Legion of Super-Heroes Fanscript: "The Mulligan Thing."
by Tom Greene.
Time of story: About 2 months after "Don't all Graduation episodes of TV shows suck ass?
The vast majority of these characters are the copyright of DC Comics. This isn't as needed as a warning, but the writer doesn't want to get sued by The Man.
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it is for good reasons.Ah, screw that, Smoke crack and worship Satan.
Start out page:
Panel One. You see Time Warp standing in court with a smile.Have this drawn by seperate person than the regular artist.
Generic person(Tuckerization?):
So, Time Warp, you just won an important contest to join the Legion of Super-Heroes! What are you going to do now?
Time Warp:
I'm going to Disney World!
Another Generic Person:
Um, Disney World was eliminated in the 24th and a half century. It's now The Southeast.
1,Panel 2: You see that on a finished last page. Boombastic is ahead of it, and looks dejected.
Boombastic:
Just great. Brisk gets the Assistant job with the Science Police, Deluge gets a cushy S.P. job as well, Time Warp gets into the Legion, and what do I get? Some office space in Happy Harbor writing some stuff about what I do. Some deal. Is this how my life turns out?
1,3. POV from Boombastic's eyes looking down at book.
Boombastic(thinking up at top of panel):
Well, another *masterpiece* completed, another pittance in the bank.
1,4. Brisk opens the door.
Brisk:
Hey, Bro!
1,5. Boombastic has a dejected look on his face.
Boombastic:
Hey, John.
1,6. Brisk tries to understand this.
Brisk:
Let me guess. Your eligibility clock is ticking?
1,7. Boombastic looks puzzled.
Boombastic:
Eligibility clock?
1,8. Brisk tries to explain.
Brisk:
You know, the time before you turn 18 and are ineligible to join.
1,9. Boombastic has a vaguely fatalistic air around him.
Boombastic:
Let's see. I have the most powers on the team, I've led it for a few months, and I have tested as the most useful member of the team. When do I get my time on the team?
2,1. Brisk has a look like one of those old sitcom dads.
Brisk:
Don't worry, you'll get your shot.
2,2. Boombastic has a gleam in his eye.
Boombastic:
Do you really think so?
2,2. Brisk comes back to his regular self.
Brisk:
Well, no, but I have to say that. In the law book.
2, 3. Boombastic gets another dejected look.
Boombastic:
Damn. So, what did you want to talk to me about?
2,4.
Brisk:
Help me, Obi-Wan Matzner, you're my only hope.
2,5. Boombastic looks like he doesn't trust Brisk's intentions.
Boombastic:
For the last time, I'm not going to pay for you to get that Princess Leia outfit for your girlfriend!
2,6. Brisk tries to explain.
Brisk:
It's not about that this time. I need your help for a good prank.
2,7. Boombastic slaps his head as if to have forgotten something.
Boombastic:
I FORGOT! The annual Klordny prank! What do you need?
2,8. Brisk looks like he's planning a conspiracy.
Brisk:
I need you to give me something that will prank Garth but good.
2,9. Boombastic gets a devious look in his eye.
Boombastic:
NOW WE'RE TALKING! What do you want me to do? Sugar in his gas tank? Impregnate his sister/girlfriend/both? What?
3,1/2/3. Brisk starts to explain.
Brisk:
Three things. Numero uno: Garth is a very public figure. Number two: You're not well in the public eye due to your Sub status. Number three: Not many people would know by sight on a by-line that you're the brother of one of his close buddies. You follow me?
3,4. Boombastic looks puzzled.
Boombastic:
Um, yeah, I guess.
3,5. Brisk gets a "Leader of some spy group" style of look.
Brisk:
Your mission, Shane, if you choose to accept it: Write a scathing article about Garth and see how much press you can get from it.
3,6. Boombastic goes blank.
Boombastic:
You really need to get some better ideas.
3,7. Brisk gets slightly miffed.
Brisk:
If you can think of a better one, use it.
3,8. Boombastic looks like he has an idea.
Boombastic:
Oh, I'll use this one. I do get full creative control, right?
3,9. Brisk gets a generous, Santa Claus look.
Brisk:
Why, sure. What are brothers for?
4,1. POV: Boombastic's eyes.You see Boombastic writing : Garth Ranzz Outs Self: Founding Legionnaire third to do so in Legion of Super-Heroes.
4,2. You see a magazine cover with same on cover. From there, you go to various locales:
4,3. The streets. You see various people, led by a person who looks vaguely like Jerry Falwell, taking to the streets in front of the Legion HQ. Falwell looks like he's steamed.
Space Falwell:
And I say here before you today, that if these people will allow people of that lifestyle to join their team, then I say that all good Valorans will demand that the Legion of Super-Heroes leave this planet post haste! So sayeth the shepard!
Crowd:
So sayeth the flock!
4,4. Boombastic looks on.POV: His eyes.
Boombastic:
This is blowing WAY out of proportion. Who's the man? Go Shane, go Shane, it's your birthday, it's your birthday!
4,5. The house of Garth and Ayla's parents. They are reading the article.Their mother is shocked and crying.
Mother:
Where did we go wrong? First one of our kids becomes a vicious super-villain, and now This?
4,6.The father is raging.
Father:
I told you you should have aborted when they said it would be a mix of genders. You know how that happens when mixes go.
4,7.Live Wire is reading the article. You can see he's definitely angry.
Live Wire:
What? This says I'm gay? Who wrote this? Ah, by Shane Matzner. That sounds familiar...Wait. Shane Matzner? Boombastic?
4,8/9. Live Wire's P.O.ed and raging.
Live Wire:
THAT DICK!
5,1. Brisk walks by. He's laughing his ass off.
Brisk:
Excuse me, but I can't stop laughing. Have you seen Stefan? I, ha, assumed you , HA, would have, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
5,2. Live Wire is angry.
Live Wire:
YOU BASTARD! You set him up to do it, didn't you!
5,3. Brisk gets all cocky.
Brisk:
Did I ever! I just gave him full control of this.
5,3. Live Wire gets vindictive.
Live Wire:
You just wait. You'll get yours. You and your brother.
5,4.Brisk leaves, laughing.
Live Wire:
One of these days, Garth, one of these days...
5,5. You see some fans looking at the article.(Tuckerize various LSH fans for this.)
Fan 1:
The time has come for some action! This Shane Matzner has sullied the name of the great Live Wire!
5,6. Another fan is angrier.
Fan 2:
Break his bones!
Fan 3:
Kill him! Send him to Hell!
Fan 4:
I really don't see the problem with this. So he's gay, what's the big deal?
5,7. Another militiant fan punches Fan 4's lights out.
Fan 5:
So goes those who sully the name of Live Wire!
5,8. The first fan speaks up.
Fan 1:
Now, you all talk like this, but we need the one true way to get our revenge. It's down to "Hunt Shane Matzner down and kill him to Death", or "Write a very angry letter to the editor of this magazine about him."
5,9.Everyone's hand goes up.
All fans:
KILL HIM! CRUSH, KILL, DESTROY, HURT HIM, HURT HIM!
6,1. Fan one gets an insane look.
Fan 1:
It's unanimous. In order to save the good name of the great Live Wire, we must...
6/2. Fan 1 looks like a typical villain.
Fan 1:
KILL SHANE MATZNER!
6,3. Fan four comes back up with a bump on his head.
Fan 4:
Isn't that the name of that dude who leads the Subs? Boombastic or something like that?
6,4. Fan one considers that.
Fan 1:
We will check that out, and if it is true, KILL BOOMBASTIC!
6,5. Fan four speaks again.
Fan 4:
Do we really need to kill him? Can't we just do something to his kneecaps?
6,6. Fan one punches Fan 4.
Fan 4:
That really hurts.
6,7/8/9. Fan one hands out weaponry to the other four.
Fan 1:
These guns are designed to spew out large amounts of lightning, in honor of the one we go to restore the good name of. This lightning is enough to make it so that if Boombastic is the one we need to get, it will melt the polymers in his armor, short out his robotic arm, and really smart to the rest of his body. Any person who doesn't have the power and items to recieve the brunt of this will die from this.Let us go and do the Live Wire's work.
Fans:
To the Death of Shane Matzner.
7,1. You see the first fan go after a person who looks like John Byrne. Fan 1 looks like a typical survey taker.
Fan 1:
Is your name not Shane Matzner?
"Byrne":
Why, yes.
7,2.
Fan 1:
Do you write?
"Byrne":
I've wrote a little bit in my day.
7,3. Fan 1 gets all psychotic.
Fan 1:
EAT LIGHTNING, PRICK!
7,4. You see a pile of ash where Byrne stood.
7,5. Fan 2 goes after a person who looks like Elvis.
Fan 2:
Are you Shane Matzner?
"Elvis":
Yes, I am Spartacus.
7,6.
Fan 2:
TASTE COLD HARD LIGHTNING!
7,7. You see another pile of ash.
7,8. Fan 3 goes toward a person who looks like Al Bundy.
Bundy:
What do you want?
Fan 3:
HERE'S SOME ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY!
7,9. You see another pile of ash.
8,1. You see Fan 4 go towards the Substitute HQ, a grounded Flying Toaster.
Monstress:
I tell you, Jeka, we need to get this new guy to go shopping sometime!
Sensor:
Why now?
8,2.
Monstress:
Well, he has just the best taste in shoes, and he's just great for a trial dummy!
8,3. Time Warp leaves with some boxes.
Time Warp:
Are you talking about me again? I told you those things just as a show of good faith!
Monstress:
Why, of course not! Now come on, we need to get going!
8,4. Time Warp calls into the HQ.
Time Warp:
Come on, Shane! Time's a wasting!
8,5. Boombastic is carrying some metal boxes.
Boombastic:
Hold up, I don't have super-strength! These are really heavy!
8,6. Time Warp gets a little cocky.
That's why I'm on the Legion and you're still a Sub, I guess.
8,7. Boombastic gets angry.
Boombastic:
No, you're a Legionnaire because you sued for membership, not because you were better than me!
8,8. Fan 4 gets in place.
Fan 4:
Okay, you little bastard. You can kiss your friends, family, and phone service goodbye!
8,9. Fan 4 hits the metal box that Boombastic was carrying, forcing it to ricochet to Sensor, knocking her out.
9,1. All three are shocked.
All:
WHAT THE SPROCK WAS THAT?
9,2.
Monstress:
We need to think later. Jeka's been hit!
9,3. They all look down to see a near-dead Sensor. While looking, they begin to see her change shape to a human, white-haired female.
9,4. Mr.Boombastic has a gleam in his eye.
Mr.Boombastic:
She's turning into a cute babe! Whoa, I guess we should hit more people with lightning!
9,5. Time Warp begins to panic.
Time Warp:
WOULD YOU QUIT THINKING WITH YOUR CROTCH FOR A SECOND! A change like this means the illusion she was putting on is going down, meaning she's dying!
9,6. Monstress tries to remain calm.
Monstress:
Hold up! Begin some heart massage! I'll do some!
9,7.
Boombastic:
I'll help on that!Yeah, baby!
9,8. Time Warp looks on. POV: His eyes.
Time Warp(at top):
It figures. A person's life is at stake, and all Shane can think about is getting his freak flag flying. *Sigh* Why I desire him, I'll never know.
9,9. Fan 4 looks at the scene.
Fan 4:
CRAP! I missed him! Now I'll get the guy.
10,1. Fan 4 fires, but hits Monstress. She burns into a pile of ash.
10,2. Boombastic stops for a second. Time Warp is shocked.
Time Warp:
OH MY GOD! They killed Monstress!
10,3. Boombastic jumps on.
Boombastic:
You bastards?
10,4. Sensor awakes.
Sensor:
I'm, I'm alive?
10,5. Time Warp looks surprised.
Time Warp:
Yeah, you survived. You were hit by an errant lightning shot. It almost killed you.
10,6. Boombastic tries to mack on Sensor.
Boombastic:
Yep, we saved you just in time. Your illusion fell off right beforehand. Might we say, you are a hottie.
10,7. Sensor is shocked.
Sensor:
OH CRAP! We put that on our entire kingdom in order to keep the royal family clean of gold-diggers from off-planet! Now what do I do?
10,8. Boombastic thinks.
Boombastic:
I dunno. Fall on my sword?
10,9. Sensor looks around.
Sensor:
Later. Where's Monstress?
11,1. Time Warp goes to tell her.
Time Warp:
Well, she was hit by a bolt afterwards. Apparently the arms you wore saved you from disaster, because she, well, kicked off.
11,2. Sensor is stunned.
Sensor:
She's dead? NOOO! She owes me some money on one of my charge cards!
11,3.
Boombastic:
Come on! A person just died! Take it out of her estate.
11,4. Sensor comes to grips.
Sensor:
Okay. I figure, she died when trying to revive me, I should let those slide.
11,5. Fan four gets P.O.ed.
Fan 4:
CRAP! I missed again!
11,6. Fan 4 tries to fire again, but Fan 5 proceeds to hit him with a lightning gun.
Fan 5:
Sorry about that, but we just hate idiots.
11,7. Fan 5 fires both guns.
11,8.The two lightning blasts head for Boombastic.
11,9. Boombastic looks back as Time Warp continues to the moving van.
12,1. The lightning blasts hit Boombastic's robotic arm and begin to curve around it.
12,2. Boombastic's robot arm goes limp.(Probably should look like how a pitcher does when they tear their rotator cuff after a pitch goes.)
12, 3. Time Warp goes toward the van.
12,4. The blasts head toward him.
12,5. The blasts hit him in his dorsal region.
12,6. You see Time Warp smile.
12,7. Time Warp falls.
12,8. Boombastic is shaken.
Boombastic:
Wow. That was a close one. Well, I'll go find Stefan so we can move him in there.
12,9. POV: Boombastic's eyes. You see him look around.
Top bubble:
Dude?
13,1. He goes toward the van.
Top bubble:
Come on, dude! I ain't got all day!
13,2. He goes closer to the body.
Top:
Is that...?
13,3. He goes near Time Warp.
Top Bubble:
Dude? Dude?
13,4/5/6/7/8/9. Wide. Boombastic is kneeling near Time Warp.
Mr.Boombastic:
DUUUUUUUUDE!
14,1. You see the team waiting at the gate.
Boombastic:
I have some bad news, and some bad news.
14,2. Cosmic Boy looks and sees just Boombastic and Sensor in human form.
Cosmic Boy:
Where's Sensor? And Monstress? And Time Warp?
14,3.
Sensor:
Well, I'm the former, and the latter two are, well, dead.
14,4. Saturn Girl checks out Sensor's mind to see.
14,5.
Saturn Girl:
Well, her story checks out. Where's the bodies of the other two?
14,6. Boombastic brings in the body of Time Warp.
Mr.Boombastic:
He was killed quickly by the gun and is able to be buried, but Monstress was reduced to ashes.
14,7. The team looks somber.
Cosmic Boy:
I cannot believe this. Usually, a member of the team dies during a mission. How did this happen again?
14,8. Boombastic tries to explain.
Boombastic:
As far as I can recall, Monstress died by being hit by a huge force of lightning. This made her a pile of ash on contact. Time Warp probably died from the weakened condition of the bolts when they hit my robot arm.
14,9. They rush over to see the arm. Live Wire has a huge smile.
Live Wire:
WOO HOO! I HOPE IT HURT!
15,1. Boombastic goes over to Live Wire. Boombastic looks mad.
Boombastic:
Why are you saying that? What did I do to you?
15,2. Live Wire gets extremely angry.
Live Wire:
You don't get it, do you? You made that article too damn believeable! Now no matter what I do, I'll be stuck with that gay thing!
15,3.
Boombastic:
But you are, aren't you?
15,4. Live Wire goes insane.
Live Wire:
OF COURSE NOT! What made you think that?
15,5. Boombastic keeps a calmer head in contrast to Live Wire's.
Boombastic:
It's in your walk.
15,6.
Live Wire:
What's wrong with my walk?
15,7.
Boombastic:
Well, nothing, except that it's fruity.
15,8.
Live Wire:
I'M NOT GAY! I have a girlfriend, which you apparently know very well!
15,9. Boombastic is shocked.
Boombastic:
Why, Garth! Whatever do you imply here?
16,1. Live Wire continues his rage.
Live Wire:
Oh, nothing, except you've been trying to get with Imra since you first met her, haven't you? HAVEN'T YOU?
16,2. Boombastic continues to stay calm.
Boombastic:
First question, What are you smoking? Second question, Who's your supplier? I need to get some of that!
16,3. Saturn Girl confronts Live Wire.
Saturn Girl:
Now I know you're crazy. We're just friends, Garth.
16,4. Live Wire continues on the rant.
Live Wire:
Well, well, I'M NOT GAY!
16,5. Live Wire goes back inside.On the way, someone(probably a Sub or ex-Sub) yells out "SNOG!"
16,6. Boombastic goes back into the van.
Boombastic:
Well, now that this is over, I'm going to go to the nearest Planet Express to send this stuff over to Licknice.
16,7. The team goes back in with the body.
16,8. The team meets. Saturn Girl addresses the team.
Saturn Girl:
Well, now we have two abscences from our team. I think we should try and fill the most permanent one now, and I would have to nominate Shane Matzner of Earth, code-named Boombastic, for that one.
16,9.
Cosmic Boy:
I have to second this one. The guy deserves it more than anyone you can put out.
17,1. Kid Quantum II speaks up. She's mad.
Kid Quantum II:
I would have to urge you to think differently on this. Does my brother ring a bell?
17,2.
Cosmic Boy:
Granted, Your brother had both artificial devices for his power and close to the same swerve that Boombastic has, but Boombastic has too many original powers to compensate. In your brother's case, when his belt went, he was sprocked. In this case, Shane still has some human powers he's mastered to compensate in the event that his suit, or even in the unlikely but possible event of his arm, get negated.
17,3.
Kid Quantum II:
I still have to nominate a vote against this. I know that if you put him on the team, you'll up the count from 4 to 7 by the next mission.
17,4. Live Wire speaks. He's still a little bit peeved.
Live Wire:
I have to second that vote. I think there's some ulterior motive for you nominating Shane to be on the team.
17,5. Saturn Girl is a little mad.
Saturn Girl:
I AM NOT SNAKING MR.BOOMBASTIC!
17,6. Live Wire winks almost knowingly.
Live Wire:
Yeah, sure. Like those pants I found under your bed weren't his.
17,7. Saturn Girl gets angrier.
Saturn Girl:
I'll change the subject before I send enough mental power into his head so that he'll need to go to school to be able to understand the Teletubbies. I'll put the vote box on for this.
17,8. You see a panel with all the faces as the team votes, a la '60s era.
17,9. Top: The votes are tabulated, and...
Saturn Girl:
With a vote of 20 to 2, it's approved. Mr.Boombastic is a Legionnaire.
18,1. That night. Boombastic is writing something on his computer.
Boombastic:
Geez. I have all my friends doing stuff, and here I am writing another excellent issue of my life. Well, this certainly sucks.
18,2. The phone rings.
18,3. Boombastic picks it up.
Boombastic:
Hello?
18,4. Saturn Girl starts to talk on the other end. There's a triangle-style thing like on TV shows.
Saturn Girl:
Yeah, Shane? I need you to come down to HQ. We're having a private service for Time Warp at Shanghalla, and we need his friends, family, and Legionnaires to be there.
18,5.
Boombastic:
Okay. I was one of his best friends, so I'll be there.
18,6.
Saturn Girl:
Well, there's that, but you fall under two categories.
18,7.
Boombastic:
I wasn't a family member of his! For a telepath, you need to check your research!
18,8.
Saturn Girl:
No, we checked our records. You only fall under the categories of "Friend" and "Legionnaire."
18,9.
Boombastic:
You mean...?
19,1.
Saturn Girl:
Yep. Passed today.
19,2. Boombastic looks slightly down.
Boombastic:
Okay. I know I don't sound thrilled, but would you be if your getting a slot vacated by your best friend's death?
19,3.
Saturn Girl:
So, will you take it?
19,4. Boombastic looks like he's thinking.
Boombastic:
Eh, I've been waiting for it all my life. Sure,I'm in. Let me get my affairs in order.
19,5.
Saturn Girl:
Okay.
19,6. The team is at Shanghalla.
19,7/8/9. The team shows the service.
Cosmic Boy:
We gather here to honor the memory of two Legionnaires, or at least one active one and one Substitute Legionnaire who was to have joined as of the next mission. Monstress and Time Warp will be remembered by most here.
20,1. Boombastic comes in late. Should look like he dressed quickly.
Boombastic:
Sorry about that. Where are the body and the pile?
20,2. Two big Monstress look-alikes go toward Boombastic.
One of them:
We're her parents. Say that again and we will rip you in two.
20,3. Boombastic is much more timid than usual.
Boombastic(in small bubble):
I'll be good.
20,4.
Cosmic Boy:
Can we get on with this? I need to burn the other body.
20,5. Boombastic runs toward the body.
Boombastic:
Hold up! I think I can save Time Warp.
20,6. The team starts laughing.
Cosmic Boy:
Come on, now! Save a person from death? What do you think this is, a comic book?
20,7. Boombastic continues to stay calm.
Boombastic:
Just let me try. If I fail, you guys can hit me as hard as you want.
20,8.
Cosmic Boy:
Okay, I'll bite.
20,9.
Boombastic:
I need some hits with lightning to do this, hint, hint.
21,1.
Live Wire:
Why should I do this? This guy humiliated me in the eyes of the entire world!
21,2.
Boombastic:
20 creds okay for it?
21,3.
Live Wire:
How about 20 creds and I get to hit you as hard as I want no matter what happens?
21,4. Boombastic begins to think.
Boombastic:
Okay.
21,5.
Spark:
I'll do it free of charge.
21,6.
Boombastic:
Well, at least one person in your family is willing to regardless.
Thought bubble:
She wants me.
21,7. Boombastic tries to explain.
Boombastic:
Now, I need both of you to hit me exactly in the middle part of my fingers, which will be raised higher than the other parts. In this way, the lightning will react with the natural healers in my body and go through, which should wake up the guy.
21,8.
Live Wire:
Does it have to be really hard? Like, enough to really hurt you?
21,9.
Boombastic:
NO. Absolutely not.
22,1. Live Wire and Spark shoot out lightning toward Boombastic's upraised finger areas.
22,2. The lightning hits them.
22,3. The items travel through his amplifier arm.
22,4. They hit Time Warp.
22,5. Time Warp reawakens.
Time Warp:
Where am I?
22,6. Boombastic tries to explain.
Boombastic:
Nothing much happened. You were just killed by some errant lightning, we got some good stuff to rekindle your life force. Not much happened while you were gone.
22,7.Live Wire and Monstress's parents come after him.
Parents of Monstress:
Why didn't you try and save our daughter?
Live Wire:
I want my free hit!
22,8. Boombastic goes over to Saturn Girl.
Boombastic:
Could I have my flight ring quickly? Like, right now?
22,9.Time Warp overhears the conversation. In the background, you see the parents of Monstress and Live Wire running after Mr.Boombastic, who's easily in the lead.
Time Warp(in foreground):
Awesome. I get my life saved and find out my best bud was inducted into the Legion. Kick Ass!
The End.
by Tom Greene.
Time of story: About 2 months after "Don't all Graduation episodes of TV shows suck ass?
The vast majority of these characters are the copyright of DC Comics. This isn't as needed as a warning, but the writer doesn't want to get sued by The Man.
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it is for good reasons.Ah, screw that, Smoke crack and worship Satan.
Start out page:
Panel One. You see Time Warp standing in court with a smile.Have this drawn by seperate person than the regular artist.
Generic person(Tuckerization?):
So, Time Warp, you just won an important contest to join the Legion of Super-Heroes! What are you going to do now?
Time Warp:
I'm going to Disney World!
Another Generic Person:
Um, Disney World was eliminated in the 24th and a half century. It's now The Southeast.
1,Panel 2: You see that on a finished last page. Boombastic is ahead of it, and looks dejected.
Boombastic:
Just great. Brisk gets the Assistant job with the Science Police, Deluge gets a cushy S.P. job as well, Time Warp gets into the Legion, and what do I get? Some office space in Happy Harbor writing some stuff about what I do. Some deal. Is this how my life turns out?
1,3. POV from Boombastic's eyes looking down at book.
Boombastic(thinking up at top of panel):
Well, another *masterpiece* completed, another pittance in the bank.
1,4. Brisk opens the door.
Brisk:
Hey, Bro!
1,5. Boombastic has a dejected look on his face.
Boombastic:
Hey, John.
1,6. Brisk tries to understand this.
Brisk:
Let me guess. Your eligibility clock is ticking?
1,7. Boombastic looks puzzled.
Boombastic:
Eligibility clock?
1,8. Brisk tries to explain.
Brisk:
You know, the time before you turn 18 and are ineligible to join.
1,9. Boombastic has a vaguely fatalistic air around him.
Boombastic:
Let's see. I have the most powers on the team, I've led it for a few months, and I have tested as the most useful member of the team. When do I get my time on the team?
2,1. Brisk has a look like one of those old sitcom dads.
Brisk:
Don't worry, you'll get your shot.
2,2. Boombastic has a gleam in his eye.
Boombastic:
Do you really think so?
2,2. Brisk comes back to his regular self.
Brisk:
Well, no, but I have to say that. In the law book.
2, 3. Boombastic gets another dejected look.
Boombastic:
Damn. So, what did you want to talk to me about?
2,4.
Brisk:
Help me, Obi-Wan Matzner, you're my only hope.
2,5. Boombastic looks like he doesn't trust Brisk's intentions.
Boombastic:
For the last time, I'm not going to pay for you to get that Princess Leia outfit for your girlfriend!
2,6. Brisk tries to explain.
Brisk:
It's not about that this time. I need your help for a good prank.
2,7. Boombastic slaps his head as if to have forgotten something.
Boombastic:
I FORGOT! The annual Klordny prank! What do you need?
2,8. Brisk looks like he's planning a conspiracy.
Brisk:
I need you to give me something that will prank Garth but good.
2,9. Boombastic gets a devious look in his eye.
Boombastic:
NOW WE'RE TALKING! What do you want me to do? Sugar in his gas tank? Impregnate his sister/girlfriend/both? What?
3,1/2/3. Brisk starts to explain.
Brisk:
Three things. Numero uno: Garth is a very public figure. Number two: You're not well in the public eye due to your Sub status. Number three: Not many people would know by sight on a by-line that you're the brother of one of his close buddies. You follow me?
3,4. Boombastic looks puzzled.
Boombastic:
Um, yeah, I guess.
3,5. Brisk gets a "Leader of some spy group" style of look.
Brisk:
Your mission, Shane, if you choose to accept it: Write a scathing article about Garth and see how much press you can get from it.
3,6. Boombastic goes blank.
Boombastic:
You really need to get some better ideas.
3,7. Brisk gets slightly miffed.
Brisk:
If you can think of a better one, use it.
3,8. Boombastic looks like he has an idea.
Boombastic:
Oh, I'll use this one. I do get full creative control, right?
3,9. Brisk gets a generous, Santa Claus look.
Brisk:
Why, sure. What are brothers for?
4,1. POV: Boombastic's eyes.You see Boombastic writing : Garth Ranzz Outs Self: Founding Legionnaire third to do so in Legion of Super-Heroes.
4,2. You see a magazine cover with same on cover. From there, you go to various locales:
4,3. The streets. You see various people, led by a person who looks vaguely like Jerry Falwell, taking to the streets in front of the Legion HQ. Falwell looks like he's steamed.
Space Falwell:
And I say here before you today, that if these people will allow people of that lifestyle to join their team, then I say that all good Valorans will demand that the Legion of Super-Heroes leave this planet post haste! So sayeth the shepard!
Crowd:
So sayeth the flock!
4,4. Boombastic looks on.POV: His eyes.
Boombastic:
This is blowing WAY out of proportion. Who's the man? Go Shane, go Shane, it's your birthday, it's your birthday!
4,5. The house of Garth and Ayla's parents. They are reading the article.Their mother is shocked and crying.
Mother:
Where did we go wrong? First one of our kids becomes a vicious super-villain, and now This?
4,6.The father is raging.
Father:
I told you you should have aborted when they said it would be a mix of genders. You know how that happens when mixes go.
4,7.Live Wire is reading the article. You can see he's definitely angry.
Live Wire:
What? This says I'm gay? Who wrote this? Ah, by Shane Matzner. That sounds familiar...Wait. Shane Matzner? Boombastic?
4,8/9. Live Wire's P.O.ed and raging.
Live Wire:
THAT DICK!
5,1. Brisk walks by. He's laughing his ass off.
Brisk:
Excuse me, but I can't stop laughing. Have you seen Stefan? I, ha, assumed you , HA, would have, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
5,2. Live Wire is angry.
Live Wire:
YOU BASTARD! You set him up to do it, didn't you!
5,3. Brisk gets all cocky.
Brisk:
Did I ever! I just gave him full control of this.
5,3. Live Wire gets vindictive.
Live Wire:
You just wait. You'll get yours. You and your brother.
5,4.Brisk leaves, laughing.
Live Wire:
One of these days, Garth, one of these days...
5,5. You see some fans looking at the article.(Tuckerize various LSH fans for this.)
Fan 1:
The time has come for some action! This Shane Matzner has sullied the name of the great Live Wire!
5,6. Another fan is angrier.
Fan 2:
Break his bones!
Fan 3:
Kill him! Send him to Hell!
Fan 4:
I really don't see the problem with this. So he's gay, what's the big deal?
5,7. Another militiant fan punches Fan 4's lights out.
Fan 5:
So goes those who sully the name of Live Wire!
5,8. The first fan speaks up.
Fan 1:
Now, you all talk like this, but we need the one true way to get our revenge. It's down to "Hunt Shane Matzner down and kill him to Death", or "Write a very angry letter to the editor of this magazine about him."
5,9.Everyone's hand goes up.
All fans:
KILL HIM! CRUSH, KILL, DESTROY, HURT HIM, HURT HIM!
6,1. Fan one gets an insane look.
Fan 1:
It's unanimous. In order to save the good name of the great Live Wire, we must...
6/2. Fan 1 looks like a typical villain.
Fan 1:
KILL SHANE MATZNER!
6,3. Fan four comes back up with a bump on his head.
Fan 4:
Isn't that the name of that dude who leads the Subs? Boombastic or something like that?
6,4. Fan one considers that.
Fan 1:
We will check that out, and if it is true, KILL BOOMBASTIC!
6,5. Fan four speaks again.
Fan 4:
Do we really need to kill him? Can't we just do something to his kneecaps?
6,6. Fan one punches Fan 4.
Fan 4:
That really hurts.
6,7/8/9. Fan one hands out weaponry to the other four.
Fan 1:
These guns are designed to spew out large amounts of lightning, in honor of the one we go to restore the good name of. This lightning is enough to make it so that if Boombastic is the one we need to get, it will melt the polymers in his armor, short out his robotic arm, and really smart to the rest of his body. Any person who doesn't have the power and items to recieve the brunt of this will die from this.Let us go and do the Live Wire's work.
Fans:
To the Death of Shane Matzner.
7,1. You see the first fan go after a person who looks like John Byrne. Fan 1 looks like a typical survey taker.
Fan 1:
Is your name not Shane Matzner?
"Byrne":
Why, yes.
7,2.
Fan 1:
Do you write?
"Byrne":
I've wrote a little bit in my day.
7,3. Fan 1 gets all psychotic.
Fan 1:
EAT LIGHTNING, PRICK!
7,4. You see a pile of ash where Byrne stood.
7,5. Fan 2 goes after a person who looks like Elvis.
Fan 2:
Are you Shane Matzner?
"Elvis":
Yes, I am Spartacus.
7,6.
Fan 2:
TASTE COLD HARD LIGHTNING!
7,7. You see another pile of ash.
7,8. Fan 3 goes toward a person who looks like Al Bundy.
Bundy:
What do you want?
Fan 3:
HERE'S SOME ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY!
7,9. You see another pile of ash.
8,1. You see Fan 4 go towards the Substitute HQ, a grounded Flying Toaster.
Monstress:
I tell you, Jeka, we need to get this new guy to go shopping sometime!
Sensor:
Why now?
8,2.
Monstress:
Well, he has just the best taste in shoes, and he's just great for a trial dummy!
8,3. Time Warp leaves with some boxes.
Time Warp:
Are you talking about me again? I told you those things just as a show of good faith!
Monstress:
Why, of course not! Now come on, we need to get going!
8,4. Time Warp calls into the HQ.
Time Warp:
Come on, Shane! Time's a wasting!
8,5. Boombastic is carrying some metal boxes.
Boombastic:
Hold up, I don't have super-strength! These are really heavy!
8,6. Time Warp gets a little cocky.
That's why I'm on the Legion and you're still a Sub, I guess.
8,7. Boombastic gets angry.
Boombastic:
No, you're a Legionnaire because you sued for membership, not because you were better than me!
8,8. Fan 4 gets in place.
Fan 4:
Okay, you little bastard. You can kiss your friends, family, and phone service goodbye!
8,9. Fan 4 hits the metal box that Boombastic was carrying, forcing it to ricochet to Sensor, knocking her out.
9,1. All three are shocked.
All:
WHAT THE SPROCK WAS THAT?
9,2.
Monstress:
We need to think later. Jeka's been hit!
9,3. They all look down to see a near-dead Sensor. While looking, they begin to see her change shape to a human, white-haired female.
9,4. Mr.Boombastic has a gleam in his eye.
Mr.Boombastic:
She's turning into a cute babe! Whoa, I guess we should hit more people with lightning!
9,5. Time Warp begins to panic.
Time Warp:
WOULD YOU QUIT THINKING WITH YOUR CROTCH FOR A SECOND! A change like this means the illusion she was putting on is going down, meaning she's dying!
9,6. Monstress tries to remain calm.
Monstress:
Hold up! Begin some heart massage! I'll do some!
9,7.
Boombastic:
I'll help on that!Yeah, baby!
9,8. Time Warp looks on. POV: His eyes.
Time Warp(at top):
It figures. A person's life is at stake, and all Shane can think about is getting his freak flag flying. *Sigh* Why I desire him, I'll never know.
9,9. Fan 4 looks at the scene.
Fan 4:
CRAP! I missed him! Now I'll get the guy.
10,1. Fan 4 fires, but hits Monstress. She burns into a pile of ash.
10,2. Boombastic stops for a second. Time Warp is shocked.
Time Warp:
OH MY GOD! They killed Monstress!
10,3. Boombastic jumps on.
Boombastic:
You bastards?
10,4. Sensor awakes.
Sensor:
I'm, I'm alive?
10,5. Time Warp looks surprised.
Time Warp:
Yeah, you survived. You were hit by an errant lightning shot. It almost killed you.
10,6. Boombastic tries to mack on Sensor.
Boombastic:
Yep, we saved you just in time. Your illusion fell off right beforehand. Might we say, you are a hottie.
10,7. Sensor is shocked.
Sensor:
OH CRAP! We put that on our entire kingdom in order to keep the royal family clean of gold-diggers from off-planet! Now what do I do?
10,8. Boombastic thinks.
Boombastic:
I dunno. Fall on my sword?
10,9. Sensor looks around.
Sensor:
Later. Where's Monstress?
11,1. Time Warp goes to tell her.
Time Warp:
Well, she was hit by a bolt afterwards. Apparently the arms you wore saved you from disaster, because she, well, kicked off.
11,2. Sensor is stunned.
Sensor:
She's dead? NOOO! She owes me some money on one of my charge cards!
11,3.
Boombastic:
Come on! A person just died! Take it out of her estate.
11,4. Sensor comes to grips.
Sensor:
Okay. I figure, she died when trying to revive me, I should let those slide.
11,5. Fan four gets P.O.ed.
Fan 4:
CRAP! I missed again!
11,6. Fan 4 tries to fire again, but Fan 5 proceeds to hit him with a lightning gun.
Fan 5:
Sorry about that, but we just hate idiots.
11,7. Fan 5 fires both guns.
11,8.The two lightning blasts head for Boombastic.
11,9. Boombastic looks back as Time Warp continues to the moving van.
12,1. The lightning blasts hit Boombastic's robotic arm and begin to curve around it.
12,2. Boombastic's robot arm goes limp.(Probably should look like how a pitcher does when they tear their rotator cuff after a pitch goes.)
12, 3. Time Warp goes toward the van.
12,4. The blasts head toward him.
12,5. The blasts hit him in his dorsal region.
12,6. You see Time Warp smile.
12,7. Time Warp falls.
12,8. Boombastic is shaken.
Boombastic:
Wow. That was a close one. Well, I'll go find Stefan so we can move him in there.
12,9. POV: Boombastic's eyes. You see him look around.
Top bubble:
Dude?
13,1. He goes toward the van.
Top bubble:
Come on, dude! I ain't got all day!
13,2. He goes closer to the body.
Top:
Is that...?
13,3. He goes near Time Warp.
Top Bubble:
Dude? Dude?
13,4/5/6/7/8/9. Wide. Boombastic is kneeling near Time Warp.
Mr.Boombastic:
DUUUUUUUUDE!
14,1. You see the team waiting at the gate.
Boombastic:
I have some bad news, and some bad news.
14,2. Cosmic Boy looks and sees just Boombastic and Sensor in human form.
Cosmic Boy:
Where's Sensor? And Monstress? And Time Warp?
14,3.
Sensor:
Well, I'm the former, and the latter two are, well, dead.
14,4. Saturn Girl checks out Sensor's mind to see.
14,5.
Saturn Girl:
Well, her story checks out. Where's the bodies of the other two?
14,6. Boombastic brings in the body of Time Warp.
Mr.Boombastic:
He was killed quickly by the gun and is able to be buried, but Monstress was reduced to ashes.
14,7. The team looks somber.
Cosmic Boy:
I cannot believe this. Usually, a member of the team dies during a mission. How did this happen again?
14,8. Boombastic tries to explain.
Boombastic:
As far as I can recall, Monstress died by being hit by a huge force of lightning. This made her a pile of ash on contact. Time Warp probably died from the weakened condition of the bolts when they hit my robot arm.
14,9. They rush over to see the arm. Live Wire has a huge smile.
Live Wire:
WOO HOO! I HOPE IT HURT!
15,1. Boombastic goes over to Live Wire. Boombastic looks mad.
Boombastic:
Why are you saying that? What did I do to you?
15,2. Live Wire gets extremely angry.
Live Wire:
You don't get it, do you? You made that article too damn believeable! Now no matter what I do, I'll be stuck with that gay thing!
15,3.
Boombastic:
But you are, aren't you?
15,4. Live Wire goes insane.
Live Wire:
OF COURSE NOT! What made you think that?
15,5. Boombastic keeps a calmer head in contrast to Live Wire's.
Boombastic:
It's in your walk.
15,6.
Live Wire:
What's wrong with my walk?
15,7.
Boombastic:
Well, nothing, except that it's fruity.
15,8.
Live Wire:
I'M NOT GAY! I have a girlfriend, which you apparently know very well!
15,9. Boombastic is shocked.
Boombastic:
Why, Garth! Whatever do you imply here?
16,1. Live Wire continues his rage.
Live Wire:
Oh, nothing, except you've been trying to get with Imra since you first met her, haven't you? HAVEN'T YOU?
16,2. Boombastic continues to stay calm.
Boombastic:
First question, What are you smoking? Second question, Who's your supplier? I need to get some of that!
16,3. Saturn Girl confronts Live Wire.
Saturn Girl:
Now I know you're crazy. We're just friends, Garth.
16,4. Live Wire continues on the rant.
Live Wire:
Well, well, I'M NOT GAY!
16,5. Live Wire goes back inside.On the way, someone(probably a Sub or ex-Sub) yells out "SNOG!"
16,6. Boombastic goes back into the van.
Boombastic:
Well, now that this is over, I'm going to go to the nearest Planet Express to send this stuff over to Licknice.
16,7. The team goes back in with the body.
16,8. The team meets. Saturn Girl addresses the team.
Saturn Girl:
Well, now we have two abscences from our team. I think we should try and fill the most permanent one now, and I would have to nominate Shane Matzner of Earth, code-named Boombastic, for that one.
16,9.
Cosmic Boy:
I have to second this one. The guy deserves it more than anyone you can put out.
17,1. Kid Quantum II speaks up. She's mad.
Kid Quantum II:
I would have to urge you to think differently on this. Does my brother ring a bell?
17,2.
Cosmic Boy:
Granted, Your brother had both artificial devices for his power and close to the same swerve that Boombastic has, but Boombastic has too many original powers to compensate. In your brother's case, when his belt went, he was sprocked. In this case, Shane still has some human powers he's mastered to compensate in the event that his suit, or even in the unlikely but possible event of his arm, get negated.
17,3.
Kid Quantum II:
I still have to nominate a vote against this. I know that if you put him on the team, you'll up the count from 4 to 7 by the next mission.
17,4. Live Wire speaks. He's still a little bit peeved.
Live Wire:
I have to second that vote. I think there's some ulterior motive for you nominating Shane to be on the team.
17,5. Saturn Girl is a little mad.
Saturn Girl:
I AM NOT SNAKING MR.BOOMBASTIC!
17,6. Live Wire winks almost knowingly.
Live Wire:
Yeah, sure. Like those pants I found under your bed weren't his.
17,7. Saturn Girl gets angrier.
Saturn Girl:
I'll change the subject before I send enough mental power into his head so that he'll need to go to school to be able to understand the Teletubbies. I'll put the vote box on for this.
17,8. You see a panel with all the faces as the team votes, a la '60s era.
17,9. Top: The votes are tabulated, and...
Saturn Girl:
With a vote of 20 to 2, it's approved. Mr.Boombastic is a Legionnaire.
18,1. That night. Boombastic is writing something on his computer.
Boombastic:
Geez. I have all my friends doing stuff, and here I am writing another excellent issue of my life. Well, this certainly sucks.
18,2. The phone rings.
18,3. Boombastic picks it up.
Boombastic:
Hello?
18,4. Saturn Girl starts to talk on the other end. There's a triangle-style thing like on TV shows.
Saturn Girl:
Yeah, Shane? I need you to come down to HQ. We're having a private service for Time Warp at Shanghalla, and we need his friends, family, and Legionnaires to be there.
18,5.
Boombastic:
Okay. I was one of his best friends, so I'll be there.
18,6.
Saturn Girl:
Well, there's that, but you fall under two categories.
18,7.
Boombastic:
I wasn't a family member of his! For a telepath, you need to check your research!
18,8.
Saturn Girl:
No, we checked our records. You only fall under the categories of "Friend" and "Legionnaire."
18,9.
Boombastic:
You mean...?
19,1.
Saturn Girl:
Yep. Passed today.
19,2. Boombastic looks slightly down.
Boombastic:
Okay. I know I don't sound thrilled, but would you be if your getting a slot vacated by your best friend's death?
19,3.
Saturn Girl:
So, will you take it?
19,4. Boombastic looks like he's thinking.
Boombastic:
Eh, I've been waiting for it all my life. Sure,I'm in. Let me get my affairs in order.
19,5.
Saturn Girl:
Okay.
19,6. The team is at Shanghalla.
19,7/8/9. The team shows the service.
Cosmic Boy:
We gather here to honor the memory of two Legionnaires, or at least one active one and one Substitute Legionnaire who was to have joined as of the next mission. Monstress and Time Warp will be remembered by most here.
20,1. Boombastic comes in late. Should look like he dressed quickly.
Boombastic:
Sorry about that. Where are the body and the pile?
20,2. Two big Monstress look-alikes go toward Boombastic.
One of them:
We're her parents. Say that again and we will rip you in two.
20,3. Boombastic is much more timid than usual.
Boombastic(in small bubble):
I'll be good.
20,4.
Cosmic Boy:
Can we get on with this? I need to burn the other body.
20,5. Boombastic runs toward the body.
Boombastic:
Hold up! I think I can save Time Warp.
20,6. The team starts laughing.
Cosmic Boy:
Come on, now! Save a person from death? What do you think this is, a comic book?
20,7. Boombastic continues to stay calm.
Boombastic:
Just let me try. If I fail, you guys can hit me as hard as you want.
20,8.
Cosmic Boy:
Okay, I'll bite.
20,9.
Boombastic:
I need some hits with lightning to do this, hint, hint.
21,1.
Live Wire:
Why should I do this? This guy humiliated me in the eyes of the entire world!
21,2.
Boombastic:
20 creds okay for it?
21,3.
Live Wire:
How about 20 creds and I get to hit you as hard as I want no matter what happens?
21,4. Boombastic begins to think.
Boombastic:
Okay.
21,5.
Spark:
I'll do it free of charge.
21,6.
Boombastic:
Well, at least one person in your family is willing to regardless.
Thought bubble:
She wants me.
21,7. Boombastic tries to explain.
Boombastic:
Now, I need both of you to hit me exactly in the middle part of my fingers, which will be raised higher than the other parts. In this way, the lightning will react with the natural healers in my body and go through, which should wake up the guy.
21,8.
Live Wire:
Does it have to be really hard? Like, enough to really hurt you?
21,9.
Boombastic:
NO. Absolutely not.
22,1. Live Wire and Spark shoot out lightning toward Boombastic's upraised finger areas.
22,2. The lightning hits them.
22,3. The items travel through his amplifier arm.
22,4. They hit Time Warp.
22,5. Time Warp reawakens.
Time Warp:
Where am I?
22,6. Boombastic tries to explain.
Boombastic:
Nothing much happened. You were just killed by some errant lightning, we got some good stuff to rekindle your life force. Not much happened while you were gone.
22,7.Live Wire and Monstress's parents come after him.
Parents of Monstress:
Why didn't you try and save our daughter?
Live Wire:
I want my free hit!
22,8. Boombastic goes over to Saturn Girl.
Boombastic:
Could I have my flight ring quickly? Like, right now?
22,9.Time Warp overhears the conversation. In the background, you see the parents of Monstress and Live Wire running after Mr.Boombastic, who's easily in the lead.
Time Warp(in foreground):
Awesome. I get my life saved and find out my best bud was inducted into the Legion. Kick Ass!
The End.