Author's Note: So, you put a lot into the prompt, which is great, but I decided not to actually write that part because they would be a whole lot more. I hope that's okay! I am pausing One-Shot requests for a bit. I have three besides this one, plus an update to write for Electronic Configuration, and that's just fanfiction and not school work so… Pausing.
And I love you more than I did before,
And if today I don't see your face,
Nothing's changed, no one can take your place,
It gets harder everyday…
-Stay, Miley Cyrus
Riley Matthews knew she was weird for not liking summers.
Everybody loves summer, especially anyone still young enough to be in school!
But Riley just never liked them as much as the school year.
The past summer, though, the summer before her Senior year, had hit new record lows. Even Maya had hated it and she definitely never complained about not having school. In contrast, Lucas didn't seem too bothered, then again Riley doubted he'd even say anything if he was. At least not to her.
Summer always meant less of the things Riley loved most. Less learning, less new experiences, less of it all… And of course less of being right beside those she cared for... Inevitably less Maya, less Lucas, less him.
And that summer, that awful summer, had actually meant no him at all.
Riley knew it was stupid to be angry, now months after everything had happened, but she couldn't help it. He'd told her he'd always be there for her and that, like a lot of things these days, had apparently not meant what she'd thought. Lucas would say she was overreacting, that friends grew apart, maybe even that she was being too 'Riley' again but it was Farkle.
Who else was she supposed to be with him when Riley was her permeant record?
Then again, he wasn't exactly the Farkle she'd always known anymore so... who knew?
It was just a summer!
She just... she didn't understand how so much could have changed.
Junior year was hard for Farkle, no one knew that better than Riley. He was still healing from Smackle choosing Sweden over him the year before. He was fractured, cracked, ripped at every edge, but he'd still been prefect to Riley. She'd tried so hard, tried a million times, to tell him that, but it had been like screaming in space. He hadn't heard her.
Then he left.
That had stung.
And he hadn't said goodbye.
That... that had felt a little like dying.
Riley had tried to talk herself through it. She's spent months repeating over and over to herself that it wasn't personal. Farkle needed time away from everything. Maybe saying goodbye would have been too painful. She never wanted to hurt him.
So, she'd only let the questions eat her up on the inside. Outside, she was still her parent's princess, Lucas's lady love, Maya's better half. It was better that way and, at first, easier. People expected Riley to be happy, to be fine. She always was and she didn't know how to explain the hollow feeling in her chest at Farkle's absence anyway.
It was a feeling she knew a girl with a boyfriend, whom she loved, should not have. Not for anyone, especially her best friend.
Riley did love Lucas.
She had to, right?
He was her first love, her knight in shining armor, her Topanga. She had to love him after all that. If they barely spoke anymore, it was only because they didn't need words to understand each other. If they were more likely to fight than they were not to when they did speak, it was only because they were both so passionate. And if Riley sometimes saw Lucas laughing harder, smiling brighter, with Maya, it was only because he loved Riley so much that by extension he loved Maya, too.
Riley Matthews sighed, reaching up to the top shelf in the cramped supply closet for a can of paint. She'd been tasked by the art teacher to retrieve just the right shade of maroon for a spirit poster for the football team. As the Senior quarterback's girlfriend, she hadn't felt right saying no.
The can of paint skirted just out of her fingertips and Riley huffed, glaring down at her flats. If she'd only worn heels…
"Need some help?"
Shrieking in surprise, Riley whirled around with her hand over her heart. Farkle Minkus stood in the closet doorway, expression blank except for a very slight twinkle in his eyes, his hands raised in mocking surrender. "Geez, Riley. Don't get yourself a heart attack, it's only me."
'Only me?' Who even was that anymore?
The brunette cleared her throat, drawing herself up. "Right, sorry." Farkle's eyes remained on her as he lowered his hands. "What are you look at?"
"You didn't answer," He took a step into the room and by extension towards her. Riley cursed her heart for skipping a beat, but god, how could it not when he looked like that? He pointed to the can of paint above her head, tauntingly out of reach. "Need help?"
"You don't have to…" She trailed off as he brushed past her, easily grabbing the can with his obvious height advantage.
Farkle gently placed the heavy can in her folded hands and shrugged, "That's what friends are for."
There was a venom, a bite, in his tone that made anger flare in her chest. As if he were accusing her of doing something when he was the one to walk away. He left her behind, not the other way around.
A scoff escaped her lips before she could help it.
Farkle's head shot up from him studying the ground between them, eyebrows drawn. "What's so funny?"
"Friends?" Riley asked, shifting the paint can from hand to hand. "I wasn't sure if that's what we still were."
"Okay, wait-" Farkle's raised voice was cut off but the slam of the closet door as they were immediately enveloped in darkness. Riley stood completely still, hearing only Farkle's breathing and her own heartbeat before the boy said, "That door doesn't do that."
"Huh?" She asked, hearing Farkle's shifting and then the jiggle of the doorknob.
"This door doesn't close by itself, Riley. It's meant to stay open so that students and teachers don't get locked in when it shuts." He tugged at the knob for a moment longer before sighing, "Someone closed it."
"Someone locked us in, you mean?" Riley asked, moving in the dark and almost tripping before she reached a spot close enough to smell Farkle's cologne. "Who would do that?"
"You think I know?"
"Well, aren't you supposed to be the genius?"
"Why are you being like this?"
"Like what?"
"Mean!"
Riley drew back at his declaration.
She was being mean? She was the one causing the problem? Not him, who left without a goodbye. Not him, who didn't call or text or even fucking email all summer. Never him, who'd dodged her hug on the first day back after the longest time they'd ever been apart.
No, she was the one being mean.
Fuck that.
"I'm mean? That's rich coming from you, Farkle."
It was still too dark to see him clearly, but Riley's eyes were slowly beginning to adjust. Enough that she could make out his head turning back to look at her over his shoulder. "And what's that supposed to mean?"
"You ignored me for months, Farkle! I know last year was hard for you, but I was still there! And then this summer, when I needed you, where were you? Off doing god knows what without me? I thought you said you'd always be there! So, where were you?" She exclaimed, months and months of bottled, buried rage bursting to the surface before she could control it.
She expected him to yell back, but he didn't. He was quiet for a long moment, so long she thought that he just wasn't going to answer, before he gently said, "I couldn't be around you anymore."
It's not personal. It's not personal. It's not personal.
She'd chanted it to herself all summer. She'd tried to etch into her brain. She'd called on it to ease the ache in her heart. She'd prayed for it, believe in it, relied on it. But apparently she'd been wrong. It was personal. She was the problem.
Swallowing hard, Riley took a step back. Her hands were shaking and she wondered for a moment if she might accidentally drop the can of paint still heavily settled into them.
"Oh."
In the dark, she could hear Farkle turn, "Riley-"
"What did I do?" She cursed how pathetic she sounded, like a scolded child or kicked puppy.
There was a sigh.
"Nothing," Farkle answered, tiredly. Riley could just barely see him run a hand over his face, "You didn't do anything, Riles. It was me. I just couldn't."
Numbly, she shook her head, "I don't understand, Farkle."
The boy laughed, humorlessly and dry, "Yeah, I know you don't. It's okay."
But it wasn't. It's wasn't okay and it wouldn't be until something changed. But how could she change something she couldn't even comprehend?
"Farkle," She whispered and the boy looked up at her in the dark, "I want to understand."
There was a squeak as Farkle's boot scuffed the linoleum beneath them and then warmth radiating close to her skin. She could hear his breath and tried to ignore her racing heart at knowing he was so close. Could he hear the drumming on her ribcage? Did he knew his affect?
She should be ashamed. She had a boyfriend…
But in the moment, even Riley could admit she wasn't in love with Lucas. Not anymore, at least, if she ever had been. No, in that moment, she was just Riley and he was just Farkle and they were just incredibly close.
"Isadora broke up with me because of you," Farkle finally said, breaking the spell that had seemed to have temporarily enchanted them both. Riley remained silent, not wanting to push him or drive him back away. Not after feeling this near to him.
"She said," He paused, bent his head towards his shoes, "She said she was tired of watching me be in love with someone who was in love with someone else. And that she was tired of being the one no one was in love with."
Riley shook her head, "You loved her."
"I did," Farkle sighed, "I do… But not in the way I should. Not the way that I love you, not the way that I'm in love with you."
She froze in the dark, her breath catching in her throat. Farkle loved her? Was in love with her? He was standing inches from her in a dark closet, proclaiming it to her, and she still couldn't wrap her mind around it.
He was Farkle and she was Riley, they had never truly wondered down that path. They couldn't be in love with each other. She couldn't be in love with him.
But she was.
Dear God, she was.
Before she could find the words that seemed to be bursting from her chest, Farkle rambled on, "But you're in love with Lucas! So, it doesn't matter. You guys are perfect for each other, you always have been, and I'll get over it. I just needed time this summer and I'm sorry that I hurt you. I didn't mean to. Honestly, I kind of figured you wouldn't care."
"Wouldn't care?" She breathes, looking up at his face that she could now see pretty well from being in the dark so long. Besides, she pretty much had him memorized. "Farkle, you didn't even say goodbye."
The boy remained silent and Riley sighed, turning away from him. She covered her face with her hands after setting the can of paint aside, millions of thoughts buzzing around. She couldn't focus, couldn't think straight. Farkle was in love with her. She had a boyfriend. She didn't know how she felt.
Where did it all go from here?
After a long moment, Riley's eyes flew open, her hands dropping, and her body turning back to Farkle's. "Farkle, I love you."
He smiled, forlornly. "I know you do, Riley. You always have."
"No," She tossed back, her voice strong and clear. Farkle looked confused but she powered on, "It's different now. I didn't realize it at first, I don't know why. Maybe because I'm with Lucas, maybe because I've never felt like this, I don't know. But I know that it's different."
Riley stepped back into his space and he didn't back down, standing his ground and looking down at her as she continued, "I'm in love with you, too."
She could just see Farkle's eye flicker to where about her mouth was before he shook his head, "Lucas."
"I don't love him like you." The certainty in her voice never wavered, never flickered. She wasn't sure about much, but after it hit her, she was sure about this. Farkle was the one who held her heart now and Lucas never could again. She couldn't keep pretending otherwise. It was hurting too many people.
"Riley, you don't have to lie to make me feel better."
"I'm not. I, Riley Matthews, am irritatingly, catastrophically in love with you, Farkle Minkus. And it's probably about to cause a lot of trouble because I have a boyfriend to break up with now and feelings to sort out, but I'd like to do all that with you. Together, please." She hung the offer in the air in the same way he'd always thought she'd hung the stars.
She was offering her heart, a place by her side. It was all he'd ever wanted.
Taking her hand, Farkle nodded in the dark. "I'll always be there for you."
There was a creak and light flooded the room. Maya Hart stood in the doorway, a triumphant grin of her pretty lips, "About damn time, you two!"
So no kissing or super love-y, dove-y stuff because Riley isn't a cheater. She has to break up with Lucas still before anything really happens with Farkle but they are moving that way… I hope you enjoyed this one-shot!