A/N: ANGST! Major character death. Don't read if this offend you!!
Big thanks once again to BurumaBabe for betaing this for me! You did a wonderful job as always.
Gone
by Katrin
Stephanie could still remember, with crystal clarity, that fateful evening all these years ago.
They had been sitting around on the couch, watching a movie, having fun. Simply enjoying the time spent together. But then the phone rang and she instantly knew that this one call would change her life. They had called Ranger for a mission and from the way he looked she knew that it was dangerous. Thinking back she realized that he had probably known just how dangerous it would be.
They had had barely time to say goodbye between making calls, assigning tasks and packing his small duffel. She didn't want him to go, didn't want him to leave, but she knew he had to. He had terminated his contract as they had talked about, and they had even started planning their future. They had talked about marriage, kids, building a life together.
But the call had destroyed it all. It was his last mission before the contract was officially terminated. He was gone for a long time, at the time it felt like years, but it had only been five months. It had felt like eternity, but life had kept her busy. She had worried a lot, but her friends did their best to keep her spirits up. He was out of communication, but the guys kept telling her that no news were good news, told her not to worry too much. He loved her and would do everything to come back. But in the end it wasn't enough.
As the time went by it became harder to get up, harder to go on with her life. She rarely ate and not even dessert tempted her anymore. But she had to keep going, had to fill in the responsibility he had left her. She had even started to train with the guys as it gave her reason to be close to them and the concentrating kept her mind off of Ranger. The guys needed her help and that was all that kept her going some times.
Until one day, she was sitting at her desk, doing searches, when her phone rang. As soon as she answered the phone she knew that something was wrong, terribly wrong. "Come into conference room A," Tank told her. And in this moment she knew that her worst fear had come true.
She didn't want to know what they had to tell her, feared that they might tell her worst. But she slowly got up and walked over. Tank was waiting at the door for her. His face looked solemn and she knew that the worst had happened. Her love was gone.
She broke down sobbing and screaming, not wanting to acknowledge reality. Tank cradled her in his arms and sat down in one of the big chairs with her in his lap, stroking her back until she calmed down enough to get what was going on.
When she looked up she saw the core team assembled, along with a man she didn't know. And all of them looked tired, solemn, and with pity at her.
And she knew that the worst had happened. No one had to say it, she just felt that Ranger was dead.
The man she didn't know was Ranger's lawyer, he had read his will, but she didn't remember much of it after he told her that she now was the owner of RangeMan. He had left her RangeMan and she felt overwhelmed. She had no idea how to lead a company, let alone lead ex-military men. She was afraid to fail, afraid to disappoint him. She was afraid she wouldn't be worth the trust he obviously had in her.
The news of Ranger's death and her new leadership of RangeMan made the rounds like wild fire, everyone knew it and offered condolences, but she didn't want them. She didn't want to accept the death of the man she loved, but she knew in her heart that she had to let go or she would drown.
Tank was a big help to her in this time. He was grieving as well, together with all the other Rangemen, but he had lost nearly as much as Steph. He had lost a brother, a man who had saved his life numerous times, who he would have given his own life for. And he was gone.
So they held onto another, lending each other support. No one ever saw one of them alone, they were always together, clinging to each other.
The day of the burial, Tank held her up, supporting her while drawing support for himself through the act as they watched Ranger being laid to rest. Bobby had given both a mild sedative, knowing they wouldn't survive the day without it. He was hurting nearly as bad, but he had to keep an eye on them. Steph was falling apart and Tank was holding on by a thread. They were crying in each others arms, having lost the man they loved. They accepted the flag together, flinched as one when the salve was fired. Afterwards they stood at the grave for a long time, saying goodbye. The Rangemen had formed a silent circle around them, watching their backs, but giving them all the time they needed to at least start to come to grips with what had happened.
They still didn't really know what actually went wrong at the mission, but it was suspected that it was a set-up, but they couldn't prove anything. All of the Rangemen knew that they needed closure, and that it would come from knowing what had happened, what had gone wrong and so they set out themselves to find out the details that the government wouldn't give them.
They had followed the trail and had nearly been caught in the same trap, but they had managed to escape unscathed. They had avenged Ranger's death. When they came back and told Steph about it they could see the relief in her eyes. She now knew what had been going on, but she was furious. In the end her anger helped her to push herself even more in doing her job.
She was grateful that all these men who owed her nothing had risked their lives once again for her so she would know what had taken away the love of her life.
In her grief, in the privacy of her mind, she thought about taking her life more than once, but she never did. She just couldn't stand the thought the she would disappoint the guys. They needed her just as much as she needed them and she knew it would be the coward's way out, so she shoved it back into the back of her brain. And Ranger would have wanted her to live her life.
And so it continued. Tank stayed close, helping her through her grief and her nightmares. They slept next to each other every night so the nightmares wouldn't come, holding the other to keep the worst at bay. As the time went on they grew closer as they came to grips with what had happened.
They spent their days together. She kept Tank as second in command and he helped her with leading the company, but in the end she went to some classes, got another degree. And it was all done in her love for Ranger.
Her friends and family tried to help her as much as possible, even Joe got around and tried to help, offered his advice and to be there for her when she needed someone to talk to. She didn't take him up on his offer though as he feared he would tell her again that he had seen it coming, that if she had married him she wouldn't have to go through this. He seemed to realize why she didn't want to meet with him so he sent a letter, explaining that he didn't want to berate her, just that he was sorry for her loss. After that their friendship got closer again but never as close as she was with Tank.
She stopped working for Vinnie altogether, RangeMan occupying all her time, but her girls came over at least once a week. They knew that Steph would drown if they didn't prevent it. And her mother never let her out of coming to dinner at least once a week. She never went alone though. Tank accompanied her every single time as long as he wasn't on assignment and sometimes others joined as well.
Her mother was happy that these guys were around to take care of her daughter. She knew that Steph had really loved Ranger, even if she didn't want to acknowledge it at first. But she had seen they light in her eyes every time she was near him or even just talking about him. But when Ranger died the light had gone out of her eyes. It was as if she didn't have a reason to live anymore, but Tank and the guys made sure that she went on, that she didn't give up. And she was thankful for it.
In the beginning she felt guilty, felt like she didn't deserve to love, but she was also afraid to loose yet another man to the military. The guys still left in assignments, although they had cut back considerably, but they couldn't get out of their contracts yet.
Even after all this time she slept next to Tank. They never spent time at Ranger's apartment, although they kept it. It held too many memories, more than she could handle, and Tank's apartment had become a safe haven for her. That was where she went when she needed a few quiet minutes to herself. And the guys understood her, they all knew what she was going through, how hard it was for her. They joined special forces knowing that they could die any given day. But for Steph it was different. She always lived with that danger, but Ranger was they best at what he did. Nobody had ever expected him to walk into a trap and not get out. But in the end, there's always a first time for everything and all his skills hadn't helped.
The little free time she had left she spent with Tank. And, in the year and a half since they had buried Ranger, they continued to grow closer, their friendship deepening.
One night, as Tank held her while she cried, without thinking she looked up and kissed him. And it felt right. In that moment she realized that she loved him, that she had, over the last year and a half, fallen in love with him.
She was surprised, but also relieved when Tank kissed her back. Over the next few months they developed a quiet intimacy, shared kisses and caresses. And it felt natural to them. Six months after that first kiss, they made love in a slow and tender way, letting all the hurt and desperation flow out. They felt better afterwards.
When, two months later, Steph realized that she was late, she took a home pregnancy test and when it came up positive, she knew she had to talk to Tank about it.
He was happy about it. The pregnancy was a troubled one, the stress and grief she still felt not making it any easier, so the doctor had her on bed rest most of the time. She suffered from morning sickness and a bad case of Braxton-Hicks-contractions, her blood pressure was too high and she developed gestational diabetes.
Even with all of the difficulties, they were happy about it. And, for the first time in more than two years, Steph smiled. When they found out they would have a boy they decided to name him Ricardo Carlos, after the man who had made the largest impact on their life.
When it was finally time to give birth they had to induce the contractions and it was a difficult labor. And when Steph was able to hold Ricky for the first time, tears were rolling down her face. But they were happy tears, joyful tears.
From this point on, it was easier to go on, their life had a focus. They still ran RangeMan, but they assigned more of the tasks to Bobby and Lester, giving them more responsibility.
And, around the baby, the entire company grew closer. They were like one big family, caring for each other and helping each other out.
Three months after they brought Ricky home, Julie's mother died in a hit and run accident and she didn't get along well with her step dad anymore, so Steph and Tank arranged for Julie to come for regular visits.
Steph and Tank were happy to have her living with them, even if it was just for short periods at a time, although it was hard to have a constant reminder of Ranger there. She was so much like her dad it was scary. Everyone loved her and that helped her deal with the loss of both her parents.
They moved into a little house not far from RangeMan a few weeks later as the apartment had become too small for the four of them, but it was only a ten minute drive.
Shortly after Ricky's first birthday, Steph and Tank got married in a small and intimate ceremony with only close friends and family.
Over time, their hearts grew lighter, and they felt that Ranger was present with every step they made, every breath they took. They had learned to accept the loss they had all suffered, the loss that had brought them closer together and in the end, they discovered that they had gained something new. They were all connected in their love of Ranger. And they were all secure in the knowledge that Ranger was watching them from above, doing his best to keep them safe.