Note:Another Chuck/Blair oneshot, because I can't stop thinking about these two yet don't have the time to write something longer. This is what I envision their vows might have sounded like if they'd had the time to say them to each other. Thanks for reading and leave a review if you can!

-Hailey

Selfish & Shrewd

Blair

"I love you… because we're alike. Bad lots, both of us – selfish and shrewd – but able to look things in the eyes as we call them by their right names." –Gone with the Wind

Serena once said to me that you and I are the most self-centered, damaged people she knows. And my best friend – your sister – was completely right. No matter how many times I try to kill the schemer in me, whether through an ineffective cleanse or a hum-drum distraction, I always pick it back up again. My feelings for you seem to work the same way, because no matter how far I run, you always catch up with me.

You are the scheme in me, Chuck Bass. You are the Clyde to my Bonnie, because every time I have tried to save or destroy Serena, you have been my partner in crime. Together, we have banished Georgina Sparks to Jesus Camp and Russia, bankrupt Poppy Lifton and her dimwit blonde boy, and sent Juliet Sharp running for the same flames she set on us. For us a million, the world zero.

The world has always feared our power, and for longer than either of us cares to admit, we seemed to have feared that power ourselves. You earned your Empire while I was still in the dorms at NYU, and I found my prince just as your crown was beginning to fall. But you said it best when we were busy sinning – we are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, so we'll take turns being on top. I'll manage the B for Waldorf line until it sells out, which is when you'll rebuild the Empire that your father never could destroy. We will both fail and succeed, but we'll do it at each other's sides, where we can squash anyone in our path with both whim and wit.

Because there was something else that Serena said to me: she said that somehow, two wrongs make a twisted right. The truth is that, yes, you and I are the same; we are both selfish and shrewd. But there's another truth, and that's that I love you.

Chuck

"You need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you: you should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how." –Gone with the Wind

Blair Waldorf, you terrify me. You always have. I like to blame my not pursuing you during our early school days on my loyalty to Nate, but we all know that didn't stop me later on. I didn't go after you because what you deserved was so much more than I could ever give you. You deserved Prom King Nate, Lord Marcus, Prince Louis, and even famous author Dan. For six years, I have convinced myself that you're right every time you say that you want a simple love, and so I have walked away knowing that our love is far from simple. But now – now, I know that it's my Empire you deserve, and what I deserve is you.

You made Nate wear your heart on his sleeve, but it was my necklace and my ring that you wore against your chest. You and Nate had sparks, but we were all fireworks. You told Nate always from the very start, but I was the one who stole your heart.

Marcus used an alias so that you could see the real him, but I used an alias when I didn't want anyone to know me but you. Marcus tried to show you he wanted you, but you had a scratch that only I could itch. Marcus cheated on you with his duchess, but you were the only lie I ever told.

The prince came for you both times I didn't see you there, but you came for me both times my eyes seemed to stray. The prince gave you a child to be the heir to your throne, but you still believed that I was the father your child was meant to have. The prince married you with the ceremony you'd dreamed of as a little girl, but you were willing to marry me as a woman so long as I be your man.

You and Dan bonded over favorite stories in books and films, but I was the one who inhabited those stories in your dreams. You and Dan hated each other, but you and I have never hated anyone more. You and Dan both kept secrets, but Blair, you are the secret I'm ready to tell.

I terrify you. I always have, and I always will. I'll kiss you the way you deserve to be kissed: every minute, every day, every way. I'll be the man of your dreams: all day, all night. I'll be your king and this city our empire and we'll rule like we were born to, just like I was born to love you.