Author's Note

Now I know what you're thinking, "but Phoenix, you just finished a story, and you should be working on Disco Rising, and why don't you start work on One World or some other, more interesting story?"

And I only have one thing to say to that: Quit nagging me woman, get in the kitchen, AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH!!!!

….

Okay, that was kinda uncalled for, but to actually answer your question, I just wanted to get this idea on paper, and I probably won't work on it for a while. That is of course, unless you want me to.

Now, I don't believe this story will feature Chunky, instead focusing on Sniffles as the protagonist, (But, I'm an indecisive bastard, so that might change) and my latest OC playing the bad guy. So let's get this gravy train a-rollin'!

Snake Oil; a Strange Tale of Science and Mysticism

Open scene on Sniffles' house at night, the windows open and a black smoke exuding from the second floor laboratory. Upon closer inspection one will notice the latches on the windows were forcibly broken open by some tremendous force all at once.

Enter in on Sniffles' lab, where a large black smudge is splattered across the wall, with an anteater-shaped silhouette revealed a clean lab wall. Sniffles is standing nearby, dyed an odd pink, stamping his(?) foot impatiently and staring angrily at a guilty-faced Lumpy.

"So Lumpy, what did we learn?" Sniffles asked, his(?) voice much more feminine than usual.

"Not to touch the Ranma-gun," Lumpy said, looking away.

"AND?" (s)he growled.

"That a cross-gender transmogrification ray-gun is not a toy" Lumpy concluded, but started again when Sniffles wouldn't look away "and that women are not born with an innate sense of cooking, and making you one will not make you a better chef. And it was foolish of me to expect that you would make me a sandwich after this"

"Exactly!" Sniffles said, turning to the lab table to where a broken ray-gun lay, "Now, I need you to go out and get me a D-cell battery, a 20-watt light bulb, and kettle of hot water so I can fix this. And don't ask me to come with you, I can't be seen like this."

Lumpy turned toward the door without a word, but lightened up and hopped back over to Sniffles, who was writing on a chalkboard about her "Successful" experimental ray-gun.

"Sniffles, before I go, I wanted to ask you something."

"WHAT?" she snapped.

"Can, can I call you Sniffette?"

Sniffles' eye began to twitch, and she gritted her teeth as she spoke "No Lumpy, you may not"

"Oh, okay. Um, Sniffles?"

"What now Lumpy?"

"You're a pretty girl, Sniffette…" Sniffles screamed and tossed a beaker at Lumpy, who just barely dodged it. Glass was scattered across the lab floor and Lumpy took this as his cue to exit.

….

It was a little windy that night, and Lumpy definitely wasn't enjoying his near-midnight stroll through the town's shopping center trying to find an open electronics store.

"Stupid Sniffette, thinks she sooo smart, well that doesn't mean she can boss me around like this. I mean, how was I supposed to know that women couldn't make sandwiches?"

As he passes a darkened alley, a raspy-throated voice coughed in his direction, drawing his eye toward the lightless corridor.

"Excuse me son, I hear you're in a predicament here. Mind if I lend a hand?" The voice continued (in such a snake-like and oily tone it made you want to wash your face when you heard it) and stepped out. A tall, lean, dark blue crocodile greeted him with a toothy smile and a pair of bright yellow eyes. He was dressed in what must have been a fine gentlemen's purple suit, but was now quite worn out, unquestionably from the age of the ancient garment. In one hand he held a gold-tipped cane and in the other he tipped his purple top hat, which was so old the top of it had begun to pop off.

"Thanks mister, but unless you can make me smart or fix Sniffette's ray-gun then you're no help to me." Lumpy said, and turned to walk away, but somehow the stranger was once again in front of him. He tapped his cane on the ground and the top popped open, revealing a small glass orb no larger than a marble filled with a green oil.

"Ray Gun (He spoke as if it was someone's name), I don't know, and I most certainly don't know a Miss Sniffette, but smarts I know." He replaced the top hat on his head and picked up the marble, tossing it in the air so that it landed in his open hat. Then, he lifted the hat off again and there was a full corked bottle of the green oil balanced on his head. "Y'see, my momma mixed up a sweet elixir for me when I was back in school and it made me smart as a whip!"

Lumpy was skeptical, though "You don't look so smart…"

"Boy, d'you know what the square root of pi is? Rhubarb! And how am I so skilled in the scientific arts, Momma's elixir!" The stranger said in all seriousness. Lumpy was astonished (believing of course that this stranger was right), and begged the croc to go on.

"Ah-ah-ah, I'm afraid I can't tell you anymore, but I can sell this amazing elixir to you for a mere 5 acorns!"

"Five acorns, that's a steal!" Lumpy laughed and tossed the gold coins into his hand, in exchange for the flask. He was about to turn and go along his merry way, when something occurred to Lumpy, he didn't know his new friend's name "Wait, before I go, what's your name?"

The crocodile looked up from counting his coins, tossed them up and into his top hat with a grin. "Ah, how polite of you, handsome and a gentlemen. My name is Mumbo Jumbo Jedidiah Marinara Ferera Lucky Louie Crowley the third, but you can call me Mumbo." He said with a bow. And with that, Lumpy walked away happily sipping his amazing new elixir, feeling smarter already.

So, this story's loosely based of off something, though I won't say what yet. And those of you who haven't figured this out yet, Mumbo is my new OC, a southern gentlemen from the swamps of Louisiana (Or it's HTF equivalent) who's just out to sell his "amazing cure-all" elixir to the unsuspecting residents of Happy Tree Town.

Won't be updating this one very often, (or maybe I will if you ask nicely)

So, until then, it's Phoenix Reece wishing you a happy Thanksgiving!

(Oh, and I'll try to get that new Disco Rising Chapter up soon)