she said that. With burst of pure fury, I rushed her. In my head, I'm confused by my furious attempts to break her fluid defense. With every parry of my keyblade, I ask myself why I am attacking Aqua. Why am I so angry at her?
Why can't I just be happy while being in the light?
It's because she feels so far away. It hasn't been long since all three of us were just sitting around our usual spot, chatting like the friends we are. The moment I felt them slipping away, however, I felt the darkness stir. That part of me blames her for the darkness that's growing within me. I'm blaming her for what I am – for what I am turning into.
Our keyblades lock and I stare into her eyes. My blind fury fades slightly, allowing me a glance at the emotions boiling inside of my once dear friend. I can see she's hurting, and I know that I am the one who is causing that harm to her heart.
That's all I can do.
It's all I can ever do.
Smash
Destroy
Hurt
She throws me back, but I easily recover. We've done this before, but it wasn't for anything other than training – for practice and fun. I rush her once more, as a dark hand tightens its hold over my fragile heart. She gasps in horror and rigid disbelief when her eyes meet mine yet again. In her eyes, I see my reflection. In her eyes, I see that mine have turned golden.
In your heart, so full of light, I can never be
As I fall into darkness...
I regret my love for you.
End Note: Just something I had to get out of my head. I thought it would be interesting if Terra had feelings for Aqua, but the darkness in his heart keeps them from ever being together and in the end, it drives them apart. I have a feeling BBS is going to be the most emotional entry in the Kingdom Hearts series. I hope it doesn't disappoint. Anyway, thank you for reading.