Disclaimer: Noooooooopeeeeeeeee~~~ and still nope.
Summary: [Post CoHF] Robert and Alec have an overdue heart to heart conversation, and Alec realizes how little he knows of his father as his father knows him. Tribute to all the Fathers out there, Happy Belated Father's Day!
A/N: CoHF SPOILERS AHEAD. DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED.
"His name was Michael Wayland."
Startled, Alec jumped slightly and looked at his father, whose gaze held a faraway look to them. Their food lay in front of them untouched, earning them the occasional odd look from a waiter or a waitress who was walking by. Ignoring the looks, Alec reached for his cup of water as he waited for his father to continue.
"We were close as kids from young. The Waylands and the Lightwoods lived, or at least, used to live close together. Considering the fact that Michael and I were close in age, it was little wonder we bonded fast."
"And then you become Parabatai." Alec said quietly. Robert nodded, and took a deep breath. "We always thought…knew that being Parabatai meant that we would be close on a level beyond blood. Practically soulmates, to say it nicely." Robert reached over for his cup, but only grasped the glass, staring into the water.
"And then, he confessed."
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On any other day, Magnus would not have hesitated to slam the door in their faces, but today was an exception. As he flung the door open to surprised faces, he felt his heart deflate almost immediately.
"Oh, it's you guys." He sighed and walked back to the sofa, his stomach churning uneasily.
"Oh, it's you guys, he says." Jace said sarcastically as he walked into the room to join Magnus on the other side of the sofa. "If we didn't know better we would have thought we were interrupting some lovely nasty time between you and Alec."
Clary shot Jace a look as she settled next to him, while Isabelle looked around the room. "So where's Alec?" she queried. Magnus looked at her, one eyebrow raised. "What?"
"You don't know?" Jace and Isabelle exchanged a look.
"Know what?" Jace looked at Magnus. Magnus scrutinized them, as if checking to see if they were lying before running a hand through his gelled hair, sighing in frustration.
"So you really have no idea."
"Know what, Bane?" Jace snapped. Magnus levelled him with a glare to match Jace's rising temper, until Isabelle cut in.
"Cut it out, Jace." Isabelle snapped. "Magnus, where's my brother?"
Reluctantly tearing his eyes away from his little eye battle with Jace, Magnus faced Isabelle. "Someone came for him before you guys did."
"Who?"
"Your father."
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"He confessed."
Alec stiffened. It had shaken him up when his father had confessed that his Parabatai had been in love with him. To Alec, Robert had always seemed the perfect man; straight, strong, smart…something that at one point he remembered how he had always cried, realizing he could never match up to his father.
And then came Jace, and then Magnus.
"Remember I told you I took in Jace, just so that I could forgive myself?" Alec nodded slowly. "The guilt just kept eating at me, even after all these years. The longer I looked at Jace…I realized that it wasn't Michael I was looking at. It bothered me…disturbed me of his resemblance to Stephen." The grip around the glass tightened.
"I tried to ignore it as something as a trick of the mind; for your mind is a powerful tool. It protects you from what you want to see, what you choose to see." A strangled chuckle escaped from Robert's mouth. "Pathetic, aren't I?"
A long silence fell between the two.
"If…" Robert tore his gaze from the cup to look at Alec, who was still looking out of the window, his clear blue eyes clouded. "If it was me and Jace…you would have accepted it, would you?"
Robert's eyes fell back to the glass, feeling Alec's gaze burning into him.
"Yes."
A sharp intake of breath.
"When you came out as a gay Shadowhunter, a part of me felt like I was relieving my old mistakes again. But then a part of me convinced me that if Jace was the one you fell for, it was alright because I could…" Robert choked. "finally forgive myself of what I did to Michael. The words I said to him. Forgive that you, my eldest that saved your mother and I both…was on a path that I once chose to turn back from."
"That's why you asked me what turned me gay when I came out I was dating Magnus." Alec's voice was steady, but Robert heard the underlying hurt.
"I don't know what it means to be gay, Alec." He looked at his son squarely. "As you don't know what it means to be straight. But you know what it is like to love your Parabatai…even if you realize it wasn't the kind of love that you and Magnus share."
Alec was silent for a while. "It's like a marriage of souls." He said finally. "Brother Zachariah…Jem, they call him now; he spoke to Jace." Robert blinked as Alec gave him a weak smile and reached out again for his cup to take a sip before continuing.
"Jace and I spoke about many things during our time in Edom. Remembering what it was like when Jace came to us, our first time speaking, our many fights…and of the time he asked me to be his Parabatai." A smile tugged on Alec's lips. "And how at some point we drifted…and it took that burning fire in Jace and my stupidity to realize how much we missed that bond shared uniquely by the both of us."
"But then even so, you could have still mistaken that closeness for love." Robert sounded puzzled, which was strange coming from a man like Robert. But Alec felt his heart twinge slightly for his father…the one man he used to look up to that had faded from his life at some point. "It took a kiss to realize what our bond really felt like, though." Alec gave his father an amused smile. Robert raised his eyebrow.
"With Magnus?"
Alec choked back a laugh. "No…with Jace."
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"Isabelle, will you sit down? I'm sure Alec's fine." Jace looked up at the younger Lightwood, who promptly gave him a glare.
"Fine? Fine? Jace, dad, or Robert, or whatever you want to call him now, took Alec out. That can't be anything good!"
"Have a little faith, Iz." Jace rubbed his neck as he tempered his frustration. "Robert is going to be away for a long while. It would make sense to want to speak to Alec considering that between you Lightwoods, your dad and Alec's relationship isn't exactly the best." He glanced at Clary as she made a strangled sound. "No offense, Clary."
"None taken." Clary muttered, but her chest still stung from the memories of the confrontations between Valentine and her brother. Clary had never been able to call Valentine her father; she resented him almost as much as she regretted landing the final blow to redeem her brother.
As if sensing her distress, Jace pulled her close to him, and she reveled in his warmth, feeling the mild warmth of Glorious push some of the more darker memories away. "But like Jace said, I think Alec is fine. I think they really just needed a talk."
"I should feel that way as well." Magnus walked out of the kitchen to drop back onto the sofa, Chairman Meow running up and curling on his lap almost immediately. "Robert and Alec…they have more in common than they would like to admit."
Three pairs of eyes turned to him. "Like?"
Magnus shrugged. Alec had trusted him not to tell anyone until his father was ready to speak of it. "I just know. Call it lovers' intuition, if you must."
Jace and Isabelle rolled their eyes as Clary chuckled.
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"WHAT!?"
He calmed down quickly as he realized that he had drawn unnecessary attention as Alec looked around frantically. Clearing his throat, Robert lowered his tone to a near hiss. "Say that again?"
Alec scratched his head, cheeks tinged with pink. "He…uhm…made me kiss him to realize it wasn't love, like, love love, but more like…brotherly love?"
Robert took a deep breath and leaned back against the sofa. "And to do that, he kissed you."
"He was pushing me to realize that I liked…no, loved Magnus." Alec said, hesitantly. "Although, I already had known. I just…wasn't ready to actually accept it."
"Is it because of me and your mother?" Robert said quietly. Alec looked at him a long while before looking away.
"Partly." Robert looked up at his son. "And also for the Clave. I wasn't ready to be stripped of my marks, something familiar that I had grown up with. Most of all…as much as we didn't bond as much…the thought of you and mom being disappointed with me was too much to bear." Alec felt his chest tighten. Never before had he thought that one day, he would be sitting here in a quaint restaurant with his father, talking like this. As it is, he continued.
"Izzy…she knew. She was convinced that you and mom wouldn't react the way I thought you would. She said that you would understand…that regardless of whatever, you would love me and wouldn't forsake me."
"And she's right." Alec turned away from the window, shock clear in his blue eyes. Robert felt a wave of disappointment flow through him. Had Alec really thought so little about him and Maryse?
You weren't there when he grew up, physically, mentally and emotionally. A voice in his mind hissed. You left him struggling and you get no credit for what he is now.
"Isabelle is right, Alexander." Robert's voice was even, his arms still crossed. "Regardless of whatever it was…we would have never been disappointed in you."
Grey blue eyes met clear blue ones.
"Maryse…your mother and I probably have never told you this. It was shortly after your birth, your growing up that we started to realize the error of what we had done. Even now, you bore that innocence that none of us have. Magnus…he must have been attracted to that as well." Robert gave a tired smile, old memories of The Circle's misdeeds running through his head.
"Everytime we carried you, and you looked at us smiling, crying happily, and we started to become aware of the blood we were spilling, of Valentine's ideals…and we wondered if these hands and persons were worthy to call someone as innocent as you your parents…after all those lives we took."
Robert looked up to Alec, something akin to confusion and hesitation on his son's face. "If it was anyone we owed anything to, it's you, son." Blue eyes flickered to him almost immediately. "You saved us." Robert said softly, although his voice came out somewhat gruff. "Your mother and I both…you saved us and turned us before we continued making anymore further mistakes."
Alec felt a lump in his throat as Robert continued speaking.
"I don't deny that Max was the only thing keeping this family together. And as you can see, we've all fallen apart." Robert gave a bitter laugh. "Maryse and I…we should have ended before we got hurt any further. I loved your mother, Alexander. I truly did. But it wasn't the love that Luke and Jocelyn share, nor of that of Jace and Clary's, or of yours and Isabelle's relationships."
There was another long silence as both processed what the other had said.
"In Edom, you were praising me." Alec's eyes were misty, as if he were trying to hold back tears. "Just like how you were praising me at the party."
"You were praising me, telling how proud you were of me. Of the services that I had rendered to the Clave, and even announcing my engagement to Magnus." Alec gave a strangled laugh, and the tears did fall this time. "But some part of me refused it; some part of me knew it couldn't be possible. I couldn't even kill my first demon, too busy looking after Izzy and Jace…and then as a gay Shadowhunter…it was impossible. So I killed the Dream demon in the realm."
"And then at the party you told me how much of a better man I was, and everything seemed true at that instant. That I wouldn't be as perfect a Shadowhunter as Izzy or Jace…but than to be a better man than you, I didn't know what to think of it. In my mind, you were always perfect…and I couldn't live up to your expectations-"
"I do not take back a single word I said at the party, Alexander." Robert cut in, and it weighed upon Alec to realize how old and tired his father looked, weighed down with the grief of memories and mistakes that could have been avoided. "You will be the better man than I was. I saw myself in you, but you turned away from the paths I chose to take. And that is one aspect that I can never match up to you in. Where I was a coward, you chose not to run away. You are brave, Alexander. You are brave. Nothing will ever change that." Robert reached out to hold his son's trembling hands, fighting his own tears back.
"Thank you for being born, Alexander. And thank you for staying true to yourself. And also…thank you for redeeming me in ways I could have never had." Robert stood up, leaned over and brought his son close as the table would allow.
Shadowhunters didn't grow up with affection, but at this moment, it felt like a moment just between father and son, away from Shadowhunter duties, commitment to the Clave or the Conclave, or of the fact that Downworlders existed or whatsoever. At this moment, it was just a father and his child having a meal together.
"I love you, Alexander, my son."
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It took all of their willpower not to run to the door as the key turned in the lock, but no sooner had Alec walked through the door did he get nearly crushed by a pair of waiting arms, before two more pairs decided to join in the 'hug-Alec-to-death' game.
"Guys, I think he needs to breath." He distantly heard Clary's amused voice, and he swayed slightly in a pair of waiting arms while he waited for the white spots to clear from his vision from the lack of oxygen. "What was that about?"
"Alec?" he blinked and looked up into green-gold cat eyes, which were glancing down at him worriedly. "Magnus?"
"As much as I'm touched by the whole 'Alec' 'Magnus' thing, Alec, we heard Robert came by." Alec turned away to look at his frowning Parabatai and his sister, both of their arms crossed and seemingly waiting for an explanation.
"Where's Simon?" he asked. Isabelle raised an eyebrow. "At the Institute training with mom, so he'll come by later when he's done. But right now I want to know about what happened between you and dad!"
Alec fell silent for a while before shrugging, and made to pull off his boots. "Nothing."
"Coming back with puffy eyes hardly counts as nothing, Alec." Magnus pulled him upright. "I told you, anger, if anything-"
"There's nothing to forgive, Magnus." Alec cut in, smiling softly before turning to his siblings. "We just had a very long talk and heartfelt speeches, that's all."
"Means it's all better now, right?" Clary stood beside Jace, wrapping an arm around Jace, her eyes and smile knowing. Isabelle, Magnus and Jace looked back and forth between the both of them.
"I feel like I'm missing something here." Jace said dryly, and both Alec and Clary smiled.
"It's a start, that's all." Alec smiled. "What are you guys doing here, anyway?"
A/N: Annnnnnnd its done! I didn't mean to put this off for a while when the idea came to my head, but I got so busy dealing with things on a personal level I didn't want to do anything. But now, I'm pretty glad to finish writing this. I was fairly happy with how things turned out between Robert and Alec, because it felt like they grew abit closer, which was really a happy thing considering how much hate there was for Robert, and now we see why he acted the way he was.
But to end all rambling, hope you enjoyed this fic! ^^