A Common Need: O' Holy Knights
A.K.A.
"THE EPIC CHRISTMAS SPECIAL"
By J. "Mysterious Wind" Ruisu
Part I: Shopping
"It's hard to lock my door at night,
Even my thoughts are about wrong or right,
And when I try to sleep I let the door,
All I see is you with nothing on."
'Homewrecker' by Hellogoodbye
Harvey
I pulled my winter coat on, shivering. The Christmas decorations were already up in the office; everything was covered with bows, and glass-stickers of the nativity scene, Santa leaning over the water cooler, his sculpted bag heaving behind him, blazing lights reflecting off of his shiny face. I wasn't this mad about Christmas, but it didn't really bother me; it was nice to see everyone in a festive mood, pictures of their families in little decorated frames, wrapping presents in their free time.
I grabbed my toque [fitted cap], and threw it onto my head, locking my office door behind me. It was late, but I was still wide awake. And when else was I supposed to get my Christmas shopping done?
I waltzed to Rachel's door and knocked. I heard the shuffle of papers. "Come in!" she called.
I turned the doorknob and walked into the room. Rachel had obviously been overcome with a bout of festivity. Every corner of the place was packed with present boxes, wrapping paper, and decorations. Then again, when you worked a job like ours, it was probably better to be as festive and up-beat as possible, lest you be overcome with all of the holiday darkness.
"Hi, honey! Oh, wait, you're going to have to stop there..." Rachel stood up, her skirt tossing with the movement, and scampered over to me. Gently, I closed the door behind me, and tilted my head to one side.
"Look up," she murmured, glancing at the roof. I felt horror build within me, and I glanced up; yup. Those shitty berries.
I smiled, and Rachel stood up on her tippy-toes, kissing me gently – I could have sworn I could taste her holiday cheer. It had a hint of cinnamon to it.
"There." she pulled the mistletoe off from the roof, throwing it into the garbage, and I rolled my eyes, casually wiping off my lips.
"You going home, now?" she questioned, looking about her office half-heartedly.
"Mm. I need to get a little bit of shopping done, first. You're welcome to come, but..." I looked about the office, as well. "It appears you've done all your shopping already."
"Oh, not all of it. But you're right, I don't really need to do any more tonight. I should just get this stuff done. What time do you think you'll be back home?" she questioned.
I pondered the question casually. "Eh.. how about I just call you when I'm done shopping?"
"Okay. Fair 'nough." Rachel kissed me once more, squeezed me tight, and ushered me out of the office.
Bruce
I was inspecting my nails casually when he waltzed out of the large brick building, his lips parted, humidity flushing from their sweet surfaces. I would have loved to jump out of the car, rocket to him, attack him then and there on the steps, looking so adorable in his big fluffy coat, leather gloves, and precious hat. Instead, I took a deep breath and sunk down on the back seat, easily becoming one with the shadows.
Click, click. A swear, and a grunt, and a huff. The jingling of keys. Slip went the master key. Turn went the ignition. Scriitch went the engine, humming and then halting. Another swear, and a big grin was spreading across my face now. The ignition turned once more. Rumble, rumble... whoosh. The machine rocketed to life, and Harvey's gloved hand snapped for the heating, turning it up as high as possible, vents filled with air that slowly warmed.
I waited until he had pulled off his toque and mittens and put on his seatbelt. Better be careful, in case he pressed down the gas pedal out of shock. I sat up, silently. "Hey," I murmured, my voice hoarse, hoping that my eyes shimmered menacingly in the dark.
He jumped, and the breath that he took was so sharp and violent, I was sure he would choke on his own saliva. I laughed brutally, kicking my head back, eyes squinting.
His fist collided with my face, and my laughter bubbled over again as I held my nose. "Shit Harv, you got a good punch when you want to!" I exclaimed in a nasal voice.
He was practically hyper-ventilating. "Fuck! Fuck! You want to kill me, Bruce?!" he exclaimed, panting, his head leaning against the headrest.
I grinned. "No, that's the absolute last thing I am trying to do." I let my arms wander around the seat to wrap around his throat comfortably.
Harvey's breathing slowed, and gradually the warmth of the car went from scorching to comfortable. "I need to get shopping done," he mumbled, voice surprisingly hoarse, as if he'd been screaming for days at the top of his lungs. I resisted going somewhere inappropriate with that thought.
"Can I come?" I asked, tilting my head to the side so that my chin fit in the space between the headrest and the shoulder of the chair, my breath smoking out onto his neck.
He shifted uncomfortably. "How am I supposed to get any shopping done? You'll be distracting, and everyone will be flailing over the famous Bruce Wayne." he jokingly imitated a woman with her arms flapping all about, saying the last four words in a high-pitched tone.
I chuckled. "I could wear sunglasses. You know; hide my identity."
Harvey seemed to seriously consider this for a moment. "That won't work. Whatever. Fine, you can come with me. But we're going to nice, normal places so that you're not so noticeable. And the second the paparazzi shows up, you start obscuring yourself from view. I'd rather you be a 'mysterious, dark man' than 'BRUCE WAYNE!' on the front covers. Rachel reads those things." he grimaced, and pushed down on the gas pedal, pulling out into the traffic.
"Obscure and mysterious. Done." I snickered.
Harvey
"Wal-Mart? Are you serious?" Bruce's husky voice sounded from behind me, and I brushed his warm, muscular arms off of my shoulders.
"No. Bed, Bath & Beyond. They have nice stuff!" I exclaimed defensively, trying to keep a blush off my cheeks and failing miserably.
Bruce laughed. "I hope someone does find us. Because you can't hide. And all of Gotham will know that you like to shop here."
I scoffed and pulled the key from the ignition, easily stepping out of the car and manipulating the keys in preparation to lock the vehicle. My face and hands were instantly bitten with the frozen air, but I didn't really mind. I was warm enough from Bruce's jests to get me through an entire, frozen night on the streets.
Bruce clambered out of the automobile gracefully, the collar on his black, felt overcoat turned up, perfect hair tossed by the wind, cheeks flushed, legs bundled by thick, tight navy jeans, immaculately shining leather boots hidden beneath the denim.
"I know, it's hard to keep your hands off me." Bruce grinned, poking at me jokingly in the gut; I felt the bruise form instantaneously. Swearing, I turned and waltzed through the parking lot towards the large, glass, automatic doors. The lights still blazed inside the outlet, besides the hour, and a janitor could be seen busily mopping the floors near the entrance.
The doors slid open for us, and the warm draft from inside the store washed over me, a glad relief. My eyes watered slightly, from the strength of the wind, and I heard a quiet grumble from Bruce about how 'sky blue' they were. Throwing him a glare, I quickly began to walk towards the candle aisle.
They noticed quickly. It didn't take long before workers were walking at strangely tortoise-esque speeds past the aisle, muttering to themselves, teen girls giggling nervously. There was even a little Asian boy who threw his arms up in the air and made a noise that could only be described as a 'squee'.
"I can leave, if you want me to." Bruce joked when a particularly large woman waddled by conspiratorially, and though his tone was jovial, there was a definite expression of maturity and utter earnest upon his face.
I shook my head, casually sniffing at a cotton-scented candle. I made a happy noise, and shoved it beneath Bruce's nose. "Like that?" I questioned, head tilted to one side.
For a moment, I felt as if I were suspended in a magazine image. Bruce's eyes twinkled – that was probably from the fluorescent lights, but the thought didn't occur to me until afterwards – and his cheeks were still bright from the cold outside. He was smelling the candle with flared nostrils, and the sudden snuggling urge filling my stomach made the moment feel completely, utterly perfect. Domestic pleasures...
I jumped, slightly, and swiped the candle away. Bruce snorted, and shook his head. "What was that?"
"Cotton." I mumbled bashfully.
"I meant your little spazz."
I felt my lips curve sheepishly, despite my best efforts. "That was the first time in my entire existence that I have wished I was born a woman." I confessed, under my breath, though it looked like the curious onlookers had moved on for now. Probably called some photographer friends, or something...
Bruce laughed aloud. "Why?"
"It's stupid." I shook my head, kneeling down to inspect the names of the candles. They were certainly... cozy, weren't they? The names made me want to buy them all, and whisk them off to a country cottage. I would set the whole thing alight with their scents, and Bruce would be – I took a deep breath, banishing the thoughts from my mind.
"What do you want for Christmas?" I questioned casually as I smelled another candle. I'd already chosen a few – I was getting a collection for various women at the office, as well as Rachel and her girl friends.
Bruce pondered in silence, for a moment. I glanced up to make sure he was still there, and saw him kneeling beside me, inspecting a soap dispenser in a bright green shade. "Firstly, I want you to tell me what the inspiration behind 'the woman thought' was. Then, I want to have a threesome." he spoke in an entirely sombre tone, and the laughter burst from my lips before I could think properly.
"Jesus! We're in a store buying scented candles, for God's sake!" I exclaimed, grinning and straightening my back, placing my final candle-choice in my little cart and yawning. I glanced at my watch for a half-second; 11:15.
"So? You asked." Bruce grinned.
I swore, once more, and set off down the main aisle, trying to find sleep-wear. I found it quickly, and instantly went to the house-coat area. Rachel needed a new one, and while I was at us, I might as well get us matching ones...
Bruce grabbed the lingerie without me even noticing. I suppose that by then, I should have been used to being utterly unaware of his actions at most times. However, when he jumped up beside me amongst the clothes, a lacy corset combo in the left hand, baggy silk leopard-print boxers in the other hand – there was something on the label that said 'edible', but I was trying to ignore that fact – I still gasped and twitched.
Flaring my nostrils and digging my eyebrows, I looked at him with what I hoped to be angry eyes. "It's lingerie for the big night." he explained, as if I had been asking a question instead of glaring intensely.
"She can wear this," Bruce lifted the corset ensamble and waved it dangerously, "and you can wear these." he waved the boxers.
"What are you going to wear?" I asked in a dreadfully sober voice, going along with the proposal for just a second.
Bruce smirked. "Oh, that's a secret." he explained.
He snuck up before me, trying to be discreet amongst the rows of clothing (which happened to be blissfully tall), and lifted the boxers up against me. "Mm, they'll be a perfect fit. Wonder if they'll taste as good as you d--" he didn't finish his sentence.
Instead, I gave him a quick, dismissive peck on the lips, and turned around, returning to my inspection of the housecoats.
"Harvey?" Bruce murmured, his voice practically dripping with disbelief.
"Hm?" I questioned distractedly, pulling a fuzzy red robe from the rack and inspecting it.
"Did you just turn down dirty talk?" the same wonder stayed present in his tone.
"Bruce. We're in fucking Bed, Bath & Beyond. There's teens swarming everywhere. I'm trying to buy Christmas presents. You are just a little distracting. And getting me all hot and bothered doesn't help me out." I spoke in a low, intense voice, refusing to look at Bruce. I knew that I'd give in, if I did.
He chuckled quietly. "You're so cute when you're trying to resist me," he mumbled, leaning in and quickly nibbling at my ear. I uncomfortably turned away, in time to see another of the employees shuffle by, this time with her cellphone in the air. Quickly, I pushed Bruce around, and looked down pensively at the housecoat price, as if that really mattered. Let them think there was a money scandal. Anxiously, the girl rushed away.
"Good save!" he exclaimed, tugging the housecoat from my hand, inspecting it, nodding, and placing it in my cart. Quick as lightning, he grabbed a matching, smaller robe, and tossed that in my basket as well. He threw the lingerie in to boot, and then took the cart from me.
"No, Bruce! They're my Christmas presents! I'm paying." I whined as we exited the sleepwear and headed towards the check-out.
"Not up for negotiation, mangina." he responded easily, waltzing with great strides – I had to match each with three of my own.
"Fine, Bruce! Whatever! But don't expect me to return the favour in any way." I grumbled bitterly, crossing my arms and looking away.
"Not even with a kiss?" his voice was quiet now as we approached an anxious looking check-out clerk.
"Don't twist a gift with payment." I snapped, and then smiled gracefully at the clerk, who grinned bashfully and tossed her dark brown hair.
"Don't you dare sign her an autograph," I threatened Bruce as we entered the small space between the check-out and the goodies rack. He laughed, and began to set everything out onto the conveyer belt.
Author's Note: Who knew Bruce had such a naughty kink! No, I don't intend to actually go into detail about the... 'big night', but.. well, what submissive could possibly turn down an offer like that? Anywho, more to come! This part takes place, after all, only on the 5th of the month! Twenty more days to go! Including exciting things like: Pies, Eggnog, family get-togethers, Christmas dinner, and Latter-Day Saints!
*Toque = the Canadian word for a fitted cap. Just in case you still didn't quite catch that. :P