Stanley's Choice

by robert3A-SN

Stan likes kissing Wendy in my stories, but in this one he likes it a little too much when a romantic situation nearly gets rough. It's up to Mr Mackey and Stan's parents to help the guilt ridden Stan get his emotions back under control.

It had to be a mistake. Though even she had gotten tired of reminding herself of this, it was true that over 6 months ago she would have killed this bitch for touching her man. Now instead of going thermo nuclear on her slut ass, Wendy Testaburger just stood there in the halls of school trying to assess the situation. At first glance it was simple- another girl was kissing her boyfriend Stan Marsh and therefore she must not be allowed to walk again- but given the fact that she had promised herself to not act like that a long time ago, perhaps there was more to observe before she lept into action, something she was missing. Well, Stan's eyes are wide open in shock, so maybe he isn't enjoying it that much.

That predicition of Stan Marsh's mood at the moment was more accurate than she thought. He was barely able to think himself, but if he could he'd think that he was screwed. Jesus Christ, one minute some girl in another fourth grade class was telling him that she'd been following all his adventures and that she was some kind of fan of his, the next minute it felt like she was trying to swallow his mouth! If some blabber mouth kid was watching this, or even worse if Cartman was watching...or even worse if Wendy or one of her friends were watching....well that did it. Stan finally got his brain working to tell him that it was time for damage control, which he activated by breaking away from the liplock of this other fourth grade girl.

"Whoh dude, what the hell are you trying to do?!" Stan tried with a little success to catch his breath as the strange and seemingly suicidal girl answered him.

"Is that how you treat your biggest fan? I tell you that I think you're cool and that all the thrilling insane things you've led those other kids into that almost blew up the world was cool, and you yell at me? I'm trying to show you that I like you here!"

"Well you're doing too good of a job, if you know all that about me then you know I have a girlfriend!" Unknown to Stan, Wendy was watching him from behind a locker as he said that, and it made her feel a little better that he said this and didn't know she was watching, therefore he wasn't just trying to save his ass. Which is more than Wendy could think about his number one fan.

"Oh come on, you didn't pay attention at all to her for months before you got old and stuff, I'm sure it's about time for you to ignore her again, especially for your number one fan!" The girl thought she had a point, what she didn't think was that Stan was about ready to get a little too pissy. "I'm sorry, but that thing where I got old taught me not to ignore her like that not even for....for whatever big famous person you can ignore your girlfriend for, I don't know which one but you get the point!"

"No I don't Stan, I know she annoyed people to death by saying she's changed and isn't a bitch anymore, but-"

"For your information, even she knows that was getting old and she hasn't done that for weeks! And even if she did, that just shows how great she is by admitting what was wrong with her like that. I learned my lesson about not appreciating that only after I almost died, and I don't wanna learn it again after she thinks I cheated on her with you, all right?! Now get outta here, I gotta see if anyone with a big mouth saw that and make them shut up because I am not losing Wendy over this shit!! You got that?!"

"Hey, you're not as nice as they said you were, and up close you're not as dreamy as they made you look in the newspapers! Aw, forget this, I'm gonna go worship someone else that isn't such a crybaby over attention! Maybe that Tweek guy is a little more stable." The nutball girl from another fourth grade class went off to start her new obssesion while Stan started hoping that her last one wouldn't ruin things with Wendy, not after everything he went through to finally get her. If someone saw that and told her and made her that mad at him, he didn't know what he'd do or who's ass he'd kick for it.

But fortunatly, a very realived Wendy didn't plan to go off like that, not anymore. Of course when Stan saw her coming out from behind a locker and heading right for him, he was too busy almost having a heart attack.

"Wendy!! I, um, you didn't....that wasn't....okay, just kill me and get it over with, at least I'll be out cold while you're going on a killing spree." Stan cringed in waiting for the worst, but Wendy laughing wasn't something he was expecting as the worst.

"Don't worry Stan, like you said even I got tired of reminding people that I don't do that now. But it is because of that image makeover that I actually got to see your side of the story before I chopped that bitch's head off. Now I know that I don't have to, Tweek will probably drive her so crazy that she'll do it for me."

"Oh good, then you saw that I didn't like a second of what she did to me. Well, the whole thing with her tongue in my mouth intriged me for a little bit, but I got over it quick enough."

"Because you don't wanna ignore me even for whatever hot attention grabbing star there is right now, right Stan?" Stan finally allowed himself to smile a little bit for the first time in a few minutes. "Nope, not anymore."

If you've been following this series of stories that I've wrote and seen all the romantic stuff Stan and Wendy have done, you might think it's sweet[I at least hope so], but you might also think that it's too unlikely that 9 year old kids would do that stuff. Even in a town like South Park that's too unlikely, not even teenagers like it that much. Hell, even Stan knew kids his age weren't supposed to do that, but after everything he'd been through in the last 6 plus months, his theory was fuck it. If not for a lot of luck, he would have been dead those 6 plus months ago, and after a lot of thinking he knew that he liked Wendy too much to care about what he was and wasn't supposed to do with her. Hell, he'd had too much fun with her now that his puking habit was gone to quit now, and even though kids his age thought kissing girls was gross, he liked that too much to quit now too. And with all the relief he felt that he didn't get in big trouble with Wendy and that she wasn't mad at him, he was extra happy that she still liked him. Happy enough to lean in and kiss her and ignore the disgusted faces passers by were making at them.

Yep, here was another extra reason to fuck it, it always seemed to Stan that the more he did this, the more it felt like heaven to kiss her- and he'd know since he'd almost made it to heaven when he and the guys built that ladder to heaven thing, why they did he didn't remember anymore. Something to do with candy and Kenny or whatever. Why should he care even if he did remember, especially when he was kissing the most smart, wonderful, and Goddamm beautiful girl in the whole town, maybe even the whole Midwest coast? In fact, he was still kissing even when Wendy broke it off, it took him a little while to snap out of it and open his eyes again.

"I think that's enough of an apology Stan, thanks. So are we still on for tonight?" Stan took another little while to actually snap out of it and think straight again.

"What? Oh yeah sure. We still have a math project to do together and you're still coming over to have dinner with us before we work on it in my house, right?"

"Right, in fact I'd better make sure I have all the materials we need, without that protracter we won't get anywhere! See you tonight, I hope I still have my graph paper by then!" With that Wendy ran off to check on her stuff like the smart girl she is. Geez, if only she didn't have to breathe that much so she could kiss longer....

Wait a minute, even for someone who'd seen the light like Stan, that was pretty sick to think! So why the hell was he thinking that? "Oh well", he thought, "I have better things to think about like tonight's dinner. And the project thing I guess, even though that's just an excuse for her to come over and have fun and kiss me some more, God know how much fun that'll be like I sure do now...." Whoh dude, that wasn't as strange as his last daydream about kissing, but it was strange enough. Stan figured he'd better get to having some guy fun with Kyle and Kenny to balance it out before the great romantic fun started. And ignoring Cartman's futile attempts to be their friend again would sure do the trick, hopefully it wouldn't be interrupted by his Wendy kissing fantasies again since having that happen twice in a week was enough....

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Stan kept his fantasies at bay for the afternoon and did his best to keep them under control as night came. Wendy would be over soon to have dinner with his family before they did their school work, hopefully Shelly would keep her smartass comments to herself for at least half of the dinner. But Mom and Dad promised they'd try to keep under control, though if how well they kept Grandpa from asking for death at the table was any indication, that wouldn't work out too well. However, Stan put those fears aside as he heard a knock on the door and quickly went over in hopes of seeing Wendy's smiling face.

It was Wendy indeed, and although her face was covered by her holding her heavy schoolbag of math supplies over it since carrying it on her back would hurt her more, Stan didn't mind too much. He took her schoolbag upstairs although he almost broke his own back doing it, and once the rest of the Marsh family greeted Wendy- and after Randy Marsh's attempt at making dinner ended in the near burning down of the house- Sharon Marsh finished the dinner and set it on the table for the family and Wendy to eat.

There weren't much fireworks in that dinner to quote here, it was basically what you would expect- Grandpa whining, Shelly bitching, Wendy talking about school most of the time, Stan being too busy listening to her and thinking about her to hear Shelly muttering obsenities under her breath, the usual stuff. Once the dinner was finished, Sharon cleaned it up and Randy narrowly avoiding vomiting from overstuffing himself, so once he actually gave in and narrowly avoiding vomiting on the table, Stan and Wendy took that opportunity to get ready to go upstairs.

"Mom, Dad, we'll be upstairs working on our math stuff if you need us.", started Stan.

"Sure kids, have fun.", replyed a nearly vomited out Randy before Sharon nudged him, causing him to remember something before he choked up his last piece of steak. "Oh yeah, remember to leave the door open so we can hear if something's wrong.", he finished before he made a run to the trash can. Stan and Wendy then figured they should go up before Sharon asked them to get her a mop. Fortunatly, she asked Shelly to do it first though.

Sharon did manage to think more about the kids as she cleaned up Randy's mess and missed Shelly making more obscene comments under her breath. It sure was unbelievable that she'd have to ask them to leave the door open so nothing.....too risque would happen this soon. Most normal parents have to ask that when their kids are teenagers, not 9 years old, even in a crazy town like South Park. But on one hand, Stan's been more crazy about Wendy than usual lately, so it's best not to take chances. On the other hand, Wendy was a smart, mature, and responsible girl who, when not overdoing her apologies was keeping Stan from neglecting his schoolwork, family, and friends too much. It was reasonable to assume that she'd do the same here and keep him well enough to finish their project.

Oh by the way, you know those scenes in TV shows and movies where one person assumes something and the complete opposite happens? Unfortunatly, no one in the house could predict that this was one of those times.

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Inside Stan's house, Stan had set up a desk for him and Wendy to work on their project. Actually it was more like a take home math test, since Mr Garrison said in his own words that he shouldn't have to waste class time watching the students fail when he could be getting some much needed sleep that Mr Slave wouldn't let him have the night before. Rather than think more about that, they took their tests home and accepted the challenge of working on it in groups without cheating. Of course Wendy was one of the very few people that didn't want to cheat, so that would make this harder for Stan to actually get the answers right. But since Wendy was so smart, Stan would be able to take the A for working with her easily. Which she was already at work trying to get.

"Okay Stan, if Train A arrives at train station A at 8:45, and Train B arrives at station B at 9:15, and Train C crashes into Denver and burns the arrogant sons of bitches that live there at 9:45, what time will Train D arrive to help Trains A and B help South Park win the Super Bowl in the Denver Broncos place?"

"Wait, Train B shows up before or after Denver burns into flames?", a confused Stan asked.

"I think it's before, but it doesn't really say when on the paper. Figures that Mr Garrison would be that lazy, doesn't it? Oh well, we'll get back to that later, let's see what the next question is. What's 240 times 10 minus 650 divided by 2, and is it a multiple of 4?" Wendy paused since she was stumped for once. "Hmm, if he asked if it was a multiple of 3 that'd be easy, but 4?"

"Wait, let me see that." Stan sat up and slid the paper towards him, but Wendy's hand was still on her paper as he did that. Stan instictively reached over to apologize but wound up touching her hand before he got a word off. And since Wendy was too busy thinking about the math problem, Stan could enjoy the feel of her hand a little longer, one of the many benefits of not being afraid of love anymore. But eventually Wendy moved her hand away to wipe the sweat coming from her forehead.

"Oh boy, Mr Garrison said not to use a calculator for this since that's a pussy way of solving a problem, but this is too hard not to! Okay, okay, I guess I could just write down the problem on scrap paper and see if I could get the answer there. That could keep me from freaking out, there's no shame in not knowing something off the top of your head at all, I think." With that Wendy got scrap paper and was able to figure out the answer in a little while. "Ha, I should have know that was the answer, I can't believe how much I panicked over it. But I was sweating enough to feel hot with this coat on, maybe I should take it off before I roast like that in worry again. It really doesn't make much sense that we keep wearing these things in the house anyway, did you ever think that?"

Stan might have answered that and even thought it was a valid point if he wasn't too busy seeing Wendy take off her coat and gloves, leaving only a white t-shirt on over her top half. Luckly Wendy noticed Stan's stare before he got more...weird thoughts about seeing that.

"Stan! This is no time to do a Kenny impression, we still have work to do!" But it took a little nudge by Wendy to get Stan coherant enough to respond.

"What, what was that?" Stan shook his head and finally came back to life. "Oh right, work." And now that he was back to normal, he was able to see more easily how he just made a total ass of himself. "Goddammit, I'm sorry about that. But what else am I supposed to do when that happens, shouldn't you be a little flattered that I think you're that hot to look at?"

"A little, but I didn't come over to test that out this time." "I know, I know." was all that Stan could say in response. "You know Stan, I have noticed you've been more into that kind of stuff lately, have my efforts to make sure you only partially neglect everything else around you failed?"

"Huh? Well maybe, but come on. Would you prefer that I kept throwing up on you when that happens, I sure as hell wouldn't. I saw the light with all this mushy love crap and I wanna take advantage of this stuff now, is that really that bad?"

"No, although there are better times and places to do it." Stan sighed since she was right, though that didn't mean he was that happy about it.

"Yeah yeah, I know." Stan tried to think of a more graceful way to continue until he thought up an idea instead. "Hey, why don't we just get it out of the way now? Yeah that's it, I could kiss you and act out all that love stuff now, and when that's done with we'll both be able to concentrate on this test more! Once we do that, then there'll be nothing to distract us from showing up Mr Garrison with this test!"

"Well, that does kinda make a little sense, and it would be better not to have this tension between us while I try to get you a much needed A on this test." Wendy only needed about two more seconds to think it over. "Okay, we'll relive all that tension now and then get right back to the test!" Stan nodded in agreement and then moved himself and the chair he was sitting on closer to Wendy so they could relive the tension more easily. He then leaned in and got the theory off to a good start as it didn't take Wendy very long to kiss him back.

What the hell was Stan's problem? Even though Wendy's constant guilt after the aging incident got annoying after a while, even more annoying was how often Stan asked this question whenever this happened. Every time he kissed her, he always couldn't help asking to himself why the hell he used to puke over the thought of this, how could he be so afraid of something this cool in the first place? But the answer was always the same in his mind: who the fuck cares, just shut up and let me enjoy this, dude! Which he did as he put his hands on Wendy's shoulders to deepen the kissing. And that felt good enough for him to put the rest of his arms around her as he went from kissing to snuggling[hold off the gagging for now, folks, since this is as good for them as it's gonna get]

Wendy was pretty much in her own kind of bliss from Stan's reliving of the romantic tension, as she hugged him right back while Stan was starting to move his hands across her back. But after a few more seconds she decided that this was enough and they could get back to work with nothing else wrong now. "Okay Stan, that's enough, we can get back to work with nothing else wrong now."

But Stan was a little too blissful to listen very carefully, he was too busy liking the feeling of holding Wendy to do that. He was pretty much lost in his own little world as he kept feeling her, and the more he did that the more he kept doing it some more. After all, after he conquered his vomiting problem he had swore to her and to himself not to waste another opportunity like this, which he hadn't regreted since. Why not have as much fun as possible doing something that felt this good and something he shouldn't have puked over and almost died over once? That helped him not realize that his hands were starting to move down to Wendy's lower back. However, Wendy was starting to get it well enough for the both of them.

"Okay Stan, that's enough fun for now, that math test won't finish itself."

But it was obvious that the math test was the last thing on Stan's mind. Not that his mind was filled with dirty thoughts or on taking this farther than it should, he wasn't thinking any of that. He was just having fun with his girlfriend and it made him feel nice, what could possibly be wrong with that?

"Stan seriously, I'd like to get this done before bedtime and Shelly would try to kick my ass if I had to stay over, so let go." That made it more obvious that though Stan didn't see anything wrong, Wendy did. Especially since Stan was squeezing a little too tight and his hands were going a little bit too low on her back. Wendy started to try to move away and make some noises to make him stop. But again, Stan was oblivious to what he was doing since what he thought he was doing was mearly hugging his girlfriend and showing her that he loved her. And again, after all that neglect he showed her before almost getting himself killed, he had learned to take advantage of every chance he had to show his affection.

But once his hands went down to grab Wendy's ass, Wendy quickly decided that he was showing it way too much.

"STAN!! That's enough!!" Wendy screamed before she stood up in a hurry and shoved him away from her. The yelling started Stan on the road to getting his head straight as he got up from the shove, but Wendy was way too shocked from what happened to stop yelling anyway. "What the hell were you trying to do?!!" With that Stan started to think straight but in return, he was completly confused.

"Huh? I was just hugging you and getting rid of all that tension." Stan said simply. But Wendy was too upset to answer him that calmly. "And to you, reliving tension means grabbing my ass and ignoring my requests to let go of me?!"

"I did what?" Keep in mind Stan was having too much fun to realize what he was doing, so he wasn't too sure what she was talking about- which really didn't help calm her down. "That's all you can say?! You acted like those stereotypical evil men on those Lifetime movies and came close to sexually harassing me, and you don't even know that you did it?! I never would have expected that from you of all people!!"

"What the hell?! All I did was kiss you and hug you, that's what normal boyfriends are supposed to do! You're telling me I didn't do that right all of a sudden?"

"Stan, I'm telling you that you could have done it without grabbing me while I was trying to tell you to stop, and then grabbing my ass too! That's not like you at all!" Wendy was still having a hard time dealing with the fact that her boyfriend, the guy she was madly in love with enough to once shoot people to the sun if they tried to take him away, the guy who conquered his problem to recently give her some of the best experiences of her life- her Stan just tried to go too far with her. That was too much for her to handle, so she started to pack up her things and put her coat back on, maybe she could worry about this less back at home. But this only added to Stan's oblivious confusion.

"Wendy, what....I mean, I just....wait a minute, slow down, I-"

"Slow down? It's because you didn't do that yourself that I have to go home and get my head straight! I gotta go now." Wendy was about to pick up her backpack and go before Stan stood back in front of her. "Wendy wait, can't you stay here so we can straighten whatever this is out?" Stan put a reassuring hand back on her shoulders, but after the last touch he gave her, Wendy was not too happy to have him touch her at the moment as she shoved his hand away. "Get away from me!!" Normally Wendy wouldn't scream that at him, but she was too shaken up to hear from him right now, she had to be alone to get her head straight like she said. And with that final shock, she picked up her backpack and ran off, though with that heavy backpack she didn't actually run that well but she got away before Stan could try to take this all in.

"Wendy....what did I do?"

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Stan struggled to remember those events of the evening that made Wendy storm out. All he could remember was that he kissed her and then he hugged her, he didn't remember grabbing her ass. He figured he was just hugging her and enjoying the smooth feel of her skin, why would she be mad about that? If he was grabbing her in places he shouldn't have, he would have stopped himself since he would never hurt her like that. Right? That was what Stan was trying to figure out before he finally went to sleep for the night.

The next morning he got up and got dressed, and he figured out a temporary plan in the process. He'd talk to Wendy before class started and get this whole mess straightened out, surely she'd have calmed down enough by now to talk to him. Little did he know that once he came down to the living room, his parents were ready to have a serious talk with him first.

"Stan? We heard some things about last night that I think you seriously have to clear up for us." started Randy.

"That's why I have to get to school and talk to Wendy before Mr Garrison starts bitching at us all day."

"Language young man, it's bad enough you might have become an attempted rapist if Wendy hadn't pushed you away last night!", Sharon sharply said. As if Stan couldn't be confused enough already. "Attempted what?! How come you and Wendy know more about what I did than I do, what the heck are you talking about, Mom?!"

Randy chose to answer instead. "We only found out after we ignored the screaming upstairs and saw Wendy running away with tears in her eyes. Then we had to call her when she got home and get the story from her about you going too far."

"Which involved you holding her when she told you to let go and then touching her butt. If she hadn't pushed you away who knows what you might have done to hurt her!", finished Sharon. With that accusation Stan was seriously starting to get upset himself.

"Why the hell would I hurt her, I love her! You know that Mom, there's no way I would ever do anything like that to her!"

"But you did, Wendy told us everything which you should be able to remember." Randy resumed. "Though I have to admit that when I was in the mood for romance with your mother I didn't think about what I was doing that much, I just let myself go and enjoyed holding her too much to know what I was doing. I just loved feeling her so much that I couldn't really focus on much else..." Randy slipped into a romantic daze herself before Sharon had to nudge him to snap out of it. "But that doesn't give you an excuse to do that, especially at your age!" he managed to finish. But it was what he said earlier that got Stan to make a breakthrough.

"Oh my God, how did you know I felt like that? How'd you know I liked holding her that much to do anything else? You're telling me I can do stuff that I wouldn't know about because I love her that much?!"

"Well you were distracted long enough to harass her, that much is for sure." Stan was just beginning to remember something along those lines happening, but it sure didn't make him feel a lot better. "Jesus Christ....I gotta get to school quick and straighten this out!" Stan then rushed off to get to the bus stop and find a way to talk to Wendy on the bus. And once he got there he wasn't much in the mood to talk to Kyle and Kenny at the bus stop, he just waited for the bus with Wendy to come. Finally it did and Stan didn't even wait for Miss Crabtree to yell at him and set up one of his trademark insults at her, he just rushed to the seat where Wendy was. And he would have got there if Bebe didn't get up and block his way.

"Hey Bebe, could you excuse me, I have to talk to Wendy." But Bebe sure didn't look ready to give him that.

"You're so lucky that Wendy made me promise not to tell anyone else what happened, and you're really fucking lucky that you're Kyle's best friend. Otherwise I'd be yelling at you in public until my throat was sore, but I just have to settle for asking you to back away from my almost abused friend."

"Abused?! I would never go that far, whatever that means! I love-" Bebe then shut Stan up right away before he went any further. "Don't talk, the more you try to defend yourself the more I get tempted to break my promise! Just be quiet and back away, she needs time away from you right now and you need to get away and save your ass! And no, you can't use her ass as a replacement despite your attempts last night." After making her point, Bebe walked off and Stan then sat back down at his seat to take this latest shock in. "She's acting like I tried to beat her up! I didn't go that far if I went far at all.....did I?" This was all Stan could think about during the entire bus ride, and most of the school day as well.

So after pretty much ignoring Mr Garrison's half hearted attempts to teach stuff and ignoring the attempts of his male friends to talk much to him, Stan left school in a hurry and headed straight for Wendy's house, hopefully in time to catch her off guard enough to talk. Once he got there, he didn't see Bebe standing guard at the front door or see her through the windows- and he kept a special look out for Wendy's mother just in case she was hysterical about whatever happened as well. After figuring out that they weren't there, he walked to the front door and starting knocking. "Wendy, hello? Come on, I really need to talk to you!" But that door wasn't budging an inch since no one was coming over to open it. "Look, I'm having a hard time figuring out what happened, can you just fill me in?" Still not a budge from the door.

Stan then tried one last approach, since reminding her of the past always made her feel guilty enough to change her tune before. "Wendy, remember when you said that one of the best things about us being together was that we could sort out anything? That since we both weren't acting up we could feel free to talk things out if something went wrong and that working things out instead of getting pissed off could work? Well, I'm asking you to remember that now since I need to finish figuring out what happened!" After a second, the door finally opened and Wendy was standing inside the house, meaning that Stan could come in and sort this out after all. But it was Wendy that did all the talking to start with.

"Okay then, let's review what happened, shall we? You told me that we should get all our romantic tension out of the way by kissing right away, which sounded like a good idea. It was a good idea at first, of course, but then I decided that was enough. You didn't think that way since you were still holding me and touching me in less than appropriate places. Now don't tell me you don't remember doing that!"

"Wendy, the only thing I know for sure was that I was doing that stuff and liking it so much that I wasn't thinking about anything else, I was totally into kissing and all that junk."

"So much so that you couldn't see what you were doing was too rough for me! Don't you know we're not supposed to do stuff like grab my ass and get that intimate until we're in our late teens, we're lucky our parents haven't yelled at us for even kissing since we're only 9 years old! They sure missed the fact that you're obssessed with that now!" Well this was nothing new for Stan, it was just yet another thing to be confused about and try to defend anyway.

"What? I'm not obssessed with kissing, sure I really like it now but I don't spend every minute with you doing it, we have fun doing lots of other stuff! We haven't done it more or less often, so how could I become obssessed?!"

"Well during the time we do it, you sure are more into it than you should be lately!" Wendy was now quite emotional again, but unlike last night she was actually composed enough to think up some ideas to defend it. "Hell, I've dragged you over to see more Lifetime movies where all men beat up women than I can count, you should know better than to nearly turn into them! Every single man on that network winds up hurting a woman because they're too into kissing them, and if I hadn't pushed you.....if I hadn't pushed you, who knows if you would have hurt me like that or not, you wouldn't because you were too into the moment to realize anything else!"

With that speech finished, Wendy sat back down on the couch to go back to what she did the other times she thought about last night, try not to cry. It may seem pretty weak of her to get that hysterical over this, but men are capable of being too into a romantic moment that they eventually go overboard, almost every movie ever made on Lifetime offers proof of that. Wendy knew that, but she had no idea that Stan could be able of ever acting slightly like that- though he did last night. She knew Stan would never hurt her on purpose, but she thought he could keep himself under control during moments when he lost himself in getting close with her, and he didn't. And just as Wendy was reminding herself of that, Stan was starting to understand it himself.

"I....I really acted like all those jerk men on Lifetime? I really liked kissing you too much to let go of you, and I couldn't even hear you asking me to let go because I was too into it? And.....and I really did grab your ass during all that and probably would have more if you hadn't.....oh my God." Now all the confusion was over for Stan since he realized what he did- it was now time for the horror and the guilt to sink in. And sink in it did as Stan barely managed to keep himself standing up as he thought about how much he had liked kissing her more than usual lately, and how far that went last night, and how much farther it would have gone if Wendy didn't stop him....and the fact that the next time he did kiss her it might actually get that far and he'd be too blissful to stop himself from actually hurting her. Now that theory did a real good job of making Stan really scared.

"Wendy, I....I...." Stan couldn't even say he was sorry since the thought that he could have hurt her because he liked being romantic with her too much was still too shocking for him. Compared to that shock, Wendy's shock was not even in the same ballpark, but it was big enough for her to think a new idea out loud. "Stan, I think we're both too shaken up by this to do much right now, I know I am since I never thought you'd be capable of doing that to me. I know that you didn't know what you were doing and I know that you can't be sorry enough now that you do, I really do realize that. But also knowing that you can be blissful enough to do that during that special time is a bit much for me to handle right now. I think I need to do that alone, as in I think we need some time apart." Luckly Stan was so ashamed that he wasn't too fond of being in the same room with her right now, so he wasn't in a mood to object. "Okay. I guess I can f-find other things to do for the next few days that don't involve hurting my girlfriend. At least I hope I still know how." He then got up and walked out to continue reflecting on this on his way home.

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There were so many things going on in Stan's mind that it was unbelievable to have one thing standing out, but it did. He almost died from aging rapidly, which happened because he took a drug to make him stop vomiting Wendy. Before that, he was so nervous around her and was so nervous about love in general, but that ordeal and his subsequent stay in the hospital taught him not to be afraid anymore, because he couldn't risk dying again without showing Wendy how much he liked her. Not after everything he put her through with this, which he then fixed by conquering his problem all by himself. After that, he wasn't afraid of kissing her or showing that he loved her anymore, in fact he grew to enjoy it. And now came the cruel irony that stood out for him. Before, he was afraid of being romantic with her, but now he liked it so much that he almost hurt Wendy because he did it longer than he should have. To think that he was that close to possibly doing something worse than touching her ass, and that close to hurting the one person he cared about more than almost anything. That just made him sick as he went into his house and sat down on the couch to mope some more.

He wasn't even obssessed with doing that stuff with her, sure it was fun but he didn't want to do it all the time. At least not all the time. But they'd done lots of things together other than kissing, like play board and video games, have snowball fights, skate at Stark's Pond, and sometimes be part of the same insane adventures he had with the guys like that thing last week where a sniper impersinating Kiefer Sutherland went after them. Boy, that guy was a jerk, but at least it was no one they hung around with and saw very often. However, that was only a brief thought to distract him from that cruel irony mentioned a second ago. Unknown to him at that time though, Stan's parents had just come over to join him in his stupor.

"Stan? You know there are still some things about last night we need to talk about." began Randy. It goes without saying that he and Sharon were almost as shocked as their son was about this, they hardly thought they'd have to straighten him out about women before he became a surly teenager who hated them. Sharon then resumed talking in her husband's place. "Honey, we've been talking things over and we decided that-"

"I need help. Can you guys help me out?" Whatever Sharon was going to say took a backseat once Stan made that request. "What did you say, son?", Randy responded. "Mom, Dad, I like kissing Wendy and being romantic with her too much. It made me go crazy and almost hurt her, and I'm afraid that if I ever get the chance to do it again, I might do something worse. Can you guys help me stop acting like that?" Randy and Sharon were taken a little aback by that request, but what choice did they have but to approve?

"Of course we'll do whatever we can, but I'm hardly an expert on this kind of thing and Randy might be a half expert at best.", answered Sharon. Stan's response to his mother wasn't all that thankful. "Then do you know any experts that can help me, like some other kid in love or a doctor or something? Please, I need to fix this as soon as possible before Wendy really starts to get mad at me!" This was a considerable harder request for his parents to answer for, but after a while Randy was on to something.

"Well, Mr Mackey's the only real consular person we know, and he always goes on about how something is bad." Randy said the word bad in an accent like Mr Mackey always does before he finished. "Tomorrow's Saturday, maybe we could ask him to come over and see what he can do, or if he knows someone else that could help you. Heck, it's better than nothing."

"Yeah, I guess so." Stan replyed with a little less enthusiaum since Mr Mackey was hardly someone who sounded like an expert- sure he'd waste everyone's time stating how drugs are bad, but how would someone who was terrible as a sex ed teacher be an expert on his problem? Sharon did his best to relax him though. "I suppose there's no need to worry as much, after all, all he needs to help you with is to stop liking kissing so much. As far as we know you don't do it all the time, so you just need to work on not getting into it too much, and whether you do is in Mackey's hands now." And with that, Sharon left to call Mackey and offically put it in his hands. Randy left too and like Sharon, he didn't notice Stan starting to feel a little better.

"Yeah, the only thing wrong with me is that I was too busy holding her to control what I was doing. All I really have to do is not get that carried away and that's it, maybe I panicked too much that I made it look harder than it is!" Stan wasn't too sure if he really believed that, but at this point he had to. Maybe Mr Mackey could make sure he didn't enjoy himself too much next time, assuming he'd get a next time. Maybe it would be better to focus on some positive things instead of this doom and gloom and "Oh my God, what have I done?" stuff. It was the best he could hope for at this point- plus the fact was that this was his only problem as a boyfriend, he was okay with the other stuff. Well, tomorrow he'd start making up for his mistake and start hoping that maybe he wouldn't need as much time apart from Wendy after all.

******************************************************

The next afternoon, Stan continued his new mantra of trying to think positive right up until Mr Mackey came over. He had been filled in on the situation by Randy and Sharon, and he had done some research to determine that there was no one else he knew that could specialize in providing help for it- of course he didn't know many people from outside of school, but who's fault was that really? Anyway, he let himself in and then sat down with Stan at the living room table to start hearing about this from him.

"So Stan, I've been told you, um, took part in some immature skylarkings, m'kay?" That made Stan puzzled right off the bat, not a very good sign. "What? I don't know these fancy words for saying I grabbed Wendy's ass and almost hurt her, I never even thought I had to know that!"

"Well from what I heard, it was almost inevitable since you like, um, getting down with her a lot, is that right?"

"No, I don't do whatever that is all the time, I just like kissing her too much and that's it. Can you do anything to fix that?" asked Stan. Of course that was hardly in Mr Mackey's job description as a school consular and part time psychologist, but he had time before he came over to come up with a few ideas.

"It seems simple enough, all you have to do is come up with things to do that don't involve making out, m'kay? Take me for instance, I've only had one female companion that died with my semen in her, and yet I manage to do lots of stuff to pass the time! I find things to do that don't involve girls or making out or going on pathetic attempts to pick up chicks just as hot as my only female partner and crying like a baby when I can't find anyone that good. That's stuff which could be something for you to do, m'kay?" Well, at least this was no different from any other situation for Stan, an adult was acting nuts and Stan had a deadpan look on his face from it. But he eventually responded to the one thing he made sense from this idea. "Well, um, like I said, me and Wendy do plently of stuff that doesn't involve making out, and we have fun enough doing it."

"You do? Well then what the hell's the big problem, why else would you be that obssessed with getting in her pants?"

"Mr Mackey, could you please stop saying these fancy words for me grabbing her ass and try to help me, I thought you could help me stop myself from going too far when I do kiss her!" Stan paused to think before he went on. "God, it's bad enough that something that bad can happen because I'm doing something that feels that good. Do you have any idea how it feels to do that sort of stuff with someone as great as Wendy? I didn't think there could possibly be anything wrong anymore with it, what could be wrong with making out with someone that great and stunning and..." Stan was right about ready to sink into another romantic trance until Mr Mackey snapped him back to reality.

"And someone that seems to feel violated and hurt when you go too far with her?" This did indeed get Stan back to the cold real world where he did just that, so Mr Mackey went on before he could slip out again. "You know, from hearing that speech it seems that the problem is how insane it sounds to hear you say it. I mean, you're only 9 years old and you're talking all flowerly and sentimental and stuff, that's hardly normal stuff for a 19 year old much less a 9 year old, m'kay? The problem is that you're too much in love for your age and that's causing you to act in ways you obviously wouldn't do if you were normal, m'kay."

"So there's something wrong with me because I'm in love? That doesn't make sense, there was something wrong with me when I wasn't in love and I got rid of it, now there's something wrong again now that I'm better? That's fucking stupid, dude."

"No, it's rather common among men to go that crazy when in the heat of passion, practically every movie ever made on Lifetime proves it. But boys your age aren't supposed to go that nuts, they're not even supposed to like kissing period, m'kay?" Stan was starting to get a little more annoying with this line of questioning that critized how he'd fixed him after the aging incident. "Well it's better than throwing up all the time at someone you're in love with, at least before I went nuts I showed her that I really cared about her! I couldn't do that before and it hurt the both of us, and you're not gonna tell me that fixing that was a mistake, m'kay?!" After calming himself down, Stan repeated his only request. "I just want you to help me control myself in those moments, and I don't care if I'm too young to have them, I want them anyway! If you can't help me do that, then I don't want to talk to you." Since Mr Mackey didn't answer him, Stan figured he couldn't help and so he walked away to do his other activities for the day.

Once Stan went up to his room to play, Mr Mackey called his parents over to share his thoughts on the matter. "Mr and Mrs Marsh, I'm sure you overheard our debate on how young he is to be having these thoughts and emotions, m'kay? Would you agree on my position that he is just a tiny bit young for it?"

"I guess so, I mean we were already worried that we'd have to prepare our birds and the bees talk before he became a teenager, and now with this we may have to do it a lot sooner." explained Randy. "Hell, we made the school teach them about sex ed because we couldn't talk about that, and look how that made the boys and girls go to war!"

"And what was wrong with that, we all learned something that day and I experienced a little romance magic of my own, m'kay? Now focus so I can concentrate on this and ignore the searing pain of losing that magic like I barely manage to do everyday." Sharon followed up Mr Mackey's question by getting them back on the subject. "Mr Mackey, I did remember that day that Chef said the right age to have sex is 17. Do you really think that if Stan can't control himself, he'd have it about 8 years before that? Or, uh, take it by force if Wendy wouldn't let him?"

"Well, Lifetime teaches us that all men are capable of doing that because all men are vicious, heartless bastards according to that network, m'kay?" Mr Mackey wisely went on in a hurry before Randy could get too offended. "It's common among adult men and in teenagers, but hardly common with kids far from being pre teenagers. If Stan could have those kind of feelings when he's 9 years old, just think about what he may be capable of when he's older, or even right now, m'kay? He has feelings so strong for her that at those kinds of moments, he could explode at any time because she makes him feel so good that he can't control himself, and that's obviously bad."

"So how do we make something that bad not happen? Can you cure that for him?" Randy asked?

"Well, I don't know if I can, but in either case I would recommend that Stan could, well, stay away from Wendy for a while. Maybe not seeing her for some time, like a few months or years, could get his hormones to calm down, m'kay? That's the only thing I can think of since, quite honestly, 9 year olds making out and stuff isn't normal, not even for a fucked up town like this." Randy and Sharon immediatly figured out what he was getting at, and it was the same thing they'd thought of a few times yesterday: telling Stan that he couldn't see Wendy anymore.

"Well Mr Mackey, I can't tell you that we haven't thought of the same thing ourselves." Randy started. "It sure would make sure that Stan couldn't be tempted anymore, and it'd get him back to doing normal 9 year old stuff. By all accounts it's the right thing to do." Randy then paused to let Sharon say what they both realized after Stan told them he needed help yesterday.

"And it would also be the absolute wrong thing to do for many more reasons. Because Stan loves that girl with all his heart."

"That's right Sharon. He almost died because he wanted to stop vomiting on her, he single handly stopped us from moving to California because of her, and from what we heard, he almost killed that evil version of her from another universe because he thought she killed our Wendy. And we know he's never felt worse in his whole life than when he realized he almost hurt her. Telling him he couldn't see her again would probably be the only thing worse for him." All Mr Mackey could say in response was a confused "M'kay" before Sharon continued on. "Mr Mackey, if this was some kind of schoolyard crush thing with a nutball girl, we'd tell Stan to stop it in a instant and say it's because he's too young. But all that stuff Randy mentioned is proof that it's real. We know Stan isn't confused about his feelings for her, it's real love through and through with a really special little girl. That's why he wanted our help so he could never hurt her again, and that's why we have to give it to him instead of breaking them up. So do what Stan says and try to help him, because that's the only way we want this problem solved."

"Well....m'kay. I'll do some research and come back tomorrow and if Stan's a little less mad at me, I'll see what I can do."

******************************************************

The next day Mr Mackey came back to the house and was able to get Stan to talk to him again. They eventually agreed that Mackey would come by every day after school for the next week to discuss Stan's problem and come up with ways to fix it. By the time that happened, Stan would have a week's free time from Wendy, which would be enough for him to see her again next weekend to test the new him out. Of course first he had to actually fix his problem and make sure nothing bad happened with them while they were in school together.

So on Monday Stan tried and mostly failed to pay attention in class, and he tried and failed to ignore Wendy as well. He knew it would be best if they were apart during his recovery, but just because he knew what he had to do, it didn't make it easier for him. However, he managed to not think about her too much and he did succeed in not encountering her the whole day. Well, at least for most of it.

At the end of the day, all the kids rushed out of school to get to one of their annual classwide snowball fights[luckly for Stan, thinking of excuses not to go kept his mind off his problem for a little while]Anyway, it was quite a crowd that was running outside the front door all at once, and during the piling Stan had trouble squeezing through everyone. Finally he lost his balance and bumped right into Wendy. His hand wound up on her shoulders this time, but that apperantly didn't matter to her as she jumped up with fear at seeing Stan like this, and she left his sight with that same fear. Bebe noticed this fear while she was trying to make her way past Clyde and Cartman[not very easy to do considering their massive weight]and once she had a free moment she walked over to a still shaken up Wendy.

"You okay, Wendy?" Wendy didn't give her any answer to that question, but Bebe continued anyway. "Oh well, it's nothing that a good old fashioned snowball war couldn't fix, we can both be on Kyle's team if we hurry! You can get some of your anger out by pummling Stan with snowballs!"

"No, I'm not really in the mood to pummel anyone today." Bebe didn't look ready to take that for an answer. "Come on Wendy, if you act like a coward just because Stan's gonna be at this thing, then he wins! You gotta show him you're not gonna take any abuse from him outside as well as inside, it's the only way that bastard will learn!" This finally got a more passionate response from Wendy, but not the one Bebe anticipated.

"Don't you dare call him a bastard again, got it?!! He was acting like that last Thursday but he's still my boyfriend, okay?!" Bebe could only come back with, "Oh for God's sake, don't tell me you decided to blame yourself for what he did, that's just way too pathetic even for you and your guilt!"

"No, I don't blame myself, I blame him, that was all his fault. It's a shame though, because I was just starting to think that whenever we'd have a problem, I could just blame myself and it'd be easier. It's easier to make yourself over than to deal with someone else who needs to change, and after everything Stan did for me these last 6 months I thought he wouldn't have to change a thing. But that's not true anymore." Wendy sighed for some time before she went on. "You know, it's not even the ass grabbing that makes me angry. It's the fact that he's capable of doing something like that now and maybe in the future."

"Well all men are capable of it, we've both watched Lifetime long enough to learn that."

"But Bebe, I know Stan isn't like those evil men on Lifetime. I know he didn't mean to hurt me although I'm not letting him off the hook for doing it anyway. I know he's trying to fix this, but I heard Mr Mackey's helping him so I doubt it'll go well. I know all that, but the truth is....I'm scared anyway." Bebe was more than a little surprised to hear that her outspoken best friend who wasn't afraid to say or do anything was now scared of her own boyfriend. To confirm it, she asked, "You're really scared of your own boyfriend?"

"I'm more scared because I like those romantic moments that Stan likes too much. I waited years for him to be brave enough to do it, and he's lived up to all my expectations now that he is brave. In fact, I have no doubts that if we were older, I wouldn't mind him doing that stuff as much. But I'm scared because....if he can be that into it at this age, just think what he could try to do when we get older and our hormones get even more crazy. I'm scared because of the possibility that he could be capable of hurting me because he likes loving me too much to see what he's doing. Obviously the best move would be not to have those moments anymore, but I love those moments almost as much as he does, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have them. I can't give that up, but I may have to because.....the way he might act during those moments really scares me."

"Then help him make sure he doesn't do that. If he's really as sorry as you think he is then it might help him to know that you're still with him." Bebe responded in a more forgiving tone than before. But that didn't change Wendy's opinions. "Bebe, I want to do that. I want to stand by him and support him, and I've always believed that the best thing about us changing was that we could talk about anything and overcome any problem together. But...but I just can't do it now. It's gonna take a while to come to terms with this new side of Stan that could come out whenever I want to get close to him. It's just too soon for me." With that, Wendy walked away to go home instead of pummeling people with snowballs.

******************************************************

Back at Stan's house, Mr Mackey was ready to present his first idea for curing Stan.

"M'kay Stan, apperantly the only problem you have here is that you like making out sessions too much to control what you're doing. So all we have to do is fix that and you can get back to normal, m'kay?"

"I already know that dude. So what's the big solution then?" Stan was a little bit more impatient since he saw how Wendy looked afraid of him earlier, so that was more motivation to find a cure very quickly. Mr Mackey started this process off by taking out something inflatable that was in the shape of a little girl.

"What's that thing?" Mr Mackey explained for Stan that, "Stan, this is a dummy test subject that you can imagine to be Wendy, m'kay? Now I want you to recreate that making out scene from Thursday and imagine this inflatable doll to be Wendy. Once you think that it's her, you can make out with it however you want, but you have to believe that it's her for this to work. And once you end this sessions without going too far, then you'll be all but cured, m'kay?"

"So you want me to make out with a dummy? Dude, what kind of screwed up therapy is this?"

"The kind that'll determine if you're healthy enough to stop yourself from hurting the real Wendy, so just do it already cause this took me a long time to find behind my closets of Ms Chocksondick memorabilia, m'kay?" Not willing to go any further into that, Stan sat on the couch and held up the inflatable girl next to him. He tried to imagine that it was Wendy he was holding like Mr Mackey said, and after some time he finally did it.

"I got it, she's right next to me now!" "Good Stan, now start romancing her like you always do, m'kay?"

This wasn't a hard request for Mr Mackey to make, since Stan was missing the real Wendy and even though he could go too far with these moments, he still missed doing them. He missed holding Wendy's hands, putting his hands around her shoulders, moving his hands over to touch her cheek as well as her neck, and it goes without saying that he really missed kissing her while touching her long, silky and beautiful black hair. So he made up for it by beginning to make out with this dummy Wendy while imagining it was the real thing.

Mr Mackey sat next to the "lovers" and observed the scene to see what Stan would do. It seemed like he was doing fine so far, his hands weren't at any place they shouldn't be yet. But he knew by now that Stan liked all this makeout stuff too much to control what he was doing, in fact in his state of mind he might be believing that touching her in lower places might be even more fun for him since the upper places felt so nice to him. And in fact, that's just what happened as Stan repeated his grabass move a second before Mr Mackey started to pull the doll away. But Stan was still to into it to let go, so in a predictable manner, the tug of war between them resulted in the doll being popped to pieces.

"Oh no, my makeout doll! You ruined my making out doll just days before the sagging breast implants were gonna come in, m'kay?!" Mr Mackey managed to calm himself down before he became too histerical, as Stan started to get his mind back on track. "So, um, I guess I still have a lot of practice to do, huh?"

"I'll say you do, not even normal aged kids would be that crazy, much less someone your age! What the hell kind of sick things are in that nutball mind of yours, kid?!"

"I know I'm crazy, but that's pretty much what I promised to act like after I stopped aging! I learned that I had to take advantage of stuff like this and not be afraid of it because Wendy wasn't gonna wait for me to get some balls forever! I got into this romance crap for her and I wound up loving it, how was I supposed to know I'd love it that much?"

"Well just don't ruin any more of my dolls doing it, m'kay? In fact, we'd probably be better off using a pillow next time." So Mr Mackey found a pillow on the couch and picked it to be Stan's new partner. It took him a while to figure out what would count as going too far with a pillow, but he soon figured out it was when Stan grabbed the lower end of the pillow and started kissing it in low places too. After a few sessions like this, Mr Mackey called it a day and left.

So all this first day did was confirm to Stan that he was one sick bastard. He barely understood how this could happen, he never went this far before Thursday and now he even went this far with dolls and pillows that weren't even Wendy. How did he get this perverted this fast? The best he could figure out was that gradually he liked romantic moments with her more and more, even though that wasn't all he liked to do with her and he didn't want to kiss her all the time. But it was so much fun for Stan that it was apperantly inevitable for him to want to go to the next level. But he didn't want to do that when he was in the right state of mind at all, it's just that he was no longer in control when he was in the moment. It would be easy to blame Wendy for this since she was so tempting and soft and lovely that he would want to do that stuff with her, but knowing her she was probably blaming herself enough for both of them. So the blame would go to Stan for now. Hopefully he would control himself enough to cure himself of it before long....

"Wait, that's it! Control! When I'm in control of myself I wouldn't even think of hurting her, I just lose it when I'm around her like that now! I just have to regain control of myself and remember that I don't want to do anything too serious with her, maybe if I think that while doing it then I can control myself again!" Maybe it was a longshot idea since Lifetime teaches us that few men can control themselfes enough to stop hitting women in the heat of passion, but for Stan it was the best he could hope for, at least for now.

******************************************************

That night, Wendy was looking for something funny on TV to get her mind off things. So failing that, she turned on a Lifetime movie, the title didn't matter since they're all pretty much the same. This time they were up to the part where the uncaring husband discovers his saintly wife has cheated on him because he's so uncaring and heartless, which would soon result in the trademark spousal abuse. But first there was the last ditch attempt by the evil husband to get some action from the saint wife, and when she refused, then he got abusive. Wendy decided that she didn't need to see this for the millionth time on this network, so she turned her head to find the remote. But when she turned it back to the TV, she was very shocked at what she saw.

On the TV, the same action was going on with the uncaring husband trying to get some from the saint wife, the only difference was that Wendy could see Stan's face on the head of the evil husband, and her face on the head of the saint wife. The effect was obvious, now it looked like a grownup Stan was beating up a grownup Wendy in the heat of passion. Wonder why she was imagining that? In any case, the effect was horrifying enough for her to scream and turn her head away from the TV. But the sounds from the TV were still too much for her, so she threw the remote at it and somehow that shut it off. Wendy's mother then rushed in to see the turned off TV and her shaken up daughter on the couch.

"Honey, what happened? Did you see something nasty on TV which Kyle's mother will probably complain about to the PTA this week?" Wendy had earlier decided not to tell her mother about what happened since she might get hyper and say she couldn't see Stan again. But she needed some reassurance right now, so maybe asking about it hypothetically would help. "It was nothing, I was just thinking. Mom...do you think Stan could ever hurt me during a romantic moment?"

"What?! What kind of scary question is that, where did you get that idea from?! Did something happen to make you think that?!"

"No Mom, I was just wondering. Since we like making out a lot, I was thinking that maybe Stan might like it too much to stop himself from going too far, someday I mean. Do you think he could be capable of doing that in the future because he's too in the mood?" It only took her mom a second to think of the answer. "Yes, I do. I mean, all men are capable of getting too physical when women show the slightest hint of wanting to shop, didn't Lifetime already teach you about that? I thought you were supposed to be a genius, but it sure was stupid of you to forget the all men bad/all women good teachings of Lifetime, I mean God!" Wendy's mom went off on a whole rant about the teaching of the television for women network, while her daughter went upstairs to keep being intimidated by the possibilty of Stan unintentionally hurting her one day.

******************************************************

Speaking of Stan, his new mantra to keep control of himself during moments of passion was starting to make progress. Over the next three days Mr Mackey suggested that he continue to make out with the pillow as if it were Wendy, and the less time it took him to stop kissing it, the more he'd get better. The first session went on for more than a minute before Stan remember to take some self control and be responsible enough to stop himself, which he eventually did. He had several makeout sessions with a pillow over these three days, and he was cutting down the length of them each time. By the time Mr Mackey left on Thursday, Stan had even stopped grabbing the fictional ass of the pillow. He initally thought that meant he was cured, but apperantly Mr Mackey thought that he'd be cured once he stopped making out for a very long time. If he didn't kiss her for more than several seconds, he'd be less likely to be tempted to keep going, or something. Basically all Stan knew was that if he didn't kiss the pillow for more than a few seconds tomorrow, he was cured and he could talk to Wendy again. But actually, when Friday came Mr Mackey felt confident enough to let him use an inflatable doll again.

"M'kay Stan, we've come a long way so far, and now it's time for your final exam. Imagine this doll is Wendy, and then kiss her for as long as you like." Stan knew the drill by now, so he had already got a head start in imagining the doll as Wendy. He was already at the part where he was thinking about all the good feelings he had when he was near her, and in no time he started kissing the doll. And in record time, his romantic thoughts and bliss about the whole situation were pushed away by one series of thoughts. "Get control of yourself. Don't do this for too long, there are other things we can do for fun. You don't wanna wind up getting too into this, she's your girlfriend and she's probably tired by now. End it now. Back away right now." And in about 5 seconds after he started, he finished.

"All right Stan, you finished in record time, m'kay!" Mr Mackey was happy about this but hardly as happy as Stan was right now. "Wow, I actually didn't have any trouble getting control that time! Does this mean I'm cured?" "Well it looks good right now Stan, let's just leave it at that, m'kay?" Stan took that to mean he was cured and let out a great big sigh of relief.

"Wow, now I can finally relax and see Wendy again without having to worry, now that I can control myself." He then turned to talk to the imaginary doll. "Do you hear that, "Wendy"? I'm cured and I don't have to kiss you anymore, you don't even kiss that good!" After all the mental abuse Stan put himself through, he felt obliged to gloat a little bit about finally putting an end to this, so he continued to do just that. "Now I can finally move on and kiss someone that actually kisses back for real, and even though it'll be a lot shorter it'll be a lot better anyway! Because I love Wendy and now I can stop myself from ever hurting her again!"

A triumphant Stan laid back on the couch to reflect on his victory before he planned to get up and head for Wendy's house. Everything was finally back to normal, he could now be with the girl he was in love with and nothing wrong would happen. As if he would ever want that to happen to begin with, this was more painful in the first place because he would never lay a wrong finger on her when his head was clear. Not after everything he went through to get her, not after discovering how much fun having a girlfriend without worrying about the guys ragging on him was, and not after realizing how dumb he was to not really go after her sooner. He was so stupid before, but now that he was smart he now had a real girlfriend that he wanted to be with for a long time, maybe even forever. He knew that would be really cool and he'd be really happy with it, and he was so lucky to have someone that made him feel that lucky. And that, to him, was why he went so overboard to begin with, because he was thankful to her for giving him this life. That's why he kissed her like this, to thank her and show how much he appreciated her, because he loved her. Stan thought he was so lucky to have something like that, and right now he felt like he would kiss her right then and there if she was here. He sure wished she was here- but then when he saw the doll next to him, his wish was granted since he still thought the doll was Wendy. And now he was so happy to see her that he wasn't able to see that he was imagining things, he just jumped up and grabbed "Wendy" right then and there.

"Stan, um I think that's enough of a celebration for being cured, m'kay?" said Mr Mackey in what would later be obvious as a futile attempt to stop the love sick Stan. And after Mackey got finished, Stan looked at him and it was obvious he was a pissed off love sick Stan now. "Would you shut the hell up, I'm trying to show my love for Wendy! I went through fucking hell to get it in the first place, so I deserve to take advantage of it and I think I fucking earned it too!" Stan then went back to holding "Wendy" very tight, and Mr Mackey went back to tapping him on the shoulder to try and snap him out it. But Stan wasn't having any of that. "I said get the hell away from me, we're having a private moment!"

"No Stan, what you're having is a moment about to become abusive if you don't back away right now!"

"Yeah right, like she actually minds when I get this close to her, she went through hell trying to get me to get some balls and she's obviously happy that I have them! So back off!" To cap it all off, when Mr Mackey tried to pull the doll away from Stan, instead of letting it go Stan shoved Mackey right to the floor in a rather abusive way. Whether he would have done that to the doll we'll never know, because right after he got intimate with it again, he squeezed it so hard that it popped apart, forcing him to fall on the floor himself. At that point he finally noticed his parents, who had been watching the whole thing since his first yell at Mackey.

"Stanley, what the hell happened here? We were about to come over and congratulate you on being cured and you do this instead?!" Sharon cried out. "It seems like Mr Mackey was premature in calling you cured, in fact you're worse than ever! At least you didn't shove him to the ground before you popped the doll last time!"

"I'll say, m'kay?" Mr Mackey finally managed to get up and start rubbing his nearly broken ribs. "I must say that this is a giant step backwards, especially considering that he finally mastered shortening his makeout session before this rib cracking experience, m'kay. What the hell were you thinking before that and the bruised ribs happened anyway?!" Fortunatly Stan had just recovered from the shock to give some kind of an answer.

"I don't know, all I was thinking about was how much I liked her and how relieved I was to see her again, and then....then I went blank or something. What does that mean?"

"It means we're gonna need to think of something else to cure you since this ended miserably." replied Randy. "You should probably go out and get some fresh air to cool off while we discuss our next move."

Stan was hardly in a debating mood now, so he slowly managed to walk outside and take a little bit of a walk. Too bad there was nothing too exciting going on in the neighborhood, no crazy people, no snipers, hell he'd even put up with some crazy idea from Cartman at this point. Saying to him that "You're such a fat fuck Cartman, that when you walk down the street, people go GOD DAMN IT, that is a big fat fuck!" would be sweet as a distraction. Anything to get his mind off what he had just done, what might have happened if the real Wendy was there, and what his parents and Mr Mackey could possibly be thinking of next. But Kyle was coming over, so he'd take that as a substitute.

"Kyle, thank God you're here!" But Kyle wasn't as overly happy in his greeting. "Oh, you're happy to see me. That's a bit surprising since you've been ignoring me and the others all week, you haven't gone on any of our antics after school or any of our stuff at night or anything!" Stan quickly tried to think of a fake excuse to what happened before he went to find a better distraction. "Dude, I would have been there, it's just, well, Wendy wanted me to....wait, hold on, was it go to a slumber party or pick out clothes or-"

"Stan, I know what happened last week. I know you almost hurt Wendy." That made Stan more than a little jumpy. "What?! But, how did, I didn't, where did...who the hell told you?!"

"Bebe did, she was standing outside my house again for some reason last Friday, and I heard her say that she had to go and see if Stan went off to hurt Wendy again. I saw her the next day and she told me the rest from there, and for some reason she begged me to forgive her and not see someone else after that. I was confused enough as it was, so I just left after that." Stan took a while to get back on track and ask, "You'd better tell me if anyone else knows right now, because I'm having a hard enough time dealing with this without everyone knowing about it!"

"I figured you would, so I didn't tell anyone. Not even Cartman's daily begging for me to take him back in the group got me annoyed enough to tell him that so he'd go away." Stan breathed a deep sigh of relief. "Well at least something's been going right for me this week. I guess Bebe told you that Wendy told her that Mr Mackey's been helping me not do that again all week."

"No she didn't, but that does make me feel more sorry for you, dude." Somehow that got Stan back into his pissed off mode. "I don't need you to be sorry for me, I need help so I can't do what I did last week again! I just took a big ass step backwards and now I don't know what they'll make me do! They might even tell me I can't see...." Stan stopped himself from going on since what he was thinking about was too much even for him. But Kyle picked it up quick. "That you can't see Wendy anymore. Well, maybe some time apart would do some good if this really is that bad. I mean, you could stand to do some normal stuff with us to get your mind of this."

"Kyle, don't use that as an excuse to tell me your theory that love sucks." Stan snapped back, referring to Kyle's love sucks theory that he sang in front of the Getting Gay with Kids choir some weeks ago. "I'm not gonna let them make me give it up because it doesn't suck, the last time I was that afraid of it I almost died!"

"Whoh dude, calm down. I did sing that love sucks, but I specifically said that for some people it sucks. It sounds crazy but some people like you do like it, and I respect that. But remember when I sang that even those people that like love still think it can really suck sometimes? You gotta admit this is sure one of those times, Stan." As testy as Stan was right now, he sure couldn't argue with that one.

"Goddammit, what the fuck am I trying to do, am I trying to fuck up everything I tried so hard to get for the last 6 months?! Why would this be happening to me now, I didn't do anything wrong before this and I didn't get too crazy about her to wanna go this far! This isn't fair, I worked so hard to get this boyfriend thing right and now I might have messed it up in a second, it's not fair!" Stan really wasn't in the mood to make another big speech, but he really hadn't gotten any of this out in the last week since he hadn't really had the chance to. Now there was no better chance to do it since whatever his parents and Mr Mackey decided to do for him next would be the big thing in his mind, he might as well get this out before the next blunder in this series of mistakes started. However, he was overcome by his emotions a little too early this time so his speech was shorter than usual. He didn't cry since that would be too much at this point, but he was still shaken up enough for Kyle to see that this was really getting to his best friend. So Kyle just put a reassuring hand on his shoulder as he started to recover. "I guess you might wanna get back to the house so they can tell you what to do. Want me to come with so you don't get too upset?" Stan only nodded yes, so Kyle was able to walk back to his house with him without any objections.

Once they got back, they waited at the front step for about 10 minutes before Randy opened the door. "Stan, could you come inside please, we need to talk to you." Stan went inside and Kyle followed after Stan explained why he was there in the first place. With that cleared up, they went in where Randy, Sharon, and Mr Mackey were standing in wait to speak to Stan. Sharon started them off.

"Stan, we've been discussing with Mr Mackey about everything you've done this week, including the progress you've made and the not so progessive thing you just did. And we concluded that this form of therapy isn't really going to work."

"That's right Stan, m'kay. You did manage to prove that you can control yourself when you want to, but the possibility that there might be one time when you don't is stronger than ever. You popped my Chocksondick doll because you felt so strongly about Wendy that you went berserk, you were so overcome by your feelings for her that you went bananas on that doll's ass, m'kay? And I doubt after everything you went through to feel that way, therapy isn't gonna make you change that."

"I already know that Mr Mackey, so what else could possibly work?" asked Stan. Randy had the hard task of answering him about their ideas. "Well son, the way we see it there are three options that could work right away. One, you break up with Wendy. Two, you keep seeing her but stop making out with her, and three....three would have you become afraid of kissing her enough to throw up on her again. We can call a legitimate scientist to make that happen so it doesn't have side effects like Mephisto's drugs. But that might be the only way to make sure for certain that you don't go that far, then we can cure you of vomiting when you're mature enough to be in control of your passions again." Randy knew that Stan wouldn't be that keen on the idea or any of these ideas at all, so all that was left was to brace himself for the worst. But first Stan started on the negative side effects of these plans.

"So I either have to stop seeing her, stop kissing her at all, or stop myself from kissing her by throwing up again? Is that really the best you can think of?" Kyle couldn't help but express his doubts too. "Dude, that does sound pretty harsh, I mean he did almost get himself killed to act like this."

"Actually Kyle, the last two ideas aren't too terrible." Sharon said. "Stan told Mr Mackey that he's had plently of fun with Wendy without kissing her, I'm sure it would be no problem for him to have that much fun all the time without having to do that." Some of that did sound a tiny bit good to Stan, he was able to have fun with her without kissing her and they could probably think of some fun stuff once this was all over- but still, the thought of giving up kissing entirely was still a downer for him. Mr Mackey didn't help that out when he made his own prediction. "That sounds good, but the drawback is that Stan might have enough fun that he'd want to express his thanks with kisses and stuff, his feelings for her are strong enough for him to want that. So I think our best option is to make him throw up at the thought of that stuff again, he'd be less likely to go too far with her if he was too sick to do it in the first place, m'kay?"

"Not m'kay! Mom, Dad, you're not seriously buying this crap, are you?!" yelled out Stan. Randy tried to answer as best he could, though he knew immediatly afterwards that he just made it worse. "I'm not that thrilled about making you vomit either, but the truth is that it would be the best way to guarantee that you can control yourself. Then maybe if we cure you when you're a teenager you might be too mature to lose control like that, even though that's when normal men start to feel that way. And, quite honestly son, it is a bit too soon to start kissing girls when you're 9 years old, we just didn't say anything because we knew you were in love. But this way you can be pretty certain that you'd never be tempted to start going too far to begin with, by being a normal mixed up kid again." Like I said, once he shut up he knew he was gonna be in for it, and he was.

"Normal? I vomited in front of a great girl for years and made her feel like I didn't care about her, and then when I tried sick ways to cure myself it backfired and she went through hell blaming herself for everything because of what I did. And then I went through hell trying to find out if I did love her after I almost died from being 100 years old. If I didn't figure it out, then I would have kept throwing up and kept making her miserable." Stan took a breath before screaming out the last part. "But to you, that's fucking normal?!!"

"Stanley, watch your mouth!" replied Sharon. But Stan didn't feel like apologizing. "I will once you stop with this normal crap, Mom! I hated being normal and I hated not being able to tell her how I really felt and having to hide that shit from the guys cause they'd make fun of me for it! You want me to feel like that again, and you want me to give up everything I experienced these last 6 months that's too much fun for me to give up?! You want me not to have any of that kind of fun with her anymore?! Well fuck that, all right! I won't put us both through that shit again!"

"If you don't you could wind up raping her, and that's not m'kay!" Stan barely knew what that meant, but Mr Mackey sounded serious enough for him to listen. "Listen Stan, I understand how you feel, but the problem is you're feeling too strong. I already told you that you're too much in love with her to control your emotions all the time, even if you do it for a long time, one night when you're bigger and stronger you could explode with passion and assault her way worse than last week. As Lifetime teaches us, all men are capable of exploding like that, and the men on that network beat women that bad out of lust, m'kay? Just imagine how much more brutal you could be when you get intimate with her for love, especially if you do it when you're big and strong." Wendy had dragged Stan into seeing several "chick flicks" on Lifetime where asshole men beat women, so it did kinda make sense that someone who truely loved her could do worse. Of course he was hardly stable enough to seriously figure that out.

"Stan, I seriously believe that being afraid of intimacy like that again is the best way, and like you said, you can have fun that proves you love her without kissing. And she knows you love her, so nothing would really change and we'd hire the best scientists to make the change painless. I would recommend you do it, it may be the only way to stop yourself from doing worse damage one day, m'kay?" Once Mr Mackey finished, Stan tried to come up with an answer, but nothing came out. Finally he just turned and walked away to somewhere, anywhere where he could think and be alone.

"Hmm, that probably could have gone a little better, I guess." Mr Mackey started. Sharon finished by saying, "You guess? We just told Stan that he practically had to give up being in love with Wendy and you only guessed it could have gone better?"

"Calm down Sharon, I hated doing that as much as you did but out of those three choices, that is pretty much the one that'll work more. There sure as hell isn't any other plan I can think of that could work better." Randy stated before he turned to Kyle. "Kyle, you're his best friend and you probably know him better than we do, don't you know any way to cure him?"

"Not really dude, that actually did sound like it'd be easier for everyone but Stan. I just hope that if you do that, you get prepared to be shot to the sun by Wendy when she finds out." Suddenly Kyle's offhand comment gave the Marshes one final last ditch idea. They obviously didn't really want to end Stan's efforts to be cured of vomiting, but there really wasn't another more effective choice- unless Wendy could help them find one.

"Mr Mackey, you stay here and wait to hear from us. Randy, start the car, Kyle, get in the back seat. We have to go have a talk with Wendy."

******************************************************

The strangest thing was happening in the Testaburger house all week. Everytime Mrs Testaburger turned on Lifetime on TV, Wendy ran off and made some excuse to go to her room instead of watching TV with her mother like always. And Mrs Testaburger could swear that she heard her daughter make sad noises and sound like she was in fear when she left, like she did 10 minutes ago. She thought that maybe she should go talk to her- after watching "The Crusading Female Rape Victim gets screwed by The Evil Male Dominated Legal System" of course, that film never got old even after watching it 20 times. But view number 21 was interrupted by a knock on the door, and Wendy's mother got up to open it for the knockers, Sharon and Randy.

"Hello Mrs Testaburger, is Wendy home?" asked Sharon. Like a mother, Mrs Testaburger immediatly assumed the worse. "What for? Did something happen with Stan, is he hurt or something, or did something happen with Wendy the last time she came over to your house?"

"Well of course something happened last time, Stan almost touched your daughter in places he shouldn't have last week, remember?" Randy said in an impatient tone since he thought it was obvious to her. But since Wendy's mom hadn't been told what happened, it sure came off as a shock to her. Fortunatly Wendy had come down the steps earlier and had time to plan some damage control- just as her mother went crazy.

"Stan did what to who last week?!!!" She then turned around to see Wendy standing behind her. "Wendy, what are they talking about?! Did you get beat up by Stan before he threatened you not to come forward like in the Lifetime movie "The Innocent Girl gets raped and forced to keep silent by the Evil Boy Next Door"? Is that what he did to you?!!"

"No Mom, it wasn't like that! Did these two tell you that it was?! Let me go outside and talk to them so I can straighten them out!" Sharon picked up on Wendy's plan to get as far away from her mother as possible so they could talk about Stan, and Sharon finished the job by setting up the guy who made it possible, her husband. "Good, me and Wendy will go to have some girl talk while Randy straightens out what happened with Mrs Testaburger, see you later!" Randy barely had time to object and state how screwed he was before the girls ran out of the house.

Once the girls were out of range, Wendy finally had time to ask what was going on. "Mrs Marsh, what's going on? Is something wrong with Stan besides the obvious?" Kyle then walked over to the scene, or rather ran over to escape hearing Mrs Testaburger's rants from the Marshes car. Anyway, he came in to say, "Nothing's wrong, except that they're thinking about making Stan throw up around you again to stop him from hurting you."

"Dammit, I knew Bebe couldn't keep a secret around you!" But Wendy quickly realized what Kyle was actually saying before she cursed Bebe out some more. "Wait a minute, you said they're thinking of doing what?!"

"I said they're thinking of making Stan throw up around you again to make sure he doesn't attack you, didn't you hear me before?" Wendy did, but she couldn't really remember since this new idea was still shocking to her. "They wouldn't....that can't be....Mrs Marsh, you'd really let them do that to him?!"

"I don't really want to, but that's the best option we have. Our other ideas have him either breaking up with you and have him stop kissing you period, and he feels so strongly about you that none of those two things are gonna happen. So this is our best option, unless you can fix it for us and him."

"Me?", was all Wendy could get out. Sharon quickly elaborated. "Wendy, I think the best way to avoid this is for you to talk to Stan and think of a way outta this together. If you can work out your problems together like I know you can, then we won't have to think of making Stan vomit again." Wendy thought for a while before basically repeating what Sharon said. "You want me to go over and talk to him, in a situation that could get very emotional?"

"Yeah dude, that shouldn't be too hard for you." stated Kyle in a manner that he didn't know was thoughtless, not after everything Wendy had been thinking this week. In fact, those thoughts of what had happened and what could happen in the future were taking her over right now, and they were pointing her to a most surprising thought. "Maybe him vomiting wouldn't be so bad." Sharon was surprised to hear that, but hardly as much as Kyle was.

"What?! You bugged him for years to quit throwing up on you and now you're saying you want him to do that shit again?! That means Stan went through everything from almost dying for you to stopping a move to stopping your alternate self to fighting back against his sister for nothing! He did all that for you and now you want him to throw up again after everything he went through?! That makes no Goddamm sense, what the hell did he do to you?!"

"He made me scared about my future with him, all right?!" Judging from Wendy's angry outburst it was obvious she might start picking a fight with Kyle soon, so Sharon took immediate action. "Kyle, why don't you stand guard at the corner in case Wendy's mother gets here or Stan gets here?"

"Well, okay, as long as you tell Wendy how stupid she sounds to just wanna let everything Stan suffered for and ignore us for be for nothing." Kyle walked off to stand guard as Wendy took that accusation in. Now that she was working alone, Sharon decided to start off more gently than Kyle did. "Wendy, honey, Kyle didn't-"

"He's right, you know. I would be a real hypocrite to actually want that to happen, but...." Wendy collected her thoughts as best she could so that she could speak clearly. "Heh, can you believe that I complaned to Stan a while back that I was afraid of being perfect? That since I had done such a good job of improving myself, I made myself too perfect and too much like a Mary Sue instead? Well, I know I can't worry about that now, because how could somebody perfect be afraid of her own boyfriend who loves her?"

"Wendy, from what I heard Stan didn't actually hurt you, he just touched your butt. He didn't actually hit you."

"But what about next time? Even if he can control himself I know that side of him exists, and that's too much for me to handle. I know he loves me and I love him, that won't ever change. But it's because I know how much he loves me and how sorry he was when he saw how he ignored me before, that makes me scared. Because of that, he feels so strongly for me that he can easily get that passionate, and I feel so good to him that he can lose himself like he did last week, I learned that the hard way. So what do you think might happen when we get older and more horny and I get more hot, what could he possibly do to stop himself before he went too far then?! I know in his right mind he'd never think of doing that, but he likes his second chance at showing me he loves me so much that.....that he might not be able to stop himself before he did something....rough."

Sharon could barely believe that they were actually talking about her son like this and talking about how he could be abusive one day, but she sure as hell didn't like it the more Wendy went on. "I mean, Lifetime teaches us that all men have that side to them, and they're possssed by evil lust in those movies! Just think what someone who loves me with all his heart could do if he got too into it, he could-"

"Oh, fuck Lifetime already! That network can't even show a different kind of movie to save it's life, it's all abused wifes this and evil men that and evil men screwing over saintly women in court that! I'm not letting you let Stan break his heart because you believe that fucking trash!"

"Mrs Marsh, I-" Wendy was shocked enough to hear Stan's mother talk like that, but once Sharon interrupted her, it was clear she was just getting started. "Do you know why I didn't approve right away to make him sick of kissing, which any sane mother would do for a 9 year old who's too young for that stuff?! It's because my son loves you and went through hell to prove it, and you love him just as much. With luck you two will be married someday and I'll be your mother in law, so to warm up for that I'm going to give you some semi mother advice. I know you told Stan that one of the best things about your new connection was that you both were free to talk about anything and straighten out any problem without overeacting first. I'm asking you to do that now for him."

"Mrs Marsh, I want to but.....I'm scared of what might happen to us if I do."

"So you'd want Stan to stop showing you how much he loves you and to stop giving you the good times he was too scared to do before because you're afraid of the future? Of what might happen years from now?"

"It does sound silly, but I was there that night and stuff like that doesn't sound silly after that."

"Wendy, all he did was grab your ass, why didn't he go further? Because you stopped him. And you're strong enough to stop him again if it happens, you're strong enough to handle lots of things worse than what might happen in the future, I just want you to prove that now." Wendy hung her head down to think as Sharon kneeled down to finish her talk. "Wendy, not all men can be abusive like they say they are on Lifetime. My husband isn't, Kyle's husband isn't, some other husbands here aren't, and my Stan isn't. He went through hell to stop himself from making that mistake again and he'll put himself through hell if he does mess up. Because he loves you that much and I know it's for real, and so do you. That's why I don't want you and him to give it up that easily just because of what might happen years from now. Maybe you should at least try to fix things before it goes that far."

Sharon never had that much of an opportunity to be the speech making voice of reason before, but her inexperience didn't mean much in this case. It was good enough to get Wendy to realize how right she was, and also how scared she was before to try to make things right. In fact, the entire strain of the last week had finally broken through as she started to cry because of this whole Goddamm situation. Sharon did her part to calm her down by hugging her until she stopped weeping. When that happened, she composed herself enough to ask, "Do, do you know where Stan is now?"

"No, but I have a good idea where he might go to think things out. I can drive you if Randy hasn't already taken the car back home thanks to your mother."

"That's okay, Stark's Pond isn't a long walk from here, we can get there in 10 minutes if we hurry." Wendy wiped her eyes and tried to collect a new determination. Although she was still a bit scared of the possibility of this bad side of Stan coming back in the future, it wasn't as bad as being forced to give up her new life with the good side of him. And she had Sharon to thank for reminding her that, which she promptly did. "Mrs Marsh? Thank you for getting me back to my senses again."

"Anytime, sweetie." Sharon patted the head of her son's girlfriend and, for all intensive purposes, her future daughter in law who was already an unoffical member of the family. After that, she called Kyle over and told him to come with then to Stark's Pond, where this whole ugly mess would come to an end one way or another.

******************************************************

This all happened because he had tried too hard. That was the only halfway original thought left to explain it all, so Stan chose that to think about as he sat there like a log near Starks Pond.

After he had learned his lesson from the aging incident and from his stay at the hospital, he realized how he could have done a lot better in handling Wendy in the past, so he swore to do whatever he could to fix it. He wasn't as vocal about wanting to make himself over like Wendy was, but he was just as determined, after nearly dying without conquering his fears he sure as hell wasn't gonna make that mistake twice. So he got rid of his vomit problem, started acting like a real boyfriend, and as such that helped him to stop his parents from moving him away and to stop that alternate universe Wendy from killing his Wendy. Not to mention various other things he was able to do better now that he was shaping up. Some of it was embarassing and was stuff a normal 9 year old wouldn't do, but he had no choice. He fucked up before and he couldn't let himself do it again, for Wendy's sake. He was gonna try harder to give her what she deserved in a boyfriend. Obviously the irony was that in doing so, he made himself feel too strongly for her- and now it seemed that the only way to stop himself from going out of control during a romantic encounter one day was to give up his chance to ever have one for some time, by letting himself be terrified of love again. But after experiencing how not terrifying it is, how could they think that he'd want to go back? But what other way was there to make sure he didn't go bonkers from feeling too strong again?

At that point Stan looked desperatly for something around the area that he could kick or punch in anger. But with nothing around but snow, he had to go to the tree instead and punch it to get his frustration out. Naturally that broke his hand more than it broke the tree. "Ow! Goddamm it, son of a fucking bitch!!" After finishing his colorful rant, he took the rest of his anger out by kicking the tree, which hurt enough for him to fall down on the snow. Then he just hit the snow to get out what was left. So after all that, Stan just lay there with his anger spent and his dillemma still very much intact. It was too much for him to handle- which is why once Wendy came over to sit next to him, he didn't move a bit or make a noise of surprise. He had barely enough energy to feel much of anything right now.

"Hey.", Wendy said in a futile attempt to break the ice. Stan said hey back though, but that didn't really make much difference. He didn't have much left to say and Wendy was having problems on how to start this herself. Maybe a rare joke would get the ball rolling. "Heh, and to think I called my first period the first real test for us, for someone who's supposed to be smart I sure acted dumb in saying that, huh?" But there were no laughs coming out, so Wendy assumed that the joke was a dud.

"Do you ever think about what might have happened if I didn't get old?" Wendy stopped thinking about her next starting line to nod no and wait for Stan to elaborate. "You know, when I was in the hospital, I had all these crazy dreams about me vomiting on you all my life because I didn't learn my lesson. And you didn't say anything before I died because you were afraid of acting like a bitch, but you were still pretty miserable. You said you were glad I was dying cause I wasted your life by throwing up on it. And you know, even if that didn't happen in real life I'm sure another situation would have me still throwing up after I left the hospital and you eventually getting tired and dumping me. Then they'd call you a bitch again and none of us would be happy. That or the other thing probably could have happened if I didn't shape up. And now they're asking me to let that happen again so I don't go crazy again."

"Yeah, your mother filled me in on that." Stan was trying to focus on this problem so he'd save the questions about his mom for later. "So you either have to start acting nervous around me again or risk letting your emotions get out of control like last week again. What did you decide?"

"I....I don't know. I know the right thing to do would be to give up getting close to you because then I couldn't hurt you again, we can have fun without acting like that and we should wait till we're older to, um, get close. That sounds like the good thing to do, but I can't do it. I have to be selfish because I don't wanna give that up, not after I almost died to get it in the first place."

"Stan, you're right. Not being that close would be the noble thing to do, but I have to be selfish too. I love everything you've done to fix yourself up for me and I've had the best times of my life because of it. I don't wanna risk not having any more good times because you're too nervous around me again, no matter how afraid I am about the future." Wendy took a deep breath after about the 100'th speech made this week. "So since we both don't wanna give up what we have, what do we do?"

"I don't know Wendy. I don't know." Stan laid back while trying to find something positive to say among all this gloom and doom shit, and somehow he managed to find something. "But I'm not gonna let something else happen to break us up while I figure it out. I mean, you said once that you could have stopped me from vomiting earlier if you just made me feel comfortable and talked things out with me. Now we can stop me from doing something worse by working together this time, because I love you and I'd rather have you kick my fucking ass than let me hurt you like that again...." Suddenly inspiration struck. "That's it! I want you to kick my ass!"

"What? Stan, it's a little late to start acting crazy, we have enough problems without you doing that." But Stan wasn't crazy, no, for the first time this week he saw something that could get everything back to normal. "No, don't do it now, but when I fuck up! Just like you did last week!"

Wendy was quite confused right now, probably like Stan was when this started, but Stan was excited enough to clear that up for her. "If I ever go too far like that again, you have my permission to do everything you can to stop me, like kicking my ass! If I try to grab you or force you to do stuff you don't wanna, you can kick me, punch me, and beat the hell out of me to stop me, I want you to do that if that happens! I won't mind at all or be mad at all because you stopped me from doing worse, I want that if that happens!"

Wendy started to see his point, although she would probably have to kick his ass anyway if that happened again. But now he was giving her his permission to do it and encouraging her to do everything in her power to stop him when he couldn't stop himself. Maybe that would do for a temporary solution, but Stan put a dark cloud on that by realizing this. "Wait a minute, even if you can do that there's bound to be one time when I'm too strong for you! And since I act up just like those Lifetime men I'm probably gonna overpower you once and then-"

"Fuck Lifetime, Stan! Fuck those Lifetime men in the ear!" Now it was Wendy who had enough of Lifetime, thinking of the future, and the whole fucking mess in general. "Stan, you are nothing like those people, and I will kick your ass if you think that. Those assholes ignored guilt and all other human feelings when they wound up hurting women, unlike you who's gone through hell to not do it again. You chose to try to stop yourself because you're great, and you can choose to take control of yourself to not go out of control. Because you love me and I love you, and we're not gonna let something that might happen in the future beat us. At least I'm not anymore. Are you?"

"I can choose." Stan didn't say that, but he sure was thinking that. Just because those other men always abused their girlfriends didn't mean he had to. All this week everyone, including himself, thought it was a foregone conclusion that he'd hurt Wendy someday because he'd let his passions get out of control, and because every other man on Lifetime and in the world did that. But it didn't have to be that way just because every other guy did it. Those guys were assholes who didn't give a shit about women, and he loved Wendy more than pretty much anything. He could choose to control himself and his feelings that possessed him to go too far. He could be in control because he was different than those people, he didn't enjoy hurting the girl he loved at all. He could choose. So what the hell did he have to worry about anymore?

"Wendy, I just learned something today. Not those fake lessons I say after our crazy adventures, this is real. I can choose what to do because I'm different from those guys that beat up girls. I love you, and if I can make myself go crazy over you too much, then I can make myself control how crazy I get too. I choose to calm down in the future, and I choose to cut down on our kissing moments, and I choose to stop worrying about the future and how young we are because I can stop myself and count on you to do it if I can't. I choose to go on being with you and work out these problems together if they come. And I choose to do this."

Stan then prepared for the biggest test of all- no doll was gonna stand in for Wendy this time, this was the real thing. He leaned in and kissed her right on the lips, and then broke away exactly one second later. As much as he missed kissing her real lips and as much as he loved kissing them again, that was gonna be it for him. Because he chose not to go any further. Because he loved her enough to not ruin the moment by going on.

"Wow.", was all Wendy could say as she started to realized that this mess may just be over after all. To make it official, Stan asked, "I never actually said I was sorry for touching you that way last week. But I am, can you forgive me?" Finally, a situation that had an easy answer for Wendy- of course she could. And now that she wasn't afraid anymore, and that her speech about how Stan was different from those abusive asshole men made sure she'd never be afraid of him again, she felt entirely safe hugging Stan in relief, and as a sign that all was well again. This was another perfect situation to make out, but once again Stan was in control and he decided that he'd had enough in thinking about doing that for a few weeks. Instead he broke away from Wendy and asked, "You know, they just put the tire back on the branch at Stark's Pond. I wouldn't mind playing on that for a while until we had to go home for dinner." Wendy easily agreed and walked with Stan to the tire hanging from the nearby tree branch, then she sat down inside the tire and signaled Stan to start pushing her. "Be gentle, Stan." Stan couldn't help but chuckle since that was what they'd been telling him all week, but he was gentle in this different way too as he slowly started pushing the tire back and forth to give Wendy a ride.

From far away, Sharon watched the kids start playing and saw for herself that the crisis was over. So she signaled to Kyle that they didn't have to barge in and that their work was done. Kyle agreed since he barely did any work to begin with, his role in this was smaller than usual. Oh well, maybe he'd run into Cartman and tell him "You're such a fat fuck Cartman, that when you walk down the street people go GOD DAMN IT, that is a big fat fuck!", that'd give him something to do to make up for having a pointless cameo this time. So he and Sharon walked away, remembering to check up on Randy to make sure Mrs Testaburger let him live. Meanwhile, the kids continued recovering from their troubles by having some actual non romantic fun.

"It sure has been one hell of a long week, hasn't it?" Wendy yelled out while swinging on the tire.

"It sure has. A lot of things almost changed this week, but not the fact that we're still together, right?"

"Stan, that was the only thing that wasn't in doubt all week." Both kids smiled for a while before Wendy remembered something. "Well, not that I remembered that all the time, what with me being afraid of the future and all, but I think I remembered in time." Wendy kept trying to defend and cover up her old cowardly position as Stan playfully commented on it. They had this kind of pleasent conversation and playful arguing as they took their turns swinging on the tire before they both went home. And if Sharon or Kyle or anyone else was watching at that time, they'd never think that those two kids had just gone through hell worrying about abuse and future abuse and the possibilty of having their emotions go too far someday. All they'd see was two normal 9 year old kids having fun and being in love- and one thing they relearned just now was that they weren't gonna let fears and out of control emotions stop them from having scenes like this again.

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This is the point in true life movies on Lifetime or a biography movie where a disclamer would show saying what happened afterwards. So let's use that to show what happened after this crazy story.

Stan and Wendy stayed together, and decided to cut down on their romantic moments and have more fun doing other things. Of course, they'd kiss if the moment really called for it, and Wendy would indeed kick Stan's ass if he went too far- which didn't come close to happening and soon they forgot the whole thing ever happened.

Randy managed to barely escape Mrs Testaburger's anger over what happened with her daughter and how she didn't tell her, but eventually she calmed down and allowed Stan to keep seeing Wendy- after the world's most humilating birds and the bees talk, of course.

Mr Mackey bought several more inflatable dolls to replace the popped ones, and went through with his plans to dress them like Mrs Chokesondick and make out with them. So far only 3 of the 12 Mrs Chokesondick dolls are still intact as of now.

The Lifetime network continued to poison the airwaves with their message that pretty much every man is an abusive asshole bastard who screws innocent saintly women in bed and in court and in the workplace. If there was an organization that protested the way men are portrayed on Lifetime, we'd tell offended men to contact them for help, but there isn't, so what the hell do you want me to do? I can't start that kind of organization myself, I'm just someone who writes good stories like this one. The best I can do is ask what you thought of this story and tell you to comment about it while you're not being offended, so there.

THE END