The Trouble With Words.
She doesn't know when it hits her.
Between vying for Chuck's love,
Trying to establish her ranks in the fashion industry,
And running away from anyone who actually mattered,
She doesn't know when she started to miss him.
Dan.
All she knows is it comes from deep within her.
And it hits her like a ton of bricks.
She feels stupid.
She's in Monte Carlo playing mind games with the king of the trade.
And she realizes that she is right back to where she started.
Chasing Chuck, putting him before everything. Including herself.
How does she get herself into this over and over again?
She paces around her hotel room and tells herself that this is not a healthy love.
It was good, yes.
Some may even call it a great love.
But it's toxic, nonetheless.
And she knows that there comes a time when you have to decide between what you know you need and what you think you want.
Yes, here is where she realizes that she's made another mistake.
Yet again.
She figures someone should be keeping count by now.
The bottom line is that she misses him.
She misses him so much that her chest aches and she can hardly sleep.
No dosage of sleeping pills can keep her mind from wandering off, back to Brooklyn.
She can't decide what it is she misses the most though:
The charm,
the intellectual banter,
the star-crossed element of it all.
God, Blair, you are as intelligent as one of those teen moms, or Penelope after a few mojitos on Cinco de Mayo. What are you going to do now, Waldorf?
She sits on the edge of her bed and puts her face in her palms.
She knows she has to talk to him.
But how can she do that?
She just gave up on them.
And for what? The familiar cat and mouse game of making her feel worthless.
She shakes her head with a pitiful sigh at the thought of sending him a text.
What would she even say?
IF she drafted a hypothetical text to Humphrey, it would probably go over like this:
Dan,
I know I took your heart on a silver platter and then proceeded to ground it into my pristine carpet with my favorite pair of Louboutins. But, I miss you. So forgive me for basically making you give up all your dreams for something with me just to crush any chance there was for us, despite everything you've done for me this year helping me through the hardest struggles of my life.
Jesus, Blair. That would go over real well.
She walks over to her nightstand and grabs her laptop.
She pulls up Gossip Girl, as trite as it may be.
She needs to see what he's doing, how he's doing.
She sees pictures of him in Rome, or somewhere like it.
What she sees is him dancing and laughing with a different girl in every picture.
And she can almost feel herself get that hot, tingly jealous feeling in the pit of her stomach and in the flush of her cheeks. But then she has to remind herself that she doesn't have any right to be possessive of him. He's clearly not hers anymore. If she ever gave him the chance to be hers in the first place.
She closes Gossip Girl and opens a new window.
She logs in and waits for the proper words to come to her.
She hesitates but scrolls over the screen.
BWaldorfUES: I could beg for your forgiveness, but what would that do? I'm still me and you're still you. Nothing will change that. But I still miss you. 140/140
Tweet.
She feels herself hesitate yet again.
Maybe he won't even see it.
Maybe he's too busy moving on, living his life.
Maybe he's forgotten about her.
She clicks the small, blue button and shuts her laptop immediately.
She just had one question for herself:
When the hell did she get so afraid?
I'M BACK! God I missed this place. And all my lovely reviewers from KH, I hope you will like this one too. I am still royally pissed about that shitshow of a finale, but I keep my hope.
I will always Dare to Dair. :D
Now, you know the drill.
Review, tell me everything you love/hate about it.
And I should have Dan's chapter up by tomorrow-ish?
You know I love you.