Author's note: Watson here! Almost everyone that saw 3x14 of Glee was affected I think, but for me it was very personal. I am a lesbian and I had those terrible thoughts just like Dave did, and how Blaine did in this story. There were times when I felt so worthless, so empty on the inside that I wanted nothing more then to swallow a handful of pills. But I called the Trevor Project and it really helped, I was given great advice and the man I spoke to was so caring and understanding that by the end of the call I felt so much better. I felt like a human for the first time in months. There are mentions of Straight Camps in this story, thankfully I have never been to one, and the one that is referenced here is completely made up.
If anyone ever feels like they need someone to talk to or is about to self harm I urge you to all these numbers:
This is the National Suicide helpline for the United States: 1-800-273-8255
This is a helpline for self harm specifically cutting: 1-800-366-8288
This is the Trevor Project's number; it will immediately connect you to someone that will help: 1-866-488-7386
This is no way connected to the "Brotherly Secrets" story that is currently in the workings! Come check it out though, it's a Glee/Harry Potter crossover,
"Mr. Shue" Mercedes said. "I know we're a little dramatic sometimes, but I don't think anyone here would consider taking their own life."
A silence followed Mercedes words.
"I did."
"Blaine?" Mr. Shue asked shocked. The curly haired boy always seemed so confident and full of life.
Blaine bit his lip slightly, "Freshman year. I had only been out at school for a few months, but the hate was everywhere. Locker slams, dumpster tosses, locking me in the janitors closest, tying me to the flag pole." he paused and wrung his hands," I went to the Sadie Hawkin's dance at my school with the only other gay guy. The football team beat the shit out of us."
Blaine glanced around the circle, all of the girls' eyes were wide, and the boys looked distinctly uncomfortable. Puck kept glancing at Kurt from the corner of his eyes. Kurt was staring at him sadly, his hands rubbing up and down on his forearms.
Blaine swallowed harshly, "I was released from the hospital about a week later and then I went back to school. I tried to slit my wrists with a craft knife three weeks later."
"Blaine..." Mr. Shue asked.
"My brother caught me. Cooper has come home from college early as a surprise and when I didn't open my door he broke it down."
"I don't understand," said Quinn, " Kurt was bullied all the time, but he never tried anything."
"Actually Quinn," Kurt spoke up, "Sophomore year I was close. But then I joined glee and I had my dad and it got better. I might not have done anything, but I had the thoughts."
God how Blaine hated those thoughts, the empty feeling that just made him want to go to sleep forever. The thoughts that never truly went away, the thoughts that made him doubt himself until nothing could make him happy, or smile. The thoughts that added to the weight in his chest until it threatened to pull him under.
Looking at Kurt though Blaine couldn't help but smile gently, "Kurt had glee and his dad to help him. I didn't have either."
"What'd you mean Blaine?" Quinn asked.
"There was no Glee club at my school, and even if I tried to join a club no one would have let me join, "he looked down and rubbed his wrists, "and I came out to my parents when I was 13. They told me that they hadn't raised a … f-fag for a son. They started spending as much time away from home as possible, business trips and things like that. I haven't seen either of them since Thanksgiving."
"A-Are they really that bad dude?" Finn asked.
Blaine shivered, "They sent me to a straight camp Finn."
Rachel gasped as her hands flew to her mouth, "Oh my god. Did they… Was it one of the bad ones?"
Blaine stared at her, she must have heard about straight camps from her dads, "It was bad enough."
Blaine breathed deeply trying to separate himself from the memories that were swimming to the surface.
"If a man lie with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them." (Leviticus 20:13) Do not think that you are an exception to God's will. Do not think that God will repent your sins if you go against him." The 'camp' director said as he walked up and down the rows of young men who shivered in the cold morning air.
They had been standing there since 5:30 in the morning and Blaine could barley feel his bare feet and his stomach growled every other minute. One of the 'camp councilors' had caught him staring at another boy and had sent him to isolation with out dinner.
"You are an abomination if you look at a man as you should a woman. An abomination."
Blaine shook himself slightly, and turned his attention back to the silent Glee Club, "It was bad, but I went to Dalton that fall and it got better. I made friends and joined the Warblers, and went to my therapy sessions." He smiled reassuringly, "I'm good now. I got you guys and Kurt, I'm good."
Author's Note: The ending sucks I know. Again if anyone ever feels like they need someone to talk to or is about to self harm I urge you to all these numbers:
This is the National Suicide helpline for the United States: 1-800-273-8255
This is a helpline for self harm specifically cutting: 1-800-366-8288
This is the Trevor Project's number; it will immediately connect you to someone that will help: 1-866-488-7386