So nobody has done this yet (that I've seen so if you have I'm super sorry!) so I thought I'd give it a go :) It's totally different from literally everything I've ever written before so let me know what you think? There are two parts basically in this, and they're both like polar opposites, but that's only because the scenes in the show are both completely different too sooooo. The cuddling scene, the last one they have in this ep, is supposed to be a little open-ended too so if you're a littttttle but confused, that's why; the whole thing has me a little baffled as to like why she is so emotional/upset/etc, so I kinda just had to wing it there... But yeah anyways let me know what you guys think? Thanksss :)
"Do you know...about..."
"Alison? Yeah; I've heard some pretty weird stuff but I'd rather hear it from you," Toby says to Spencer, his eyes boring into hers as he practically begs for her to tell him the truth. The full truth this time.
"Um," she begins to reply but then she realizes that he still has his coat on; if she's really about to tell him what she's about to... He's going to need to start off as comfortable as he can get. "Why don't we sit down? I can take your coat."
Toby nods as he slides it through his arms and gives to his girlfriend. He makes his way over to the living room couch while Spencer carries the coat toward the closet where the rest of her family's hangs until she finally comes back to join him. She takes a breath before speaking.
She starts off by telling him about Ravenswood, about the first time they knew for sure that Alison was alive. Then she trails off to rehash, well, everything else that happened since that night. Ezra, the pills, Shana, Alison once again catching them in her web of lies. Her voice lowers as she notices Toby's reaction to the whole tale because she knows how much he wishes he could just have been there, to help her and save her somehow.
"So do you actually think this is all over-with?" Toby says at last.
Shaking her head, Spencer responds with a short, twisted laugh. "No. Definitely not. The girls seem to think it is mostly, though. I just find it really hard to believe given everything."
He doesn't say anything for a while; he just stares at her, curiously wondering what exactly is going on through that pretty little mind of hers. Eventually he reaches his hand out and caresses the creases of her cheekbones before telling her softly, "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be," she responds just as equally soft.
"Yeah, I do. I shouldn't have left you. It got us nowhere and you needed me and I just... I left you. The least I can do is apologize."
Spencer places her hand over his, on her cheek, and she speaks. "I know that you feel that way. For a while there, I kind of did too. But reading your letter was as good as anything that you could've done for me in person. I read it over every night; it reminded me of who I was to you, and that was enough to at least keep me mostly sane. If you'd have stayed here, I would have snapped at you and treated you unfairly and it just wouldn't have been the best of circumstances for us. My parents wouldn't even let me see you because they hired this rehab guy to help me get better and whatever. Don't get me wrong, I would have loved to have had you here with me, but you did what you thought was best, and I respect that. I don't love you any less because of it."
Toby smiles softly, and he takes their hands from her cheek and interlaces their fingers together. He kisses her knuckles. God, he loves her so much.
"So what now?" Toby breathes almost teasingly, as if he knows what Spencer's about to say.
She smirks and her eyes are glued to Toby's lips when she whispers in response: "Well we do have the whole house all to ourselves..."
Next thing they know, they're pulling each other up the stairs and suddenly they're in Spencer's bedroom.
What comes next is all a haze; it's like everything around them is swirling but they're in the spot in the middle of the vortex that just stands completely, perfectly still. Their mouths collide instantaneously, almost as if they're two opposite magnets uncontrollably pulling toward one another. Their hands are in each other's hair; they're gripping onto it like a lifeline, like a saving grace.
The door is closing now; Spencer slams it shut with her back as Toby presses closer to her, still forcefully kissing her lips. He holds her against the door, almost pinning her down with her hands above her head now, but his touches are still as soft and gentle as they've ever been. Spencer's missed this.
Not wanting to do what they're sure to end up doing standing up, they swiftly make their way toward the centre of the room so that they are in a closer proximity to the where the bed lays. Their hands are roaming along each other's bodies, exploring them as though they're sailors and the other is the sea. They're so far gone in this moment, so far gone. It's like they're lost, except with each other, they're nothing short of being exactly where they need to be; together they're lost, but also found.
They dive further into the kiss. Spencer sensually cups his face in her hands, knowing his insides always turn to mush at the feeling of being that loved, as cliche as it probably sounds. She doesn't care, though. She just wants him to know how strongly she's missed him since he's been gone for however long it's been, how much she loves him still. Her thumb briefly covers his dimpled chin, because she knows he loves that too.
Suddenly the barrier of clothing is just too much, and Spencer realizes then just how much she really wants him in this instant. In one swift movement, she's lifting Toby's shirt up off his chest, but never once do her eyes leave the safety of his lips. Her own feel cold all of a sudden so, as soon as it's completely off and thrown off to wherever in the room it ended up, they're automatically back on top of his. This feels right.
The room is suddenly a sauna and her hands are all over Toby's newly exposed body: his chest, his shoulders, his abs. He's like a Greek god to her in this moment. And to Toby, Spencer's like a goddess. So he takes his hand and presses it against her thigh, creating just enough pressure so that he can gently place her beneath him on the bed. Spencer lets out a modest giggle; she's in heaven right now. Everything is perfect. If she were to die right now, she can't say she'd mind all too much that this had been her last moment spent on the planet.
Her legs are wrapped around his, tightly and surely; she's not about to let him go, not now. Not ever.
All of a sudden it's like she's about to lose her consciousness so she subtly pulls her hand back and grips onto the pillow that's behind her head. Her mind is spinning.
Toby's body is above hers, towering over like a cage almost; except while a cage has the negative connotation of being trapped, Toby has her feeling safer than she's ever felt in her whole entire life. This feels like home.
The taste of his lips is toxic and she's not sure that she's thinking clearly, but she suddenly feels this random burst of confidence that she only ever feels when she's with him. Her legs, laced with the black tights from her outfit from the day, are now being lifted up and sheathed around the area of his waist. She can tell that Toby is turned on, and she would be lying if she said that she isn't as well. Heat is upon both their faces, as well as coursing through their veins. It's like they're both on fire, up in flames.
Still her hands rove along the curves and the edges of his chest, of his body, and his are doing the same to hers. Their hormones are off the charts right now. Their breaths are short.
His lips are making their mark against her neck when Spencer breaks the silence; her mind may be fuzzy but that doesn't mean that there still aren't thoughts running through it. She just can't stop thinking about how no matter how long this moment lasts, no matter how long they spend together in this room, there will always be the moment that comes after; time with him can never last forever, not in this reality. She can't stop thinking about how much she missed him, how much her life just sucks whenever he's not around to somehow lift her up.
When this is all over, everything else be damned, she is spending the rest of her life with Toby. They're going to escape this mess somehow.
"Toby next time you go to London..." Spencer breathes huskily, her hands giving his skin goosebumps as they graze over his the muscle of his arms.
"Yeah," he replies distractedly, his lips still marking kisses along the crook of her neck.
"You're taking me with you."
A smile grows on his lips as he imagines a vacation to Europe with the love of his life, the girl who holds his heart; it would be the best time, and would be so amazing to finally get out of this town. It's just as quickly replaced with a look of curiosity, however, when Spencer continues.
"And we're never coming back," she whispers sensually yet assuredly, changing Toby's entire demeanor and putting his adoring kisses to a temporary halt. She doesn't just mean a trip out of town as a way to pass time, to have some fun. She means leaving this town forever, together, never to return to this hell-hole ever again. Most importantly, though, she means that she wants to spend forever with him. It's almost like a proposal, in a way. A proposal to live the rest of their lives with each other, overcoming any kind of bump that is sure to jump in their way and try and tear them apart.
Toby's heart leaps out of his chest, his breath hitching as he looks at her with those shining blue eyes. Her eyes don't meet his for a few seconds, as if she's afraid to catch his gaze; as if she fears he doesn't feel the same and that she just completely messed this perfect moment up. But when she finally does lock her eyes with his, Spencer is met with an overwhelming sense of love, of adoration. He does; he feels the exact same way as she does.
And with that token of security, that silent promise of forever, they engulf themselves back into the kiss. Clothes are flying, hands are roaming, and the rest is all just one big blur.
But there is one thing they are both in agreement on, that's for sure: the rest of the world can wait; nothing else has to matter right now. The only thing that's on their minds is each other, this moment: the tantalizing taste of the other's lips and their bodies pressing up against each other's as they at last unite as one.
Right now, being with each other and holding onto the love that they share is all that counts; it's all that matters. And one day, hopefully, it will eventually be enough.
Time is ticking once again, and neither Spencer nor Toby can say that they like that fact even a sliver of a bit. It's like the world has suddenly caught up to them and the moments they'd shared earlier today hadn't even happened. Except, they did happen. And they were perfect; they were beautiful. They just want to hold onto this feeling for as long as it's possible, capture it in a glass jar or something and experience it all over again whenever the going gets too tough. They just want this moment to go on forever, so they try their damnest to stretch it out for as long as they can.
"I've missed you," Toby whispers, his eyes glazed over and his hands caressing her face.
"I've missed you too," she whispers back to him; she's in the exact same position as Toby, her fingers tracing circles along his cheeks and her eyes staring longingly into his. "A lot."
Spencer especially doesn't want this moment to end; she can't afford to. Her life is just... It's so difficult. It's too difficult. Maybe she was okay with it being her reality before, but circumstances have her practically falling apart at the seams. And everybody just expects her to be alright, to be strong, but that's not the person who she is anymore. She's broken, so broken. And the only person who truly knows this about her is Toby. Being with him is when she is the most comfortable being herself; her walls come down when she's in his presence, and she loves that she is able to be this free around somebody, around him. The world outside is a reoccurring tornado and she's still caught up in the debris, even though the storm is still only brewing. But with Toby, it's like she can forget it all somehow, even if only for a little while. Everything's just so much better when she's with him, which is why the fact that this moment is going to have to end soon makes her so emotional. She needs to make it last for as long as it's possible, she needs to hold onto it for as long as she can.
"You don't have to leave any time soon, do you?" Her voice is small at the thought of him going away, leaving her side all over again. She just really needs him to stay, to make this moment last.
He shakes his head slowly before answering her with just as soft of a voice. "Not a chance. I'm not going anywhere."
Spencer smiles but doesn't say anything in response. She feels like a mute, almost. Her thoughts are taking over her mind and she can't seem to shake them out, no matter how hard she tries; and believe her, she's trying her hardest. This is supposed to be about them, not anything else from the monsters they've faced in the outside world. This is supposed to be only about them.
"Hey," Toby breathes to her, his eyes still intently tattooed onto hers. He notices her sudden shift of emotions. "Are you okay?"
She doesn't move her head this time. Nor does she force a smile or kiss his lips or say any resemblance of a word. Instead, she just looks at him and tries to blink away the tears that are suddenly threatening to fall. Spencer doesn't want to cry but she knows now that there's no going back for her; the salt droplets are already sluggishly making their way down the pathway of her cheeks.
Toby engulfs her in a hug because, quite frankly, it's what he knows she will benefit from the most in a time like this. He just holds her in his arms until the waterworks stop coming and her quiet sobs lessen. A piece of Toby's heart rips open then; it pains him to see her so upset, so broken, and know that other than to hold her and comfort her in the only way he knows how, there's really nothing that he can do to make it go away for her.
When her tears die down, Toby wipes the remains away with his thumb and Spencer gathers just enough strength to lean into him for a kiss, a chaste kiss. She doesn't trust herself yet to start talking, to use her words and thank him for always somehow being there for her in her moments of need. But she just loves him so much and appreciates everything that he does for her, and a kiss is the best way she can think of to let him know that right now.
Moving her hand so that it's back on Toby's face, caressing it softly and carefully, she can't help but think how lucky she is to have a guy like him inside her life. Really, without him where would she be? She just feels so lucky and she needs to hold onto this moment, needs to hold onto him. The feeling of his fingers against her chin, against her face, is enough to make her want to start crying all over again.
Her darkest thoughts begin to come through when the ringing of her phone interrupts their illusory sense of peace. She knew this perfect moment would eventually have to come to a halt, but no matter how hard she attempted to prepare herself, the reality check could not have come at a worse-off time.
"Do you wanna get that?" Toby questions, although the selfish part of him just wants her to forget it and just be with him.
She's almost terrified to, though. She doesn't want to ever have to face the outside world again; she just wants to be with him, have him hold her in his arms and caress every perimeter of her face. If things could be like this forever and nothing ever had to change, the world would be a much better place for her to be a part of. Maybe she wouldn't be feeling this way right now, nostalgic for a moment that she's currently experiencing.
But instead of telling him all that, she settles for a simple "no." Her voice sounds foreign, even to her. It sounds so broken, so helpless, so small.
Leaning in for a desperate kiss as a last attempt at keeping in this moment for the rest of eternity, she allows herself to get lost once again. She just wants it all to go away, for it all to disappear so that she can finally live in peace with the love of her life. That's all delusional thinking, though; it's all incredibly unlikely.
The phone keeps ringing and Spencer's heart keeps breaking. But she isn't about to let these emotions completely get the best of her; instead she'll bury them, she'll pound them to the ground and do everything in her power to keep this moment going strong. She's not going to answer that phone.
"Someone really wants to reach you," Toby remarks as he reluctantly pulls away from the kiss; the tone is too distracting.
Turning away from him to put a stop to that utterly irritating beeping, Spencer inhales. "Well they can wait."
Naturally worried, Toby turns too so that he's in the same position that she is: lying on his side, facing the other way. He places a gentle hand on her shoulder before finally daring to ask, "Spence, what's going on?"
"Nothing," she replies to him all too quickly as she subtly presses a finger into her head to put a stop to the sudden headache that she's developed. She just doesn't want to think about any of this right now. She doesn't even want to admit to herself that this is all happening.
"Does this have to do with Alison?" It would make sense; she did just come back from the dead, and the girl's blood is practically dripping with drama and secrets.
She inhales, exhausted just thinking about what a mess she's gotten herself into. "No," she barely makes out; her voice is still hardly a voice.
"Is this about Melissa?" If he wasn't worrying before, he's definitely worrying now. What is going on? Why is she so upset?
It's about not wanting to leave this bed, Spencer thinks. About not wanting to face everything that has things just so messed up, has me constantly having to leave your arms... "No," she says again.
She knows that he's itching for more answers, but what she's gotten herself tangled up in this time is just not a conversation that she feels like having right now, or ever really. Spencer can't think about this, so instead she just pushes the thoughts of it all deep inside her brain, and desperately hopes that she'll be able to forget about it - even if only until the time that Toby has to eventually leave her side.
Spencer feels him coil his arm around her body, around her stomach and her arms, and finally her wishes come true; any lingering thoughts prompted by that phone call are immediately put to a temporary rest. This is one of the things she loves the most about Toby, how he can challenge her in the best of ways but at the same time also know when enough is enough; he knows when she needs a break from even the own demons inside her head. A light kiss is pressed into the crook of her neck, and goosebumps are now once again poking up though her skin. "Okay," he whispers.
And in that moment, time seems to freeze again. Because the world is a terrifying place, but when they're with each other they just know that things will have to work out in some sort of way at the end of all this. Things are happening outside the walls of Spencer's house, and things are sure to end up happening for the two of them at some point, but for now all of that will just have to wait. For now, they're content to just forget about it all and take a breath in the comfort of each other's arms.
"I love you," Spencer breathes to him after what seems like an eternity of silence on her part. Her voice is still quiet, but she gives herself strength with the utter truth of her words.
Toby doesn't pause before replying, as if on instinct, to say, "I love you too. So much."
And it's because of this that they know without a shadow of doubt lingering in their minds that they'll be able to get through anything, as long as they're together. Together is the only way that they'll both be able to survive this all.