Edgy here,

Welcome to my first multi-chapter fic.

I'll be updating this once a month and I am contemplating making my previous one-shot into a series. The Plot bunnies will not stop and I have a couple of other stories planned out, but for now I'll be starting small.

Keep in mind this story has some adult themes and cursing galore. The characters should not be too OOC, just keep in mind whose head we are in at the time. Ships, both crack and otherwise abound.

**DISCLAIMER**

I DO NOT OWN RWBY. It is the creation of Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum.

D D /\/\ C C

Neo was a gleeful assassin, until she was cast adrift by the death of Roman Torchwick. That Little Red girl had dropped her off of that sinking airship. Truthfully she didn't care that Roman died. He was an ass and it was his fault she had gotten caught up in the stupid genocidal plan anyway. She certainly hadn't wanted to get involved with that crazy fire witch or the naive Fang idiots.

Nah, she needed to lay low. You'd think that would be easy for a girl with an illusion semblance and who everyone thought was mute. But nooooooo. After Red sent Cinder running away extra crispy for trying to kill her friend and that bullheaded edgelord tried to suck up a little too much juice from the girl who was literally a kinetic energy battery and fried his brain, she figured a holiday from murder and mayhem was in order. But how to make a living and have murder-level fun while at the same time not drawing attention to herself.? Simple. She went back to the family business. Candy's the ice cream parlor and soda shop, the place her mother had started. Too bad those Beacon brats took a liking to it once she had the grand reopening.

D D /\/\ C C

The day of the grand reopening was fun to plan but a nightmare to execute. The primary troublesome idiot among all the troublesome idiots that showed up that day was Pyrrha freakin' Nikos. Yeah, I'm sure most businesses owners would be outright thrilled for a celebrity to show up on opening day. Of course, when you are trying to keep your nose clean so no one realizes that you are the most accomplished assassin since Marcus Black, and by accomplished I mean my murder-death-kill count is the population of a medium town, you see the dilemma.

Wondergirl walked in the door right after the first dinner rush. She had him in tow. I'd seen him before, fighting with his team at the tournament. And by fighting with his team I mean arguing about strategy in the middle of a bout,while shouting at each other, and the other team.

Yea it's just as hilarious as it sounds.

When they went to sit down he pulled her chair out like a gentleman and she giggled. I mean I like sweet things but this shit gave me cavities. A girl like that hooking up with a blonde boytoy was sure to bring all sorts of slimy types crawling out of the woodwork. And just like I thought within 15 minutes of them entering a couple of characters decided to sit down at the table across from them. Yeah people that think trench coats and sunglasses are inconspicuous give us mistresses of disguise a bad name. The couple of Hunter morons were sharing a root beer float I had made.

SHARING! Damn kids and their lovey dovey communist… Anyway.

So these two shademeisters are slyly sneaking pictures of the teens. And by sneaking I mean unnecessary 12 inch telephoto lens DSLR in full view under the table. More importantly they hadn't bought anything. That will not stand.

I put on my sweetest non-predatory smile and wagged my hips over to the table.

"Can I get you gentlemen anything?"

The one with his collar popped answered "Nah, we're just resting for a bit. "

I made a sappy inquisitive face. "Oh really what have you boys been up to? ~"

The other one gave a grimace, like thinking that hard made him constipated. "We, uh just came from Junior's."

Popped Collar jumped in "Yeah, you know night on the town."

I pressed my palms to my face in scandalous surprise. "Oh my it's nice to see two men so out and proud. Junior said that he hoped his Gay Night Out Wednesday would be a success. And look at you two. I think that you just look perfect together. Since you haven't ordered yet you guys should go walk down by the pier. It's sooooooooooooo romantic there. "

I pulled Popped Collar out of his chair and towards the door in a friendly, enthusiastic, insistent way. His finger must have slipped and triggered the camera causing a loud whirring and hissing that drew the attention of the teens. I threw PC out the door and into the street and pushed his buddy out behind him. The guy tripped and the camera shattered before sliding into the storm drain.

"Have fun! Wear protection! "

Popped Collar shook his head. "What?!... No I don't…"

"OK ride him bareback I don't care. Just have fun and come back soon~"

I turned back around to see the kids looking at me wide-eyed. I pointed my thumb at the door. "What?Those guys were deadbeats." I remarked flatly.

Nikos gets up and grabs me by the shoulders with her man hands. "Thank you so much." she smiled at me all teary-eyed. She pulled me in for a backpopping hug.

"ergh.. Just making sure my customers are well cared for." I squeaked out.

That was the start of all my problems. And how I eventually wound up finding that love is slightly more satisfying than murder.

D D /\/\ C C

The next day was just as irritating. Red and her teammates BroodyNeko, Bazongas, and Icecrazy had commandeered a corner booth. They were paying customers so I tolerated the chatter. Red was stuffing her maw with cookie dough ice cream while looking like she just woke up. Whitey got an Atlas parfait and was trying her best to stay out of Red's splash zone. Bazongas was having a handmade Choco taco and Kitkat had a bowl of Dulce de leche. Blondie kept making incredibly overt comments like asking Kitkat if she wants a "lick of her taco." They really should just fuck already and get it over with.

Just not on my tables.

Anywho, things got interesting when some blue haired sleazebag came in chatting up a purple haired chick. He was followed by a blonde guy that looked like a more fit and confident version of Nikos' boy toy and who was rolling his eyes behind his friends back. The abs on display were decent, the tail was good for the kink of it but the forlorn gazes at KitKat told me there was a story there. Blueboy was really laying it on thick. Between the subtle touches and the peacocking, this guy screamed pickup artist. The girl was smiling and blushing until all of the sudden she gave a shiver and her teeth started chattering. The not so subtle glyph beneath her feet told me the culprit as I looked up to see Whitey with the iciest glare I had ever seen. The boy looked at the spinning snowflake on the ground, his eyes going wide and slowly panned the the room to meet a gaze that could chill forty types of gelato instantly.

"Heeeeeeey… Snow Angel. Fancy meeting you here."

Ooooh… someone was in trouble. I guess Blueboy and Whitey were a thing.

"Neptune, what have I told you?"

The white girl grit out between clenched teeth.

Blueboy grimaced and then sighed out "Schnee property does not stray far from it's owner or there are consequences."

"Good boyfriend. Now I must…. What is that turn of phrase Yang?"

Bazongas replies " I believe the phrase you are looking for is 'Smackdown a bitch.'"

"Ah, yes. After all, I cannot have some trollip sully my prope...I mean my boyfriend." She said as she slowly approached the shivering girl. The purple haired chick bolted. Whitey followed, busting the door off its hinges on the way out.

I'm billing the SDC for that, damnit.

D D /\/\ C C

Once the doorframe stopped rattling, Blueboy and his Brah sat down at the other end of the counter. I went to take their order because if they were staying, they were paying. Now both of them were sitting with their heads in their hands trying to ignore the rest of the Icebitch's team. I noticed that Cowtits started some serious PDA with the Cat girl. The Arctic Monkey duo both gave the girls jealous glances.

I took pity on them "You want me to get out the hose and separate them? "I asked.

They both gave a start, the playboy lost his grip on his head and it slammed down into the counter knocking him out. Karma was satisfied. Abs-with-a-tail showed wide eyes and then a weak smirk.

"I don't think either of them need help getting wet. " he quipped. Damn, like I thought, Cowtits was flaunting her girlfriend to the hetero she beat out.

"Well ice cream is my forte, but liquor is quicker. Both are good ways to celebrate being runner up. " I said nodding to the bottles behind me.

"Damn, I thought I was being subtle. Is it that obvious? " he sighed rubbing the back of his head.

The deadpan look I gave him nearly cracked when he met my eyes and then not-so-subtly arched his neck to look over the unconscious Blueboy at the softcore lesbian floorshow going on in the corner booth.

Again the mute act was good for my old job, but it felt good to be able verbally spar with a somewhat amusing opponent. "Are you going to order something or should I just sell you a ticket? " I asked Monkeyboy.

He just shrugged and said "Anything with bananas in is fine. "

I gave a mischievous smirk "Coming right up. "

I worked behind the counter putting together his order. I'm sure he saw me pulling out the bottle and maybe saw the lighter.

I served him the dish with a flourish."Ta-Daaaah~" It had three bananas heaped with a scoop each of Chocolate, Strawberry and Vanilla ice cream and drowned in Kahlua chocolate liqueur. The sparklers and Gummibears topped it off.

He looked at me derisively "Woah, how am I supposed to eat all that? "

"With a spoon, " I said pulling out a dessert spoon. "It"ll take the edge off. "

He raised an eyebrow then shrugged his shoulders and dug in. "Damn this is really good what do you call it? "

"That is Candy's Signature Triple Booznana Split, " I paused while he took a bite. 3,2,1.

"The most expensive Item on the menu."

He coughed and choked before sputtering, "But, Why? "

"I believe your order was 'anything with bananas'. It's not my fault you weren't specific."I reminded him. He went back to eating in a huff.

By the time he finished his blue haired friend was groggily raising his head. Monkeyboy slid the empty dish in front of the guy.

"Ugh, Sun what happened? " the playboy slurred.

Monkeyboy gave him a shit-eating grin "Weiss caught you chatting up that Nebula girl and kicked your ass, you ate that whole banana split in a pussy whipped daze and now you have to pay the bill. " He held up the cheque sporting a five digit total.

"Damn that's my whole allowance from Weiss this week. Did I at least enjoy it? " Bluewonder asked while pulling out a stack of Lien.

"It took the edge off." Sun replied sharing a smirk with me.

"NEPTUNE!" came the harpy shriek from outside.

Blueboy and his friend left in a hurry, forgiven for being an unconscious waste of space by being an unwitting heavy tipper.

*CRASH*

"Alright you two, get a damn room! This is a family establishment! " I yelled at the tangle of yellow and black in the corner.

Cowtits yelled "But you sell liquor! "

Red shook out of her shell shocked state, like this wasn't the worst she'd ever seen from her team. " But Yang, Uncle Qrow always says family restaurants wouldn't survive without booze. "

I just sighed and went to get the hose and maybe a crowbar.

D D /\/\ C C

AN

I hope you enjoy my characterization of a Neo who talks. It has always been my headcanon that she could speak but chose not to in order to make herself more enigmatic. Also if she was always going around with a subtle illusion around herself she could easily drop everything and resume her civilian identity rather than building a fake one.

Anyway, some foreshadowing in this chapter and a good idea of how Neo perceives the world. Expect some change of perspectives in the next couple of chapters.

Thank you for reading.

Review, Fav and Follow if you want more!

-Edgy