A/N This is a parody and not meant to be taken seriously. For maximum enjoyment read in your best blaccent.

Wuzzup mah homies, muh name's Bartholomew McBadass, but all the niggas in District 2 just call me da Pussy Destroyer cuz... Ah've ran ova a lot of cats. Unfortunately ah'm not a very pimp-tight driver cuz Ah kill someone every time I get in the road but oh well, can't help the fact I'm in da murda bizness. Da po-po's always give me a hard time but what's a nigga from da hood gotta do?

Anywayz dis day's da Reaping and Ah'm gonna volunteer cuz Ah'm the da bomb. All da trainers at da Academy agreed ta let me go in cuz o' the way Ah drop those hot 16s. Like seriously, Ah'm the greatest rapper in the the motha fuckin' world.

On our way ta da Capitol, muh motha fuckin partner, escort, an' mentors tried ta jump muh motha fuckin ass cause ah gots dat dope-ass dong. ah mean seriously, 69 inches long an' 69 inches thick, ah'm da Tupac o' cock, da Kanye o' dick. (ah'm uh genius, in case you haven't gotten dat)

During training ah murked all da other tributes dere cause o' muh motha fuckin mad rhyming skills yo. ah bribed Caesar Flickerman wif tree-hunnit fiddy bones ta change da interview ta uh series o' one on one rap battles. Rappings really easy, you just gotta jive real fast an' hope nobody's listening ta what you sayin'. At some point ah just started ordering Chinese food like:

Sweet and sour pork and wonton soup

and chicken Chow mein and four egg rolls

chicken fried rice, beef and brockeri, hot and sour soup...

And word up, a delivery nigga actually handed me a bag of Chinese takeout! Dat's for real yo.

da Capitol loved me, somethin` ah figured out when da Games started an' ah seen what wuz in da cornucopia. Guns, basketballs, marijuana, fried chicken, and watermelon.

Ah hit da scene and killed shit like click clack bang bang pow pow!

After all da other bitches and hoes were dead ah won and became da victor an' married Bertha Fatterson cause damn shawty, she got dat ass!

THE END

A/N Anybody hatin' this fic be mad stupid. Please read and review!