The cold, frozen rocks of the path stabbed painfully into the bottoms of his soft, exposed feet with each step. Though they were all small and dull, rounded pebbles, each footfall was accompanied by winces of pain that he ignored and fought through. This trial was nothing. It would not stop him.
His nose and lips had long since gone numb and lost feeling, the winds of the mountain sweeping across them without cease; buffeting his face with snow and frozen specks of ice that were blown down from the peaks of distant mountaintops. His thick robe, meant to keep him warm, was doing little to abate the wind as it seemed to simply blow straight through the heavy woven cloth and bite deep into the flesh of his stomach and chest, leading it to tingle in dull pain.
Still, this trial was nothing. It would not stop him.
He had been walking now for almost two days straight; there was no stopping while you were this high up in the mountains without proper accommodations. Unless, of course, you never wished to rise again. During the first days of traveling up the steep cliffs, he had passed several others who were returning back down the mountain, giving up on their trek. Now, it was days since he had seen anyone or anything save for the eternally churning and shifting myriad of snow and cold that played constantly out in front of him; always obscuring the path ahead, as if to taunt and goad him to make him believe there was no end in sight.
The tips of his fingers burned as if they were stuck under heavy rocks, his knees felt as if at any moment, they would give out and leave his tired body stranded and at the mercy of the frozen mountain.
But still, this trial was nothing. It would not stop him.
His mind, in some automatic recollection of memory; as if to simply give himself something to focus on to retain the consciousness he so desperately fought to cling to, played out the reasons that lead him to take up the task of climbing the mountain with no food, water, companions or other supplies.
He had been training when he and some of the other students had the missive announced to them by one of their teachers. He was practicing his kicks on a bamboo striking-target, when all the students in the training field were stopped immediately in whatever they were doing. Their master cleared his throat, stern and loud, alerting the students to listen. Each of them stopped as if frozen by ice, heeding the call to give their attention to the master.
Then, once the entire class and the rest of the masters were assembled, he read from the small parchment reverently and delicately, as if the small, unimportant looking missive were the royal scroll of an emperor's decree.
That was when they, the students, for the first time in their lives, heard the word "Shado-Pan".
His mind replayed the words his master had spoken to them all, and the warnings that his master gave with it; warnings that he had ignored.
"Recent developments to Pandaria have required us to reach out in recruitment. Those of able mind, will and strength are inquired to join us.
-Taran Zhu"
The letter was short, blunt and to-the-point, but even before his master gave words of warning, something about the short letter invoked a sense of exciting danger. Though none of them had heard of the Shado-Pan outside myths and legends, they all knew that this was an offer that they would never see made again in their lifetimes; if ever at all.
That was, until their master forbade any of them to go and seek the tutelage of the Shado-Pan. They were told that the only way to reach the secluded, secret monastery of the Shado-Pan would be to travel with no food or water or mountain guides, on foot, and find the monastery within the mountains of Kun-Lai.
Still, he and a few others disobeyed their masters and left their quiet dojo, heading off to the distant summits of Kun-Lai. Those that left with him were only interested in learning the fighting styles and techniques of the Shado-Pan for their own martial gains. They never even made it to the foot of the mountains before turning back.
It never occurred to him that his parents also had no idea he had left to try and find the Shado-Pan. He had been traveling for weeks, now, without sending any word back. Perhaps they already thought him to be dead, taken by either the burdens of the mountain or some other danger along the way.
But he had endured all hardships; be them the teeth and claws of hungry jungle tigers or the violent, sudden ambushes of angry hozen on their tree-top bound warpaths across the branches of the Kun-Lai plains. He had eaten and drank little on his journey, as per the instructions of the Shado-Pan. Now, he faced the mountain; and he would not be stopped here. This trial was nothing.
And yet, the back of his mind sparked up in a faint flare of hope, perhaps his family and friends did not think him to be dead. Perhaps, instead, they thought him to already be at the monastery, training and honing himself to defend his homeland and all of its people against the dire, new threats whose foretelling warnings came upon the wind, spreading out across the land.
His lips arched into a weak smile, though he had long since been unable to feel them. Or, perhaps, they all simply considered him lost and confused, trying to find his way back home.
But he would not stop here. To endure and overcome were his only options. They were the only ones he would allow himself to have.
The wind picked up in a terrible wail, ripping across the jagged, snow-covered rocks of the mountains that sliced over his face, the cuts feeling as true as if they had been made by any blade. He was, for the countless time, blanketed in a thin, frigid sheet of snow and his vision was clouded in pure white; far thicker than any mist. His toes were stiff, unmovable and completely numb. His stomach was a throbbing knot of pain in his belly, and his ears seemed to have more and more trouble hearing the never-ending cries of the wind as it was cast to and fro from mountain to mountain.
This trial was nothing.
It would not stop him.
He had lost count, or maybe he had simply forgotten, how long he had been climbing, now. Was he even climbing, still? Were his legs even moving? Was the whipping, spinning cyclone of white advancing at all before his eyes?
Doubt dared to fill his mind, but he refused it. Whether he found the monastery or died; he would not allow the mountain to beat him. He would do the best he could; that was all that mattered, in the end.
And then, suddenly, through the oblivion of snow and ice, his eyes saw something. Dancing, waving specks of glowing orange. He stopped in his tracks. Were they some kind of ghosts, here to cater him off to the afterlife? Was he simply going insane?
It did not matter. He was determined to find out what they were, whatever they may be. With a strange summoning of renewed vigor and purpose, he bent his legs low, and set off into the frozen mountain, he head forward. His body was assaulted heavier than ever before as he exerted himself to reach the strange, shimmering lights in the snow. He ignored the pain; it did not matter. Pain was nothing. The trial was nothing.
The lights kept getting bigger and bigger. Were they getting closer? They seemed to thin out and take shape, as well. The blur cleared more and more and they appeared as if they were small rectangles, cutting out into the snow of the mountain.
A large, strange creature began to take shape, growing out of the distant blur of rolling snow. He wondered what it could be, whether it was safe or not to approach whatever strange beast he had now come across; but he still did not stop. Even if he walked now to his certain death at the hands of an angry monster; it did not matter. He must simply endure.
More of the creature took shape, expanding and reaching its borders out the closer he approached it. The warm glows of orange lined the creature, as if they were dozens of strange, slit eyes across its side. He felt his head begin to sway, his vision shaking and falling back and forth. His feet curled on themselves, the battered soles finally giving in.
He kept walking. He kept getting closer. He saw something else in the snow, now, rising from the creature's head. Smoke?
And then, finally, the snow seemed to break. The wind's incessant howl was cut short, the buffet of ice and freeze no longer assaulting his tender skin. As if stepping into a room, the tribulations of the mountain ceased and left him standing in the dank cold, before the great monster.
He looked up, and tried to laugh, though his throat was dry and tight and did not permit him to do more than cough painfully a few times. It was no monster. How could he have been so childish and over-imaginative? His legs, sore beyond belief, forced themselves to move, stepping across the quiet grounds and up the hard wooden steps to a large, warm stone door.
He raised a quivering, frigid arm, all the joints in his body screaming against the action of simply raising his appendage. Sore, frost burnt knuckles struck as hard as they could against the stone. After what seemed to be far too long, the door creaked open, and a sharply-dressed pandaren stood, the warmth of the room instantly shooting out into the cold, blanketing the lone traveler in indescribable grace.
The pandaren in the doorway, giving him a look of mild recognition, stood aside and held his hand out into the doorway. "Come on." He said.
The traveler, his mind blank, stepped through the door, into the warmth.
This trial was nothing; it had not stopped him.
He collapsed.
He awoke, several days later, in a dim, small room. Hazy, calm-smelling smoke purveyed through it, and his bed was soft and warm.
Had he died?
He coughed, his throat still weak and sore, but at least not as bad as it had been before. His eyes were clouded and every now and again, his vision would wane and lurch to one side, as if he was about to tumble out of his bed. He felt an odd, dry belch escape from his stomach, which was relieving at first, but quickly faded into painful discomfort.
He groaned and fell back in the bed. He wasn't sure how much time passed, but suddenly, a figure was standing over him, obscured by fading vision.
"He seems to be awake." He thought he heard the figure say.
His consciousness retreated back into his mind, and he felt his weary, heavy brows close over his eyes, but he did not sleep. He heard the shuffling of feet and a second voice.
"Is he asleep, again?"
The first voice answered, "No."
"Has he eaten since he got here?"
"He's been asleep until now."
"Well get him up and feed him. I don't want to have bury him in the cold any more than you do."
The first voice scoffed, but his feet walked off. From the bed, the traveler attested to being spoken of as if he were only worth being kept alive simply so they wouldn't have to bury him; but was far too weak and tired to make any formal complaints.
Minutes later, feet walked across the floor once again, and the first voice spoke once more.
"I had them mash some rice and milk together; he should be able to hold down this."
"Well, go on then, feed him." The second voice said impatiently.
The first voice sighed, and then, the traveler felt a hand take the back of his head, and felt the smooth, warm surface of a bowl on his lips. His hand shot up to grab the wrist of the pandaren attempting to feed him, electing the voices to both gasp in surprise.
He opened his eyes, and felt his mouth pull up into a smile. He let go of the wrist, and took the bowl, sliding up as best he could in the bed. Then, through a voice strained with exhaustion, he spoke.
"I can feed myself, thank you." He lied, forcing his throat to pass the tasteless slop down to his stomach, which reacted to the arrival of food as if it had been kicked. He gulped down a mouthful and coughed, sending spittle and porridge spraying into the bowl, before setting the small wooden dish onto his lap, and breathing deeply, his mind struggling to force back the throbbing pain that clouded his thoughts.
"Well then." The first voice said, belonging to a female who was clothed in sharp, tight leather. The second voice, a large male, was dressed the same. Were these Shado-Pan?
The male spoke next. "So, stranger. How did you get yourself all the way up here?" he asked. His tone was innocent enough, but there was a subtle hint of suspicion within it.
The traveler coughed again, trying to find his voice. The female interjected.
"Xao! There's no need to question him like this while he's trying to recover."
"I was merely asking, Ling-Fai."
"It is alright." He choked out. "I can answer."
The two stared at him, both suddenly silent and intent on whatever he might say next.
"My name," he began, "Is Toi."
"I come from a small village in the hills of the Jade Forest. I've been training as monk since I was old enough."
Xao hummed deep in his throat as he considered Toi's words. "But why have you come here?"
Toi shook his head. Wasn't it obvious? "I came here under the summons of the Shado-Pan asking for recruits."
At this, Xao drew himself up. "You were to come without food, water, companions or guides."
Toi's brow sunk in. "That's exactly what I did." He attested.
"You found your way through the mountains without a guide?!" Xao exclaimed. "Preposterous! I have seen pandaren twice your age and skill perish in the snow, there's no way you came here without a guide of some kind!"
"Xao…" Ling-Fai said softly, trying to calm the former from his accusations.
"You believe a guide took me all the way up the mountain, but just left once we reached the monastery?" Toi challenged.
Xao shrugged. "I admit, I have no idea. But whatever the truth is, The White Tiger will know it."
Toi said nothing. White Tiger? One of the August Celestials of the legends? He had been open-minded to many things in his life, but surely the demi-god like animals known as the Celestials were just that; legends. Right?
The faces of the two Shado-Pan were serious and solemn, so Toi finally asked, "You don't mean the Celestial, do you? Of the legends?"
The two pandaren glanced at one another briefly, their expressions unreadable. Ling-Fai stepped up to him, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and helping to lift him up.
"Well, come, and find out for yourself."
Toi, with the presence of mind to set the bowl of cooling rice mash on a short wooden bed-stand table, was hoisted up by the surprising strength of the female. Sliding off the bed and onto weak knees that were supported by Ling-Fai, Toi walked out of the room, and made his way down a few tight, compact hallways that were just as dim as the room he had left. They crossed past a small, in-door training area, with pandaren dressed similarly to Ling-Fai and Xao sparring and going through routine, disciplined poses and moves in unison.
He looked a weary eye towards them, but not a single one of the teachers or students paid him even the smallest bit of attention; all of them focused entirely on their training.
Soon, they entered a large doorway that lead to a giant, stone arena.
The room was dark, no lights save for the weak, soft shafts of sunlight that managed to cut through the mountain sky to illuminate the strange arena. It was cold, too. No fires or torches warmed it, and the insipid chill of the mountain snow permeated through the wooden walls, causing the pandaren to emit clouds of frozen breath.
Ling-Fai helped Toi sit down on the cold, hard wooden bench of one of the seats surrounding the arena, clearly meant for spectators.
The most curious thing about the room, Toi thought, was the actual floor of the arena itself. He did not notice the intricate carvings of the floor before, but now that he was sitting down and could overlook it at the right angle, he noticed the stone of the arena floor was worked to appear as the face of a tiger.
He waited for what was next.
Ling-Fai crossed the arena, Xao now standing beside Toi as both waited and watched.
"What's going on?" Toi questioned.
"Time will tell all secrets." Xao answered back.
Toi grumbled silently at his companion's attitude, but said nothing. It was true enough that time would tell.
Ling-Fai stepped up to a small, inconspicuous brass gong, which Toi wagered looked somewhat like a tiger's face as well, though he could barely see it at all through the dark and distance. Ling-Fai picked up a small, dirty wooden mallet.
The gong rung, but no sound seemed to come of it. Toi's brow furrowed as his tired brain tried to make sense of the soundless gong. A few moments passed, and absolutely nothing happened, the only stirring presence in the room was the wafting mountain air that soaked in through the walls and windows and sat, stagnant and freezing.
And then, just as Toi was about to protest how silly all of this was, the room suddenly sprang to vivid life.
Fireplaces from within the large, wooden support beams of the room flared to life as if by their own will, and the room not only seemed to light up; but glow with warmth and color. The cold mountain air retreated instantly back, leaving only thick warmth to be left behind, which filled the entire room much too quickly to have been caused by any natural flame.
The pillars themselves, once plain, grey wood were now flowing with color and were ornate, beautiful things that were gilded with gold that seemed to shine from every angle. The gong was now glimmering with pride in the light, as well, its peerless golden features almost coming to life as it overlooked the arena.
But the most incredible sight of all, by far, was the giant tiger that now sat in the middle of the arena. It sat with intelligence and understanding; it was no mere beast. Its eyes were a shade of blue that was both light and calm and yet deep and intense, calculating and overlooking its surroundings with regal authority.
And his fur. It was as pure, blank and deep as the mountain snow itself, marred only slightly by the stripes of blue that were so light that they almost blended into the fur completely, causing the stripped tiger to look almost completely and flawlessly white.
Toi had seen large panthers and tigers before, but this one dwarfed them all three times over. He wondered, briefly, if he should be afraid of the tiger, but there was a strange air about the giant creature that permeated not just power, but wisdom and composure. Toi did not feel threatened in the tiger's presence, but rather, he felt protected.
Toi then noticed both Ling-Fai and Xao were bowing. He was about to, awkwardly, go into his own bow, when the tiger actually spoke.
"You may rise, there is no need to bow before me." Xuen said; as he did every time he was summoned and the Shado-Pan bowed before him, always seeming to forget they were told they didn't have to bow. Xuen didn't mind it, though. Even he could indulge in the little things once in a while.
"Xuen" Ling-Fai spoke. "We have a visitor here. He came at the summons, and says he made his way here with no guides or provisions."
Xuen turned his large head towards Toi, who was sitting, bewildered on the bleacher seat. "I see." Xuen said, pacing slowly up to Toi, his massive shoulders rolling as smooth as great waves of water.
"Is this true?" Xuen asked, his voice deep and rolling, rich with tactful intelligence.
Toi was silent for a moment, before he realized the tiger was speaking to him. Stammering a bit at first, Xuen simply stood and waited patiently for the pandaren to answer.
"Y- Yes, it is. It's true." Toi forced out. Behind him, Xao folded his arms and stood back to watch what would happen next.
Xuen now stepped so close to Toi that their faces were practically inches apart. The bold, gleaming eyes of the tiger looking deep into Toi's, as if to read his soul.
After a few uncomfortable moments, Xuen drew his head back, and strode back to the center of the arena, turning to face Toi again as he sat, wrapping his long, white tail around his feet in a casual flick. Then, the four sat in silence again.
"Come before me." Xuen finally said. The words were in the form of a command, and yet, the way Xuen said it, it almost sounded as if he were begging Toi to stand before him. Toi, automatically, slipped out of his seat and walked towards the White Tiger.
As he drew closer, it was as if his body was completely reinvigorated. The aches and deep, burning pains of his legs and arms evaporated, and his head cleared of all the throbbing weights. His stomach loosened and he felt the soreness of his throat fade away completely. What was more, was he felt not only restored; but empowered. As if his muscles were at peak condition, his mind sharpened to a razor, ready to take on any task.
He stood before Xuen.
"Tell me your name." Xuen asked.
"I am Toi. A monk of the Jade Forest."
Xuen looked at him for a few moments before nodding. "Yes, you are." He agreed.
"I have come to join the Shado-Pan." Toi blurted out suddenly.
"Yes, you have." Xuen agreed again.
Xuen flicked his tail back around him. "But why do you wish to join the Shado-Pan?" he questioned.
Toi's fists fell into tight balls. With complete certainty, he answered, "To protect all those who need protecting. To put their lives before my own."
Xuen nodded again. "Very good answers, Toi."
Suddenly, a fifth figure joined the room, this one pacing quickly into the room, electing Xao to move quickly out of the way with a bow he held as the new arrival passed him.
"Why was I not informed of the stranger's awakening, and why did you summon Xuen without me?" he demanded.
Ling-Fai looked both ashamed and taken back, unsure of what to say. Toi simply stood, wondering if he was in trouble. But Xuen simply laughed, and turned to the pandaren.
"Taran Zhu," he said. "Do not take qualm. This pandaren has traveled long and hard to be here; do not distrust him."
But Taran Zhu would not be coddled so easily. "I issued the requirements for joining so that no one would dare attempt them. We need more numbers, that is true, but I cannot have others joining just to die. There is no reason for it."
Taran Zhu continued down, stepping into the arena. "Enough of us will die as it is. Allowing others to join will just make it worse."
Xuen growled with agreeance. "What you say holds truth. It will not be easy, or safe, for anyone to join; and it is very likely they will not survive long."
Xuen turned his head back to Toi. "But it is also true that he did pass your test, even where so many others have failed. I watched him, in the mountains, not once did he falter; not once did he consider turning back. He walked on, willing to face success or death; but not defeat."
Taran Zhu and Toi said nothing.
"But you must understand, Toi, that the things you must do for the Shado-Pan will more than likely result in your death. If you join, your survival will not be insured."
Toi looked Xuen in the eyes, and retorted, "Safety is never insured. This is why I wish to serve the Shado-Pan."
Xuen's eyes grew wide for a moment, as if he was impressed with the answer. Taran Zhu seemed to grumble a quiet acknowledgement of Toi's answer, as well.
"Very well." Xuen said. "But your trials are not yet complete, Toi."
Toi raised an eyebrow.
"You have faced the mountain, and conquered it with your power and will." Xuen continued. "But now, you must face yourself."
Toi wasn't sure what the great tiger meant.
"You must answer me one question." Xuen finished.
Toi was confused. Only a single question? Surely, this would be simple.
"I will give you one day to answer it. If you are unable to give me the correct answer, you will be sent away, never to come here again. Do you understand?"
Toi nodded. "Completely." He said.
Xuen nodded back. "Good." Turning and walking away, he kept speaking. "It is almost dusk. Sleep now, and tomorrow I shall ask. You will have until nightfall to give me an answer."
And with that, Xuen seemed to disappear into thin air, leaving nothing where he once stood. At the same instant, the room instantly changed back to the dark, cold, dullness it conveyed prior to Xuen's appearance. Heat turned to cold, bright, gilded red turned to dim bark and the golden gong turned to quiet, empty brass. It was as if Xuen had never been there at all.
"If that is the will of Xuen, so be it." Taran Zhu spoke, turning to leave. "You will be given a day to answer his question. If you cannot do so, we will send you back down the mountain- packed with supplies, at least."
Taran Zhu left, leaving the three pandaren there, alone.
"I guess that's that." Xao said, jumping down into the arena as Ling-Fai stepped up beside Toi.
"So, what will you do, Toi?" Ling-Fai questioned.
Toi shrugged. "Either answer his question or leave."
Xao clapped him on the back. "Yeah, well, good luck with that."
Despite the odd reinvigoration he experienced when speaking with Xuen, Toi was incredibly worn out by the time he and his two companions got back to the small, smoky room he had first awoken in.
Still, he was finding it hard to sleep.
He discovered he was bunking with Xao and Ling-Fai, their third roommate no longer among the Shado-Pan; or the living for that matter.
He kept running through what little he could remember of his mountain scaling, and of speaking to Xuen. Recounting memories of his old dojo, and how he and others were excited to suddenly just leave to try and make their ways to the mysterious Shado-Pan monasteries.
He thought about his parents and his friends and his old teachers. He thought about the dangers he would face if he passed Xuen's question; he thought about whether or not he'd survive, or whether or not he'd make a difference.
But mostly, he thought about what the question could possibly be.
Xao was snoring loudly from his bed on the other end of the room, but right next to his bed, lay Ling-Fai.
Suddenly, through the black of night, came her quiet voice. "Still awake, aren't you?" she asked.
After a moment, Toi answered, "Yeah."
"Thinking about tomorrow?"
"Sort of."
"Are you nervous at all."
"Sort of." Toi automatically lied. He was incredibly nervous.
Neither said anything, until Toi broke the silence. "So, what did he ask you?" he questioned slowly and cautiously, unsure if it was okay to be asking such a question.
"Who?" Ling-Fai said back. "Xuen? Xuen has never asked me anything before."
Toi turned in his bed, looking towards Ling-Fai who was invisible in the blackness. "But then, how did you become a Shado-Pan?"
Ling-Fai was silent for a moment, before finally responding, "I was chosen to be a Shado-Pan from the day I was born. I never had to 'join', I was fated to. All of us were."
"Oh." Toi answered back.
"Outsiders almost never join us." She continued. "In fact, I've never seen one join. Just heard tales that occasionally it happens. You're the first non-Shado-Pan I've ever seen here."
They were silent again, until Toi worked up the courage to ask, "So you are forced to join? What if you do not want to?"
Ling-Fai didn't answer for a few minutes, and Toi suspected she likely wouldn't. Embarrassed, he slowly turned back into his bed.
Finally, however, Ling-Fai answered. "I never thought of that." She said. "It is not my place to question, only to protect and serve."
"Is it what you want to do?" Toi asked.
"Of course." She said back with complete confidence. "I am no slave to the Shado-Pan. It is an incredible honor to be chosen; one I would trade for nothing else in the world."
"Really?"
Toi heard Ling-Fai shift around in her bed. "Well, maybe I'd trade it for a family. And a nice house. With a farm, maybe."
Toi laughed.
"What's so funny about that?" Ling-Fai shot back.
"Nothing, nothing." Toi said. "It's just, when I was a kid, all I did was sit around in my quiet village, tending to stuff like farms, playing with the other kids, messing around. Stuff like that."
They were quiet again.
"I couldn't stand it." Toi finally added. "All I ever wanted to really do was train to be a monk, like my father and mother. To protect everyone I could. I couldn't stand just sitting around, playing and goofing off while people were getting hurt somewhere. I didn't want to be so selfish."
At this, Ling-Fai replied back, this time with a slight pang of anger in her voice. "How can you say that? I never got that kind of child-hood. My entire life, all I did was train and drill and learn the Shado-Pan ways. I never had friends, or a real family. It's just been the Shado-Pan. Embracing what you have isn't selfish, it's just normal."
After a few moments, Ling-Fai added, "Taking what you have for granted is selfish."
They were silent again, the only sound between them was the audible snores and occasional coughs from Xao.
"I'm sorry." Toi said.
"No." Ling-Fai countered. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten angry at you. You only wanted to protect and help people. I can't be mad at you for that."
"I'm still sorry." He said.
"Do you really want to join the Shado-Pan?" Ling-Fai asked.
"Of course." Toi said back.
"What will you do if you can't answer Xuen's question?"
Toi said nothing for a few moments, his mind looking for the right words to say. Finally, he answered, "I'll do the best I can."
"I see." Ling-Fai said. Toi heard her move around in her bed again, before saying, "Well, it's late, and you need sleep for tomorrow."
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
"Goodnight, Toi."
"Goodnight."
"And, you know. Good luck."
"Thanks."
Xao coughed awake. "Would you two keep quiet? I'm trying to sleep!" before sputtering back to sleep, filling the room with his noisy snoring again.
Toi just smiled, and drifted off to sleep.
The morning light did little for the room. The thick mountain clouds almost permanently blocking off sunlight to the isolated monastery. Toi awoke, the pleasant smell of the burning incense smoke filling his nose. He rose up, his body mercifully limber and loose; he felt great.
He felt ready for Xuen's question.
Ling-Fai and Xao were already awake, meditating. Toi thought not to bother them, so he quietly made his way out, before Ling-Fai's voice stopped him. "Xuen is waiting for you in the arena, we're supposed to go to him."
"Oh. Right." Toi stammered. "Let's go then."
They walked back to the arena, but this time, as they crossed Shado-Pan, they all turned their heads to Toi, watching him as he walked. Apparently they were interested in his possible future with the Shado-Pan.
They crossed one of the main doors of the monastery, and there, they saw a small pile of different supplies and provisions laid out, with a small grummle sorting through it. As they passed, the grummle looked up, sniffed, and waved at Toi, shouting.
"Oy! Are you the one I'm supposed to escort down the mountain at nightfall?"
Toi gave a weak smile and wave back and replied, "We'll have to see!" before turning with a somewhat sunken look on his face. Ling-Fai laid a hand on his shoulder. Taran Zhu obviously wasn't optimistic at Toi's chances of success.
They made their way to the arena, and when they entered it, they found it almost packed full of spectators. Teachers, students and council alike sat together, with Xuen in the center of the arena once again, awaiting Toi in patience and silence.
Toi stepped into the room, feeling the eyes of the Shado-Pan bore into him. Sweat rolled down his forehead, and not just because of the heat of the room. Ling-Fai and Xao stood off at the door, letting Toi walk down into the arena to face Xuen.
At the gong, stood Taran Zhu, glaring down at Toi, his expression daring Toi to conquer Xuen's question.
Toi stood, and looked the White Tiger.
Xuen spoke.
"Toi, you are here because you wish to join the Shado-Pan."
"Correct." Toi confirmed.
"You have already overcome the struggles of finding the monastery within the mountains, without backing down or giving up."
"Correct." Toi repeated.
"But now, you stand here, before the Shado-Pan and I, to answer my question."
Toi said nothing.
Xuen nodded, stood up tall, "I ask you now, Toi, of the Jade Forest-"
The moment seemed to hang in the air forever. Toi stood, defiant and awaiting his question. The Shado-Pan sat, watching and waiting with interest, all wanting to know the fate of the pandaren who desired to join their ranks. Taran Zhu stood, his gaze fixed on Toi from behind the White Tiger.
And then, Xuen asked.
"Why do leaves fall?"
"Why do leaves fall?", Toi thought. That was the question? Was this a trick?
He looked into the eyes of Xuen, who sat, perfectly still, waiting for his answer. He wanted to look around, to see the other Pandaren, to look for positive clearance from Ling-Fai; but he could not. He could not draw himself from Xuen, the weight of the need to provide an answer seemed to crush him, making him feel incredibly hot- which was only made worse by the room's heat.
Finally, he bristled with confidence, and answered.
As steady and loud as he could, he said; "Leaves fall, for it is their nature. Just as we fight, for it is our nature, or why anything does what it does. It is their nature."
The room was silent for what, to Toi, felt like an incredibly long time. Xuen's voice finally shattered the silence like a hammer.
"No." He said. "That is not the answer."
Toi felt his gut knot up again. He couldn't fail like this.
"You are…. Half correct, however." Xuen said, cocking his head to one side. "But you are still incorrect; and therefore, do not pass."
Toi wasn't sure what to do or say.
"But you have until the dawn of night to give me a correct answer, Toi. Ask me as many times as you wish. Learn from your mistakes. Grow from them. Become stronger. That is the best you can ultimately do."
Xuen passed around Toi, circling him while speaking. "You have heard the rumors, the stories, of the strangers to our land, have you not, Toi?"
Toi clenched his fists again and spun to meet Xuen. "Of course I have! And I will protect or defeat them! That is why I am here!"
Xuen nodded as he continued pacing. "But you do not know the true depths of the situation. You do not understand the threats that we must face."
"Then let me understand!"
"The Sha have been awakened. War has been awakened." Xuen spoke. The Shado-Pan watching nodded and shifted around uneasily. Toi was surprised at this. He had, as a child, been told about the "Sha", but even his optimistic uncle had passed them off as just simple stories and nothing more. Now they too, were real? He might have inquired about it, but what was the point in doubting anything like that, now?
"The Shado-Pan are the blade that culls, the shield that protects. The vigilant eye in the night that watches when no one else can. Peerless in its vision, truest in its response, there is no threat or enemy that will deter their path. There is no task trial that will stop them. This is what makes a Shado-Pan." Xuen continued.
"Do you think you are ready for that?" Xuen asked.
Toi steeled himself, and answered, "I will hope to be, if I can answer your question, White Tiger."
Xuen chuckled. "Then, we shall see by sunset, will we not?"
Toi nodded, and with that, the tiger was once again gone.
The Shado-Pan, with nothing more to see, gradually shuffled out, going back to their duties. Taran Zhu approached Toi, walking up from the middle of the arena.
"I knew you would not have the knowledge to pass Xuen's test."
Toi said nothing.
"You might think I am being harsh on you out of hatred or doubt." Taran Zhu suddenly said. "But I only wish to bar you access from our fold for your own safety. It is true, what the White Tiger says. Strangers from lands beyond our own, the Sha. We are facing enemies we have never seen before. Now is not the time to be getting involved with those who will only burden us."
Toi still said nothing, and Taran Zhu, with an expressionless look, simply gave him a slight nod, and continued on, exiting the room after the rest of the Shado-Pan.
Toi, in the cold dark room, turned and walked towards the doors. Ling-Fai and Xao were standing, waiting for him.
"You still have all day to answer the question." Ling-Fai instantly said, optimistically.
"Yeah. One whole day to answer some cryptic life question." Toi quipped.
"Better than only one hour." Xao added.
"True." Toi agreed.
"Come, perhaps eating will help." Ling-Fai offered.
Toi shrugged, and followed as Ling-Fai lead the way to one of the mess halls, which was relatively empty, most of the Shado-Pan having eaten their morning meals hours ago before heading out to the day's tasks.
The three sat at an empty long table and ate rations of the day's morning meal. More rice porridge with hard bread rolls and a small side of mushy green stuff that Ling-Fai had sworn was just mashed cabbage.
Xao and Ling-Fai began eating, but Toi found all he could do was sit and stare at his slightly steaming food, watching the wispy, twirling ribbons of heated water float up into the air, only to disperse and disappear completely.
"Toi, what's wrong?" Ling-Fai finally asked.
Toi shook his head from his thoughts, and looked up. "Nothing. It's just, that question. I have no idea what it could mean. At least, I don't know what more it could mean outside of what I've already answered."
Ling-Fai shrugged. "Me either, Toi."
"It doesn't help Taran Zhu treats me like I'm some kind of stranger."
"Well," Ling-Fai began. "To the Shado-Pan, you are an outsider."
"But I am still a Pandaren!"
"You are." Ling-Fai admitted, her gaze falling down to her food.
"He treats me like I'm one of the strangers to pandaria, like I'm not supposed to be here. Like I have no right."
"Well, we're all the strangers to them, you know."
Toi smirked. "I suppose you're right."
Xao, eating one of his rolls whole, commented, "Probably not Toi's place to know, anyways, if you ask me."
"Xao!" Ling-Fai snapped.
"I'm just saying. You heard Taran Zhu. He'd just get killed if he joined us. Maybe he's not supposed to know why leaves fall or whatever the question was."
Ling-Fai kept scolding Xao, but Toi had stopped listening.
"not his place to know"
"Maybe he's not supposed to know why leaves fall"
Toi stood up suddenly, almost tripping on the table's bench seat. "I'll be back in the room you guys." Was all he said before leaving the table.
Ling-Fai's lips pursed in concern. "He really wants to be part of the Shado-Pan, Xao. He'd do anything for it."
"I'd do anything for some decent food." Xao added, dryly.
Toi was laying in his bunk, staring up into the deep, brown wood of the ceiling. He kept hearing Xao's words over and over in his mind.
"Maybe he's not supposed to know why leaves fall"
He thought, once again, about the saurok. Had he understood them? Known why they did what they did? What about the Shado-Pan? Did he know why any of them did what they did?
Sure, because they were chosen at birth; but did he know, deep down, why each and every single one of them did as they did? Did he understand why Ling-Fai fought, or why Xao fought, or why Taran Zhu did as he did, or why Xuen did as he did?
Why was it that he made the entire trip and found the monastery, whereas others had not? Could he speak for them, tell them why they had turned back? Was he capable of that?
And, in the end, could he ever understand?
What if he couldn't? What if he never, ever truly understood someone else?
Did that inhibit him? Did that stop him from working with or against them, from fighting or protecting them? From knowing them? From being their friend, or their enemy?
He thought of the saurok again. Who was he to say why or why not each saurok did something? Were they not all, as people, unique and different- like the leaves of a tree? All connected; and yet, individual. Independent. Different. Incapable of broad generalization or judgment.
Who was to say why anyone did anything; save for only themselves?
Could he speak for all saurok? No. Could he speak for all pandaren? No. In the end, all he could speak for was himself. All he could truly understand was himself.
And that, Toi realized, was okay.
"Toi!" came a voice behind him.
Toi shook, and snapped out of his thoughts. He then realized that the room was growing incredibly dark, the smoke from the incense hanging hazy and thick on the ceiling as the long burners teetered off and burnt out.
"Toi!" the voice came again.
Toi turned, to find Ling-Fai staring at him, her face twisted by urgent shock. "Toi, it's practically night, have you answered Xuen's question yet?!"
This brought Toi back to reality. Had it really been all day already? How? He couldn't have been stuck in thought that long. Could he?
It did not matter, either way. He had his answer. It was time to give it.
Standing, Toi walked up to Ling-Fai. "I'm about to answer it right now." He said. He walked out of the room, moving with fast, long strides that even Ling-Fai had to struggle to keep up with. Finally, he came to the main door of the monastery and entered into the small main room, where both Xuen, Taran Zhu and the grummle waited.
"Your time is almost up." Xuen warned. "Can you give me an answer?"
Toi stepped up once more to the White Tiger, and nodded. "I believe I can."
"Then, tell me, Toi."
"Why do leaves fall?"
Xao, now with Ling-Fai stood, watching. Taran Zhu was as rigid and tall as ever, staring into Toi. Xuen sat, his back hunched down just a bit to fit in the room he was slightly too large for. The grummle was going through some of the supplies, muttering to himself.
Toi looked across each of them, and smiled.
"I cannot answer your question."
This drew looks of surprise from Shado-Pan, and even the grummle gave an odd glance towards the pandaren that seemed to be accepting defeat before going back to looking over the supplies.
Xuen, however, cocked his head curiously. "Is this so, Toi?"
"It is." Toi answered.
"Why can't you answer my question?"
Toi nodded and readied himself, and then, before Xuen, Taran Zhu and a group of Shado-Pan who had stopped to see Toi's last chance; spoke his explanation.
"I cannot answer you, White Tiger, for I cannot speak for the leaves. I cannot tell you why each of them falls, or justify why they do it. I can speak for no one but myself; but I understand that I can never truly understand someone else. I know that it is not what we cannot understand about someone, but what we can understand. If we just stopped seeking to compare every flaw, every difference, every oddity; perhaps we could focus more on comparing what we have in common. Maybe then, we could be free of doubt, or hate or pride or violence. Maybe then, the world could be a better place."
Toi finished with that, and simply stood, awaiting the White Tiger's judgment.
Xuen turned. He began walking off, fading out as he did. From everywhere, his voice rang.
"You should get some rest, Toi. Your training with the Shado-Pan begins tomorrow."
The crowd of Shado-Pan saluted him in respect.
That is, all except for one.
Her hands were clapping together in applause. Toi looked, and saw Ling-Fai, cheering for him. Xao, a sour look on his face, began clapping, too. Then another Shado-Pan joined in, then two more. Then another. Then half the group began clapping, as well. It was less than a second after that that all of them, together, were clapping and cheering and celebrating Toi's victory.
It was a rare moment to see the Shado-Pan so relaxed and expressive of themselves; let alone over an outsider.
Toi smiled. Taran Zhu walked up to him once again, and laid a hand on his shoulder. "I was mistaken, Toi."
Taran Zhu let go of his shoulder and turned, walking away. "We will expect much from you."
Toi was about to answer, when he was almost knocked over. Ling-Fai was hugging him.
"You did it, Toi! You made it into the Shado-Pan!" she said into his armpit, before letting go of him, Xao behind her, a look of reluctant respect on his face for Toi.
"So, what are you going to do now, Toi?" she asked.
Toi looked from her. He looked over the Shado-Pan, all of them united in a cause and yet all of them different people. He thought of his family, his friends. He thought of the saurok, the youngal, the jinyu, the hozen. He thought of what strange new people had found his land; and who they would be.
He looked at the empty space where Xuen had been. He looked back to the smiling face of Ling-Fai.
These, all of them, were his people. He knew that he could never understand all of them, but it was in that, that he knew how to accept them. He would give his life to protect any one of them; and he understood that about himself for sure.
Smiling back, he gave the only answer he really could.
"I'm going to do the best I can."