Tony stood in his kitchen wearing a pair of black boxers and drinking a beer. The last couple of days had been devastating for him and the entire team. Mike Franks' murder was at the top of the list. It was a pain that everyone was feeling but didn't know how to fix. And to make matters worse Tony found out that his girlfriend was a traitor. He chuckled at the absurdity of Gibbs' always being right. Gibbs told him to stay away from E.J. but he didn't listen. And now he'd have to bring a woman he cared about to justice. But more than all of that Tony was worried about Ziva. No one had heard from her since the day following Mike Franks' murder. He was about to call her cell phone for what seemed like the millionth time but just then he heard a knock at the door.
Ziva stood at his door soaking wet from the rain. Her hair was matted to her face and her eyes were red as if she had been crying. "Can I come in?" asked Ziva her voice cracking as she spoke. There was an umbrella clenched in her hand that she had obviously not bothered to use. She was still wearing the same clothes from the other day.
Tony nodded and said, "Yeah, come in..." He let her in and closed the door behind her. Tony followed Ziva into the apartment and said, "Where the hell have you been, Ziva? Everyone has been worried sick about you. None of us knew what to think when we couldn't find you!"He took a deep breath and started to ask, "Are you..."
Ziva flew into Tony's arms not allowing him to finish his question. Because she wasn't okay. Nowhere near okay in fact. Ziva buried her face against his bare chest trying not to start crying again. "I'm sorry for disappearing I just needed to be alone. But I don't want to be alone tonight," whispered Ziva in a strangled voice.
"You don't have to be alone, Ziva. You never have to be alone," whispered Tony in a meaningful voice. He pulled back slightly so that he could look into her brown eyes. He had fallen in love with those eyes over the years. Tony gently brushed Ziva's matted her away from her face. "You can stay the night if you want to."
Ziva said, "I want to..." She trembled slightly as the air conditioner kicked on and chilled her rain soaked body. Ziva clung to him even tighter.
Tony said, "You should get out of those clothes."
Ziva pulled back slightly and looked up into his eyes.
Tony stammered, "Oh...I meant that you are drenched. I have some sweats or something that you can put on. You could catch a cold."
Ziva smiled a little and said, "Oh..." She had found herself wishing that he had meant it the other way. Ziva felt like she was floating off into the ether and she wanted to feel ground again. But Tony was her co-worker. She couldn't cross the line right?
Tony said, "Follow me." He led the way to his bedroom and searched his drawers for something that would fit Ziva. He final settled on a Yankees t-shirt and a pair of gray work-out shorts that had a draw string. "You should be able to tighten the drawstring up. The bathroom is through there. I'll get some fresh towels for you." Tony walked down the hall to the linen closet and grabbed some clean towels for Ziva. He walked back into his bedroom and was greeted with the sight of Ziva stripping off her wet clothes. Tony closed his eyes and said, "I've got the towels for you. Don't worry my eyes are closed."
Ziva smiled and pulled her wet shirt back on. "You can open your eyes. I am dressed now..." Tony could be such a gentleman sometimes. His bravado was mostly just that...bravado. She walked over and grabbed the towels. "Thank you, Tony. You don't mind if I take a shower do you?"
"You're welcome. I don't mind at all. I'll be in the living room if you need me, Ziva." Tony turned on his heels and walked back into the kitchen grabbing his bottle of beer. He finished it off easily and then grabbed the six pack going into the living room. Tony plopped on the couch and turned on the music wanting to just drift away and forget about all of the bad things surrounding them at the moment. He closed his eyes and just tried to relax.
Twenty minutes later Ziva walked into the dark living room wearing Tony's Yankees' t-shirt and the shorts. But they were hidden under the shirt. She walked over having a seat on the couch with Tony.
Tony opened his eyes looking at her. Instead of saying anything he just gently pulled her into his arms.
Ziva rested her head against his chest opting not to say anything either. She was miserable and had been since Franks died. Maybe before that too but she hadn't been willing to admit it. She had spent the last day just driving around trying to figure things out. Ziva would just refill her gas tank every time she ran out of gas. She hadn't gotten much sleep. Ziva just felt lost.
Thunder rolled across the night sky shaking the windows like they were made of paper. The rain was unrelenting as if someone was weeping. And that only seemed appropriate in the shadow of Mike Franks' death. Tony laid in the darkness listening to the storm rage around him in quiet contemplation of the choices he'd made. He felt drops of water lightly pelting his bare chest. He moved his hand up and lightly caressed Ziva's silky brown hair. He searched for the words to console her, but none came to mind. Instead Tony dipped his head down and kissed the top of her head.
Ziva looked up into Tony's eyes for a moment. Her eyes were glassy from crying. That was something she had done repeatedly for the last couple of days. "The funeral is today," said Ziva in a solemn voice.
Tony nodded and said, "Yeah, it is...we were starting to wonder if you would make it to the funeral. Where have you been all of this time? We were...I was worried about you, Ziva."
Ziva said, "I just I needed to be alone. I had all of these emotions and I didn't know what to do with them. I didn't know how to deal with them. I wasn't trying to make everyone worry. I just...being with NCIS has changed me. Being here made me feel like I am part of a family. And that makes losing someone...unbearable," said Ziva in a barely audible voice. Ziva crossed her arms over her chest as if she was hugging herself. She had lost too many people in her birth family. She was not prepared to lose people in her adopted family as well.
Tony watched her withdraw into herself. He wanted to console Ziva, but how do you console someone when you are grieving too. Mike Franks was like that kooky uncle in their makeshift family. They were all struggling to deal with his death. Tony reached over and easily drew Ziva in against his body. His Yankees t-shirt seeming to swallow her lithe form. "Joining NCIS changed me too," admitted Tony as his hand lightly caressed her back. "It made me the man I am today. I don't think that is a bad thing. I didn't really have a family before I joined Gibbs' team. My father...well you've met him. Senior might be good fun, but he isn't much of a father. But Gibbs...he took that role without me even knowing it. Being a part of something is good. It makes you whole in side, Ziva. You didn't have to go through this alone. You could have gone to Gibbs, Abby, McGee, or me."
Ziva shook her head. She took a moment trying to figure out how to explain her feelings to Tony. "I am weak now, Tony. I have not cried this hard or for this long in a very long time. I try to stop seeing Mike's dead body in my mind, but I can't. I feel too much...I didn't use to feel. I don't want to feel," whispered Ziva as her voice cracked and tears slipped down her cheeks. She was quite a moment. "I am here with you now...I knew I needed to be with someone and I chose you," Ziva said the last part in an almost whisper.
"And what's wrong with feeling?" asked Tony. "Feeling just means that we are connected to the world in some way. And being connected is a good thing. It means you love people and they love you too. Being connected is better than floating in a sea alone. John Donne said that no man is an island entire of itself."
"Any man's death diminishes me...because I am involved in mankind," sniffled Ziva somberly. She knew the poem well but at the moment she found no solace in being connected. All she felt was pain and disappointment. "But it wasn't that long ago that a dead body was just that...a dead body. And now...I hardly want to move," said Ziva. She was quiet for a moment and then asked, "You love me?"
Tony caressed her back lovingly. Over the last couple of days he had contemplated how different his life would be without Ziva. And now Ziva was lying in his arms needing to be comforted. For so long the two of them had denied their feelings for one another. But somehow losing Mike Franks had made their charade seem rather pointless. They were both forcing themselves to be with people they cared about, but did not love. And somehow in a moment of sheer clarity and sorrow he did the one thing he had never been able to do...be honest. "I do love you."
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" whispered Ziva.
"You are my partner and my friend. I couldn't risk scaring you off by telling you how I feel about you. But even though I've tried to stop feeling the way I feel for you...I can't. I love you Ziva David..." Tony shrugged his shoulders.
"I love you too, Tony. What are we going to do?" asked Ziva.
"We are going to get up in the morning and drive over to your apartment so that you can change clothes and then we are going to say goodbye to Franks before his body is flown back to Mexico..." said Tony.
"I don't want to say goodbye..." said Ziva.
"Then don't...just say fino a quando ci incontriamo di nuovo, mio amico," said Tony.
Ziva looked up into his eyes. "What does that mean?" asked Ziva.
"It means until we meet again, my friend," said Tony.
Ziva said, "I like that..." She closed her eyes.
"Yeah...so do I..." whispered Tony. He lightly caressed her back and fell into silence.