A random nerd who sucks at writing presents... A piece of garbage that baits with bunches of references and jokes.

Based on Loud House, a not-so-serious show but everyone takes it seriously.

Warning: Lots of swears and (maybe) sexual jokes, just like the movie.

Disclaimer: I do not own Loud house, or deadpool or every reference I've made.

This contains bunches of reference, try finding them!

And also, I rated it T to get many people, but do you guys think it should go to M? If many of you thinks like that, I'll change.

"Oh no. No more brawl in the family." A kid talked on the phone. He was in a damp delievery storage, sitting on a wooden crate. Then he turned off his phone.

"You might wonder, what's with this reddish kid in the Loud House show?" He said. He was wearing red suit all over to his face, with white part on his eyes. "Oh, I'll just say this. Because (silently)the writer's too lazy to describe that."

"I'm Lincoln Loud. And as you can see, with deadpool suit." He said, pointing his red suit.

"Why I'm here? I can't tell you directly, but it does rhyme with 'punch'."

"Anyways, I've got places to be, family to deal, and- Oh wait, here they come." He spoke, as someone began to appear. He stretched his neck. "Let's have some fun."

Two muscled men with scars entered the street. They both looked twice as big as Lincoln, and their face seemed not that friendly. Lincoln could feel heaviness from their footsteps.

"What is this kid doing here?" A guy said.

"Hey guys. I've come to bargain." Lincoln said. "Lay your weapons down, and go-"

But a man grabbed Lincoln's foot, with his bare muscled hands. Making Lincoln float above the ground upside down. Then he threw Lincoln at the wall, with full velocity.

"Okay. Should have brought a green stone." Lincoln uttered, sticking on the concrete wall upside down. "I think peaceful solution isn't working, so..."

"Damn, let's just catch em'." He spoke, taking off himself out on the wall. "I almost forgot this. Maximium effort!"

He shouted, then charged to them. With using his entire weight, Lincoln knocked a man out with his kick. Another guy swang his heavy fist, but Lincoln avoided it by bowing his head.

"Or what? You want me to dead?" Lincoln immediately returned him with his fist, directly to his face. But Lincoln was faced with surprise attack then, by another guy. The guy slammed him into the ground.

"Get off, kid!" He shouted. "Just die already!"

"I'd love to. You ever read sysgenesophobia?" Lincoln chattered, lying on the ground. His white eyes seemed way too casual. "That one's really good, especially that penis attack."

Lincoln kicked the guy with his right foot. And he grabbed a wooden crate lying on the side, and threw it to the guy. He tried to block it with his hand, but the crate shattered, leaving scabs on them.

"That's it! I'm now doing it serious." Another guy said, taking a knife out of his pocket.

"Ok, guys wait." Lincoln started stepping back. He said against the wall.

"I forgot to draw someone I was looking for. Hold on a minute, and I can-"

But they just ignored him, as he was about to pull out a paper. The big man grasped him with his bare hands.

"Oh well. By the way, can I borrow some watercolors?" He chattered, drawing on the paper with a pencil, which he pulled out of nowhere. "I really need it for coloring my six stones."

"Shut up!" The man swiped the sharp knife. Which led Lincoln to a long, deep cut in his face.

"Wait a min, almost done sketching." Lincoln spoke, holding a pencil in his hand. "Now do you have watercolors?"

The man punched Lincoln. Then he just got Lincoln close to his eyes. He stareded at him directly, so close that Lincoln could hear him growling.

"Ah fine, I'll just get it from your yellow wet pants." Lincoln uttered casually.

Then he impaled his pencil into the guy's hand. The muscled guy screamed. Lincoln got the chance, and headbutted his head. Escaping from the man's hand, Lincoln took his battle posture, as his skin regenarated from the wound.

"Now prepare a nice white blank, 'cause crazy action is coming over!"

He tried to say. But their fist didn't waited for him, sending Lincoln away into the loads of crates. He crashed, as wooden fragments splattered all around.

"Okay. A little spoiler." He said in a mess, with several fragments paled on his head.

Two men, growling like a grizzly bear, slowly approached to Lincoln, who was still nailed in loads of woods. Lincoln was gasping his breath.

"Hey guys. Heh... You are strong." said deadpool Lincoln. "As you can see, all I got is this goddamn rope." He chuckled, as he showed a long rope in his hand. "So you will have to share."

"Let's count them down." He said to himself. "Oh wait, I can't count, there's only one." He chattered again, as if he had mental problem. The heavy men were still growling out of wrath.

"Whatever. Here comes the fucking airplane!" Lincoln shouted, and jumped.

And Lincoln climbed on the iron bar. They looked upside, expecting him to fall down. Lincoln walked carefully, to reach right top of a guy. He grabbed each side of the rope with his two hands.

"Hey everyone. Today's lesson is about potential energy." He jumped down, accelating. In a second, on a big guy's cheek directly landed Lincoln, with his fist coming first. A heavy smacking sound could be heard.

And Lincoln quickly hung a rope around his body. The guy tried to get conscious, but Lincoln returned him with another punch. He fainted, and Lincoln got to tie him like a hostage.

However, he almost forgot one thing. The other guy. He wielded his knife, to Lincoln's waist. Luckily Lincoln got to avoid the second strike, however missing the knot.

"Shit." Lincoln uttered out of annoyance, as he defended the knife with his hand. "Clyde, come over and get this thing over."

A black haired boy appeared. Clyde, unlike Lincoln, wasn't wearing suit, with just plain curly hair and brown skin. Looking a bit anxious, he just approached slowly.

"Tie him." Lincoln shouted to him, as Lincoln was punched and fell down. "If he ever awakes, punch him more!" He said on the floor.

Then Clyde started tying the rope, instead of Lincoln fighting.

"You see? That's why I'm a man with plan." Lincoln spoke on the floor, still chuckling sarcastically. The only guy left stared at him.

"Oh by the way, you might wanna ask, what is this, a Loud house fanfic with no drama yet? Does this writer know anything about the show? All I'm doing now is pissing off with these random bullies!" Lincoln spoke.

"This fanfic will also fail, just like the others." He continued to talk. "But don't worry. I'll get some dramas soon. So why don't we settle this first?" Lincoln said sarcastically, moving his head to the muscled guy again. "And what's your last word?"

"Screw you." The man said, as he threw his final strike, with his knife.

In Lincoln's chest it impaled deeply.

"Man..." Lincoln moaned. "I'm sorry, little one." Lincoln said in low tonne, moaning out of pain. The man stepped back, as if he felt a little gulity. Clyde just turned around, only to watch him getting stabbed. He couldn't say any words.

The man tried to forget that, and just walked away.

"I'm talking to you, you small ball jackass!" However, Lincoln stood up, continuing to chatter casually. The man rubbed his eyes, as something unbelievable happened.

"What the f-"

"Thanks for the knife though." He said, pulling out the knife out of his chest. The hole, remained on the right side, slowly regenerated. "Now, speak. Do you know where's Drake?"

"I don't..." The man spoke, as he stomped his feet. "I'll just run." He began running away.

"Hey, that's not impressive for last word!" Lincoln shouted, chasing him. The man ignored and kept running, almost getting to the exit of the building.

He finally opened the door, to get out of this madness. But as he opened the door, a familiar creepy voice scared him, making him fell down.

"Boo." Out of the door stood the black-haired girl, with her eyes never seen.

"Oh, what a surprise." Lincoln stopped and talked.

"Lincoln! Did you make accident again?" Soon, it followed by another punch to him. There were eleven girls out of the door, walking over muscled guy.

"And what's with this ugly guy?" A blonde, short girl spoke, pointing the guy.

"He's a clue. Keep him alive." Lincoln spoke casually, as he took his knife in his pocket. "Lynn and Lana, take care of that criminal." He said.

"You should have called us earlier." Lynn spoke, as she tied another guy.

"He had a knife. Fortunately, I've taken that knife and-"

"And you were gonna kill him?" A blonde girl asked. Lori, the charge of her siblings. She was capable of taking care of her brother and sisters. "How long do we have to get your back and take care of every accident you made?"

"I was not going to kill him. Just having fun!" Lincoln complained, getting inside the sisters crowd. "Look at the content rating. It's T. That means no one is going to die."

"I have no idea what you just said." answered Lori. "Lincoln, you are getting more weird over time! I could bear your strange red suit, but you have gone too far."

"Just-"

"Enough. We're going home right now. Clyde, join." Lori concluded.

"But, I need to talk more" Lincoln tried to say.

"Whatever it is. Now go back to van!" Lori shouted.

The police came and arrested the two. And the loud siblings and Clyde just got on the van. Sitting in the middle of the van, red suited Lincoln still looked full of disappointment. The van started to leave for their house.

"Boring as heck." Lincoln complained.

"Eww." said Lola.

"Lincoln, language." Lori scolded.

"That's my result of sublimation. You wanna hear the original?" He offended.

"Lincoln, you're getting worse. What have that healing fa- no, medicine done to you?" Lisa said, looking at him suspicious. "I thought that had no side effect like that."

"It's too hard to describe, with this writer's writing skills." He said. "Ahh fine, I'll just call a flashback for our readers. I have to say why I'm wearing these tight spandex."

Then he recalled, the start of everything.

Lincoln was playing video game in his own room, as usual. He didn't especially eanted to study at that time, as an unknown headache bothered him since a week ago. He couldn't even focus on his video game. His nerve seemed to become quite sensitive, and he got tired easily.

He threw video game, and picked up an Ace Savvy comic. But his headache teiggered once again, before he could pass a page. He just gave up doing anything, and just lied on the bed, hoping for this headache to get better.

Then, someone kicked the door, and got in his room. Lincoln got up slowly, and looked what was was the second youngest Loud in the family, Lisa Loud, sweating heavily as if she did marathon. She held a paper, grasping it so firmly that the paper was crumpled.

"Lisa, what's wrong?" Lincoln asked.

"I- I recently took your X-ray and..." Lisa stuttered. "Just look at this."

The black paper showed a white head, with empty inside. But it wasn't entirely empty. several white dots were marked, with somewhat offending red pen.

"What's this?" Lincoln asked, as he knew nothing about medicine.

"T... T..." Lisa shivered. "I'm afraid to say this, but Lincoln, you have brain tumors."

"What?" Lincoln shouted. "Holy shit. Is this another Requiem for a Loud sequel?"

"No, seriously Lincoln!" Lisa almost cried out. "We can't lose such a good family like you..."

"So, it basically means I'm fucked up." He spoke. Though he didn't seem like someone who was going to die. "Then what I should do? enjoy the last day of my life with my entire family mourning for me? That's quite unenjoyable."

"No Lincoln. I might have a solution." Lisa said, checking her phone. A person named Drake was on the list. She sent a message to him.

"Man. There goes another great fanfic, though someone already did it." He said. "Then what I should do now? Tell everyone?"

"No. Let's keep it secret for now." She spoke. "I will be ready by tomorrow. Come to my room."

Tomorrow, the sun has risen again. As he woke up, Lincoln immediately headed to Lisa's room, leading his tired body. His headache seemed to become worse, as another day started.

Inside Lisa's room was Lisa, on a notebook that she borrowed. As well as with Lily who was still sleeping peacefully. Lisa, having dark circle down to her knee, turned around as Lincoln came. She seemed to have worked overnight. Strange diagrams were full in the blackboard.

"Good day, Linc."

"Hey, Lisa." He muttered, being exhausted from the headache. "I just dreamed Head Poet's Anxiety getting delayed for a month."

"That's not a dream." Lisa spoke. Lincoln gasped.

"Anyways, I' afraid to say that I'm not expert at this. But I've contacted Drake, the leader of secret cure project." She said. "The only way to eliminate your tumor is getting his operation."

"Then why is it kept as a secret?" Lincoln asked.

"Because... It provides rather unusual way." stuttered Lisa. "Something even I can't explain. But I can assure, the tumor will be removed. Now your dicision?"

"Why not." Lincoln spoke.

"Alright. Drake will be waiting outside the house, so good luck." She said, pushing Lincoln downstairs. "And report me if there's any aide effect." She said, as Lincoln opened the door. Outside the door was a black-haired man with glasses, looking like a researcher. Standing next to his black car, he was working on something on his phone. Lincoln slowly stepped outside.

"Oh, you must be Lincoln." He put down his phone and talked. "I heard you from Lisa. You are adorable, as she said." He said, as he came and took a look at Lincoln.

"Did you just say that Lisa said I was ador-"

"Anyways, welcome to our project. Get on my car." He spoke. Lincoln had no idea what was happening, but there was no other way. Though he looked a little suspicious, Lincoln couldn't help but get on the car. Lisa said he was trustworthy, so what could possibly happen? He thought.

He rode on the car. Inside the car was pretty neat. He sat in the back, alone. It was rather unusual, but comfortable experience to seat alone. Drake came in the car and started driving.

"So you have brain tumors, right?" He spoke.

"Yeah... She says." said Lincoln. "And I have a headache."

"To be honest, you're our first subject to this experiment." Drake confessed, driving. "Are you really gonna be okay?"

"There's no other way." Lincoln said. "And if I die now, the show can't continue." he joked, pretending to be okay.

"Very good. Don't worry, we'll do our best." He said.

As the car slowed down, Lincoln could see a white building. The building was in the woods, as if it was a secret lab. The car stopped there, and Lincoln and Drake took off. The building looked somewhat old, having vines everywhere. There was no glass. Lincoln looked a little concerned, as he was about to enter this lab.

Drake and Lincoln opened the glass door, and entered the lab. The inside was not that bad, looking just like a silent normal lobby. Lincoln took a look around. Just then, a sign attracted his mind, which said 'Cure room, 1F.' He wondered why it just said 'cure'. It seemed a little suspicious. And he used '1F' as the second floor, despite he was in America.

"Come on, Lincoln. There's no second to waste." Drake told him, in front of the opened elevator. "We're going to that room now."

Lincoln and Drake took the elevator. The elevator stopped at first floor, and the door opened, revealing a little dark white room. The first thing he could see was a bed with wheels. Lincoln could notice it was for surgery. Lincoln stepped to the bed.

"Lie there." said Drake. Lincoln almost startled, by his sudden words.

"Now?" He asked.

"Yeah. We have only one patient now. You. So I specially prepared it for you." Drake said.

Lincoln couldn't help but follow. He wore off his white sneakers, and lied on the bed, trying to relax. The bed was soft, but he felt nervous as he was getting surgery for the first time. What if he didn't make it alive? Some unpleasant thoughts passed through his head.

"I know you are nervous." said Drake, picking something out of the drawer. Lincoln nodded his head. "But this haven't failed yet. You will be okay." He said.

"Wait. You said I'm the first."

"Of course I tested with some animals. They're fine." Drake answered casually, turning around to Lincoln.

"Now, you will have a shot for anesthesia. It would hurt a little." Drake spoke, holding the syringe full of colorless liquid. Then he rubbed Lincoln's arm with alcohol cot. "Here it goes."

"Ow." The syringe injected the liquid, as Lincoln moaned. The injection ended in a second, and Drake put the syringe into the trash bin.

"Now wait for some minutes." He said. "If you start to feel sleepy, tell me." And he started to push the bed, to the surgery room.

"Okay then." said Lincoln, looking on the hallway on a moving bed. "But I have something to ask you."

"What is it?"

"Exactly what surgery am I taking? Even Lisa didn't know." Lincoln asked.

"Hmm, how to explain... Ah, that will help. Do you like science fiction movies?"

"Yes. Especially that son killing father on an artificial planet." Lincoln replied.

"It's like that. It's very useful, but too shocking that no one can understand." He said.

"Then why you keep it secret?"

"Because no one can underst-" He said. "Ah, the medicine would work now. relax". He quickly ended his speech.

Lincoln found him more suspicious. But before he could ask any more thing, he fell asleep, due to the drug. Then Drake continued to move him to the surgery room. He opened the door, and stood in front of a machine.

"Healing factor experiment #1, going on."

Lincoln woke up in a white room. It seemed like the surgery took about 4 hours, as the clock hit 2 o' clock. Fortunately he didn't kill him, lock him, or brainwashed him. The room was neat, like a normal single room, except there was no windows. He stood up. Nothing was bothering him, and even the headache went off.

"Oh man. I just dreamed a bucket on my head controlling me. Fortunately, a yellow magician saved me. What a dream." He said, stretching himself. "It really worked. I feel refreshing."

"Hmm. By the way, where's Drake?" He spoke, wandering around. The iron door was locked. It would be a protection. If he gets this over, he could go to home and meet his family, he tried to think positively. "If he was to kill me, he would kill me earlier." He said to himself.

"Unfortunately Lincoln, the experiment is not over." A voice was heard from above. Lincoln looked upside, and noticed there was a glass between another room. Drake was standing there, inside the room.

"What are you doing?" Lincoln asked.

"We need to activate your healing factor." He said, as he pulled down the lever. A machine began to function. "Mostly for that, but some for my research." Lincoln could feel, it wasn't good sentence.

"Lisa? What is happening..?" He said anxiously, as he pulled out the phone.