Corrupt

I never thought that I'd be stood here so soon. Yes, you might call me crazy for this and the nervous anxiety passing through my body was enough to make me wonder if I was doing the right thing whilst the cold metal was pressed against the side of my head. As they say, stop whilst you're ahead, right? Will this be how it ends? At least there is no loneliness and there is no suffering in the end. I can feel one sweat bead slide down my cheek and my last thoughts are of the beautiful blonde locks and mesmerising blue eyes I had come to love.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

In story books, you are taken to a whole different world and you become so absorbed in a fantasy world and escape reality. Each description is written with heart and you can almost lose yourself. It isn't until the last moment that you realise it's all a fairy-tale and your vision changes so rapidly. You realise that, the moment never really occurred. You waste time.

Even though time is ticking on; not a single second feels wasted. Don't you worry, I'll be gone soon and I won't have to steal your time any longer.

I think about you and all of the times we shared. From each breath we breathed together and each moment you held me in your arms. I think about love and all the beautiful feelings that it causes you inside. I'm in a hurry I guess.

Love can be the most beautiful and most painful thing in the world but I'm prepared to lose it before it loses me. That's the best way to be in the end.

There will no memories of being alone or unhappy; just pure bliss. Maybe these intelligent words are rich coming from a poor sap like me. Just your everyday business man who has no higher future ahead of him and the stress of the world is only ever lifted by his partner. I had faced a bit of ridicule in my life for being in this "condition". However, I can only tell myself that in the end homosexuality wasn't a choice I made and Alfred would always support me being queer as he was too.

Ah, yes...Alfred F. Jones- the love of my life. Just his smile could make my day. Everything about the lad was perfect. He was only a few years younger than me yet so full of life and his face always seemed to be lit up with excitement. His hair fell perfectly over his face except that one strand that refused to go down and the black frames of his glasses always sat neatly on the bridge of his nose and never seemed to slide down. He was perfect in every way and that's why I'm here today.

With this gun pressed to the side of my head and a small tremor passing through my body- I'm ready. I don't know how I could ever live without him. I'm making the most of the sensation of the wind blowing through my hair and I can still feel his touch lingering on my pale skin.

I'm not perfect but he makes me feel like I am which one of the reasons I love him.

I couldn't imagine life without him so I shan't be here to experience it. One warm finger wraps around the cold metal of the trigger ready to shoot away the life I have. I will miss him, yes but we shall meet again one day but then we'll finally be together forever. There will be nothing making us part. What kind of world do we live in for me to resort to this?

My green eyes shut tight ready for the quick pain before no light.

I feel pain and suddenly; darkness.

My world is black.

I am awoken by the sound of beeping and it's getting louder each second. There's a ringing sound in my head and it's making my head pound. Where am I? I see myself but with no colour. I am colourless and all I see around me is utter darkness. Is this hell?

Have I truly failed you God for you to punish my utter most sins and bring me to such a desolate universe? All I wanted was acceptance and to be with the one I loved. Is this too much to ask for? My heart is beating- I can feel it.

A jolt runs through my body and I jerk on the spot. My chest begins to heave and I feel like the air is being drained from my lungs. Another shock passes through me. My pale skin is slowly regaining its natural colour but my lips still feel dry. I reach out my tongue to wet the dry lips but am only returned with another shudder. What was happening to me and why did I feel so numb? It hurts but I feel nothing.

I see white. I see memories from the day I met Alfred to the last time we embraced.

"AAAAAAAAGH!" I seemed to shriek and a choked sob emitted from me. Why did this hurt?

Though as things became less blurry- things started to make sense and for once I could feel my fingers. They curled and my nails dug into my skin. The sudden pain made my eyes widened and I was greeted by a white ceiling connected to the wall of a pale yellow colour.

The beeping sounded almost likes that of an alarm though it sounded as if it was in my head. A warm embrace surrounded me and suddenly I felt alive. Was this heaven?

Then my face was smothered with kisses from chapped lips. My eyes trailed down and met with what looked like a middle-aged man. His hair was a fair blonde and you could see the lines of a few wrinkles on his face. If it hadn't been for a few reasons, I would have instantly freaked out for not knowing this strange man but as soon as I saw the protruding strand of hair and bright blue eyes; I found home.

This had to be Alfred but…when did he become so old? I glanced down at my own hand and noticed the same texture.

When I looked at him I saw his mouth move but I heard no words. What is this? It was completely silent and the beeping stopped. I opened my mouth to say something but again I heard nothing. As I looked round the room I saw a hospital ward. I was covered by a blanket and the sight of a heart monitor moving up and down filled my vision. Don't they usually beep?

My attention turned back to Alfred and he looked at me with a frown. I saw him pick up a marker and a large piece of paper. I watched him proceed to scribble something on it.

'Are you okay?'

I read the paper and then he handed it to me with the pen. He obviously wanted me to write what I wanted to say. Maybe he couldn't hear me or himself either? I tried to think about what had happened to me but my mind felt blank.

'I feel alright. What happened?' I showed him the paper. He took it from me and I saw him swallow. It looked rough. He held the pen and wrote more.

I waited patiently for answer. He seemed pained as he saw me try to move my mouth to form words. He flipped the page. After a while of waiting for Alfred to finish writing on the large paper- I got my answer and suddenly I felt my heart thump hard in my chest.

'You tried to kill yourself Arthur and you've been in a coma for 20years. The doctors said you'd never wake up but I've come here every single day for the past 20years just hoping. It must have been a tough battle for your Artie; I still love you, y'know?'

My eyes widened.

'I'm glad I didn't give up hope but sadly the doctors were right about one thing.'

One thing…? He turned the page over for me to read the rest and it was that moment I felt tears well up in my eyes.

'You are deaf Arthur. The gunshot made it so you can no longer hear. It must seem selfish of me but I saved you because I knew that I would never be able to live without you especially knowing you killed yourself. You must be suffering and I'm sorry we have to end our lives together this way.'

I was overwhelmed with emotions and I did not know what to say. It's not like I could regardless.

So there I was 5years later. Cuddling up to the arms of the man that waited for me for a whole 20 years and through this I learnt something. I may have wanted to end my life as to not lose love before it lost me but I guess that it being the best way out- I was wrong.

I shouldn't be selfish and I know that I'm corrupt for thinking that way. I shouldn't be loved for what I've done but now I know the truth.

Life never has an easy way out.

I'm Arthur Kirkland and I realised that we were all born human we are no different than each other. Sometimes life is hard but as long as you have someone there for you- what does it matter? We all have good and bad in us but words can still not define us. True loves hits you hard but it'll always be there for you in the end and losing it is just a process we all have to go through. It's scary but it happens sometimes. Sometimes life seems the worst option because of its natural course of happenings. Though most of the time- it's just one statement that will define it all.

Life is corrupt because we made it that way.

A/N: Oh my you guys. So I don't really talk to you guys like this since its inconvenient. Much easier on DA & YouTube in the end lol. Thank you all for your support on my fics and I hope you enjoyed this one despite the dark undertone. Also hope you caught onto the moral ;D

Chapter 4 of Capture will be published soon. For now, enjoy this fic.