This is a collection of Crack!Fics that tend to pop into my head at random times... I figured why should I be the only one to suffer? Enjoy! xx

Pairing: Minerva McGonagall x Igor Karkaroff
Rating: M for implied sexual situations and semi dominatrix McGonagall
Setting: Hogwarts

Defence Against The Dark Arts

The lighting in the chamber was null to none, only a few flickering candles around the room gave off any semblance of light.

Karkaroff laid sprawled out across the green and red duvet, watching the witch in front of him with hooded eyes.

"What is that?" he asked, eyeing the long bulbous object.

Minerva looked up meeting Karkaroff's eyes, the hooded look reflected on her face. "Oh, this?" Dropping her other hand she watched as his eyes trailed down her body, following the path of her silk robe as it fell to a heap at her feet. "This is a wand Igor, are you not familiar with them?" she asked innocently.

Squinting his eyes in the darkness he tried to get a better glimpse of it, "That doesn't look like any wand I've ever seen." He said incredulously.

A smirk now played upon her lips, a mischievous glint shining in her eyes. "Well, that was at Durmstrang Igor," taking another step closer she pulled a pin from her hair, letting it fall in waves around her shoulders. "Allow me to show you all that Hogwarts has to offer, specifically... Defence against the Dark Arts."

Igor looked at her, confused by her words; before he could spend any more time trying to decipher what exactly it is she was saying, he watched as she held out her palm. What once had been the pin that had secured her hair had now been transfigured into a black cat o' nine tails whip. The multiple flogging strips flowing off her fingers.

"What?"

Throwing him back against her bed, she straddled him, holding the whip playfully against his throat, "So which first? Whip or wand?"

"I guess the wand," he grumbled. "What's the worst it could do? Turn me inside out?"

This time, a more sinister smile graced her features, one that caused a drop in his stomach.

"Something like that," she whispered in his ear before flipping him over. "Call me Minnie Driver, because I am going to drive you C-R-A-Z-Y!" She nipped and licked at his ear.

A few floors down the students from Hogwarts and Durmstrang sat together, eating peacefully in the Great Hall. Without any warning, a scream echoed off the walls of the castle.

"HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS, HOGGY HOGGY HOGWARTS!"

As the hall quieted Dumbledore turned to Professor Snape, "If I weren't absolutely certain of my hearing, I would almost go as far as to say that sounds like Igor."

Snape looked out over the students, saying nothing. Only the sight of him smirking down into his goblet told Dumbledore that he had, in fact, heard him.