Maura walked out onto the balcony. Cognac in hand. She found Jane staring out at the city lights. Paris was beautiful at night. Most cities were and this one was no different. She would miss sharing these evenings with her friend. Maura gently nudged Jane with her shoulder and drew her from her thoughts. She extended the snifter towards her. Jane looked at her. Her beautiful, brown, expressive eyes refusing to lie and hide the pain she was feeling. Jane smiled a tentative smile. Maura noted the tinge of sadness as Jane took the glass. This was her last night here. Her last night with Maura. In the morning, she would board a plane leaving her best friend behind for a new life she wasn't sure she wanted.
"Thank you," her voice soft.
"I'm going to miss you," Maura stated as a matter of fact.
"Don't Maura," Jane warned.
"Don't what Jane? Don't tell my best friend I am going to miss seeing her every day? Or that I am going to miss talking with her? Having coffee with her? Ending the day with her?"
"We said we weren't going to do this," Jane whispered as she breathed deeply trying to control the emotion within.
"No, you said we weren't. I never agreed. Jane, we are going to be 3,855 miles apart. Across an ocean. That will be a huge change."
"I don't like change." Jane sighed heavily. This was so much easier before it became real.
Maura took a seat and waited for Jane to join her but she remained where she was. This change had been inevitable despite the month reprieve. Maura enjoyed being here with Jane. It reminded her more of their early years together. They embraced life. Lived it as if they were running out of time and needed to pack as many memories in that they could. Prior to this past month, they hadn't done much living and it had slowly been destroying them.
"Come sit Jane." She obeyed after downing the cognac and shivering away the burn.
"Thanks for this month Maura. It's been the best." Maura nodded. She agreed. They had regained some of the closeness that seemed to be missing in the last months. Jane was the Jane she loved. Fun. Loud. Sarcastic. She definitely provided a new spin on Paris that Maura had never experienced. It was Paris the Jane Rizzoli way which suited the pair.
"I am going with you in the morning," Maura said taking Jane's hand in hers and interlacing their fingers.
"No," Jane responded adamantly.
"Yes," Maura replied firmly as she nodded.
"No." Maura gave her that look. The one that asked we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Jane always chose the hard way which eventually morphed into the Maura way. She never understood the control Maura seemed to have over her with that one look. Frost would say she was so whipped and he would be right. That look didn't allow her to deny Maura anything.
"Fine," Jane unhappily agreed.
"This is happening Jane. As much as we don't want it, the last few years have been leading us here."
"Leading us where Maura? You 38,000 miles away from me?" Maura shook her head and laughed.
"Yes Jane. 38,000 miles." Jane rolled her eyes at her then smirked before biting her lip. She frowned. Jane had avoided asking this question for 30 days. She had alluded to it. Skirted around it. Never directly until now.
"Maur, you aren't going back to BPD are you?"
"I don't believe so."
"Boston?"
"Boston will always be my home Jane. My nutball family lives there."
"Doesn't answer the question Maura." Jane stared at her. Eyes piercing. Waiting for an answer.
"I don't know." Jane was upset. Her whole world was crumbling and all that she knew was being stripped away. She felt out of control and she always hated that feeling.
"BPD is not the same," Maura explained. "Frost is gone. It is still hard to believe sometimes. My heart aches when I think of his absence from our lives. Korsak is retired. You are with the FBI. My team doesn't exist anymore."
"Frankie is there."
"No offense to Frankie but he is the other Rizzoli. Other Rizzoli and Isles doesn't quite have the same ring to it."
"They need you. You helped us have the best clearance rate in the nation."
"The nation is an exaggeration Jane," Maura replied smiling.
"Maura, no one does what you can do."
"They will do fine with Kent."
"And Pike and Popov," she said disgusted by the idea of Frankie being stuck with those two idiots.
"I fired Pike and Popov."
"What?" Jane asked shocked but pleasantly surprised.
"I am the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and I fired them. It was long overdue. I am not sure why I tolerated their behavior for so long. It is ridiculous when you think about it."
"Damn straight, Dr. Isles. I'm proud of you." Maura swatted at Jane, which pulled a small smile from her friend. Pike and Popov were imbeciles. Jane never quite understood how they stayed employed. One was passive aggressive. The other was a drunk. Both were incompetent.
"Why didn't you say you weren't going back?" Jane asked. "People are expecting you to return." Maura shrugged as she tucked her leg under her and shifted in the chair.
"This month played a part in my decision," she answered honestly. "We, you and I, seem to have become caricatures of who we once were. I look back on the us we were when we first met. I was more confident. You were fierce. Life has left me feeling somewhat fragmented. You cannot conquer the world when you don't feel whole. We aren't bad-ass anymore Jane."
"Hey, I'm bad-ass," Jane interjected attempting to be offended but couldn't quite pull it off.
"Well, I haven't felt like a bad-ass since Frost died. Our lives seem so sad at times. We do things we really don't want to because we don't want to disappoint but we end up disappointing ourselves. Case in point. You really don't want to go to the FBI but you allowed your mother to bully you."
"Maura," Jane's voice cautioning Maura to think before continuing.
"It is true and you know it. I adore your mother. You know that too. She is wonderful but she finally has what she wanted and you sacrificed yourself so she could have it. You lost your fight Jane. I lost mine too.
Being here in Paris with you, I feel I am finding some of my pieces and I can begin to put me back together again."
"You could still go back," Jane challenged.
"Without you, BPD is just a place I would go to every day with a fancy title on the door."
"What about speaking for the dead?" Jane asked attempting to use her words against her.
"What about it?" Maura countered. "You spoke for them as well. Why is it acceptable for you to walk away and not me?" Jane rubbed her forehead. They both knew the answer to that question. It wasn't.
"What happened to us?" Jane asked curious.
"A life full of serial killers, lost loves and lost friends. Time after time of putting others before ourselves. Shootings. Hematomas. I could continue." Jane shook her head. There was no need. "It is time for us to find ourselves. Become reacquainted with the people we were and still hope to be."
Jane rubbed her palms. "Without each other?" Jane asked afraid of the answer.
"Never. With each other Jane. I am not going anywhere. I love you. You are stuck with me forever." Maura yawned then took the last swig of her cognac.
"We'd better get to bed. Tomorrow will be here before we know it." Before we were ready Jane thought.
"Can I please go to the airport by myself?" Jane pleaded. Maura stood deciding not to correct her and kissed Jane's forehead.
"See you in the morning detective."
"I'm not a detective anymore Maur," Jane answered dejectedly. The realization of that truth hurt.
"You will always be my detective Jane. Now go get some sleep."
Maura left Jane sitting on the balcony. She sat there and wished she could turn back time. She wished she could save Frost. Not allow him to go on that trip. Like Maura, she missed him still. She knew she always would. He was good people and good people were hard to come by in this world.
She wished she could have saved Tasha without losing her baby. She wondered what type of mother she would have been if she had had the opportunity. Hopefully not as overbearing or over protective as her own.
She wished she had never met Charles Hoyt. She wished Korsak wouldn't have retired, that she never shot Maura's father. She wished she hadn't realized how much she would miss it all until it was too late. She wished many things her last evening in Paris that would never come true.
The cab pulled to a stop in the drop off zone. Jane had refused to look directly at Maura throughout the ride. She would steal glances and her eyes would water as the lump in her throat would grow. Maura simply took her hand in hers and caressed the scar that was there. This always soothe Jane.
"Don't get out, Maur," Jane requested. Maura drew Jane's hand to her lips and kissed her.
"I love you Jane Clementine Rizzoli. A phone call or a plane ride away. Nothing will ever be too far for me to get to you if you need me."
"Thank you, Maura."
Jane pulled her into a fierce hug and jumped out. She grabbed her bag and tapped the top of the cab. The driver began pulling away. She hadn't planned on looking up but she did. She wanted one more glimpse of Dr. Isles. Her eyes were met by hazel ones and a hand brushing away tears. She nodded. Maura smiled her I don't believe it but I am trying to be reassuring smile. There was no more Rizzoli and Isles. Rizzoli watched as Isles drove away and left her to face her own fears alone. Jane swallowed hard and headed towards her plane.