Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The first pig was named James, the second one was named Remus, and the third was named Sirius.
Before they left, their mother told them, "Whatever you do, do it the best that you can because that's the way to get along in this world! And if not, you'll get fucked over!"
James built his house out of pancakes because it was the easiest thing to do. Also, he liked pancakes.
Remus built his house out of dead birds. This was a little stronger than a house made out of pancakes.
Sirius built his house out of plaster with a wood foundation. He filled the walls with crack cocaine for support….
One day, the big bad wolf, who dearly loved to eat fat little piggies, came along and saw the first little pig in his pancake house.
"Little pig, little pig, let me in or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!" said the wolf.
"Fuck off, Pettigrew! Inhalants are for losers, anyway," said James.
But of course, the wolf did blow the house in. So James climbed out from the pancakes and ran to the second pig's house.
The wolf then came to the house of sticks.
"Little pig, little pig, let me in or I'll huff and I'll puff and blow your house in!" said the wolf.
"Not by the hairs of my chinny chin chin!" said Remus.
"…What?" said James.
"Nothing," replied Remus.
"I SAIDDD, I'LL HUFF AND I'LL PUFF AND I'LL-"
"Suck my dick!" said Remus.
Which wasn't the best response he could've said.
So yeah, the wolf blew the house down and even though like, dead birds were raining down on them, they ran to Sirius's house.
The wolf came to the last, and final house.
"Little Pig, little pig, let me in," sang the wolf.
"Enough of this shit," said Sirius.
"-or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow-"
"AVADA KEDAVRA, MOTHERFUCK!" said Sirius, wand raised.
The three little pigs cheered and then shot some heroin.
The End.