A/N: Hello! It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm getting back into the groove.
Are You There?
The whole practice room was bathed in an orange glow, but the sunset couldn't mean anything to me. Not anymore. I pushed my body to the limits over and over again, letting the strenuous exercises remove all else from my mind. It was the only way I could ignore what time of day it was.
I knew her footsteps. Shiori's footsteps. I knew everyone's, of course. It was something Ruka had taught me, to listen to other's feet as they moved. Pattering, stomping, gliding, they gave away everything. It was a useful tool in fencing. In life, it was cruel. Shiori's footsteps were sweet, they were sharp, they were even deceitful in their own way. Those were not hers. Miki stopped in the middle of the floor, likely watching the expression on my face. I didn't care that the Beautiful Leopard's face was twisted in an ugly frown. I ignored him.
"Miss Juri?" I winced at the honorific Miki so innocently attached to my name. I dropped the sabre, and it clanged to the ground. "Juri!"
"What is it, Miki?" The words came out a gasp. I clutched the locket unthinkingly, then tore my hand away to pick up the sabre again.
"Are you alright?" I looked up, and his naive blue eyes stared into mine. What did he know of forbidden love? I almost laughed at myself. So melodramatic, Juri. If the school knew what I was behind my fencing mask, they would laugh. Life tossed out the weak. No amount of fencing practice would compensate. But that wouldn't stop me from trying.
"I'm fine." My footsteps were strong and sure as I put the sabre away. Of course I had learned how to lie through them as well.
"You don't look fine," he murmured timidly. I whirled on him. "I understand." Miki put a hand on my shoulder, even though I was taller.
"Where did you? What?"
"The fencing team gossips. I mean, they do respect you and all, but…" Miki shrugged, looking away shyly. "They thought you were childhood friends, but I guessed it was more."
"You don't understand. This isn't some sort of 'shining thing'."
"I do, too, understand. Because something just as hurtful happened to me." He bit his lip, then left the practice room. I stood there, head bowed in shame. Did they see me? The fencing team? Everyone? Did they see a pathetic girl that had fallen in love with her best friend and wouldn't let go? No, they couldn't have. I was so very careful. Miki was simply perceptive. Yes. That was it. That had to be it.
Practice the next day was much the same. It was always the same in Ohtori. Utena Tenjou won all the duels. The shadow girls haunted the halls with hidden truths. And no amount of aching muscle blurred with the constant pain that was losing Shiori. Not that I'd ever truly had her in the first place.
When the door opened, scattering bright, artificial light across the sun-glazed marble, I stopped practicing to listen. I expected Miki, not her. But she was here, making her way to me, footsteps smug and assured.
"Are you there?" I asked quietly, hoping she didn't hear the hesitation in my voice. She did, though, she always did. Shiori was as adept at seeing through voices as I was at listening to footsteps. When I glanced over at her slowly, not daring to look at her full on, she was smirking.
"It's rather amusing, Miss Juri." Her voice was so terribly lovely. "You were supposed to be that Kaoru boy's mentor, but now he's mentoring you. Do you like him?" She giggled.
"Shiori."
"As I thought. You only like me. You only love me." She went to stand by the enormous windows, and for a second, she looked like the Shiori I once knew. Then her mouth twisted with spite. "You're disgusting."
"I know."
"Do you, though?"
"Are you there?" I asked again.
"What are you talking about?"
"I never knew you, did I?" I whispered, trying not to choke, to cry. That truth hurt most of all. I thought I understood her. She laughed now.
"You were the one to tell me to believe in miracles. I never got mine, so you'll never get yours." She left, footsteps echoing. I didn't recognize them.
I drew a deep breath and walked to the mirrors that line the other side of the practice room. So many times, I watched myself in them, perfecting my technique. Now, I tried to look at myself. Juri Arisugawa. I swallowed hard. Nowhere was the girl I remembered before Shiori. This woman, no, this adolescent in front of me was nothing like her. Was it Shiori who stole her, or my own ridiculous, painful passion? Both?
Green eyes, orange curls, fine features, strong body.
"Are you there?" I touched the face of the girl in the mirror. Her eyes watered as if she understood what had happened to her. What had happened to me. That was when I felt the loathing course through me, disgust like Shiori's. I slammed my fist against the mirror, and the glass shattered. I stumbled back, hand on the locket again. I was such an idiot. Such an idiot for falling in love with someone who would never love me back.
I didn't know anything. Not even how to let her go. The sun set again.