Author's Note: Just as it says on the tin, everybody, this is crack and nothing more. But at least one Blaked Alaska fanfiction was bound to come from this trash shipper. So, Blaked Alaska fans...enjoy?
As a clarification, this is a one-shot.
UPDATE 12/24: This story definitely could have taken more revision, but it is what it is. However, I took out a couple lines from the beginning because they seriously didn't make sense. And I tweaked a few sentences here and there.
Someone was trying to seduce Yang Xiao Long. Again.
Blake cartwheeled through the open doorway, making a beeline for the end of the café. Yang was leaning against the wall with one elbow, legs crossed at the ankle as she spoke to the woman near her.
Both targets looked when Blake appeared at Yang's side. Yang spoke first.
"Hey, Blake, I was just having a chat with this waitress over here."
Blake snapped to attention, analyzing the threat. There was a smoky quality to her hair, charcoal-gray yet full enough to tousle down her left shoulder and invite a sudden longing to touch the ringlets. And her eyes drew her subjects in completely. They were yellow and piercing and somehow smoldering, and the faint smirk of her lips completed the set. She looked a bit surprised by Blake's entrance, but Blake didn't let her guard down. There was no mistake what she was dealing with. This was a femme fatale. One right move and Yang might be lost.
She spoke. "Your friend over here really enjoyed her sandwich," she said, a manicured hand unfurling toward Yang. "I keep telling her I'm not the one who made it, I just serve it. But she was adamant on letting me know."
Her voice was low and smooth, wrapping around its listeners like silk. The ultimate top-off to a dragon lady. Blake's eyes flashed to Yang, and to her great alarm the blond seemed entranced by the woman, whose long fingernails had crossed lightly under her elbows.
Blake left with both hands on Yang's arms. At the café entrance the waitress's sultry tone slipped into her ear.
"Come again soon."
The slamming door gave Blake satisfaction. That crazy waitress could find someone who wasn't already taken. Yeah, keep making those sandwiches, creep.
They found Neo at the end of the block, holding down her parasol's handle in two gloved hands. As they came closer she looked over her shoulder. Two boys with fading gang signs on their wrists ran off. Neo's gaze slid back to the others, a smile coming to her face.
The parasol was in both hands after a simple swing, and daintily she took up Yang's other side. They resumed their Sunday out, Neo and Blake on the alert.
They'd figured it out over time. Yang was friendly. Yang was flirty. Yang liked having a good time, and to prevent her from exploring the world and meeting new people was cruelty, a prison in which she'd succumb. Neo and Blake didn't want that. What they did want was for everyone to know Yang was theirs. And the more-than-quick glances from Yang, the biggest changes in her personality, were directed towards shady, mysterious ex-criminals.
They warded off thieves the entire afternoon, Yang painfully oblivious to the process. At one point a girl grabbed Yang's apartment keys and they sprinted across a park to catch her, tackling her with more force than believable from two people of their statures.
The offender spoke on the grass. "Come on, you guys, it was a tease." Blake didn't trust loosening her hold. "I was going to give them back, honest! Just after she gave me her number."
There was a jingle as Neo deftly slid the keys into her grasp. She stood, her face suddenly impassive.
"You guys, it was a joke," the girl insisted. "I wasn't going to drug her drink or whatever—"
They rolled her down a hill, not leaving until they saw her enter the bramble bushes. They turned to each other.
"Sometimes it's bad enough I already have to share with you," said Blake.
Neo only smirked at that. But then again, didn't Yang pay extra attention to Blake after recovering from such intensive one-on-ones?
They went down the park in silence, the keyring spinning around Neo's finger. While she looked ahead the parasol twirled off her shoulder and managed to smack Blake right below the back. Blake glared at her but soon said "Whatever," and there was a quick grin shared between them.
The sun went down. They were at the pier, and Yang rested on a wooden table to gaze at the vista spreading across the horizon. Blake was just as awed, and their arms slowly folded together in the reverence. Neo sat on the table's other side, parasol tapping on her crossed legs as she sipped from a cup and watched everyone who passed by.
Blake was slumped peacefully on the crook of Yang's neck. Yang moved her gently over the table and whispered into her ear. "I'll get us some ice cream."
Blake nudged herself in Yang's absence, adjusting to the cold. But there was no issue in waiting for Yang to get back. Yang was only standing outside the restaurant, waiting around for their order to come out the window…
…and that was twenty yards away, where she was unprotected.
Blake's eyes snapped open. Her night vision zeroed in on the horrible figure that held Yang in the clutches of casual conversation.
Oh god. The waitress.
Blake sped down the pier, barely impacting its surface as she went. She was almost on the road but with a gut-wrenching lurch felt her foot snag in a hole, throwing her forward without any distance. People were staring as she slammed back up, an arm desperately held out as she lay sprawled on the pier.
"STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND!"
Yang did not hear her among the mass of laughing spectators. She barely heard anything other than the dulcet melody of the woman in front of her, and saw those eyes burning in the growing darkness, paying heed to none but Yang herself…
Neo was between them before they knew it, rising from her leap off the restaurant roof. She made eye contact, and the waitress paused.
"Have we met before?"
Neo spun pleasantly to Yang and opened her parasol. It popped in the waitress's face, making her stumble. In a swift flip Neo had the business card that fell from her back pocket. Yang read it out loud when it was held up to her.
"Team CRME, available for your dastardly deeds, call Roman or Cinder or walk-in on Fridays?"
Cinder was arrested, unceremoniously; trying to maintain pride, she snorted at Blake derisively before tossing her hair. "It was worth a shot," she said, eyes flicking one last time to Yang's chest. The officer cuffing her laughed lightly.
"Went undercover at a restaurant, huh? Any chance you could make me a sandwich?"
"That is getting so old," said Cinder irritably in the seconds before she was shoved into the car.
It drove away. Everyone stood awkwardly on the brick road.
"Uh…Yang Xiao Long?" asked a flat voice, pitch rolling slightly with the question. The boy at the restaurant window stood with a plastic tray holding three ice cream cones.
They went to the apartment quietly, Neo letting Yang absentmindedly lick her lips. The tiny woman reciprocated, eyes closing at the taste. Blake was too angry to do anything but eat, not feeling the effect of biting into her cone.
They hung their jackets on the coatrack. Neo licked the last of her ice cream off her glove while Blake waited for a response. Yang gave one.
"Well, that was unexpected."
"Unexpected?" said Blake. "You could practically see her whole body, her dress was cut in so many places. And what was up with not covering her legs? Classic villain material. You won't know what's coming."
"Blake, it's not like I would go out with her, I already have you guys," Yang assured her, to which Neo nodded primly with her arms crossed.
"Are you sure you wouldn't have been taken under her spell?"
"Blake, calm down. There was no spell I'd be under, and I'd punch her the second I saw she was evil, anyway."
"If you saw it in time. She'd probably have you in a second. She was clearly such a top-class criminal, not the kind you normally see skulking around at night…"
"I'm safe here, aren't I? Jeez. Calm down, Blake."
Blake and Neo exchanged a grim look, then trained it on Yang. The blond stopped under their gaze.
"Uh….what are you looking at me like that for?"
Neo went behind her and began pushing her up the stairs, Blake following to make sure she didn't stray from the path. "Come on guys," said Yang, "a little communication now and then wasn't the end of the world. Right?" Blake opened the first door on the left. "Right?"
Neo closed the bedroom door, and within seconds Yang knew who really was right.