Dreamer's Game
Disclaimer: not mine
Leah lies on her bed, Jacob over her, and her long limbs are wrapped around him. He's pounding into her, his eyes closed, and she knows he's imaging someone else. His hands are on her hips, digging into her in way he couldn't dig into for the one he loves. He's fucking her but imagining he's making love to his love. She's fucking him, imagining that he's making love to Leah. She's imagining that he loves her and they're married and she can have children, his children. But she knows she can't. She can never have children, his or not, and he'll never love her the way she loves him. She's not even sure that he can love her at all.
She scratches her nails down his back. She wants to leave her mark on him. She feels herself start to tighten and she knows he's close to. He lets go, calling out Bella's name, imagining it's her instead. Leah lets go, biting his flesh to keep from calling out Jacob's name. Because Jacob thinks she's imagining making love to Sam, not him, and if he finds out otherwise, she'll never have this again. And for these few moments that she gets with him, she can imagine, she can pretend.
Jacob collapses on top of her, still shaking. Leah wraps her arms around him, her legs tightening. He thinks she's pretending she's holding onto Sam. She's trying to hold onto him for as long as he'll let her.
He takes his hands from her hips and unclenches her legs from around him. Her hands slide off him as he gets up from her bed.
He doesn't say anything because that would ruin the moment for him. She so desperately wants him to stay, cuddle her, and tell her he loves her, but she knows he won't.
He grabs his jeans and pulls them on quickly. And without another look at Leah, he crosses the room and opens the door and leaves, shutting it behind him.
She waits until she knows he's gone and yanks the covers over her head and curls up into a ball. She lets out a cry so sad that if anyone was around, they would cry with her. She hurts in a way she can never tell anyone.
She wants these last few moments to cry before someone comes home and she has to put on her bitch face and pretend she's something and someone she's not. Because that's the way her world works and that's how she can't be happy ever. She's cursed fate for never allowing her to have any happiness. She can't imprint but she knows, one day, Jacob will and she won't even have this any more.
Leah hears a car pull up and she goes to the bathroom to wash herself, grabbing a dress that hasn't been ripped yet. She's lucky that she's ripped enough clothing in her transformations that her mom will never think twice about it.
Leah washes her face clean of tears and runs a cloth between her legs to erase all evidence that he was ever there. She knows he never leaves a mark on her. He'll kiss her but only with his eyes closed and he never licks her or bites her or anything that would leave a evidence that he was with Leah.
She wants him to, oh how she wants him to. But if he did, he would see it later and his fantasy bubble would pop and he wouldn't come to her anymore.
He also doesn't want anyone to find out so even if she marks him, if she's not marked as well, no one will put two and two together.
Instead the pack and the tribe and anyone who might see his back and his neck will think he's picked up someone from some where and they'll never think it was Leah.
When they run together as a pack, Jacob never thinks about her not once. He'll think about Bella but not Leah and Leah has to live with that. She has to pretend she doesn't fuck Jacob. She has to pretend that she's still in love with Sam which she hasn't been for a long time.
No she doesn't love Sam. She loves Jacob but it might as well be Sam because the only differences between what happened with Sam and what was happening with Jacob is that Jacob never loved her and she never fucked Sam.
Leah hears a knock on the door and Seth is whining that he has to use the bathroom. She snares at him that he can just wait and gathers her things before leaving the room.
She can't go back to her room. It smells like Jacob and sex and right now she can't deal with that.
She'll have to later and she'll cry because once again, she's in love with someone who doesn't love her. Seems that happens a lot to Leah.