The road from Weisshaupt was long, far too long for what time they had left.
When they reached Kirkwall, it was under the cover of night. Anders clung to his staff, one arm wrapped around Hawke's shoulders as she braced him around the waist. The streets of Hightown were silent and empty. There would be no welcoming party for the return of the Champion.
Hawke kept an eye on Anders as they walked. He struggled to breathe, skin flushed with the deep purples and reds of bruises. When she left for the Inquisition, he had started to complain about stronger nightmares and sleeping less. Reunited with him after leaving Weisshaupt, the cause could not have been more clear; unlike the affected Wardens of Orlais, this was no false Calling - Anders was dying.
When they reached the estate, Hawke cursed when she dropped the key to the door while removing it from her cloak. She extricated herself from Anders, made sure he had both hands clearly around his staff before bending down to retrieve it. Once she kneeled down, Anders whimpered and his staff scratched the stone of the street.
Something about the being so close and knowing what was about to take place, the whimper that reached her ears finally broke her. She tried to be stoic, the strong one. She never shed a tear the whole trip, only giving Anders smiles and soft caresses and strength. She tried to be brave one last time and she failed. The tears flowed over her cheeks as she tried to hold back the sobs in her throat.
The door to the estate flung open, and Merrill stood there as if she expected them. Hawke wiped her face and stood once more, wrapping both arms around Anders as if her grasp would keep him from the jaws of the Taint.
"Merrill, I didn't expect you to be here. I assumed you would have just left it in the bedroom for me…" Hawke's voice trailed off.
"Lethallan, we would never let you go through this alone. Either of you. No one should take the din'anshiral without those that love them most."
"You mean…"
"We're all here, Hawke."
Merrill stepped back into the house to let Hawke guide Anders into the estate. She reached out to give Anders' arm a small squeeze as they passed by. Hawke looked around the empty home, expecting everyone to be in the den. She looked back at Merrill, question unasked.
"They're all upstairs."
Hawke nodded and they moved as one towards the stairs. Each step they took was slow and deliberate, weighted down with so much left unsaid. They only had two years of some semblance of peace. They planned on having at least ten more years before this came to pass, not ten more steps.
When they reached the bedroom, the fireplace was alight and illuminated the faces sitting in chairs around the room. Aveline and Donnic sat nearest to the fireplace, both trying to keep stoic smiles on their faces. Isabela sat on the floor next to the bed, taking a swig from a bottle of wine before passing it to Fenris beside her. Carver rose from the desk in the corner to physically greet them, hugging them both closely. She felt Anders shudder from the contact.
"Thank you Carver, for being here… " he paused to draw another shallow, ragged breath," for Hawke."
Carver squeezed them tight and kissed the crown of Anders' head, where what was left of his hair hung loose around his shoulders.
"I'm here for you too Anders, you're the only brother I'll ever have."
Hawke choked back her tears once again as he let them go. Carver nodded at Merrill behind them before turning to give the same nod to Fenris.
Fenris returned the bottle to Isabela and left the floor. He approached Anders and Hawke warily, but the look in his eyes hinted at the respect he held for the two apostates who tore down the world and helped to rebuild it once more.
"Mage… Anders…" Fenris began, as if not sure what words would be suitable for an occasion such as this.
Anders attempt at a laugh turned into a deep cough. "Fenris, thank you… for being… at our side…after all this… time."
Fenris moved to Anders side, relieved him of the staff he carried, and wrapped one arm around his waist; Carver slowly pulled Hawke away and motioned her to go sit on the bed. Carver took Hawke's place and both he and Fenris guided Anders to the bed and lifted the still-too-thin mage onto the soft mattress beside Hawke. They both gave Anders one more pat, and left the room.
Once the mage was settled with Hawke leaned over to hold Anders' face to her chest, Isabela moved from the floor to the edge of the bed. She ran her hands through the worn feathered pauldrons before running a finger down the bridge of his nose.
"We weren't so different, you and I. Safe Harbors, Anders." She leaned down to kiss the tip of his nose, and Anders lips curved into a small smile.
As Isabela left the room, another figure lingered in the doorway as Aveline and Donnic leaned in to give their respects to Anders. Hawke watched Varric slip into the room just as Aveline finished speaking.
"... and just so you know, you more than exceeded my expectations, even for a mage." Another small cough-chuckle in response.
"Aveline, you're gonna make Blondie cry now.."
The dwarf shook hands with Donnic and Aveline as the left the room. He approached the bed with a large book in hand.
"This isn't how it was supposed to end, Blondie. I told you it's not a good story unless the hero dies, and you had to go on and... " he paused and patted the tome, " well, you were the hero of your story Anders. I'm glad I was there to witness it."
He reached out and took Anders hand, and squeezed it tight. He shook the tome with his other hand, nodding at Hawke before setting it down on her night stand. When he reached the doorframe, he looked at the pair one more time before leaving to join the others.
Hawke's heart was pounding in her chest as Merrill approached with a small vial. She slipped it under Hawke's fingers where they lay on Anders' chest, and then ran her fingers through the thinning blond locks.
"Dareth shiral, lethallin. You made a difference you know… everything you did, it was worth it. Thank you for believing in us, in all of us."
Anders' eyes drooped as if fighting sleep, but lifted his head to push against Merrill's hand. Merrill kissed his crown as Carver before her. "We'll be downstairs Hawke, as long as you need us."
Hawke wrapped her hand around the small vial as Merrill closed the door behind her. She slid down the bed so she could press her forehead to his.
"Marian.." Anders drew another deep breath, "I wish… love, I wish.."
"Shhh… no, no, no," Hawke kissed Anders softly, caressing his cheek with her free hand. "No regrets Anders. I've never regretted a single moment I've spent loving you.
Tears fell from Anders' glassy eyes as they struggled to stay open and focused on Hawke. She felt his shaking hand pull the vial from her own. He looked down between them at the clear liquid.
"Merrill said it'll be like falling asleep, that it won't hurt…"
His amber eyes flicked back up to hold her gaze. He knew. Of course, he knew. He had administered this same draught to patients too far gone to end their suffering.
"I'm… so tired." The words hung in the air as he struggled to remove the small stopper.
Hawke cradled his hands into her own in an effort to still them, but her hands were just as unsteady. She took the vial back from his hands and opened it before she returned it to his grasp.
He swallowed hard in anticipation, his body started to shake as hard as his hands. He brought his release to his lips, never looking away from Hawke, and dropped the empty glass tube on the bed.
His breathing slowed considerably as he reached out for Hawke's face.
"I love you, Hawke… I would have… walked… into the void… and back… to have more… time..." His eyes closed as he pressed his forehead to hers once more.
Hawke pulled Anders' body to her own, as if she could give anything to keep him from falling asleep this last time.
"I love you, Anders." She pulled away to hug onto his chest. She listened as the the heart of her soulmate stuttered, as his body stilled. "I love you.. I love you, I, ahh-I" her voice repeated the words until they devolved into incoherent cries as her body violently shook with emotion. She repeated the words until her voice, rough and ragged, finally gave out.
She would hold Anders through the night until morning, never closing her eyes. She would not leave him in the dark.