Administration
by Jonathan "KnightMysterio" Spires
A Team Fortress 2 Fanfiction
All non-original characters copyrighted to their original owners and used for non-profit amusement reasons. The story itself is copyrighted to the author of this story (me).
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
A hidden base...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
The woman known as the Administrator was not a pleasant person. She didn't like people that weren't minions, and the minions she just tolerated. But most of, above all things in this universe, she hated friendship. She hated the concept, she hated the word... she even hated how it was spelled. Everything about friendship disgusted her.
Oh, she knew that her chief minion, Miss Pauling, considered her a friend, but that's just because she was a naïve, easily exploitable twit that was able to do dirty work on command when she was feeling too lazy to do it herself. Such as killing that idiot director that did interviews for the mercenaries under her employ. No need for them to know that she was marketing a home version of the war games they went through on a daily basis.
She sipped her tea, sighing and rubbing her temples. The mercenaries... Such a pain they were. All they needed to do was kill each other for her. Capture intelligence briefcases, move Australium packages to rockets that would inevitably fail on launch, move bombs to places she wanted exploded, capture control points... was that so wrong?
Well, yes, but that wasn't the point. The point is that she got her jollies from seeing eighteen dimwits blast the living shit out of each other on a daily basis while she used them to test new weapons which she then sold for her horrific plans.
She grinned as she remembered the congressional hearing after the Poopy Joe disaster. She had honestly wanted to get the monkey into space, but she needed that Australium. Still, seeing the entire legislative branch of the American government piss themselves AT ONCE when she stated her real plans to them was one of the most satisfying moments of her career.
But the mercenaries...
They were beyond frustrating at times. She wasn't comfortable with it, but she could accept them forming friendships in their own teams. The problem was that she didn't want them forming friendships in the other team.
Because friends talk.
And sometimes friends might talk about work.
They might even start wondering why they looked and acted exactly like each other, and even had the same real names.
And that just wouldn't do. She couldn't have them talking to each other.
Oh, she had made some efforts to break up inter-team friendships before. Most notably, when the Demoman for Reliable Exacations & Demolitions became friends with the Soldier for Builder's League United. She knew full well that manly friendships were difficult to break up. It had taken some research, but she had found a way.
The BLU Soldier and his RED counterpart had never officially enlisted. The Soldier was denied entrance into the army due to mental instability. So he trained himself, bought a plane ticket, built a rocket launcher and blew up Nazis in Poland until he realized that World War Two was over. He hated being considered a civilian. His pre-war files were sketchy, but the Administrator found some minor details that showed that Soldier's hatred of being called a civilian came from some kind of survivor's guilt.
She had been worried it wouldn't work, at first. BLU Soldier was a nitwit, but he couldn't be dumb enough to be fooled by the terrible voice-synthesizing technology she had to work with. As it turned out, though, she had nothing to worry about. The moment Soldier heard the crude facsimile of his friend's voice calling him a civilian, he believed it. The kicked puppy look on Soldier's face made delicious tingles down in her panties.
Ah, suffering. So much better than sex.
The Demoman was a bit harder to work with. He was a violent Scotsman, having to overcome the stigma of being black as well when people of color weren't that welcome in Scotland. He was also patient, caring, intelligent, and quite possibly the best friend anyone could ask for. He also valued loyalty more than anything else.
So she gave him the cursed sword first.
The Eyelander was a superb find. An ancient, unbreakable, cursed sword that was possessed by a spirit that craved decapitations. It would enhance the violent nature of whomever held it, whispering its craving for heads into the holder's mind.
The almost hypnotic whispering would leave the holder mentally distracted, open to believe anything. Such as their best friend betraying them for fancy new weapons. Again, she had been worried at first, but seeing BLU Soldier using the new rocket launcher, pickaxe, and special backpack he had been given made RED Demoman believe his friend had indeed betrayed him. And a war started that was exquisite, one that Soldier eventually won, earning the armored Gunboat boots.
Or so she thought.
Annoyingly, about a year later, she had observed RED Demoman and BLU Soldier frequently getting into grapples mid-battle. They threw each other around, but if she enhanced the sound, she could hear them trading friendly stories about their teammates, even laughing at some of the more raunchy ones. She had done some investigation, and found out the illusion had broken when RED Soldier and BLU Demoman started sticking up for their teammates. Their repeated denials that their teammate would have betrayed them confused RED Demoman and BLU Soldier to the point where they realized, shortly after BLU Soldier had been declared the war's 'winner,' that they had been tricked. They had since rebuilt their friendship secretly. When she tried to make moves against it again, she had found herself ambushed by RED Spy and BLU Spy. The two infiltrators had somehow found her facility and gotten passed her extensive security. The assassins took the opportunity to remind her not to move against them again, that they'd cooperate with the war games/secret weapon tests so long as she made no move to interfere with their personal lives ever again.
She was forced to agree, and has despised the Spies ever since. She relished every time a Pyro found them and set them on fire.
Friendships. Disgusting, useless things that got in the way of business and killing people.
Why couldn't the mercenaries be more like Miss Pauling? She did what she was told without question and without remorse, was always respectful towards her, was easy to talk to...
Oh damn it, she realized, Miss Pauling's my friend.
She hated it when her hatred backfired on her.
Ah well. She'd deal with it later.
She checked her watch, and realized that there should be a war game starting soon. A Payload match, to be more precise. She put down her tea and went to the monitor room, which allowed her to access any of the numerous battlefields that were used for the war games.
Payload was, in practice, a fairly simple concept. The BLU team must escort a large bomb to a drop point in the RED base within a certain time limit, capturing points along the way by moving the cart over them to add to the time limit. The bomb would only move if there were BLUs nearby, moving faster the more BLUs were nearby, a device on the bomb cart refilling their ammunition and healing them while nearby. RED has to stop them, and were capable of stopping the bomb cart from moving just by standing near it when BLUs were trying to move it. The arena in question, Upward, was a large mountain facility with a lab at the top. Anyone who died would be brought back to life in a new body via the Respawn system, which destroyed the old body and gave them a new one every time they were killed.
She turned on the monitors, and found them all getting ready. BLU team was preparing themselves to dash out to the bomb, BLU Sniper lining up a shot out the gate at the RED Medic, who was taking up the change to give overheals to his teammates, building up an Ubercharge. The temporary invincibility his healing gun could provide with an Ubercharge was quite useful in preventing pushes. BLU Medic was doing the same for his team. The Soldiers of both teams were fidgeting nervously, clearly wanting to go out and start shooting their rocket launchers, BLU Demoman watching his RED counterpart place his mines around the bomb cart. RED Sniper was aiming at the main gate, standing near RED Engineer as he set up his turret gun, teleporter exit, and healing station. BLU Engineer was hanging back, waiting for a chance to set up his own equipment once a forward push had been made. RED Pyro was hiding near the gate, its flamethrower ready to ignite whomever came out, BLU Pyro looking as fidgety as BLU Soldier. The Heavy Weapons specialists of both teams revved their miniguns, ready for battle. Both Spies were in cover, disguised using their nanomesh masks and ready to go invisible when the round started. The Scouts for both teams were bouncing on their heels, ready to run out and attack.
The Administrator checked her watch. "Mission begins in thirty seconds," she said over the intercoms, her station making her capable of connecting to all the arenas without having to be anywhere near the mercenaries. She shook her head at the mercenaries as they grinned, excited for a chance to do battle, excited for the chance to kill each other.
Thugs, all of them. If seeing these fools weren't so entertaining and the money she got from it so exquisite, she would have quit years ago. Perhaps gone into business. She certainly had enough politicians either too scared of her to oppose her or in her pocket. She could easily take control using the business model she had set up.
"Mission begins in ten seconds," she said. "Five... four... three... two... one!"
The gates flew open, and the gunfire started. RED Medic went down first, BLU Sniper shooting him in the head the instant the door opened, his Ubercharge fizzling out. BLU Medic popped his Ubercharge on the BLU Heavy, an invincible, blue-armored beast with a massive minigun storming out and tearing through the RED Scout and RED Pyro before they could react. BLU Pyro rushed out, using a setting on its flamethrower to blow RED Demoman's mines away from the cart, RED Demoman failing to trigger them in time. RED Spy tried to move out to assassinate BLU Medic and BLU Heavy once their Ubercharge fizzled out, but BLU Soldier and BLU Demoman had already charged out, firing rockets and grenades respectively. He didn't stand a chance. RED Soldier went down to a headshot from BLU Sniper, and BLU Pyro incinerated RED Demoman before he could finish reloading his launchers. BLU Scout leaped up on top of the bomb cart, which start to move, only to fall victim to a headshot from RED Sniper. They still pushed the cart along the track, using the bomb for cover as RED Engineer and RED Sniper fired away at them.
RED Sniper whirled when he heard RED Engineer cry out, turning just in time to see BLU Spy finish putting his sabotage devices on all of RED Engineer's equipment, the Engineer himself dead from a knife wound in the back of his neck. He turned and pulled out his kukri knife, intending to duel the BLU Spy, only for a rocket from BLU Soldier to hit him in the face. BLU Spy snickered and pulled out another nanomesh mask from his cigarette case, putting it over his face, triggering a holographic disguise that only the other team would see. He then activated his invisibility watch again, running ahead of the others to keep harassing the RED team. The more they focused on trying to find him, the less they were focusing on stopping his teammates from moving the bomb cart.
"Pathetic," the Administrator muttered. RED team was being decimated. She didn't know what was wrong, but RED team seemed completely uncoordinated today. BLU team was steamrolling them, concentrated fire coming from around the cart, the BLU Spy alone seemingly untouchable, save for the rare moments when he was caught by the RED Pyro and reduced to ash.
She went to retrieve her tea, pressing a button that would give automated responses to goals being achieved, and went to retrieve her tea. Sure enough, when she got back, BLU Team was still dominating. BLU Engineer had set up a turret gun right outside the respawn area of the RED team, the BLUs moving over the point almost unopposed. They eventually managed to push out with RED Spy's help and an Ubercharged RED Soldier, but by that point BLU had already captured the control point that pushed their respawn point back into their base.
She shook her head, disgusted with RED team's performance. Was it so hard to kill people? Really? She sighed wearily as RED Soldier charged the cart, completely out of ammo, swinging his shovel like an idiot. BLU Heavy was laughing as his minigun tore RED Soldier to shreds, kept constantly refilled by the device on the cart.
She fumed angrily. "I let you have your pathetic friendships and this is how you repay me? With FAILURE?" she said to the monitors as BLU slowly but steadily pushed their way towards the bomb drop point in the base.
She shook her head, watching the inevitable. BLU Scout went down with the bomb, mockingly saluting even as he was blown into the air by the explosion, BLU Heavy and BLU Medic caught by the blast as well. The defeat conditions kicked in, the RED Team's weapons disabling and vanishing, leaving them open to the surviving BLUs, who chased them into their now open respawn point to finish them off. Some part of the Administrator hoped that the Respawn wouldn't work for once, and she'd be rid of them forever.
But alas, she knew that the Engineers of both teams maintained the Respawn devices religiously, and that they were always in working order. They'd all be back, and the process would start all over again.
She shook her head. Just to insult the RED team for their loss, she'd make sure that the reward system gave the BLUs some of the nicest hats available while the REDS got nothing. She had no idea why the mercenaries loved hats so much. But if it was a way of controlling them, she would exploit it to the last.
And that's what it was all about, really. Control.
She lived in a world of macho idiots. In world where strength mattered, and the brutish Australians were the strongest world power due to the absurd amounts of the rare supermetal Australium their country had, she had to work from the shadows. She had to scheme, to plan, to manipulate. And in the end, after her plans had come to fruition?
She allowed herself a smirk.
In the end, the world would be her war game. The blood, the cordite smell, it excited her. And all the world would be her puppets, obeying her commands.
It was her job, after all.
She was the Administrator.
THE END