ALMOST DOESN'T COUNT

prologue: guilty?

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Yes, this is indeed a Jay/Elle or 'Jallie' story, as they're being called. This takes place after Sean has left, as many others have, but I very much hope this might be a wee bit different, and that you'll all enjoy it to the max! Read and review, please and thanks.

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She almost felt guilty.

She almost felt guilty for closing her eyes so often, for pretending he was someone else the entire time. Certainly it was not as though Jay was anything less than perfectly aware of what they were doing together, of why it was him she turned to; he reminded her of Sean in smell and in touch, if she closed her eyes. Beyond that, he was a willing and able body, someone who had rarely, if ever, attached meaning to sex before. It was not all on her shoulders if he was uncomfortable with an arrangement that she had never been anything but upfront about, though she couldn't help feeling a twinge of guilt as she examined the slightly distant look on his face as she slipped her shirt over the flat, pale planes of her stomach, tugging it down at the waist.

"You've got somewhere to be?" he asked flatly, reclining on the bed as he placed one arm behind his head, the other draped lazily across his bare stomach. She didn't bother making eye contact, and he almost felt stupid for being irritated about that tiny detail. What did it matter if she couldn't look at him when she was unable to picture Sean, instead? He could make her into any girl he wanted her to be if he closed his eyes, the way she did. He simply chose not to, more apt to live in the moment than to drift.

"Um, yeah. I need to get home, it's getting late," she answered him with more than one vague and wishy-washy excuse. If she wasn't sure it was impossible, she would have guessed that she heard him sigh.

"Want me to walk you? It's already dark, y'know," he offered lamely, the same thing he offered her each and every time it was over. And, of course, she would answer in the same fashion she always did, as if they kept routine for the sake of continuity.

Standing up and pulling her black pants, the ones with all the straps and D rings, over her flush hips, she cast him a sidelong glance. It was moments like that which made her wonder if he truly knew and accepted what they were doing for what it really was, but they were moments that made her feel just a iota better, all the same, despite the fact that she had never and would never accept. Jay was not Sean, was not her boyfriend. He had no business walking her home, and definitely no business seeing the turmoil that was her home.

Pulling her long hair through a ponytail holder, she averted her gaze from his half naked form. "I can't. I don't know what might be going on at home… And it's just a bad idea," she shot him down, albeit not in the most gentle format. He wasn't some bleeding heart romantic type, and she knew he could take the truth. She simply didn't want to say it.

Fully dressed, she scanned the room for her keys, her eyes attracted by the jangling coming from Jay's direction. Around his finger, he swirled the key ring around before tossing it in her direction. she attempted a smile and he did the same, though it had been quite a while since this had all been amazing fun for him, since he could muster a genuine smile as she trailed that fantastic ass out the door.

He was no longer having one hundred percent fun, and he could scarcely pretend to be, even if he was clueless as to what had changed. It had just been sex, with Red and with every girl before her. But there was something else worming its way between them, something that he didn't like, something that he wasn't sure she saw. Unfortunately, it didn't matter what, if anything, either of them thought of what was happening, because it was.

It just so happened that neither of them was going to speak about it, in any way.

"See you tomorrow, Nash?" he asked, almost hopefully.

"Mm, yeah. Probably," she answered, slinging her messenger bag purse over her shoulder as she tried to worm her way out of the increasingly awkward situation. She didn't want to hurt Jay; she knew he was a person, a real person with legitimate feelings, but she also knew that those feelings were not for her. She was his substitute for any random girl he might've had at his beck and call, and he was her substitute for Sean. It was as simple as that.

Wasn't it?