The Blood of Angry Men is Delicious

by RainWillMakeTheFlowersGrow

Quite as odd as the title suggests. In which Jean Valjean is turned into a vampire by the bishop. Eventually, Marius Pontmercy will meet the stunning (and sparkly) Cosette and fall in love with her while ignored werewolf Éponine looks on in sadness. C'mon. Give it a try people? Yes, it's stupid.

1. Chapter 1

A/N: Yup. Jean Valjean is a vampire. So is the Bishop. So is Cosette. Fantine was one, for a short while. So…yes, you should be afraid. Doubt not the power of a bored fanfictioner. Eventually turns into a bit of a Twilight parody… Éponine is a werewolf…are you scared yet? Seriously, it's better than it sounds. I have been told it is actually quite funny…by a person who is a very honest critiquer! ANYways, this is getting really long, so…read on!

Prologue:

FRANCE, LONG AGO

JEAN VALJEAN: (kneeling before bishop with clasped hands) I'm so sorry, Monseigneur! Call the police and have me sent off to jail!

BISHOP: (kindly) Now, now. I don't mind that you stole my silver.

VALJEAN: You don't?

BISHOP: No! Besides, it doesn't matter when I will have your BLOOD! (lunges at Valjean and bites him on the arm, sucking his blood thirstily)

VALJEAN: AUGHHHHHHHHH!

(door of the church opens. Constables enter)

CONSTABLE #1: Are you all right, Monseigneur? We thought we heard-

BISHOP: BLOOD! (leaves Valjean and attacks constables) THERE CAN BE NO WITNESSES!

VALJEAN: (takes advantage of the convenient death of these fine officers of the lawr to crawl out the door)

THREE DAYS LATER

VALJEAN: (wakes up) I feel thirsty! For blood! (attacks nearby bunny) Mmm, yummy. Now I shall start a new life as a kindly vampire! (Inspirational music plays as Valjean pulls out a random piece of yellow paper and rips it up)

'Ello there! We're 'ere to observe the fanfictioner in her natural habitat! She's trying to attract a reviewer! Watch 'ow she uses different techniques to persuade readers to review!

#1: Pretend like you care what they think

A/N: Hello there! I would like your feedback on my story. For instance, do you like the title? Or would a better one be "Sucking the Blood in their Veins"? Have I completely ruined the Bishop for you forever? Tell me in your reviews! Haha, they're the suckers. Like I want to know. I just want to get lots of reviews. Heehee. Because then people will think it's a good fic. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…wait, are you recording this? Hey, stop! STOP!

Crikey! She's got some temper! Thank you, and join us next time on another episode of "Fanfiction in Nature".