Being back on has led me to be reading and rereading a lot of fanfics about the group in high school. Guess what! This is a one shot about them in high school:D Pretty original, eh?
It's prolly gonna seem like some of those out there, but you cant really do too much with the high school scene, can you? Drama, dances, drama, sex, drama? Isn't that the way it pretty much IS? So I guess you cant do too much... Except i will say that one thing I'm gonna change is the POV. Usually its from a female's perspective. Hehe. I don't know why, but i prefer to write in a male POV... weird xD I think I find it kinda fascinating, ya know? Since I'm a girl, taking my shot at the male psyche is pretty cool : )
Ok, so on I go. Right now, I'm not sure how its going to play out in its entirety, because I'm just kinda writting right now. So lets just see what my little fingers shall play out.\
And, this is being edited on [fanfiction because I don't have spell check on what I was typing with. Also, for some reason, doing the spell check, whenever "Kagome's" was typed, they changed it to have like twenty different names after it XX
PLEASE REVIEW: )
Disclaimer: Nope. Though I think I know a few people that Ms Takahashi should have a word with : ) cuz they pretty much rock at ideas (cough dolphingirl0113 cough i suggest you all go check her out but don't forget about little ol' me while reading her amazing works!!!)
Complicated
It's something that we don't talk about.
That's the way its been for a little while now and it isn't gonna change. When she had originally confronted me about it, I shook it off. "It's never gonna work," I told her. My carefully constricted walls were placed, and there was no way I could take them down now, of all times. In all honesty, I didn't really knowwhy. There had been so many times, so many chances, that I could have, and it would have worked. We are pretty much a perfect match.
Well, that's not true.
Fights were one thing that we are no strangers to. But that's the way it is, and neither of us have a real problem with it. I'm hotheaded and controlling; I want it my way or the highway. I have sealed myself off so no one can get in. It's the way I was raised and the way I'll probably always be. She knows that, and she's accepted it. But hell, does she challenge it every chance she gets. I guess I rub off on her, 'cause she's got quite a stubborn streak goin'. She calls me out on everything, even if its somethin' pathetic which, I've gotta admit, it usually is. For what it's worth, though, she makes me a better guy. Her pushing and confronting attitude let me know when I'm wrong, though I'd never admit it. I'm too proud. Another thing she calls me out on.
But there are times when we are great. Times when we act like we're together, and it works. She's caring and loving, and shows me so in the most subtle ways. She's the only one that I weaken my defenses to, and she knows it. We trust one another. Really, there are moments when I know we should be together, and when it hurts knowing we aren't. Sometimes, I want to grab her and hold her and never let go. The thing is, I know she'd let me. She'd let me wrap my arms around her and she'd do the same. We both know that, given the chance, we would have been together so long ago and already passed this Too bad we had tried it before.
Maybe that's the reason why I told her that it wouldn't work. We've got a history, and it's not all the wonderful life that two best friends should have. In fact, within the past six months, it's been anything but the comfortable friendship we once knew. But for it to be fully understood, I've got to step back and explain why we are so 'together', so close. And maybe it shouldn't have made us so; perhaps it should have put a wedge in our relationship, and, sadly, perhaps it did.
We met back in middle school, and we hit it off pretty well. I stopped that idiot Naraku from picking on her and she pretty much clung to me for about two weeks. Kagome's so innocent; was then and still is to this day. Another reason why it wouldn't work. I don't want to become the reason she changes to a cynical mess like me. Out meeting did, however set the base for how strong our friendship and trust grew. Nearly six years and we have yet to be separated. I trust her with my life, as does she trust me. Several situations over time have caused us to be so open with each other, but one tipped the scales.
We've had sex.
Only once; it was the first time for both of us.What does that have to do with trust? Because that's why we chose one another to do it; we had been friends so long and been through so much that the only person we trusted with our virginities was one another. We had a strictly platonic relationship, so we didn't think introducing sex would affect us one bit. In honesty, it didn't at first. I would have liked to say that our little sex session just kinda 'happened', but that would be an outright lie. We planned it a few days before it happened. We did it at my house, because there was no way in hell we'd be able to do it at hers. Too much going on there, what with her mom, Gramps, and Souta all there. Sure, they all love me and would love to have me over, but if they knew what we were gonna do, I'd have been kicked out before making it to the first shrine step.
My house was ideal for a secret rendezvous: almost always empty. The decision was made to make the 'date' after school on a Friday so she could easily use the excuse of seeing a friend and give us all the time we might need. Planning the events was the easy part, and we probably thought about it more than we should have. We joked about getting caught, how one of us was gonna be really bad in bed, ya know, little things like that to keep the air light. Because of how much we trusted one another, neither of us was real uncomfortable about any of it. Pretty much just rolled out of us because I think secretly, both of us knew that we would lose it to one another.
It wasn't until the day of that the nervousness started to kick in. I kept mine down; i wasn't worried. It was cute to watch her freaking out the way she did all day, though, and it still brings a smile to my face. I kept asking her if she really wanted to do this, and saying that she didn't have to if she didn't want to. She insisted, smiling a sweet, loving smile the melted my heart each time. When three o'clock hit, we got into my car and drove away from the school. No one questioned us; I always took her home.
I knew it was because we were about to have sex, but the silence was thick and kinda uncomfortable.It was like her face was permanently pink now. I would have asked her if she wanted to turn around, but I could smell her anticipation and arousal. I knew she wanted it, and i did too. Hell, I'd had a hard on half the day just thinking about what was gonna happen behind closed doors.
The sex was, for lack of a better term, weird.
Honestly, we really were two teenagers with zero experience on the matter. Don't get me wrong, she was amazing. In the beginning, though, awkwardness and shyness were in full effect, so we were clumsy and fidgety. But once we got goin, it was almost like second nature. I swear her body was made just for mine. Everything she did drove me absolutely crazy. I think she knew it too; she had a hot, sultry smirk planted on her face half the time. But oh Gods, how she moved...
When it was over, we were both panting and tired. There was something about seeing her lying there next to me, her hair a tangled mess and sweat all over her naked body; something about the after sex triggered a part of my brain and i knew it. I shrugged it off though, thinking it was just my hormones. If it was something more, I never wanted that can of worms opened, fearing what it could cause. But, we laid there a little while, i guess you could say "basking" in what we had just done. Eventually, she turned to look at me and smiled.
I guess exchanging those smiles was our little way of saying everything between us was all right. Afterwards, it was almost like something between us had lifted. We were so casual about the whole thing. I think deep down we were both just relieved that we were still us, and that we weren't uncomfortable.
About a month after we had sex, we were still covering it up pretty well. No one knew, not even our two closest friends, which i think had its ups and downs. I personally think that if I would have had someone to talk to about my feelings when they started, I wouldn't have hurt her so much. But that was our deal; no one was to know but us. In that month, we both found it very hard to keep our hands off each other. Our lusts were unlocked. Although we didn't have sex again, there were the missed opportunities and on several occasions: foreplay. Never full indulgence of one another, but we got by with foolin around. Dangerous though it was, our relationship had stretched far beyond platonic and we now needed to feel one another. We were seventeen and horny, neither of us really cared about complicating what we had by thinking on it too much.
It was a joint decision to keep the sex null and I think that it was better that way; Looking back now I think if we would have had sex anymore than that, things would have gotten too out of control.
After that first month and our frequent, nightly visits with one another, the want for her was becoming unbearable. I told her one night that I thought we should start seeing each other, for real. She was so excited. It didn't happen right away. We over analyzed the situation and wanted so badly for no one to become suspicious that we had been messing around. Together we thought of a seemingly great plan: We would confide in our friends our feelings for one another and act completely oblivious that the other felt the same way. We would gain their thoughts and the thoughts of others about whether we should date. Looking back, we were just so paranoid that our secret would come out. There wasn't a need for any of it.In the end, the whole situation just made things worse. Hind sight being 20/20, everyone already figured we should have been together.
We were the ones that fucked up.
We should have just started dating.
Turns out, these weren't my finest moments unfolding over the next few days. Kagome talked to Sango about liking me, not knowing if I liked her back, building up the plot. She was much more chit-chatty than I was, that's for sure. Something really bad happened about the third day in. My long-gone girlfriend shows up. I know, right? (Kikyo and I dated for a few weeks back in Freshman year. Her dad was military, and she ended up moving away not long after we broke up.) Her arrival wasn't really noticed by anybody at first. Sure, I saw her in the hallways, but we were over and I didn't like her anymore. It was a long time ago. Unfortunately, she started her moves quickly; stopping me in the hall to talk, touching my arms affectionately, blah blah blah. One little thing, though, caused more heartache than it was worth.
At the end of school one day, Kagome was waiting by my car, as usual. On my way out of the front doors, Kikyo caught my arm with hers and walked with me a little way. She was yappin about something, I wasn't really paying attention. As I dug around my pocket for my keys, she said goodbye and stole my lips in a lengthy kiss. She was gone before I realized what had happened and when I looked up, I saw Kagome's heartbroken and very angry face.
The confrontation had been anything but a smooth explanation. There was a lot of yelling and screaming on the way to her house and, frankly, many things said were as untrue as anything. She slammed the door and marched up the steps, leaving me alone in my car. We were just feeding off each other's anger, and we both knew that the only way to get anything accomplished in this argument was to cool off. It was no use trying to fix things when we were both so angry that we couldn't see straight. A few minutes and several deep breaths later, I made my way out of the vehicle and followed her up the steps to her shrine house. I found her sitting on her front porch, her hands in her lap, staring right past me. I sat beside her and, after a moment, the sound of her sniffles reached my ears. She had been crying, and I was to blame.
It wasn't the first time that I had caused her to shed tears, but I knew, in that moment, that I had really hurt her this time, and that things might not be the same as we wanted them to be.
It was because of what I had said.
Back in the car, while we were having our screaming match, I had said something that I regretted deeply the second it came from my lips. In reality, it didn't even make sense, but I was angry for her being pissed at me. I'm the hotheaded stubborn one, remember? You fight me and I'll fight you right back without justified reason. But even with my nature, what I said was so inappropriate and such a lie that it made my mouth dry just thinking about it.
"We aren't together, so why does it matter who the hell I kiss?!"
There was no reason for those specific words to pour out of my mouth that way; I don't even like Kikyo, and Kagome and I were indeed trying to start seeing each other. Every bit of the statement was laced with anger and lies. I knew before I even said it that I would break her heart. I had played with the young girl's mind.
I had held my head in my hands like a defeated man. I took a deep breath while sitting beside her and looked her way. "I'm so sorry," i said, repeating myself over and over, wanting so much for this woman beside me to feel my sorrow. My heart was tearing knowing that I had caused such pain to someone so dear to my heart. She leaned her frame against mine and I noted how small it was. I heard her sigh and her soft voice quiver as she said things between us had gotten complicated.
We spent the night together; nothing sexual happened. We needed to backtrack, to find common, safe ground again. In the time we shared, we reverted back to the time before we screwed everything up by having sex. It felt good, knowing that after everything, we still had the strength to move on; sexual tension was forgotten, as was the anger and sadness we had both been feeling.
It's been six months.
I let Kikyo know things were over, and she understood, saying that she was really just falling into normality after such another major move. Kagome and I are now acting like the whole thing between us never happened; to an extent, anyway.
Like I said, a few weeks ago, she asked me if we could try again. It was the first time we had mentioned that anything had happened between us since our big blow over fight, though I was constantly thinking about it. I liked Kagome; she was my best friend and I was very attracted to her. I could have given into my own wants and needs and said yes. But I also didn't want to hurt her ever again like I had and I figured a denial now would save her a world of heartache later, so I told her no.
That leads us to the here and now.
They say that in most cases, the girls are the ones who get attached to the guys quick. I disagree. I've been friends with Kagome for six years. After that one time of having sex with her, I felt something awaken and its honestly taken me this long to admit what it was. I wasn't in love with Kagome before then, not in the way a man should romantically love a woman. I loved her, sure, but in a free spirited and carefree way, a friendly way. I don't even know if I'm in love with Kagome now; all I do know is that I cant live without her, and it's damn sure hard enough to live life as just her friend.
Is that what love is?
Trusting someone with all that you are?
Wanting to be with them and have them to yourself, with no interruptions?
I don't know; I don't think I'm in love with her. Maybe it's just fixation. She was the first girl I slept with, so its just that mental connection.
Right?
---
"You're just foolin' yourself, buddy." Miroku leans back in his chair in front of me. We are grabbing a bite to eat, wasting away a pointless Saturday afternoon. I've been itching to talk about my feelings towards Kagome to somebody, so I called my best bud.
"What do you mean? I'm not," I counter, stuffing some fries in my mouth.
"Even if you aren't in love with her, you're still being stupid to think that, after six years, she's just gonna continue to stay single so you don't have to deal with her leaving you for someone else."
He was right. He knew it and I knew it. "Yeah, but after blowing my first chance with her, what makes you think I wont screw up again? You know me..."
Although I still hadn't confided in my friend about my sexual escapades with her, I did tell him about our blowout over Kikyo. After all, I had, up to that point, been telling him I wanted to be Kagome's boyfriend.
I look outside the large glass window while taking a drink of my cola. Everything is so weird now. I don't regret sleeping with Kagome, but my world was now upside down around me. I know that getting in a real relationship with Kagome will be hard on both parts, considering my explosive behavior. I'm jerked out of my train of thought by Miroku's next words.
"What if she doesn't care, Inu Yasha?"
--
I cant help but thinking about what he told me the rest of the day.
"She's lived with it this long. She's accepted and forgiven you for all your faults. You don't give your leading lady enough credit, my friend."
Miroku inspired me. Maybe we could make this work.
But after so many chances, so many mistakes made between us, how was I supposed to go about telling her that I had finally come to terms with how I felt and that I loved her?
... Love?
No, just deep affection is all.
See, you're just messing it all up and you haven't even found her yet, I hear a voice in my head say. My cynical side, coming to save the day, no doubt. I push the thought away as I drive to the shrine. Miroku had persuaded me to find her today, before anything else could wedge between this part of our relationship, so I was speeding down the street, eager to find her.
It's amazing how, up until you hear someone else say it, you can be so unenthusiastic about anything. Even if I had concluded to myself that I should take the shot at Kagome, I would have kept it to myself for about a week before trying to finally gain enough courage to take that first step with her, to even ask her if she still liked me. I would have drawn the process over a long period, taking my time and stretching the poor girl thin. With Miroku pushing me along, I had decided that today was no better than tomorrow and nothing would be gained by waiting. I am almost giddy by the time I pulled up to the steps, jumping out of my car and going up with vigor. Since when am I so excited to be telling someone anything about my feelings? Me? Cold, harsh bastard that I am? I am practically pissing my pants at the chance to tell Kagome.
She isn't home yet.
Her brother answers the door, unsurprised to see me because of how often I am there. He tells me I can come in, but that she isn't there. My heart shifts sadly and my ears droop slightly. Damn it!
I sit on the steps down by my car and I wait. I tap my foot anxiously, angrily. How could she not be here? But really, that's the way it always goes, right? I know stories that have played out this way; the revelation of liking someone causes you to miss the golden opportunity to find them. They are never where you want them, and it could take forever until you get them, and by then it could be too late. But I'm smarter than to go out searching for her blindly, knowing that she would return home sooner or later. So here I am, my elbow on my knee, my chin in my palm, waiting rather impatiently for the girl.
As always when I am sitting alone with nothing else to do, I find my mind wandering to a statement from earlier.
Love...
Could I be in love with her? After all, we had known each other for over half a decade, have been nearly inseparable, and explored the depths of a more intimate relationship. Could something along the way have triggered such an uncalculated and unpredictable emotion without me having realized it? I would have noticed, something so drastic.
So surely, it wasn't. It couldn't be. This thing that I feel for Kagome couldn't be love, for I cant even control my own life. How would I be able to handle bringing someone so close to me and my own inner struggles? I sigh softly, glancing around, wanting anything other than thinking of the complicated feelings that I have for Kagome.
I hear her giggling in the distance and I watch as she walked towards her home with Sango. My ears atop my head twitch in her direction and, her being still so far away, has yet to notice me or my car. I smile in spite of myself and my current thoughts as I note what she's wearing.
In the heat of spring melding to summer, her outfit consists of a short sleeved blouse, tight just under her breasts (to my pleasure, giving me a much appreciated view of her cleavage) before flaring out and falling down to her hips. A short skirt flirts with the wind as she walks, letting her lean legs appear to go on for miles. Her hair is down, bouncing around her shoulders, framing the neck of an angel, one that I have found myself wishing I could kiss. So much of her skin is revealed to me today, and lets me know of the one thing that haunts my nights.
It has been a long time since Kagome and I have been intimate.
It's funny, knowing that she is also bothered by such facts. I can smell it on her when something is said that is hinted with scandal and sexual undertones. She gets a dreamy eye and eventually I can smell how turned on she is. It's always good to know that I'm not the only one who misses that part of our relationship.
But that's a different point.
I cant help but be mesmerized my her creamy, ivory skin in the sun, watching as she walks to me. I feel as a smile comes to my lips. Such attraction to her... I wish I could devour her once more, taking what is mine.
... Mine?
Never mind that, she notices me. Her smile softens as she lets her eyes roam over me. She finishes whatever it is she is talking to Sango about and stop just beyond the steps.
"Thanks for taking me out, Sango," she says, giving her friend a hug. "I had a lot of fun!"
"Yeah, me too. Sorry to cut it short though. That call was Miroku and he said he had something big to tell me, but couldn't do it over the phone." I see as she rolls her eyes, but keeps that smile on her face. A light laugh escapes me as I think of that call. Miroku had called her to guarantee that I'd be able to talk to Kagome.
"Nah, it's ok," Kagome's mouth curls in a sweet smile and I get lost in her stormy blue eyes. "Just call me later and let me know what it was," she finishes with a wink. The other laughs happily and they say their goodbyes. It doesn't escape my attention that Sango eyes my car, putting something together in her mind before walking across the street where her own vehicle is parked. She must not have noticed my actual presence.
I stand from my step, heading down a few to where Kagome stood and watch Sango drive away.
"Hello, Inu Yasha," she says, rocking back on her heels. "What's up?"
I'm right beside her, and I can smell that sweet smell that is Kagome. "Kagome," I breath. She turns to face me and her eyes light up when they meet mine. It's strange; now that I am here, standing before her, I feel like I'm at her mercy. I feel deflated, as though I cant follow through with what I came here to do. I feel like all I want to do is take her in my arms, apologizing ahead of time for any thing that I may do to hurt her.
Can one person feel so much at one time?
I suddenly feel tense as I look at her.
Why did I come here? Why did I think that I could confront everything between us? I'm doubting everything. Should I be here? Do I deserve to even be in her presence after the hurt I've already caused her?
"Inu Yasha?"
Her voice is like a beacon and it calls me back to her. Suddenly, I know what I needed to do.
"Inu Yasha, what's--"
Hearing her talk has made me uneasy. I crush her lips with mine.
Sometimes, it's the only way to get across what you want to say: Take action. I feel her lips go slack against mine and she starts to kiss me back. I snake my arms around her waist, pulling her tightly to my body, feeling her small frame pressing against me. Her shoulders move with her breath and she puts her arms around my neck, lacing her fingers in my hair. Reluctantly, I pull away, not wanting this to go further because I knew that I would never get out what I need to say.
"Sorry," I offer weakly, my fang popping out over my bottom lip as I smirk. She's left breathless at our kiss. I take her hand and sit on the bottom step with her, thinking where to begin. "I've never been real good at this," I say. You're doing it. You're ruining it. I scoff again at that voice.
"At what?"
"Talking," I shrug. "Honestly, I don't know what to say."
She leans back on her palms and looks sideways at me. "Just say what's on your mind."
I stare at my feet. What is it that I had wanted so badly to say? I rushed over here, but not once has it crossed my mind what I would say when I got to this point. "I think of you alot," I state rather lamely. I hear a soft snort from her. I bristle."What?"
"You're getting too nervous," she knew me so well. Whether or not she is able to tell that it wasn't what I wanted to hear, I don't know.
"Of course I'm nervous, woman!" I stand up once more, throwing my hands in the air. I know that getting angry wont do anything for the current situation, but I need to revert to something I'm comfortable with. Opening up is something I've never been happy doing. Kagome knows that. "How else am I supposed to be? Here I am, trying to be honest! Here I am, trying to do things right! I mean, hell, Kagome! How am I supposed to be going about this!" I wheel around on her, pointing an accusing finger. "It's your damn fault anyway!" Because I cant get you out of my damn head! I finish in my head.
Up till now, she seemed to be in a state of shock. She woke up, glaring at me and standing to her full height. "My fault? What did I do? You're the one who'sexploded and isn't making sense! You came to me! Don't you dare blame your anger on me!"
"Damn it, Kagome!" I turn around, my hands clenched at my sides, trying to calm myself. "This is hard enough! Don't argue with me!"
"How do you expect me to sit here and have you yell at me!" She moves in front of me so that I can see the anger in her face; her cheeks were flushed and her eyes blazing. She looks adorable.
But that's not the point.
"I can do what I want, wench! If I want to be angry and yell I can! If I want to blame you for something, you cant stop me!" I cross my arms. "You cant stop anything! Especially the way I feel about-" I stop suddenly.
But her attention has already been grabbed by that last statement and she watches my face. "Feel about what, Inu Yasha?"
I blush at her, looking away quickly. "Keh. Nothing."
She knows it's a lie. Her small hand touches my shoulder and I instantly relax. She has that way with me. "Please?" I sigh and let my hands fall to my side.
"Kagome..." I feel exhausted all of a sudden, like the anger had taken away my will to tell her that I want to be with her.
Was that what I had come for? I forgot... It seems so long ago that I talked to Miroku.
"Start over, Inu Yasha." My ears flick towards her. "You said you think of me alot?"
A soft smile comes to my lips and I close my eyes. "Yeah... I do." I find the strength to continue, praying that, now that I've started, it will come easier. "Let's try something."
"Like what?"
I brush my lips over hers and I feel her shiver. My face heats from the blush on her face. "Do you remember what you asked me?" She nods.
"If we could be together?"
I run my hands along her body, bringing her closer to me. From our time together, I remember what makes her go crazy and I run my hand softly across her upper back. She leans into me, sighing and pushing against my lips. I smile and before capturing her in a passionate kiss outside her home, I tell her one thing that, for me, is almost the most romantic thing I've ever said.
"Let's do this."
End