"Tears are words the heart can't express."
Don't own any Bleach.
Don't cry.
I acted too late. I acted too late.
Something I had learned when I joined the Shino Academy was to never regret. Never feel sorry for the pathetic tries made. Wasting time wallowing in grief will only result in more to grieve for. However, now that the one and only opportunity has been shattered, I will roll around and drench myself in my guilt. The opportunity. It had been there for months, ages, years, and just as it has flown out of my grasp, I begin to take action to try to retrieve it.
The opportunity for salvation, for redemption, and most of all, for love.
His eyes are strong.
Yes. His eyes are strong.
I can see the roaring determination and the power in those eyes. A fire, burning controllably but wildly. It is so strong, I can feel its heat from my pathetic position on the ground. It's so strong, so contagious, so hopeful and for a second, I want to stand, and I want to fight. For a second, I can almost imagine that my body still can stand, and my body still can fight.
There is a tangy taste in my mouth. It tastes like the steely, hard determination, and the bitterness of failure. Blood dribbles out onto my cheek. It tastes like blood.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm just glad that I apologized earlier, Ran-chan.
Her face is beautiful; I want to wipe the pain and tears out of her eyes. At least let me see your smile again. I want to say it out loud, I want to scream, I want to tell her to let me see her happy face, let me see her shining eyes, let me see her loving smile. She is crying, I can feel her tears on my cheek (or is that blood?). She is screaming, but my ears are numb. Ran-chan.
Why must I see her face, contorted in pain and drenched in tears, when all that I've worked for is to avoid just that?
Rangiku-chan. Please. Let me see you smile.
I have no regrets, Ran-chan. I would re-live every second of my life the same way; I would gladly do the same. Except, next time, I wouldn't let you cry. I would kill Aizen, I would kill anyone who hurt you, I would kill myself.
All I wanted was to
see your
smile.
Kurosaki will be okay.
You'll be okay, Ran-chan.
And knowing that,
I'll be okay, too.
Just don't-
Don't cry.
I acted too late. I acted too late.
There he is, bleeding profoundly from the chest, arms, face. He lies on the ground, motionless, his eyes still shut, and I can't read him. I can't read him. I want to know what he's thinking about, why he did this, what he was doing. And I also want to say sorry and thank you for everything he has done and been in my life. So much to say, in so little time.
And while he was fighting to his death just moments ago, I was lying uselessly on the ground, unconscious. I had lain there, while the most important thing in my life was being slaughtered, and now I came, carrying a face full of tears, to bombard him with a truckload of words before he dies.
He's not going to die.
He's not going to die!
I rush down to him. He's bleeding. Gin's bleeding. But it's okay, because he won't die.
"Gin."
I know it's a scream, I know it's a shriek, but I can hardly hear myself over the rushing water in my ears and the mess inside my mind. In a streak of desperation, I wonder if there's anything I can do for him, give him some dried persimmons, anything.
His eyes are open, they are electric blue.
Even though I've known this for decades, it still comes as a shock whenever he opens his icy, cold eyes. They are beautiful, strong, cold, and distant; he is focusing off to somewhere else, to Ichigo, the substitute Shinigami, and now I know what he's thinking.
He knows that we will win.
He turns towards me, his eyes still faintly open, and I try to look strong for him. I blink away my tears, stow away my words, and try to look peaceful- but it's all a fluke. And he knows it. The frustration is in his eyes, and I begin to cry again. Why, I want to scream. I want to know. I want him to know that I want to know.
Don't cry.
Stop it, Rangiku, baka.
There's a river building up, and the dam is about to break. The tension inside me, it's about to burst, I'm about to start bawling and screaming. I'm about to start cursing and crying my eyes into a bloody mess. So many words, so many questions I want to ask him. But... these words are selfish words. I've already told him enough with my tears. I've already seen enough from his tears, too.
I've seen so much from his eyes. The pain, the begging, and the one that is most painful, the love. He's suffering; I need to take the suffering away, somehow.
And I turn towards him, plastering a pathetically fake smile on my face. I want to see his smile. I want to see a genuine one, like the one from when we were still living, though poor, happily in the Rukongai. He refuses to give me one, and I understand.
He's worried, and he wants to win.
Most of all, he wants to be there when we win.
Gin,
Don't worry. We will win.
You can give in now,
and I promise never to cry again.
He can hear me,
I know it.
Just for those last moments, when I am squeezing his hand, I silently scold myself Don't cry, don't cry.
But there's just too much I want to say.
So much I want to ask.
So much I want to know.
And just after he's finally given in, my face is already soaked in tears.
Bored, bored, bored bored boredboredboredbored.
I had just watched episodes 306-308, and I literally bawled. On the inside. And what else is better than writing a story when your precal teacher is boring the heck out of your minds...?
The quote, it's beautiful. It was enough of an inspiration.
Now... Here's the challenge. I need an incentive to continue this one shot into a story or what-not. So... I'm waiting for at least a couple of acknowledgements from the Bleach obsessive community out there!
Thanks
P.S. Brownie points for whoever noticed the Give In Now-Gin. :D