Disclamer: great JKR and Janas „Selbstanalyse".
Dedication: For the crown-obsessed…guess one could say, you deserve one.
Thoughts
Diary,
…
I'm lost.
…
These thoughts aren't leaving me.
…
Never before, I had these problems.
Maybe I did think about it.
Sometimes.
But never this strong.
Never with this intensity.
…
I always could live with it.
Without it.
It was never a problem.
But now-
…
I can't control it anymore.
My emotions.
My desire.
…
Maybe it is because no one is waiting for me.
No.
There wasn't ever anyone waiting for me.
…
I was on missions before.
I was studying.
I was at school.
Never was anyone waiting for me.
…
That could be my problem.
That I can't expect anyone to be there for me.
…
But I never cared about it.
…
Why did this pressure become this unbearable?
…
Maybe because it is now directed at one person.
I want to share these emotions with him.
Only with him.
…
Maybe I love him.
…
I was always the one, taking the first step.
Even when there wasn't anyone waiting for me.
In battle.
And in other…areas.
A true Gryffindor at last.
I was as a Head Girl.
I used to be as a Head of House.
…
But not now.
Not with him.
I never risked anything with him.
…
But I want him.
…
Though I never showed him.
…
Sometimes I act this way around him.
Another way than usually.
Sometimes I smile this way around him.
Another way than usually.
Sometimes I touch him…
…
Though I never showed him.
What is going on inside of me.
…
How much I need him.
…
Does he recognise it?
That I maybe love him?
…
I don't know.
…
And maybe it doesn't matter anyway.
I always could live with it.
With no one waiting for me.
With my desire.
My emotions.
…
My love?
…
…
But I won't give into this pressure.
…
Not now.
…
Not later.
…
It may be hard.
…
But I won't give in.
…
I'm a Gryffindor.
…
…
But if he should take the first step, I will…
…
I won't…
…
I won't hesitate.
…
…
…
Percament incendi!
End