A/N: Just a short conversation between Edward, Emmett and Jasper that kind of came to me and asked to be written.

Setup: Imagine a Twilight universe where there is no Bella and Jacob imprinted on Edward. They're mated, and Edward's brothers are kind of curious...

Pitcher or Catcher?

Emmett POV

Jasper and I were just minding our own business, playing on the Xbox, when Edward walked in, reeking of werewolf. I crinkled my nose at the stench. Ugh, how can you stand it?

Edward sat on the loveseat across from us. "Stand what?" he asked innocently, even though he totally knew what I was talking about.

Jasper and I exchanged a look of exasperation. Jasper was the one to reply. "You stink like a wet dog. We can barely stand to be in the same room with you anymore."

He shrugged, smiling that crooked smile of his. "Sorry," he said, totally not sorry about it at all.

He watched us play our game for a little while. I was starting to get used to the reek, although it still kind of burnt my nose. Jasper lost the round and tossed his controller to the floor.

"Get a handle on your lust, Edward! You're throwing me off!" Jasper exclaimed.

Edward chuckled, "Sorry!" He sounded a little more genuine about it this time.

We started another round, but knowing that Edward was thinking about screwing around with the dog got my mind working in overdrive. I can't help it, I'm a real sexual guy. I was kind of curious about how they decided who was the guy and who was the girl...

Edward sighed loudly. "Just ask your question, Em."

I paused the game and looked over at his smug, satisfied face. Jasper's interest was peaked, and his curiosity tinged the air around him.

"Alright, Eddie," I said, sneering at him. "Are you the pitcher or the catcher?" Right after I asked, I kinda wished I could un-ask. I wasn't sure I really wanted to know. Jasper stared openly at Edward. Apparently, he was real interested to know.

Edward laughed at my thought process. "What do you think?" he asked, pointedly.

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. He grinned wide and winked at me. I decided he was enjoying my discomfort way too much. "I don't know. Jacob's a lot bigger than you..."

"He's a little taller and his muscles are bigger, yes, but I'm older and wiser," he retorted.

I felt a strange sense of relief knowing he was pitching. It meant I could relate to him.

Edward laughed at me. "I never said that."

I frowned. "Oh, so, you catch then?" I was kind of disappointed at that. I mean, I tease Edward mercilessly, call him a pussy and all that good shit, but I never actually saw him as feminine. Then again, I definitely couldn't imagine Jacob being the submissive one either.

"Aw, thanks, Em. But you're wrong again."

What the hell does that mean. That cryptic asshole. Now I was thoroughly confused. They didn't have sex?

He decided to put my mind out of it's misery. "We share," he replied seriously, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Ah," Jasper intoned. "That sounds fair."

"Yeah, fair," I echoed. "But, come on, you must like one way more than the other. If you could choose to be dominant or submissive for the rest of your days, which would you go for?" I questioned him.

Edward's eyes kind of unfocused as he stared off, considering my question. Jasper and I shared a wondering glance before he came out of his daze, shaking his head. "I really couldn't choose."

I scoffed, "Oh come on! One has to be better than the other!"

"Nope, they're both awesome."

I crossed my arms now, feeling indignant. He was holding out on me, I knew it.

"Please, Edward. You can't tell me that taking it up the pooper is better."

His eyes widened at my word choice. It was kind of ridiculous - none of us had taken a shit in decades. Edward laughed outright at my thought. I couldn't help but join in - it was pretty amusing. Really, this whole conversation was kind of crazy.

"Agreed," he answered. "Maybe taking it up the...pooper...as you so eloquently call it...isn't better in normal relationships, but Jacob is different." He kind of shuddered involuntarily and looked away, like he was remembering something.

Jasper piped up. "How is he different? He's got a cock, doesn't he? I bet it's fucking huge too."

"Mmm," Edward hummed a little at the memory of Jacob's cock.

I rolled my eyes. "Gross, dude. Just answer the question," I snapped impatiently.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. He seemed kind of frustrated with me. "Just think about it for a second. Have you ever shaken his hand, or accidentally brushed shoulders passing in the hallway?"

I nodded, not sure where he was going with this. "Sure."

"And what was his body temperature like?" he asked slyly.

Jasper brought his fist up to his mouth as he realized whatever Edward was implying. "Oh...oh SHIT!" Edward waggled his eyebrows as Jazz sat back in shock.

What the fuck, I still didn't know what was going on. "I still don't get it!" I whined.

Edward rolled his eyes and shrugged. Then, he stood up, making his way up the stairs to his room.

"Hey," I called up after him. "Don't leave me hanging!" But he was already gone. Asshole. I hated that everyone always figured stuff out before me. Why couldn't anyone in this family just be straightforward!

Jasper put his hand on my arm, pushing me to get me to face him. Judging from the look on his face, I knew he would fill me in. "So?" I asked, getting impatient.

"Em...think about it, man. Edward is freezing cold. Jacob is blazing hot." I nodded. "Now, imagine what a pitcher does..."

I imagined my own cock being engulfed in a tight fiery pit of lava. My breath caught a little in my throat at the thought, and my crotch twitched a little. "Oh...oh damn," was all I could manage.

Jasper smirked at me, "Now imagine what a catcher does..."

Oh fuck. Now I'm not gay or nothing, but being something of a snowman myself, I can't deny the allure of a red-hot poker up the butt. I mean, that would be a pretty incredible feeling. Even if it did mean I had some stinky dog's cock in my ass.

"Fuck, dude." I whispered. "Hey!" I called up to Edward, "Can I borrow your dog?"

"Hell no!" he yelled back.

Fucking asshole has all the luck.

A/N: Just thought it was a cute idea. Hope you enjoyed it!