Space Case
By: Noki
Ah yes, time for the first chapter! Please review, pleeeeaaaassseeee??? I think the Genin teams will come in Chapter two, I just adore having Kakashi and Gai fight! ;p but if anyone really wants me to add Iruka to the fray, you can tell me at any time. No romance though, especially no yaoi/shonen-ai. So there you have it, on with the fic!
Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own much. This is one of the many many many things I don't own, sad to say. v.v
Key:
"...." = Speech
'......' = Thoughts
....... = Stuffness
5 a.m.
Asuma blew a puff of his cigarette out in the humid air as Kakashi paced back and forth. He finally stopped and huffed.
"Can I have a smoke?"
"Sure." Asuma tossed Kakashi the pack of cigarettes and lighter. Gai frowned as Kakashi lit up and handed it back.
"Kakashi, you don't smoke..."
"Whatever..." He leaned against the wall and took a long drag. "Okay, so we can all agree that Hokage-sama has lost his marbles?" The three other Jônins nodded without hesitation, almost of their minds lingered to yesterday at the Academy...
--
The four Jônins and Iruka, who had just came into the room by accident, stared at Sodaime like he grew a second head right in front of them. Dead silence filled the room. Finally Kakashi burst out laughing.
"Okay, that was a good one!!" Soon enough the other Jônins began to laugh with him. Iruka sighed and smiled while thinking, 'it's about time Hokage-sama's jokes were funny...'
The third Hokage sat there with his fingers weaved with the other hands under his chin, he glanced his wrinkly eyes back up to the teachers.
"That's enough laughing. I'm serious." Dead silence had returned to the room as they looked at him like he grew a third head to keep the second on his shoulders company.
They blinked. They stared They blinked and stared. A cloud of doom condensed and hung over their heads. Of course, that didn't really happen because it's figurative speaking.
"WHAT?!?!" Kakashi, Iruka, Asuma, Kurenai, and Gai all yelled in unison. Sodaime grinned happily. Oh, he cracked himself up sometimes.
"Hokage-sama, you CAN'T be serious?!" Kurenai yelled.
"I'm very serious. I'm going to send you four with your genin teams to space." Sodaime explained very calmly. It was Asuma's turn to question his father.
"B-But....WHY?!"
"Because the land of rock has beaten us to the moon, so we must beat them to Mars!!"
"That's reasonable." Gai proclaimed and nodded. Kakashi bopped him over the head.
"Idiot, you're not helping," Kakashi muttered angrily. Iruka finally intruded and asked the next question before the Jônin's could do it themselves.
"Why them?" No one was surpised by Iruka's presence.
"Because...," Sodaime trailed off then continued to another subject before finishing the answer. "You will be leaving in three days."
"We are so screwed..." Kakashi mumbled, he was already miserable because he left his precious bok at home and now this?
"It's nice to see you have such faith in my judgement..." Hokage sweatdropped. "Any other questions?"
"Who's piloting the shuttle??" Sodaime put on a cheerful smile, which caused them all to cringe. It was not good when he was this happy.
"I'm so glad you asked Kurenai!!" He clapped his hands and a door behind him opened with excrutiating amount of light, probably just to add effects. A figure stepped into the room. The moment the light faded, the cloud of doom doubled in size and mass. Iruka simply stood there thinking, 'oh my...'
"I'd like to introduce you to Gigi!" Sodaime chirped happily. The Jônins were quiet.
"That's...a monkey..." Asuma confirmed. Gigi simply ate her banana.
"Ah, but not JUST a monkey..." Kakashi, Asuma, and Kurenai secretly prayed for the monkey to be an astronaut in a monkey costume. "...but a WELL-TRAINED monkey!" Everyone except Gigi, Sodaime, and Gai fell over.
"Oooo, what can it do?" Gai asked with the wonder of a five year old.
"I'll show you! Come on Gigi!" He snapped his fingers and the monkey did a backflip. Gai clapped and Iruka sweatdropped.
"My god...we're doomed..." Kakashi mumbled while peeling his face off the carpet.
--
"...Can someone pinch me so I can confirm that this isn't a twisted nightmare?" Gai wailed him on the shoulder and Kakashi glared back. "I said pinch not punch, you stupid jackass..." Gai flashed his infamous smile as Kakashi cringed.
"Just pay back from earlier. Someone woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning..."
"Zip it, ugly." Kurenai placed her hands behind her head and sighed.
"Now what?"
"Assume Hokage-sama went temporarily mentally ill and hide until he gets better?" Asuma scratched his chin in thought.
"Not a bad strategy, Kakashi..."
"Why not just go?" Kakashi, Kurenai, and Asuma face faulted.
"Gai, are you really that stupid...?," Asuma asked while tapping his cigarette.
"Yep," Kakashi answered for him.
"Oh come on. Don't any of you want to see space?"
"You want to see space?" Kakashi continued once flicking off some ash, "just wait a few hours and look at the sky."
"Are you even a little bit interested in what's out there?"
"I'll admit, I'm a little fascinated..." Asuma, Gai, and Kakashi look up at Kurenai in shock. "...But not enough to to explore with repercussions such as death..." Gai opened his mouth but Asuma interrupted him.
"Yeah, a monkey flying our space shuttle is like making an interview with the reaper."
"I have more faith in any of us flying that bitch than a monkey..." Kakashi paused then added, "...except Gai that is." Gai blew a raspberry at him. He raised an eyebrow, breathed out some smoke, and ignored the gesture. "Besides, I already know what's out there: massive clusters of gases such as Hydrogen and Helium fusing and reacting until they either dissipate into the nothingness of space or virtually explode with enough energy to send us into a fiery oblivion." The other three stood there and blinked.
"...You should be a journalist." Kakashi looked at Asuma baffled.
"Oh-kay then..."
"I think he means you think too much...," Kurenai attempted to translate.
"Tell me something I don't know."
"Isn't that impossible at this point?," Asuma pointed out.
"So I thought...," Kakashi mumbled threw his cigarette in an angry tone.
"What do you two have in mind then?," Gai asked Kurenai and Asuma.
"I think we should trick him out of it." Kakashi chuckled.
"Lemme guess, with Genjutsu?" Kurenai smiled.
"You don't miss a thing do you?"
"It's only a dead give-a-way, Ure..." Asuma smiled as she looked at him coldly.
"What did I tell you about calling me Ure?" His smile widened.
"It makes you horny?" She snorted as the men laughed.
"Get over yourself, ASSuma," she gritted threw her teeth. "What's your great idea then?"
"I haven't thought of anything yet."
"Typical," Kurenai rolled her eyes.
"I think we should be more worried about having all of the children all in one shuttle..." The other three Jônin's faces paled.
"God save the queen...," Gai pleaded. Kakashi looked over at Gai exasperated. He then looked up at the sky and yelled,
"THE WORLD HAS GONE WRONG!" He looked back at the other three, staring at him worried. "I feel better now."
"...Alrighty then..." Kurenai and Asuma stepped away slowly from Kakashi. "So, who is going with me to tell the teams?" They all paused to look at each other, then Kakashi brought out his favorite novel and began to walk away. "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to get tranquilizers..."
"...Isn't that a little bit extreme for children?"
"You think it's for them? The brats can get their own!" He walked off after throwing his cigarette bud on the ground. Asuma looked over at Kurenai.
"Is it just me or are the most sensible people's sanity slowly slipping?" Gai paniced.
"Oh no, I'm going to be next!" The other two remaining Jônins sweatdropped.
"You don't have to worry about that for a long time, Gai...," Kurenai muttered. Asuma began to walk off also. "So why are you leaving?"
"Getting more cigarettes."
"So who's going to go with me to tell the teams then?!" Gai looked up at Kurenai with glee. "...Not going to happen." Kurenai hurried off.
"Hey, how come everyone's leaving me?" He sighed sadly, knowing he was going to be all alone for the moment. "...I know! I can count the seconds I must wait until I get to see my favorite student in the whole wide world again!! And if I lose track I'll have to dash around Konoha dressed up as Kakashi!!" And so, Gai went forth to do so...like a typical moron.
===
A little over an hour later...
Of course, Gai was forced to do so because Kurenai came back dragging the kicking and screaming Asuma and Kakashi to retrieve him as well.
"The hell you two are going to leave me with all the work!! Come on Gai."
"6,031, 6,032, 6,033..."
"What is he doing?" Asuma paused from flailing about on the ground in Kurenai's grasp. Kakashi looked up at Gai and smirked evilly.
"84, 63, 22..."
"...23, 24, 25-GAH!!!" Gai shot a glare at Kakashi. "Very clever my rival, as usual..."
"Okay, that's nice Gai. We all need to tell them."
"YOU CAN'T MAKE US!!" Asuma wailed.
"YES I CAN!!!" The three men's eyes widdened. There were too many possiblities to take the chance.
"...Fine, we'll tell them all together." Kakashi admitted and pried himself out of Kurenai's grips to brush himself off.
"Kakashi, can I borrow your clothes?" Everyone stared at Gai perturbed.
"W-What? Why?" Before Gai could give any form of answer, he stipped Kakashi nude manually and ran off while throwing on Kakashi's outfit.
"It's-your-fault-I'll-be-back!!" Kakashi sat on the ground, completely nude. He pulled his kness up to the fetal position in hopes no one would see his nakeness while blushing.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!?! GAI!!!" Kurenai giggled.
"It's been a while since I have seen you without your mask Kakashi..." She drooled at his handsomeness. Asuma shook his head sadly.
"GAI I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!"