Anakin half-jogged down the small delicately carved stone steps which led from Varykino, down toward the lush forest area below. Having abandoned his heavy cloak for the morning back in the needlessly large guest chamber generously granted to him by Padme during their stay, he enjoyed the soothing kiss of Naboo's sun against his flushed skin. Here, such a thing could be enjoyable. The sun's touch was not intolerable; it did not sear one's skin until there were painful reddening burns left in its wake. That's what Tatooine's suns did. But Naboo is everything Tatooine was not. Welcoming, flourishing… Every inch of the planet held something breath-taking to behold. Even the people here were happier, freer in every way imaginable. Smiles came easier here too, Anakin had noticed. No one kept their eyes down in fear of being noticed like they did on Tatooine. This planet called to his soul, relinquishing Anakin of all stresses in ways nothing else had. Something about Naboo felt like home. It was the home every child should have with vast lakes that shimmered in the sunlight to play in, luscious green meadows and stunning architecture torn straight from the fairy tales crowned every building… Everything here was full of colour and life. It thrived. He could still remember his awe upon arriving here when he was nine. He also remembered thinking about how his mother would love it here.
No… He can't think of her… He shouldn't.
Dreams of Shmi Skywalker already haunted Anakin's nights. He couldn't let them rule his thoughts in the daylight too. But the dreams of his mother were overshadowed by a torture of a different kind, especially of late. He dreamt of Padme so intensely that some nights he awoke drenched in sweat, and he wasn't sure which dreams were worse.
Such a night was last night. After Padme's agonising rejection, they'd only become worse. Anakin had barely managed a single standard hour of uninterrupted rest. Not even meditation could act as a balm to the tension. And worse still had been this morning. Awkwardness and unspoken words had filled the room over breakfast and neither Anakin nor Padme had known what to say to each other past polite greetings as they sat down. Still, the sight of her stole his breath away… It was excruciating to sit so close to her and being forced to pretend the words they exchanged by the firelight hadn't happened. He could barely look her in the eye. Padme felt something for him – he knew she did. She all but said it last night! Force, what he would give to hear her say it for real… How was he supposed to continue living with such a wretched agony tearing him apart?
When he looked back over his shoulder, Varykino had faded into a picturesque distance. So he continued on, wandering through thick plants and flowers, letting the sun guide his path through a canopy of leaves high above his head. Just being away from Padme and the unresolved issues between them was already beginning to ease some of the tension from the Jedi's body. Obi-wan had always said that letting one's mind wander freely while amongst nature lead itself to a greater connection to the Force. Anakin was beginning to believe he was right. He just needed to relax for an hour or two alone. There'd been far too little time for that lately. It wasn't wise to leave Padme alone right now, given the threats against her life, but he was sure she wouldn't begrudge him this time to himself.
While they'd been apart, Anakin had always assumed that, once they were reunited, his dreams would stop. What use would he have for them once she was in his life once again, after all? Yet they hadn't stopped. They endured, constantly shifting, altering themselves to pain him further. Night after night, the dreams increased in both intensity and clarity so much that when he awoke some mornings, it was difficult to tell for a few waking moments what was real, and what had merely been a dream. He felt like he was the cruel butt of a joke by the Force. Why else was his mind being so mistreated? If he were not so sure that it was impossible, Anakin may have believed that the former Queen was the Sith Lord they'd been looking for… That she had somehow bewitched his mind and found sweet enjoyment in taking his deep buried fantasies and twisting them into baneful dreams.
Perhaps he was losing his mind? Was this the reason the Jedi code prohibited attachment? He was beginning to understand the purpose of such a rule. He felt lost… The dreams felt too real to be simply conjured by his imagination, and yet the moments he sees are impossible enough to be confined to dreams.
For the first time since they'd arrived, Anakin longed for the Temple. At least there, he could visit one of the healers and have them prescribe some sort of sleep medication. Once, he'd lived for such dreams, spending his every waking moment anticipating what beauty he may be graced with that night, and now he wanted nothing more than to be granted a night without them. It was sadistic, whatever was plaguing him this way, forcing him to live through relentless images of what his heart sung for, but could never have. It was unfair!
After the shattering of his heart last night, Anakin had expected a night of peace at least. He'd thought his heart was too wounded to torment itself anymore, and yet Padme had appeared to him nonetheless. Although, this time, she greeted him with different sort of pain. The kind she'd caused him countless times before, unwittingly or not. Anakin could still remember it clearly… She'd awaited him laying on a decadent bed of satins and silks, naked save for the crimson that painted her lips, with her long bushy curls loose around her shoulders… Anakin had been helpless as she whispered sensual, promises, carnal promises of pleasures he'd been dreaming of since he began to think of her with the mind of a man, not a boy.
He was haunted at every moment by the kiss they'd shared on the balcony. The sensation of Padme's sweet, soft lips against his… Now he knew her touch, however brief, he wanted more. She'd preoccupied his every waking hour, and now his dreams too? Had she noticed? Would she care if she did? Anakin liked to believe that she would. She'd comforted him after his last nightmare about his mother, hadn't she? She was compassionate and kind. But that was the greater torment. Knowing that she cared for him. Yet she pulled herself away from him, bowing to social pressures of what she was supposed to be and what she should do, leaving Anakin cold with her absence and there was nothing he could do about it. She told him no, and he respected her enough to listen.
Maybe Anakin should be used to it by now. He'd lived with dreams of Padme since he left Naboo with Obi-wan to begin his Jedi training, had grown up with flashes of her memory everywhere, be it the sound of her laughter in the wind, the sight of a colour he'd seen her wear, or even talk about her on the holonet news. He'd been tortured by Padme Amidala for most of his life, even when he had few actual memories of their time spent together. Now here they were, all alone in the tranquil peace, and still, she was all he could think about.
Lost in his thoughts, Anakin walked for a lengthy time around the plant life and through the trees until he was far enough away from everything that he was sure there would be no disruptions. He stopped only when the rush of water caught his ears. By now, he had to be close to the lake Padme had pointed out earlier. It had looked so beautiful from the distance, and like everything on Naboo, it was probably even more so as you came closer. Stepping through the foliage, Anakin realised he was right. The lake was right there… From where he stood, he saw the small waterfall, gushing its water down onto a rocky yet somehow smooth arched overhang, pouring into what appeared to be shallower water than the rest of the lake. Truly, it was something to behold…
Anakin had always loved the water. Coming from a desert planet had left imprinted on him a strong urge to dive into every pool, lake or sea he came across. Obi-wan didn't understand. But then, he'd spent mere days on Tatooine, and most of them had been on Amidala's ship. Not like Anakin, who'd lived on hot, dry sand for nine years. There was no sensation as refreshing as submerging one's body beneath cool waters, nothing as energising as re-emerging only when your lungs begged for air. He was reborn each time, granted freedom from whatever worries haunted him, even just for a moment. If Tatooine was a water planet, Anakin had no doubts he'd have been a great swimmer as a child, not a mechanic.
It only took a few moment to shrug off his clothing, abandoning them on the soft grass along with his boots. If there was anything that could make him feel better, it would be sinking into the cool depths of the water waiting before him. Despite his desire to peace and serenity, Anakin's journey into the water is anything but calm. He does not wade in gradually as most might. Instead, he dives in head first, creating a large splash in his wake.
How long he remains submerged beneath in the water, he isn't sure, but felt like a lifetime. What waits for him in the watery depths is enough to enthral him, to tempt him into remaining beneath the surface for as long as possible. Like everything else on this planet, it is beautiful. Small underwater creatures swim away in a panic at the sight of him, colourful plants alike nothing he'd never seen before swayed together to a music his ears cannot hear.
Finally, he emerged, panting heavily as his lungs filled themselves greedily with air, though his eyes remained closed, soaking in the moment. He felt better already, more grounded and connected with the Force than he did after waking. There is something deeply spiritual about water, Anakin swore it. However, before his mind could follow his thoughts wherever they may wander, his gaze was drawn to the small waterfall up ahead, sensing the presence of another. At most, he expected to find another like him, someone come exploring, or a forest creature come to drink. However, what he found beneath the spilling water of the overhang would have made his knees buckle if he were not weightless in the water.
Indeed there was someone enjoying the shallow water. A woman. Her back faced him, concealed mostly by long, soaked hair and yet Anakin felt his jaw slackening slightly at the sight. He could just make out the subtle curves of her hips from the distance between them, the sight making him swallow nervously. From the looks of things, she was as bare as he was… Suddenly, he felt shameful. He should not be here. Leaving was the honourable thing to do after all. No matter who was here first, he had obviously intruded upon a private moment. Yet, he didn't move. It was mere suspicion, he swore, not lust… There was something familiar about the woman, though he cannot see her face… He can feel it.
Carefully, the Jedi apprentice moved closer to the jagged rocks to his left, taller and broader than he, easy to hide behind them if necessary. It was alright, he was merely… Assessing the situation, and when he was done, he would leave the mystery woman to her… Bathing… Besides, it was not as if he was ogling her. Quite the opposite. He was merely hiding to preserve her privacy. No need for her to turn around and see him and think he was some sort of pervert.
Anakin was far from that!
Over the rush of water, he heard something so lovely and innately feminine that his heart beat quicker at the sound. The woman, whoever she is, was singing. A song he'd never heard before. Soft and quiet and so gentle… It was as soothing as it was alluring. It was difficult to make out the words fully over the loud sounds of the water, but what little he could hear was captivating. Daring to steal another glance, the Jedi peered around the rock just in time to see hands coming through her long hair, pulling it over one shoulder and inadvertently exposing more of her pale skin to his eyes. The woman grew taller suddenly, probably rising from her knees in the water and revealing her curvaceous backside to Anakin's wide eyes.
Force have mercy on him…
Despite his deep, irrevocable love for Padme, Anakin had always admired female beauty where he saw it. And this was most definitely a vision of beauty. This woman was stunning, and he'd only been graced with the vision of her back. Force help him if he were to see her from the front. Of course, while he looks, Anakin could never, ever touch. Chastity may not be something required by the Order, but he'd only ever dreamed of such things with Padme. So much as touching another was just… Unthinkable to his mind. The only woman he could fall into bed with was Padme. The keeper of his heart.
Leaning his back against the rock again, so the bathing woman was not in his view, Anakin's eyes drifted closed again as he attempted to calm himself again. The moment of peace passed quickly, however, as the woman obviously saw something amusing as he heard her laugh, even over the water. Usually, mere laughter would not startle Anakin, but this time, he physically jolted. He knew that laugh.
He would know that laugh anywhere. He'd just spent the past few days doing anything he could to be granted that wonderful sound.
Padme.
No. No. It wasn't her. She couldn't possibly be here. She was back inside her lavish office attempting to hack and break through the passcodes and firewalls he'd set up on her datapads to keep her from contacting anyone in the Senate. Why would she have come down here? He was wrong. It had to be someone else with the same laugh. No…
Yes… The realisation washed over the Padawan coldly, as if the water his lower body is submerged within had been thrown onto his unprepared face. If his teeth did not sink so quickly onto his bottom lip, then Anakin was sure he would have gasped, and probably startled her enough to alert her to his presence. Force forbid… What would she think of him then? After everything, the chances of Padme believing he'd merely come here to swim and clear his mind were understandably low.
He should have realised it was her before now. Why hadn't he sensed her immediately? He could always feel her presence when she was nearby, and yet now, when such a thing would be extremely useful, all he felt was a vague sense of familiarity. By the Force… Just how many times had he seen her like this in his dreams? How many times had he run his fingers over her skin? Filled his hands with her perfect backside? Yet, when he was, by some mercy or a cruel joke, granted true sight of her, he was oblivious.
She never said she didn't want him, part of his mind whispered temptingly, appealing to the hot flush of desire which heated his blood. She only said that they couldn't, that they'd be living a lie… It was no true admission of love or even mere want of him. Her words – or lack thereof had confined him to a new form of torture. Of reliving them over and over again, attempting to uncover their true meaning. For all he knew, she may just have been sparing his pride with an excuse rather than inform him of her complete lack of romantic feelings… Leaning his head back against the rock, Anakin just barely managed to hold back an agonised groan. He felt compelled to go to her, to take her into his arms and kiss away every fear or worry she may have about what may happen or what people would say. Would she melt into his embrace or push him away again? Frankly, Anakin wasn't sure he could take the rejection again… And yet, he did not care…
Maybe he should be more like her. Worried about the consequences of their actions. Pursuing such feelings could spell the end of life as they knew it, Padme could lose her place in the Senate and Anakin would be expelled from the Jedi Order, Chosen One or not. Shouldn't this worry him? But he didn't care about what may happen. He lived his life firmly in the moment. And in this moment, he wanted her. Even knowing it could mean losing everything he'd worked for all these years. It could mean the end of his every hope and ambition, and yet he wanted her.
He wanted both. A place in the Order and a place by Padme's side. Was that truly so wrong?
Daring to glance out from behind the rock again, Anakin's hungry gaze roamed the smooth, flawless flesh of her back just as it had before their kiss while he let himself think. The choice laid out before him was a terrifying one. It was an arousing one. Restraint battled want, and the Jedi wasn't sure which was winning. Half of him desperately wished to uphold his duty to the Jedi, to Obi-wan, but the other half of him, equally powerful was just as desperate to claim her. To act out his every wild desire until they were both sated, body and soul.
Chest heaving with each intake of breath, Anakin's hand inched to relieve the throbbing ache below his waist, but he couldn't. Not now at least. Still, he was helpless against the imaginings of his mind. He swore he could feel her lips against his again. The ghost of their kiss left his skin tingling and the small hairs on the nape of his neck stood to attention. Swallowing thickly against the wave of lust that assaulted his every sense, Anakin attempted to calm himself, but Force help him, it was impossible. Not when all he could think about was how Padme's skin might feel beneath his tongue, or what sounds he could draw out of those lips if she granted him the opportunity…
His right hand clenched tightly as Padme's sweet song ended with a quiet sigh. How was it possible for someone to be so oblivious to their power? Once again, Anakin imagined her as a Sith. With the power she wielded over him, she'd be the most powerful darkness in existence. She was a siren, luring him further and further into the fray of madness and Anakin knew he'd plunge himself into her trap oh so willingly if it meant she'd bless him with her touch.
This wasn't something he should want. Or at least, he should not want her with such agonising passion as he did. It wasn't the Jedi way! Feelings like these were exactly what he'd been schooled against since the moment his training began. And yet, she was so… Enthralling. So perfect in every way. An angel too pure for a galaxy as corrupt as this. Padme had always stirred incredible emotions within him; even while he'd been nothing more than a little boy. Sith-hell, he'd sworn he'd marry her someday had he not?
But the purity of his adoration of Padme had long since morphed, bending, transforming into something more primitive. Secret longings carefully shielded from the minds of Obi-wan and the Council. Wants he could only truly allow himself in the safe confines of his quarters in the Temple. Usually, it was easier to push these feelings aside, to focus on other matters, but lately, his dreams… His dreams had pushed him too far. He wanted thing – nothing, not Mastery, not power nor the respect of the Council – more than he wanted to feel Padme beneath him, writhing, pleasured by his touch, moaning Anakin's name as he brought her an ecstasy no other man ever had.
She undoes him completely. There has never existed a woman so utterly captivating as Padme, not ever. Anakin's heated gaze wandered across every inch of her that it could, committing every curve to memory lest his mind dare attempt to forget. If his dreams had been haunting him, then he dreaded to imagine what her memory would do to him. This was uncharted territory and it was already besting him.
What was he to do? Follow his heart or his mind? Not for the first time, Anakin wished he still had Master Qui-gon to guide him forward. There were certain things, despite his close bond with Obi-wan that he could not share with his Master. He would never understand. The only advice offered would be a reminder of his commitments to the Order, to mind his thoughts and let the Force soothe him of these feelings. Nothing of any true use to Anakin lately. It felt as if… As if he were being torn. One-half of him firmly leashed to the Order and all it stood for, and the other… It was bound to Padme. She was in his very soul, the owner of his heart. His first and final thought each day. How could he have one without the other? Was he to ignore one-half of himself to pursue what the other held?
He loved her. He loved being a Jedi. What was he to do? Follow his love, or endure his loyalty?
Padme turned to her side, offering Anakin an entirely new view of her body, and Force what he would give to go to her now. To forget everything that may follow and simply push her against the nearest edge of land… He knew without a doubt that he'd take her until they both saw stars. How could any man he expected to resist her? Especially now, beneath the ever rushing water spilling over the edge of the rocks, high above her head. Its droplets explored her skin in all the ways Anakin's tongue longed to. He watched one, in particular, trickle its way between her pert breasts and shuddered.
Without realising, his tongue flicked out to wet his lips as he watched her. Somehow he managed to tear his eyes away from her, as his hand came up to run through his cropped hair before pushing his Padawan braid backwards, over his shoulder. The Force was merciless; he'd learned that today at least. Never once in all his life, had Anakin been this hard below the waist. His dreams had coaxed him to near insanity more than once but this… This was a whole new level he'd never known to exist before now. It hurt. He was stiff and throbbing and Force, how he wanted to ease himself.
When he looked back at her, Anakin's jaw fell loose and his eyes widened. Padme's hand slipped over her right breast slowly, letting her fingers tease her tight, puckered nipple and then lower, across her smooth, flat belly and then further, to the apex of her thighs, where they slid through the springy curls which awaited there. Oh Force, she – she… Her fingers cupped herself and Anakin almost moaned. Padme didn't stop herself from making noise, however, and he was treated to a breathless sigh of pleasure. Her head fell backwards, and Anakin felt himself tremble. He couldn't look away as her free hand cupped her breast again to tease her pouty nipple.
Suddenly, Anakin felt lecherous. It was wrong of him to watch her like this. These were Padme's private moments, a time he had no part in no matter how badly he ached to join her. She didn't know he was here and he should show her more respect than to intrude like this. He should move as quietly as he could toward the bank, bundle up his clothing and leave her in peace. And yet, his body refused to move, his feet had become rooted to the flattened rocks on which he stood. He couldn't move because it was Padme.
His morals had long fled leaving Anakin only his base male instincts to rely upon. How could there be anything else when he was painfully aroused that his cock throbbed with how badly he wanted her. He couldn't think of anything else. It was too intense, and far, far too much.
Though it was terribly wrong, abhorrent really, Anakin's right hand snuck downward, into the water to wrap his fingers around his hard cock and gave a light squeeze. He hissed, and just barely managed to keep quiet. No longer hesitating, he gave himself a firm stroke, letting the bliss wash over him like the water he was surrounded by. Not once did his eyes stray from Padme, they couldn't bear to miss a moment. Not even as his mind ran free with fantasies of her small hand on him, rather than his own, of being between her legs, lips teeth and tongue tasting her centre.
The final thought made Anakin grunt as his fist moved faster, stroking himself harder. The water around him splashed vigorously, but by some mercy, Padme didn't notice. Her dark eyes were closed tightly, lost in her own pleasure as her chest heaved, moving her perfect breasts in time with her breath.
Anakin could sense that she was close, he let himself bathe in her euphoria and it amplified his own. Force, he wished it was him bringing out such feelings in her… He'd give anything to swat her hand away and replace it with his own. He grit his teeth and struggled not to close his own eyes against the building of his own climax. He felt his belly tighten and his backside clench and panted. So, so close…
"Oh…" Padme moaned, "Oh yes… Ah! Ah, oh Anakin… Ani… Yes…" And she fell over the edge of her pleasure, hips arching toward her hand as she writhed, drawing out her bliss for as long as possible. But as breathtaking as the sight was, Anakin couldn't focus on it. She'd said his name… His name! Padme was thinking about him while she…
"Ah, fuck…" He groaned quietly as the mere thought of Padme… Of Padme touching herself to the thought of him made his cock burst in a series of violent, world shifting ejaculations that made his head spin. More than once, Padme's name fled his lips in a near silent chant until at last, there was peace.
Panting, and boneless, Anakin near collapsed against the rock once more as his breath settled. When he finally found the courage to peek past the rock again, it was to see Padme scoop up her clothes – a pretty, elegant white nightgown and deep blue robe from what he could make out – and pull them over her body. She was going back to the house. He should do the same… But in a few moments, after there was a little time so that they wouldn't run into each other. Anakin couldn't think how he would possibly explain…
Despite how badly it hurt, he could understand why Padme said they couldn't be together. What did he have? What could Anakin possibly offer her? Other than himself, there was nothing. Only his love and his body and his soul. Padme deserved more than that. With him, she'd live a life of secrecy; of lying to everyone she loved. With anyone else… She could have everything. A real life, a family one day… She'd already told him she wanted that. With a deep sigh, Anakin eventually climbed onto the water bank, shivering against the cool morning air and pulled his robes over his damp skin. He knew now without a shadow of a doubt that Padme wanted him. She desired him. Maybe she even loved him too, as silly as it sounded. But, he would respect her decision. But that wouldn't stop him from loving her until his final day. And beyond.
Oddly, however, as Anakin began the walk back toward the house, his thoughts were not of the beautiful Senator, but of his mother, and his dreams and though the mornings frolicking wasn't far from his mind, something full of dread settled into the Jedi's stomach. It had to mean something. And he was going to find out.
He was going back to Tatooine.