Title: Living To Your End
Rating: PG-13 for language
Fandom: SCC; Sarah Connor Chronicles
Pairing: future John/Kate, John & Cameron friendship
Spoilers: written before the finale everything pre 1x08 is fair game. And movies.
Beta: Me? I did my best, but feel free to point out anything. (which, I'm sure there is)
A/N: I play around a bit with the past timeline, but it's SCC when is the past timeline ever really set?
Summary: She is the child of Skynet and he should hate her. In a way he does, because he would and has destroyed others of her model, but Cameron's different – she always has been – will be, he'll make sure of it.

Living To Your End

When he first sees "Cameron" in his adult life she is stepping purposely towards him, a TOK715 ready to kill or be killed. Kill him. Killed by him. But he knows, somehow that it's her. What her? The thought skitters from his mind. They are raiding a warehouse for supplies and her model has always been an efficient killer. For a brief second she almost manages it, but Elizabeth Anderson steps in front of him, saving him and dying in the process, and he tries to drag her body to safety but has to leave her behind in order to get to safety and blow the warehouse. Still, they manage to subdue the TOK715 and despite the looks he gets he orders his men to bring her in. They look like they're about to argue, but stop at his look. They always do.

Three days later as he watches as she is being laid down to be deprogrammed, he winces. Only a little, he wouldn't do it for any other Terminator expect the T-800, a left over instinct from "Uncle Bob", and with a wry smile he remembers how it always worried his mom how he cared too much for these machines. These destroyers. But that was then, and he was a kid with little to no friends, and besides his mom, Terminators were the only constant things in his life. As the drill goes into "Cameron" (and fuck he shouldn't be naming her already) he feels Kate slide up next to him as he watches Danny begin to cut into Cameron's head (Miles would be proud, he hopes.)

Kate's arm goes naturally to his waist, as does his, and she tilts her head to where her team in working and asks, "You know her, right? The model, it looks familiar."

John sighs and turns to his wife, considering lying to her, but he hasn't lied to her in 20 years and he's not planning to start now. "If she's who I think she'll end being." He knows this would confuse other people, how he talks about his past as an ongoing thing, something that is still in motions, but Kate understands. She always seems too.

"And who do you think she's end up being?" Kate asks and John smiles, because there is no jealously in her voice, anger, worry or anything of the like. Just curiosity, because she already knows about how his past and his memories are continuously changing, expanding, and evolving with each dream he has. And Cameron's been the newest. He dreams of the machine that became his stepsister and that helped his mom mould and protect him. He dreams of her getting blown up.

"A friend, one of the better ones." The words are real, yet they feel blasphemous. (But towards the end that was what Cameron ended up being in a way. His best friend. His confidant and maybe the only other being in the world beside his mother and his wife that would ever his him at his worst, because Christ, sometimes he had been a really stupid kid. Really fucking stupid.)

She is the child of Skynet and he should hate her. In a way he does, because he would and has destroyed others of her model, but Cameron's different – she always has been – will be, he'll make sure of it.

Kate nods and kisses his cheek, "Pretty though and her mimicking, it's good?" And he knows she's not asking out of envy, Kate's smart enough not to jealous of a machine, but because she needs to know these things. For the files and new systems.

"Good enough. How else do you think she'll fooled me, because god knows that if she wasn't, I would pick up on the fact she was a Terminator a lot faster," He pushes back the stray thought of a pretty smile and lockers. Shrugging, he pushes himself of the wall and leans over Kate's shoulder where she's typing the parameters for the new algorithms in the programming. "I'll need a copy of these, I'm going to make some adjustments." He mentions when she turns the screen for him. Kate nods but doesn't ask what changes he's planning. Kate knows better than that.

§

The first time he's in room with Cameron, as they've (officially) named her (as he knew her name to be), she is naked, metal covered in smooth skin, and sitting like a statue on the workbench. She's not activated yet; Danny and Kate want to make sure that she won't kill him when she gets activated – it's a valid point, he thinks. He lets them work, it soothes their worries and Cameron won't kill him. Not yet anyway.

(She looks so different from how he last saw her. That Cameron had chunks of skin ripped off, one eye glowing blue, a burnt shirt and synthetic blood covering her. She had just shoved him and his mom into a plane and her last words were a soft you're welcome to his mother's quiet thank you. She had then held of the three other T-888s coming after them and had he kept his eye on the military base as they flew higher and higher finally pressing the button that blew her up when they were at a safe distance.

Tears had stung his eyes then, but he had brushed them away turning back to his mom as she and Gen. Brewster flew them to relative safety, Kate unconscious next to him. Judgement Day had happened mere days later.)

Now, as she's sitting flawless and blank, and he can smile at the irony of it all.

The first time he really sees her, she's looks human, whole, but has dead eyes, the last time he ever sees her, she is breaking apart, machinery poking out, and he can almost see something akin to affection in robotic blue eyes. God, he runs a hand through his hair, I am fucked up. The thought doesn't stop him though, and he watches as Kate covers her, almost as if she's worried for Cameron's modesty or his eyes. He remembers his mother. (Though he knows his mother was only worried about his eyes.)

Kate walks up to him and nods over to Cameron, "Looks good?"

"Very nice job, someone's going to hate how good a job you did." John smiles a half smile to her.

Kate smirks, "You or your mom?"

"Both."

Kate sits and sighs, opening her notebook, and John recognises the worry in the breath the millisecond it leaves her lips. He drops his hand on her shoulder and brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. "What's wrong?"

Kate turns back to him and meets his eyes, "She different, John. I don't know if this is such a good idea."

He looks back to Cameron, still unmoving, a dead look in her brown eyes, and turns back to Kate, remembering, "What do you mean? The food consumption? She's going to need to blend in. The new programming will just help her adjust and adapt easier. Everything is set in her."

Kate nods, "Yes, I know, but it's not only that, John. Her programming is brand new, it's adaptable in a way no other AI platform we've seen before is. And you adjusting it to… well, now it not only has the ability to grow outside its set parameters, but question them. It's almost as if it's trying to become more human." Turning back to Cameron, she bites her lips, "I don't like it. Too many unstable variables. I think we need to send another one until my team can understand her better. Another T-800 would be easier."

John listens to Kate's words and remembers Cameron (something that happens more often these days), how she grew with them, with him. How by the end of it all, she had had the ability to make his mother almost smile, because his mom had never, would never, be able to see the Terminators like John did. And neither would Kate. It was something singular in him, he guesses, to be able to look a Terminator and feel for it. He can appreciate the irony of that too.

Pressing a hand to his wife's shoulder, he hardens his eyes, "It has to be her." And as he says the words, he knows they're true. It's not just the TOK715 model, or the re-programming. It's something singular in Cameron. He thinks he knows what it is – the eating, the jokes, the dancing, the lying – but really, he's not sure he really knows.

Kate looks up at him, seeing the determination in his eyes, and with her own hard gaze knows this is not a fight to win, but an order. Like a solider she stands and goes over to Cameron. "The reprogramming will be finish tomorrow, you'll need to start teaching her whatever you're going to teach her after."

He nods with a kiss to Kate's cheek, he knows she's not a fan of him teaching the Terminators, but it's a necessary evil and he walks away to a meeting with his lieutenants. He begins to make a mental list of all he needs Cameron to know, a list of all the things she will eventually tell him and his mother he had told her in the future. Cameron will be a quick learner, he is sure of it.

§

Sometimes he wonders if his mom ever really figures out what it means to stop Judgement Day. (If it can ever be stopped.) He thinks she never does, because he's still alive fighting this war. But long ago, on the day it happens he did. He knows Judgement Day means. It means death. For him or the world. There is no way around it.

Judgement Day means he lives, it means he is born. Without it, he would not exist and it took him years to accept it. The day he does, he gives his mother's picture to Kyle Reese, his father, and he begins his end.

He begins to send back more and more people to the past to prepare. He begins to send the machines of his destruction to protect him. War is dirty and he takes every advantage he can. It means sacrifice, but in this war it is the King that needs to be sacrificed for the Queen and the rest of the pieces to live.

He sends his father back to his death, and when that night Kate asks him what's wrong, he whispers nothing and sits in lab all night and tells Cameron, who never sleeps, that his mom used to read him 'The Wizard of Oz' in Spanish. One King down, whom most think as a Pawn, soon another will go. Next time someone dies he hopes it's him.

When the day comes that he has to ask his uncle to go back into time he feels that he should give Derek Resse the option to stay, to live, and maybe irrevocably change the past (again), but he doesn't because he knows Derek, like Kyle, wouldn't take it. The Resse boys are loyal and they're fighters, if a bit headstrong, and they know their obligations well. He knows this because he knows them, and hefinally knows himself after so many years, so he does not ask Derek to stay. This is a war. And sacrifices, whether bodily or emotional, are always made. There's no way around that, not in this war.

He worries as he watches Derek's eyes watching Cameron. Always sharp, deadly. Not like Kyle, who's eyes held hope. And vaguely he wonders what would have happened had he sent Derek Reese back to 1984, but it was never an option and he had already written out his own destiny long before he had been born. His uncle is a killer, hard, deadly and unpredictable, and Cameron is everything he hates. Everything he's been raised to kill. John partly wonders if he should feel guilty about this, because he's moulded his family into killers and fighters in one way or another. Being born is not supposed to be something anyone is supposed to dread, but he does. And his mother did. No mother should have to carry that burden, but his did, and it's no small part of him that wants to stop Judgement Day for her. His mother. The fighter.

In a big way that's the bottom line for him in all of this. Stopping Judgement Day means granting his mother peace. And if that means sending a Terminator back to stop her from dying, then he'll send two.

"They're ready." He hears from Kate standing at his right and watches as the group of four steps into the room to be sent back to Los Angels, circa 2007. Derek stands at the forefront and stares at him. Clear and sharp blue eyes watch him, and John bites back a smirk at that small inkling of hate his uncle carries for him. He feels remorse, but can't feel anger, because Derek should hate him. His uncle should hate him, after all he sent Kyle Reese (brother, fighter, solider, lover, father) to his death. John hates himself a little too.

Bidding them good luck he nods, and in a flash the room is empty.

Turning, he faces Cameron, standing at his left and tells her, "You're going to be next."

Cameron only nods, sharp and quick. "Yes."

§

They're in his unofficial office two hours before she is to leave. Cameron is standing in standard military issue clothes and peering at a picture of his mom. He knows his mom will hate her most of the time, but it can't be helped and it's ironic, but he's missed Cameron since she died. He shouldn't, not rationally, because the memories haven't necessarily happened – couldn't have happened since she is here – but they will and that's what matters. Some have become fuzzier; the base explosion for one, and he wonders if this means something has changed. Probably, and he'll have a week worth of nightmares after she leaves before he understands.

"She's the strongest person I know." He states and Cameron turns a curious eye on him like a child and he smiles.

"Your mother?" she asks in her soft voice and he nods crossing his arms.

"Yes, she's the reason I made it as long as I did. She needs to survive." It's an order not a fact.

Cameron tilts her head, "I know this, it is in the mission parameters set in my memory drive."

"I know," he shakes his head, slightly exasperated, "but remember that. My mother needs to live and be aware she won't like you that much. So don't be put off by are reactions to you."

"It is not in my programming to feel insulted." Cameron states.

John chuckles, "And thank god for that…"

He doesn't get to finish because Cameron cuts in, "but why wouldn't she like me? Kate says I'm programmed to be casual in regards towards human interactions, but nice. Kate likes me."

"Yes, Kate likes you, but for all their similarities, my mother has some issues with Terminators that Kate doesn't completely share. Just be nice, even when she's not." John orders and Cameron nods looking back at the picture, repeating the order out loud as if it will help her remember it better – be nice – but John knows better. "And Cameron?"

"Yes, John?" Her head turns slowly, a completely mechanical movement, to him.

"Be careful and learn. Watch us and remember. It's important." He reminds her.

"I do not understand why you would want me to learn more, my mission is clear." Cameron tilts her head, questioning him, as Kate enters the office eyeing the two of them, as if she walked in on a private moment, and tells him they're ready. (She questions and John smiles, perfect.) He knows it disturbs many of his lieutenants, Kate too sometimes, that there seems to be a secret in Cameron's mechanical eyes, but it reassures him. It gives him the hope that this time it might work.

Cameron will manage it, he's sure she will, she was made for it. She was built to kill him and now she is going back to stop Judgement Day. To stop what makes him. What builds him. To stop the world from becoming what it is.

Any means necessary.

As they walk out of the room he feels each step he takes is marking his grave and a new future. They enter the time-displacement room and Cameron goes to stand in place. She is immobile, stiff and fearless. Ready. He then orders for the machine to start up and she gives a small smile and waves. Kate waves back, he doesn't, instead he hopes he never has to see these brown eyes again and remembers something his mother whispered a long time ago, a prophecy of the human race, of man: we are the masters of our own destruction.

It was the plan all along.