Utter Non-Scents

"Okay, Sabertooth is in his room," Piotr reported entering the Control Room of the Acolyte base. "He is still unconscious, but I barricaded the door just in case he is not back to normal when he wakes up."

"Hahahahaha!" Remy and Pyro ignored him while sitting in front of the main computer laughing their heads off. "Oh man, this is great!"

"Um, hello? Did you hear me?" Piotr asked walking over to them. "Remy? Pyro? What are you doing?"

"Hey Colossus! You gotta see this!" Remy noticed him and waved.

"Yeah! It's hilarious!" Pyro giggled while holding a large bowl of popcorn.

"Why? What is it?" Piotr looked at one of the monitors.

"It's the live footage coming in from the X-Mansion," Remy explained with a grin. "Their security cameras are still activated and they haven't reset their security system yet."

"Really?" Piotr asked. "Why?"

"Hehehehehe!" Hank was seen on screen with a crazy look in his eyes while writing on a wall with a large bottle of ketchup. "This is gonna be great! I'm finally going to discover the secret to happiness hidden within the writings of Lao Tzu by applying and solving the Schrödinger equation!"

"Oh, I see," Piotr blinked.

"Yeah. Those blokes found my dropped bottle of serum and thought it was bleach or something," Pyro chortled. "They started using it to clean up the mess and got immediately exposed!"

"Well that explains his behavior," Piotr noted Hank's actions on the screen. "Who else did the serum effect?"

"Smile, darn ya, smile!" Logan appeared singing and skipping around with a huge grin on his face. "You know this whole world is a great world after all! Smile, darn ya, smile! And right away watch Lady Luck pay you a call!"

"Wow!" Piotr could not hold back from laughing. "That serum really does make mutants happy."

"As long as you're a feral anyway," Remy smirked swiping some popcorn. "Sabes is gonna love seeing this!"

"That's it everyone! Smile! Smile!" Logan beamed and held up a couch cushion with some claw marks in it. "I love to smile and enjoy putting smiles on everyone and everything!"

"No kidding," Remy quipped at a shot of the mansion's living room which had smiley faces clawed into every available surface. "Xavier's gonna have to pay a fortune to have those claw marks sanded out."

"Yes! Yes!" Hank furiously splattered ketchup on the walls. "It's all coming together! Oops, made a little mistake. That's easy to erase. Ooo, yummy!"

"Smile! Smiles everywhere!" Logan giggled clawing more smiley faces into the furniture. "Smiles make you happy and feel all soft and snuggly inside!"

"Oh man, this is priceless," Pyro howled spilling his popcorn.

"We gotta make copies of this," Remy snickered.

"I have to admit, I would not mind seeing more," Piotr chuckled.

ZZZZZZAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!

"What was that?" Piotr blinked, startled.

"Oh yeah," Pyro grinned at him. "Turns out my serum has a different effect on those who are mutant and female."

"Hahahahaha!" Ororo ran into view wearing a makeshift pirate costume while waving a sword around. "Avast ye swabs! Give 'em a whiff o' grapeshot and loot all their doubloons!"

"That's one way to clear the decks," Remy smirked as Ororo blasted a couch with lightning and began hacking at it with her sword. "Man, that serum really does a number on you."

"Aha!" Pyro pointed at him. "So you admit my serum does work and it is responsible for affecting Sabes and the X-Men!"

"Fine, I do!" Remy threw up his hands in defeat. "I was wrong and you were right. Happy?"

"Yep," Pyro smiled triumphantly. "Though not as happy as they are!"

CRASH!

"MY EQUATION! NOOOOOOOOO!" Hank yelled as a bolt of lightning took out the wall. "WHY? WHY?"

SPLAT!

"AAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!" Hank screamed as the ketchup bottle exploded. "I'M HIT! I'M HIT!"

"Don't worry buddy! I got ya!" Logan ran and scooped Hank up in arms.

"Quick! Call a doctor!" Hank wailed while covered with ketchup. "Wait, I am a doctor."

"No problem. I can fix this," Logan set Hank down and shot out his claws. "I'll clean it, kiss it and carve a smiley face on it to make it all better!"

"Yay!" Hank cheered. "I love smiley faces!"

"Oh my," Piotr gulped as Logan puckered up.

"I can't watch this," Remy shielded his eyes. "Yes I can!"

"Things are really heating up now!" Pyro cackled.

"WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED HERE?" Scott was heard shouting in the distance.

"No, now things are heating up," Remy grinned as the X-Kids arrived back from school. "Oh, this is gonna be good!"

"Mr. McCoy! Logan!" Scott appeared on screen along with Jean, Kitty and Kurt. "What's going on? Are we under attack?"

"Attack!" Ororo grinned and blasted the grand piano to kindling. "Search the holds and save the rum!"

"Rum? Did somebody say rum?" Logan and Hank echoed and looked up.

"Storm! Logan! What has gotten into you?" Jean asked taking a deep breath. "And what's that weird smell in the air?"

"Where's the rum? We want the rum!" The three X-Adults ran around the room while bumping into each other.

"I think they're drunk," Kurt blinked at the sight.

"Oh no, not again!" Scott groaned. "I hope the Professor isn't on a bender too...huh?" Scott was whipped around and found himself facing Jean. "Jean?"

"I'm not Jean," Jean giggled with a strange look in her eyes. "I'm a flying jet powered speedboat and I'm taking you for a ride!"

"Huh? Jean what are you talking about...YAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Scott yelped as Jean picked him up and began flying around the room. "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! PUT ME DOWN!"

"What the?" Kurt gawked at the sight before noticing Kitty looking slightly dazed. "Kitty? Are you alright?"

"Huh?" Kitty blinked and stared at him. "Oh wow! A clown! I love clowns! Do something funny!"

"What?" Kurt yelped. "Kitty what's gotten into you...ow!"

"Honk, honk!" Kitty giggled as she squeezed Kurt's nose like a bugle horn. "Hey, is that your real hair?"

"Kitty stop it...YEEEOOOWWW!" Kurt yelled as Kitty began pulling on his hair. "LET GO! OW! OW! OW! THAT'S MY HAIR!"

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Jean giggled as she flew around the room. "THIS IS FUN!"

"NO IT'S NOT!" Scott shouted. "JEAN, WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU? PUT ME DOWN!"

"Ahoy! Enemy frigate sighted!" Ororo looked up and pointed her sword. "All cannons fire!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Scott screamed as Ororo began shooting lightning bolts at them.

"This is fun!" Jean grinned weaving between the blasts. "Let's turn on the afterburners!"

"WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Scott shrieked as Jean increased their speed and quickly zoomed out of the room. "AAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

"Wait for me!" Kurt shouted. He had been trying to teleport away from Kitty, but could not due to her phased grip into him.

"Come on Mister Clown! Hit yourself with a pie!" Kitty giggled. "Hey, is this a rope of handkerchiefs?"

"What? No! That's my tail...YEEEOOOWWW!" Kurt yelped before teleporting both of them away.

"Wow. Those shelias are coming up with some really wild hallucinations," Pyro munched on some popcorn. "Wonder what the others are dreaming up?"

"Let's find out," Remy worked the control board and switched to a new set of cameras.

"Oh boy!" Amara grinned crazily as she stood in the foyer. "All my favorite pastries! Giant pastries! Cinnamon rolls, strudel, sticky buns and cream puffs! Come to mama!"

"Amara cut it out!" Sam yelled as she tried to take a bite out of his arm. "I'm not a sticky bun!"

"Yeah!" Ray winced glancing at the bite marks on his shoulder. "And neither am I!"

"Hey! You pastries aren't supposed to fight back!" Amara pouted. "You must not have been cooked enough." She immediately turned into her magma form. "It's baking time!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The two boys ran for their lives as Amara chased after them.

"Well, that was unexpected," Piotr remarked. "How did she manage to get exposed to Pyro's serum?"

"It probably got carried through the air vents," Remy said. "Or that weather witch sprayed it everywhere while she was running around before."

"Alright fire shelia! Burn those blokes good!" Pyro cheered. "Hey, wanna bet on how long it will take her to catch 'em?"

"Maybe later. This is the hallucination I really want to see," Remy grinned switching to another camera and zooming in on Rogue. "And I bet it includes me!"

"Rogue! You gotta get out here!" Bobby ran into the mansion's kitchen along with Jamie. "Amara's gone crazy, Jean is flying around with Scott and the adults have got absolutely nuts!"

"What?" Rogue looked at them. "AAAHHHHHH! CHICKENS! ALIEN CHICKENS!"

"Huh?" Bobby blinked.

"Alien chickens?" Jamie repeated looking confused.

"YOU'RE HERE TO TAKE YOUR REVENGE BY PECKING OUT MY LIVER AND LAYING YOUR EGGS IN MY BRAIN!" Rogue shouted. "BUT I WON'T LET YOU!" She grabbed a very large knife from a drawer. "DIE!"

"ROGUE! STOP...AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Bobby screamed as Rogue lunged at him. Fortunately, he missed the knife but unfortunately came into contract with Rogue's skin. "Ooo," Bobby warbled and passed out.

"Yikes!" Jamie dove aside and smacked into some cabinets, creating several clones.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! THE ALIEN CHICKENS ARE MULTIPLYING!" Rogue yelled and created an ice dagger. "WELL I KNOW HOW TO FIX THAT!"

"AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jamie screamed and ran off with his clones.

"COME BACK HERE AND FIGHT LIKE CHICKENS YOU CHICKENS!" Rogue chased after them. "I'LL FRY UP YOUR GIZZARDS AND FEED 'EM TO THE GATORS!"

"Oh my," Piotr was stunned at Rogue's hallucination. "I do not want to know how she managed to come up with that."

"Pyro what the heck did you put in that serum?" Remy blinked.

"I dunno. Just some stuff I borrowed from Mags' lab," Pyro shrugged. "I figured I could use 'em as part of my mutant power enhancer since the labels said they were non-toxic, brain altering something-or-others."

"Oh geeze," Remy groaned. "Talk about blind, stupid luck. Emphasis on stupid!"

"HELP ME!" Roberto ran by in a state of sheer terror.

"Come back here buddy!" Logan ran after him. "I just wanna put a smile on that sad face of yours!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Roberto screamed.

"Zoom, zoom, zoom!" Jean flew along the ceiling doing barrel rolls with Scott while Ororo flew behind them still shooting lighting bolts. "Flying jet powered speedboat away!"

"FULL BROADSIDE!" Ororo yelled. "LEAVE NO MAN ALIVE!"

"GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Scott shrieked and Jean did a quick series of corkscrews. "JEAN STOP! I'M GONNA BE SICK! KULLLPPP!"

"I have you now, my tasty pastries," Amara stood with a fireball in each hand while looming over Ray and Sam, each tightly rolled up in a rug. "Let's get crispy!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ray and Sam screamed.

"My clown! My clown!" Kitty giggled still clinging to Kurt. "Boy, you have big feet!"

"KITTY! OW!" Kurt yelped and staggered around, tired out from teleporting all over the place. "STOP...OW! STEPPING ON MY...OW! TAIL! OW!"

"Hey, I have an idea!" Kitty grinned and dragged him into the bathroom. "It'll be really funny!"

"WHAT?" Kurt yelled. "KITTY NO! HEY, DON'T PHASE MY HEAD INTO THE SINK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PUT THAT ELECTRIC RAZOR DOWN! HEEELLLPPP!"

"Boy, this is fascinating!" Hank walked by having acquired a new ketchup bottle. "We should change from the standard of using the speed of light to using the speed of ketchup!"

"AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!" Jamie and his clones screamed as Rogue threw both steel and ice knives at them.

"DIE YOU EVIL ALIEN CHICKENS, DIE!" Rogue yelled.

"Ya just can't beat this kind of entertainment!" Pyro giggled as the insanity continued on screen.

"At least we do not have to worry about being infected and experience hallucinations around here," Piotr said.

"Why isn't she seeing me?" Remy frowned at Rogue's behavior. "She's hallucinating and should be seeing the first, most obsessive thing in her mind. Which should be me."

"She's thinking about killing a big, strange evil chicken," Pyro commented as he munched. "Sounds like she's hallucinating about you to me."

"WHAT?" Remy shouted and tackled him. "DIE!"

"YEOW! HEY, NO BITING!" Pyro yelped as they rolled around the floor fighting. "OKAY, IT'S PAYBACK TIME!"

"Then again," Piotr groaned. "Maybe experiencing some hallucinations would not be so bad after all."

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evoluton or the song, "Smile, Darn ya, Smile".