For perhaps the fifth time since Shepard had entered Engineering a few minutes ago, Tali glanced over at him.
It had become a nightly ritual. Before he retired to his cabin on deck 1, he would check in with the crew in each primary area of the ship. At first she had thought it was protocol, but she had quickly noticed that his questions were casual, and that the conversations often focused on inconsequential things. Often, he would even joke with his crewmembers. Garrus had told her that humans called it small talk.
It seemed important to him that his crew felt connected with him, and it certainly seemed to improve general performance. She had even asked him once if he knew that the Engineering staff really didn't need daily supervision, and he had given a small smile of amusement, his eyes twinkling. He'd asked if she'd rather he didn't visit so often, and she'd fumbled her way through something about not meaning it like that. She had blushed then, just as she blushed now at the memory. Somehow, he had a way of making her do that.
What she did not say, and hadn't said to anyone, was that these visits were the best parts of her day. He would often visit Engineering during the course of his duties, and a day never went by when he didn't stop by at least once during the morning or afternoon, but his evening tour of the ship was by far the best.
He was softer somehow. She frowned; that wasn't quite the right word, but it would do. At the end of the day he was tired, and it relaxed him. He didn't walk quite so upright, and he'd often lean against a console and smile when he spoke to her. Not that he didn't smile at her often - he did - but there was something lazy about his smiles at nighttime which made her have to work very hard to concentrate on what he was saying. She sighed quietly, and glanced over at him yet again.
Shepard laughed at Donnelly's ever-colourful choice of language, and bid him and Daniels goodnight, turning to cross to the opposite side of the room. Tali was working hard as usual, engrossed in something or other on her console, but she glanced up as he approached. He smiled at her, nodding a greeting.
I wonder if she smiles back, he thought. It's a question he'd pondered often. It seemed rude to ask, but there were moments when he'd give a very large number of credits to know for sure.
"Shepard," she said, returning his nod as she bounced on her toes slightly. "Good evening!"
His smile widened at her usual mix of bubbly enthusiasm and endearing formality.
"And a good evening to you too, Miss vas Normandy," he replied warmly. "Ship still in one piece?"
She tilted her head to one side at the query; he used that particular phrasing several times each week, and she knew that he trusted her with his ship completely.
"It's holding together," she replied, folding her arms and raising her chin ever so slightly. The effect was almost comically haughty despite her light tone, and he laughed.
Tali felt a familiar warmth chase through her. She felt it whenever he smiled at her, and especially when they laughed together. She smiled beneath the helmet, and hoped that he knew how often he made her do so.
"I'm glad to hear it," Shepard replied, stretching to loosen his shoulder muscles and then glancing down at her console. After a moment, he stepped closer to get a better view.
"What are you working on?" he asked, his shoulder brushing against hers as he focused on the holographic display.
Tali's mind went momentarily blank. He was right next to her, and she could feel his shoulder and upper arm touching hers. She felt a brief, powerful urge to place her head against his shoulder, and for the second time in a few minutes she blushed deeply.
"Um," she began, grasping for words as she willed her mind to work, "I... I'm... I was just checking some things. The power requirements. Of the shield upgrades."
Shepard glanced up at her, curious as to the hesitation in her voice. She instinctively met his gaze then immediately glanced down at the console again.
"And?" he asked, gently.
"Oh, yes. Yes, it all seems fine," she replied. "You can never be too careful."
He gave a small smile by way of response, taking a half step back and turning to face her.
"Is everything OK with you, Tali?" he asked, a note of concern evident in his voice. He was looking at her intently, and for the thousandth time she acknowledged that there were some benefits to the helmet of her envirosuit not showing her face clearly.
Now he thinks you're crazy, she chastised herself. Mumbling and stuttering when he asks you a simple question!
She made an effort to brighten her tone, and stood up straight.
"Absolutely," she said. "I'm sorry, I think I'm just a little tired. It's been a long day."
He continued to search her expression for a few moments, and then nodded and smiled.
"I know what you mean," he replied with a small laugh. "I'm looking forward to relaxing for a while too. Just a few things to check first."
He continued to look at her for a long moment, his eyes roaming over her hood, around the faceplate of her helmet and even down to her shoulders briefly, before looking her in the eye again with another small smile. She thought there might be a hint of sadness to it.
"You know you can always talk to me, don't you?" he asked quietly. "About anything."
She nodded slowly, and he seemed satisfied.
"I should go," he said at last, tipping his head towards her in farewell.
"Talk to you later," she replied, and he gave one last brief smile before turning and walking out into the hallway.
When the door closed behind him, she clapped one hand over her visor.
Keelah.
"This is ridiculous," Tali muttered to herself, being careful to keep her voice quiet enough that neither Donnelly nor Daniels would hear.
It had been almost fifteen minutes since Shepard had left, and she still felt embarrassed. In fact, she felt even worse now.
He had known there was something bothering her, but it hadn't occurred to him that it was the fact that they were standing so close together. Of course it hadn't. Because he didn't know anything about how she felt about him.
She closed her eyes, resisting the urge to once again put her hand over her visor.
And now he thinks I'm holding something back from him, she thought, miserably.
The man she should - and did - trust above all others, who deserved her complete confidence and faith. Had he been hurt by her reluctance to speak? She thought that she might cry.
She suddenly felt an overpowering urge to speak to him again; not tomorrow, but tonight, now. Not giving herself a chance to reconsider, she stepped away from her console.
"EDI," she said, "where is Commander Shepard?" She crossed both pairs of fingers in the hope that he hadn't yet gone to his cabin.
"Commander Shepard is in Miranda Lawson's office on Deck 2," came the synthesized reply, and Tali's shoulders slumped.
Ugh, she thought. Talking to that b... bosh'tet.
She knew that Miranda liked Shepard, and as more than a friend. She'd never seen any sign that anything had happened between them, but it was all too easy to imagine. Perhaps Miranda looked forward to his evening check-in just as much as she did. She had worried about it many times.
Tali curled her fingers into fists, frustrated but unsure what to do. She wanted to speak to him, and something felt... different tonight, somehow. He had been genuinely concerned about her earlier, and it wasn't even usual for him to stand so close to her.
And then he'd looked at her so carefully, taking in as many of her features as he could see through her helmet, and had seemed a little sad. She had almost forgotten about that in her frustration at herself.
She had made up her mind, and she strode out of Engineering and along the corridor to the elevator. She could wait until he was finished speaking to Miranda, and then ask to speak with him.
She had absolutely no idea what she would say.