Author's Note: I love Christmas. No other time of the year beats Christmas, so of course I had to write a holiday themed story. I may or may not continue this, I could just leave it up to your imagination. We'll see how I'm feeling about it. Enjoy! And happy holidays!
When Logan handed Kendall the envelope as soon as his shift was over on Christmas Eve, the first question that popped out of his mouth was, "What's this?"
Logan, the shorter brunette boy gave him a knowing smile, that sideways smirk Kendall had known since they were kids. He held up his arms in defense and said, "You'll never know until you open it."
With quick fingers Kendall tore at the paper with ease, only to have a stack of Chicago postcards fall into his open palm. Fastened together with a rubber band, Kendall held them in his hand while giving Logan a rather dubious look. Quirking a rather thick eyebrow up in question Kendall turned his attention back to the guy standing in front of him. "Logan…"
"What? Don't drag me into this okay. I'm just supposed to relay the message to you."
Kendall crossed his arms in defiance. "Oh yeah? Then what's the message?"
"I don't know." Logan shrugged, rubbing a hand at the back of his neck. "But I do know one thing. Just flip through the cards and you'll find your answer."
This is ridiculous, Kendall thought, deciding to tuck them back in the envelope, ready to return to his empty apartment on Christmas Eve in the hopes of opening up a bottle of wine for himself and snuggling up on the couch in a pair of pajamas while watching A Christmas Story. "Well thanks I guess. I'll see you tomorrow at your place for dinner?"
Logan shook his head. "You'll see me sooner than that. Just follow the instructions on the post cards okay?"
Rolling his eyes Kendall walked out of the store with Logan by his side. "Whatever." Reaching the curb they parted their ways, Logan heading off around the corner while Kendall stood and waited for a cab in the bitter cold December as the snow fell in sheets around him.
Intrigued beyond belief, Kendall called for a taxi and looked more closely at the postcard placed at the top of the stack. The picture on the front was a photo of the Chicago skyline with heavy snowflakes falling down and a little saying of Season's Greetings in the corner. It almost matched that of the weather the city was experiencing at the moment.
Christmas Eve this year was rough, and Chicago was buried under at least two feet of snow from the week before. When a cab pulled up, Kendall slid right in and turned his head to lean against the glass. People littered the streets, doing some last minute holiday shopping from what Kendall could tell through the cab window.
Kendall turned the card over in his palm, reading the short message on the back. It read,
Kendall,
Santa's sleigh and candy canes await you here. Tell the jolly old man what you want most this Christmas. He'll be waiting for you until three on Christmas Eve. Don't read the next card until you meet him.
The postcard was left unsigned, Kendall's eyebrows knitting together as he scrutinized the handwriting. He swore he's seen the curly scrawl somewhere before but he couldn't remember where. Instead, he directed the driver to take him to the Macy's up on Michigan Avenue. It was the only place he could think of that had a Santa Claus.
Dropping him off at the curb, Kendall paid the man to wait outside, throwing a few extra bucks his way and telling him he wouldn't take too long. The man groaned in response, "Whatever," and put the taxi in park before lighting up a cigarette.
Figuring the man needed some Christmas cheer, Kendall left him with his cancer stick as he headed up the steps into the hearty department store. Tinsel hung from the rafters of the ceiling and lit up trees stood in every corner. Fighting the smile that was trying to force its way on his lips, Kendall bounded towards the middle of the store, on the second floor where the "Winter Wonderland" awaited him. Even with it being the 24th, there was still an abundance of children lined up to see the jolly old fella.
Feeling quite childish, Kendall stepped in line behind the rest of the eager kids, hoping their parents wouldn't pinpoint him as some pedophile as he stood alone amongst a range of rambunctious little kids. To his surprise, the line moved fairly quickly, and before he knew it he was next in line to sit atop Santa's lap. That was until he noticed a familiar elf handing out candy canes. "Carlos?" Kendall asked incredulously. Although it shouldn't have shocked him, the twenty-six year old loved Christmas more than anyone.
"Kendall!" Carlos cried, running over to him and opening his arms open for a hug, Kendall greeting him just as enthusiastically. "Been waiting for you to show up!"
Kendall backed up only slightly from Carlos' embrace. "You've been expecting me?"
"Well yeah," Carlos stepped back too, reaching for a candy cane from the satchel around his shoulder. "Logan gave you the message right? That's why you're here isn't it?"
"Carlos do you know something I don't? Do you know who wrote these?" Kendall pulled the stack out from his jacket pocket. A familiar blush creeped up on the Latino's face. He was definitely hiding something.
"Nope. Don't know a thing." But there was a twinkle in his eye that made his attempt at lying futile. Kendall could see right through him.
"Carlos…"
"Stop being nosy and go see Santa, Kendall. You'll figure everything out soon enough." A bright smile flashed across his lips as Carlos pushed Kendall off before rushing towards the next patron in line. Shaking his shaggy blonde hair in annoyance Kendall met the big red man at his lap and sat down. Now that wasn't something you saw every day.
"Ho ho ho!" Santa smiled, his fake beard shifting as he forced out the merry laugh.
"Hey," Kendall muttered awkwardly, not sure what he was supposed to do. Taking a peek at the first post card he read, Tell the jolly old man what you want for Christmas. The only problem was Kendall didn't know what he wanted.
"Don't be ashamed! You're never too old to believe." Santa said, giving Kendall a soft smile. "Now tell me Kendall, what would you like this year for Christmas?"
"How do you know my name?" Kendall asked, now a little freaked out, then he figured whoever was behind the postcards must have informed him.
"I have my ways, don't you worry, now what do you want? Anything you could possibly think of!"
Kendall sat for a moment in thought; there wasn't really anything the blonde wanted. There was one thing, but it wasn't something the man before him could help him out with. After thinking of everything, Kendall sighed. "I don't want anything."
"Now, surely there's something you want. Everyone wants something."
Exhaling deeply, Kendall decided he'd tell the man what he wanted, considering the fact that he still had the cabby waiting outside, slowly tacking up a big bill. Shifting his feet underneath him, Kendall opened his mouth to speak. "I want to be happy. Like really really happy. I want to wake up in the morning and know I have something to live for. I want to wake up next to someone who will smile at me like I'm the only person in the world. I want to find love." Kendall had only ever felt something so strong once before in his life, yet he was too stupid to hold on to them. He regretted that decision every day of his life.
"Ahh sonny, don't let it get to you. Love will find you, even in the most unexpected of times." Santa winked at Kendall, as if he knew something the blonde didn't before clapping him on the shoulder and lightly pushing him off his knee. "Here's this for your troubles." He handed Kendall a folded up piece of paper with a three digit number on it.
"What's this?" Kendall asked, checking the back of the paper to make sure he didn't miss anything.
"You'll find out soon enough Kendall. Merry Christmas!"
Guessing it was time for him to leave, Kendall waved goodbye to Santa and was on his way towards the front of the store as he pulled out the postcards once more. Moving onto the second one he smiled at the photo. This one was of the giant Christmas tree out in Daley Plaza that everyone made a big deal out of each year. Flipping over the card Kendall's hand shook slightly as he read the familiar scrawl from before.
Kendall,
I hope Carlos didn't ruin the surprise when you saw Santa. I know that boy can't keep a secret for his life. Anyway, your next destination is the photo on the front of this card. Once you reach Daley Plaza, you must join the Carolers for whatever Christmas song they have ready for you (don't worry I picked it out). As soon as you're done singing, move onto the next card.
Kendall put the stack back into his pocket and hurried back to the cab that was still waiting for him. Silently thanking the man for being so patient, Kendall hopped into the back seat and told him where to go next, the man huffing up in front, even after Kendall shoved a fifty dollar bill his way.
As they drove down the crowded streets, Kendall rested his forehead against the cold glass of the window and wondered who the hell could possibly behind this little charade. He knew it wasn't Carlos and it wasn't Logan, but besides for them there really was no one else it could be. He was clueless.
Not even realizing they had reached Daley Plaza, the cab driver had to honk his horn just to pull Kendall from his thoughts. Pulling himself back into reality and out of the clouds, Kendall thanked the driver and handed him a few more bills, asking him if he could wait once again as he set off on a mission. Nodding like before, Kendall stepped out of the cab and ran off towards the carolers, thankful he didn't slip on the concrete as he did so.
Almost as if they were waiting for him, Kendall was pulled into the group by a familiar face. "Jenny Tinkler?" Kendall asked in amazement as she held him there at his side. "What are you doing here?"
"Helping out a friend," she smiled up at him before thrusting a song book into his open hands. Reading the first few lines Kendall grinned softly; it was one of his favorite Christmas songs. "Whenever you're ready." Jenny whispered to him, squeezing his arm for support.
Kendall wasn't big for singing. He tried it once when he was sixteen, and was even offered a record deal by a famous producer back when he lived in Minnesota. Turning the man down, Gustavo Rocque found solace in his best friend James. With it being James' dream to sing, he took the man up on the offer right away, no questions asked. He dropped everything and flew out to L.A. while leaving Logan, Carlos, and even Kendall without looking back. Remembering the moment made Kendall's heart weigh down in his chest, "I'm ready," he whispered, just as he started to sing.
His voice drowned in the crowd as the other carolers joined in. People strolling along the sidewalk stopped to watch with smiles on their faces as they did so, even a few started to sing along. It wasn't long before Kendall realized everyone around him had stopped for the chorus, leaving him to sing alone. He didn't mind it, even though all eyes were on him. It had been a long time since he'd been the object of anyone's attention.
The song continued on until it faded out into nothing. The few pedestrians on the street clapped, a few even wolf-whistled. Kendall's face reddened, even among the rosy glow that lit up his cheeks from the cold. "Hey Kendall?" Jenny called up to him from his side.
"Yeah?"
"Here." Jenny handed Kendall another folded up piece of paper, taking it in his hands and reading off the letter N. Adding it to the note Santa gave Kendall, he scooped Jenny up into a hug before grabbing out the next postcard. This time it was a picture of a perfectly wrapped Christmas gift. Quickly turning it to the back Kendall held his breath as he read the message.
Kendall,
Don't look now, but I see you, and you sang beautifully. Unable to hide his curiosity, Kendall glanced up anyways, not recognizing anyone's face in the crowd. How they knew he would sing, or sing well for that matter puzzled Kendall. Flitting his attention back to the card he continued to read. You looked up didn't you? I should've known. There's a gift waiting for you under the tree with your name on it.
Shoving the postcards away excitedly, Kendall hurried over to the tree and circled around it. There, just across from the carolers he knelt down and peeked under the tree, finding a rather small box topped with a bright green bow. Raising an eyebrow he opened up the small package, finding an old guitar pick of his that he swear he lost ages ago. "What the?" Kendall mumbled, turning it over in his fingers. The last time he remembered even using it…but it couldn't be.
Clutching the thin piece of plastic in his fist Kendall fished out the postcards once again, eagerly moving onto the next. Not even bothering to admire the picture Kendall turned it over, his eyes moving like lightning across the white space that was almost blank except for a few choice words.
Kendall,
Been forever since I heard you play.
At the bottom of the card was the address to a music store down Lincoln Avenue. Before he knew it he was off running back to the cab and sending the driver to their next stop.
During the drive Kendall held onto the guitar pick. The memories were all flooding back. The person who gave him it, the last time he ever played using it. Just to make sure it was the same one Kendall looked closer, noticing the tiny hole at the top, where his old silver chain used to slip through. He really couldn't believe it.
They sat together on his bed, Kendall so unused to seeing the sheets all made. He knew he'd made his decision. James sat beside him, doing everything he could to get Kendall to turn to him, to look at him, to speak to him, to hear him out. Instead Kendall held onto the piece of plastic that hung from around his neck. Something that meant so much to him before now felt like ice against his chest.
"Kendall-" James started out, his voice already cracking at the mention of his name. None of it was supposed to be like this. James wasn't supposed to be ready to travel half way across the country. He wasn't supposed to just leave Kendall. "Kendall-" James tried again, his voice falling short.
"Save it." Kendall ripped the chain from around his neck. Once the clasp broke free he reached for James' hand, ignoring the burning sensation he felt as soon as his fingertips met James' skin. Turning his wrist over and opening up his fist Kendall dropped the necklace into his palm, guitar pick and all. He moved to stand up, the bed creaking beneath his weight.
"Kendall please-"
"God dammit James I don't want to hear it. You have absolutely nothing to say to me. I get it you're following your dream. I just – I never pictured it taking you away from me." A tear slipped from the corner of his eye as it rolled softly down his cheek, betraying his somewhat tough exterior. He didn't want to cry in front of James. Not now.
"You know I don't want to leave you, don't you? Kendall you mean the world to me. You always have. But you can't just expect me to turn this opportunity down. You could always come with me, Gustavo loves you."
The blonde scoffed. "That man doesn't have a loveable bone in his body. And I can't just leave with you James. What about mom and Katie? What about Carlos and Logan? You're leaving everyone behind." You're leaving me behind, he thought to himself, feeling too pathetic to say it out loud.
"They'll make it by. Come on Kendall, it can still be me and you against the world. Just like before. Just like it's always been. Don't make me choose, please don't." James' voice was suffering even more as it cracked over the words he all but sputtered out. He jumped to his feet, grabbing Kendall's hand only to have the blonde pull away from him abruptly. "Kendall don't."
"James, I'm not making you choose, because there is no choice. Just don't forget me okay? When you become all famous and have all those girls and boys falling at your feet. Don't forget where your heart belongs."
Tears were now fully sliding down James' rosy cheeks, unable to hold them back any longer. Even though he knew he'd be pushed away he wrapped his arms around Kendall's shoulders and held the blonde there, refusing to let him go as James buried his face into the crook of his neck. "It belongs with you, it always has, always will."
He lifted his face up to meet Kendall's gaze, the usually joyful green eyes swimming with unshed tears. "Don't s-say that. Not wh-when you're a-a-about to leave m-me."
James bit down on his lip to keep the tears at bay. With his forehead pressed against Kendall's, their breath mixing as one between them, all he wanted was to make all the pain and crying go away. He never wanted this. He didn't want his dream but break the heart of the only person who ever truly meant something in his life. In a final effort to keep Kendall from leaving, James whispered out, "I love you Kendall."
The corners of his lips turned up only just. "You too," he choked out, the tears finally breaking free and falling down his cheeks. James lifted up a hand to rub them away with his thumb.
"Take care of the boys for me." James leaned in a little closer, his nose bumping against Kendall's as he continued to rub soothing circles into his cheeks. Cocking his head at an angle, he moved in for a kiss. Kendall turned his head at the last minute, closing his eyes as he felt James' lips press against his skin.
"James don't. Don't do this. Don't kiss me."
"Not even one last time?" James' lips quivered as he asked; his heart shattering in his chest.
"I can't do it James. Don't make me kiss you. If I kiss you, I won't let you go."
"But sometimes you have to Kendall. You have to let me go."
Kendall stepped back from James and out of his arms. With his hands on James' shoulders he leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Bye James. I'm letting you go." And before James could say anything else Kendall was out the door and out of his life, faster than he could say Hollywood.
Remembering the last time he saw James brought out the worst in Kendall. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes just at the thought of him. It'd been ten years since he'd seen him last. Sure they've talked; maybe once or twice over the time they've spent apart. Both of them had moved on, or at least in Kendall's case tried to move on. There really was no one out there like James, that he was certain.
When they reached the music store Kendall stepped out of the cab once more, again tossing the man some money as he asked him to wait. By now the cabbie was used to it, already lighting his third cigarette since they'd gone off on this little adventure. Taking a deep breath Kendall walked inside, the bell above the door echoing throughout the store. Upon reaching the counter he stood there for a while, tapping his fingers on the wood as he waited to be helped out. As soon as an employee surfaced from the back room a smile graced his face. "Kendall, right?"
Although he'd never seen the man before in his life Kendall nodded his head. "That's me."
"Great. Follow me." Listening to the man, who wasn't too much older than himself, Kendall trailed him around the store, towards the back corner. There a guitar was waiting for him. A sleek 6 string acoustic guitar with a red bow attached and white piece of paper sticking out between the strings. "Here we go."
Kendall opened his arms just fast enough for the worker to hand him the instrument. Unsure of what to do, he did what he could and retrieved the note. Merry Christmas Darling.
There weren't many times in Kendall's life where he'd been at a loss for words. He always had something to say; some stupid remark or comment or a speech to give. But now, he was taken aback. All he could muster out was the soft mumble of the name that hadn't graced his lips in who knew how long. "James…" he breathed.
"You okay there? You look like you're gonna cry."
Kendall wiped away at his cheek, his emotions getting the best of him. He was such a sap like his mother, it was unbelievable. "I'm fine. How much is it?" Kendall asked. Now that the guitar was in his hold there was no way he was giving it up.
"Already paid for. Hence the bow." The employee chuckled, walking back to the front of the store as Kendall followed at a snail's pace behind him. "Have a wonderful Christmas."
With his hand on the door Kendall turned back to him. "Thanks. You too." The employee nodded his head in thanks as Kendall left. Returning to the cab he placed the guitar down gently on the seat beside him, laughing softly when he heard the cabbie whistle from the front.
"Wow, someone really loves you." Instead of responding, Kendall only frowned. It'd been so long since James, he wasn't really sure if it was possible for the feelings to still be there, dormant after all these years. "Where to next, son?"
"Oh, just a second." For what felt like the hundredth time, Kendall distracted the postcards from his pocket. He was down to the last card, and on the front was a picture of mistletoe. "Of course," Kendall whispered under his breath as he turned over the card. The back was empty except for Michigan Avenue written across the expanse of white. "Umm…"
"What is it?" the driver asked, finally taking an interest in what was going on.
"I…all it says is Michigan Avenue. There's no address with it." Kendall bit his lip in frustration. That couldn't be right. Quickly he rifled through the other postcards, finding nothing that could help him out.
"Okay." The cabbie put the car in drive and headed off to Michigan Avenue as Kendall continued to search his pockets, until he remembered the notes from before, handed to him by Santa and Jenny. Pulling them out, he put two and two together, reading off the address. "Ahh I know where we're headed. It will be just a few minutes." The cabbie smiled to Kendall through the rearview mirror, the blonde taking the chance to really appreciate the man's help, on all days he had to work on Christmas Eve.
Once they reached their final stop, Kendall pat the man on the back and spotted him a hundred dollar bill. "You deserve to be with your family today." His smile widened as he took the money from Kendall. "Thanks for all your help."
"It's been a pleasure. Merry Christmas!"
"Merry Christmas to you too. Have a nice holiday." Kendall exited the cab with his guitar at his side. Out on the sidewalk he stood, his breath catching in his lungs once he realized just where he was. "Oh James," Kendall whispered, his words getting lost with the wind as he stood out there in the snow, looking in on the little coffee shop.
Kendall's heart swelled almost double its size, or at least that's what it felt like to him. James had brought him there all those years ago on their first date. Kendall couldn't believe he remembered.
He took cautious steps towards the building. Grabbing the guitar strap, he swung it around his back as he peered in through the window with his nose pressed up against the glass, his breath fogging up the window pane. Inside he saw nothing out of the ordinary, except for the table at the end. Even the same booth, Kendall honestly couldn't take it. Even after everything, he still recognized those chestnut colored locks that stuck out above the scarf wrapped securely around his neck. James' back faced him, and suddenly Kendall couldn't breathe. He had no idea what would happen, or even what he wanted to happen.
He took a moment to pull out the postcards once more, smiling as he glanced at the pictures. Then, pulling out the guitar pick from his pocket, Kendall held it up to his lips and kissed it. "James," he sighed with the plastic pressed up against his lips. "James what are you doing here?"
Tucking both the postcards and the pick away, Kendall squared his shoulders back and stood tall as he reached for the handle on the door. He held his breath as he pushed his way in, hoping nothing had changed after all these years.