By BadMomma
WARNINGS: It cuts back and forth b/w the past and the present (AC200). Written mostly in 3rd person w/a little Heero-POV. I've ignored the quaint wrap-ups at the very end of EW (Duo choking on rice balls with Hilde, Trowa going back to the circus, etc.). It's a bit on the angsty side and Heero's slightly OOC, but then again we don't know what he'd be like in the future. Oh, and not-so-nice Relena, borders on bashing.
FEEDBACK: Yes please! Strongly encouraged. Let me know what you think at: BadMomma64@aol.com
*** ***
flashback
*** ***
// thoughts//
//It's been three years now. Three years since I fought in a war with mobile suits. Three years since I lived struggling to avoid being discovered. Three years since I offered my life up cheaply before the demons that tried to destroy me. Three years since I feigned sleep, just waiting for the tell-tale beep from my laptop. Three years since I fully had the ability to shield myself in an emotional in an attempt to control my environment. I wonder if I can last much longer like this.//
*** ***
just over three years ago
"Heero, I'm so glad to hear that you'll finally be released. It's been almost two weeks you know? We tried to have you moved to the estate so you could recover in the company of your friends, they're all there, but the doctors wouldn't let us." Relena paused to take a breath and to take in her surroundings in the small private room of the hospital where Heero had been since his body had given out on him after the destruction of the Dekim Barton's palace-fortress. She'd only had a chance to visit him once before and that had been the day after he was brought here, before her busy schedule had taken her away. Without waiting for a reply from the usually silent boy, she continued to update him on what his immediate future would hold.
"You know, Quatre and Duo are coming by later to pick you up – around 11, I asked them to handle the release papers for me. They'll be bringing you back with them to the estate and you're to stay as long as you like. You have all been fighting so hard and it's the least I can do to thank you. I hope you'll stay and rest a while, before you decide what you're going to do with the rest of your life. Is that OK with you, Heero? Either way, there is something I'd like to discuss with you privately before you leave. I have a business proposition for you." She picked up and glanced at a card that lay on the side table along with some gifts and other items that had been brought by his closest friends. Without giving it much consideration she replaced it and charged ahead with her speech. "I know Quatre will only be staying another week or so, he says he needs to return to his business. And Trowa will probably leave shortly, too, his sister has called several times to check on him. As for Duo and Wufei, I'm not sure. I think Wufei will be joining Sally and Lady Une in the Preventers, so he may not stay too much longer. So Heero, will you come the estate and stay a while?"
"Sure Relena." It was all the reply she would get.
*** ***
//Sometimes I wonder how I even got myself into this, do I even know what I'm doing anymore. I feel like a dog being led around on a leash, where is my control, when was the last time I made a meaningful decision.// A loud thump brought him back from his thoughts.
"Are you even listening to me?" Relena huffed. "I've been talking to you for over twenty minutes about my itinerary for the next two weeks and I don't think you've heard a single word I said"
"I'm listening Relena, but I already have this information." //Why do you need to keep harping on me.//
"Really Heero? You've been listening? So you've already devised a plan for the changes in my schedule? How do you plan to accommodate the changes for next Tuesday? Or are you going to just wing it like the last time? I don't want a repeat of that… 'fiasco', I do pay you handsomely to be my bodyguard. If you're not going to live up to your esteemed reputation as the Perfect Soldier… " Her voice had not risen in volume, but the venom was still there as she let the thought trail off.
//So you keep reminding me, Relena, so you keep reminding me.//
*** ***
13 months earlier
Relena looked up suddenly from the dinner she had half been ignoring to stare at the person seated opposite her at the table. "Do you ever plan on finding yourself a place to live or should I start charging rent here? It's not customary, as far as I know, for a bodyguard to live off of their employer like this."
"Nani!! I… You want me to move out." Heero stumbled, trying to figure out where this latest attack was coming from. It was starting to become a habit. "I… I didn't realize you wanted me to… to leave. I… I'll start looking tomorrow. I'm sor-…"
"Oh for God's sake, Heero" She let out an exaggerated sigh then stood and turned her back to him. "It's not like you don't make enough to pay your own way sometimes. I may have bought you presentable clothing when I first hired you but that was because you didn't own anything you could be seen in public with. But you don't pay for your travel, and you rarely ever eat a meal I don't pay for, one way or another. What did you think, that you could continue to live here until you were old and grey, all at my expense, and still get paid for it?"
//God, why does she do this, I didn't ask her for those things// "I'm sorry, you just… well you never said anything before, and well I… I thought that since we had… you know, things were different, that we had a, uh…" //What the hell is wrong with me, why am I stuttering?//
"Oh. My. God!" She laughed, throwing her arms around her waist and almost doubling over. After straightening up again and controlling the laughter, she casually sat down again and lifted her glass to her lips. She looked back up at him and continued in a calm, amused voice. "What Heero, what did you think? That because I occasionally take you into my bed, we were destined to be together forever? You haven't grown up at all have you? Heero, it was sex. It was a needed physical release, you're quite attractive you know, many men and women have said so. Did you think I didn't notice, or did you think that I was exempt from physical needs? Look, I'm not in love with you and I hardly think you're in love with me. Whenever I do marry it will be a political decision and not much else. Strength in union, Heero, you're just my bodyguard, nothing more."
//If she doesn't want me here I'm not sticking around, not for more humiliation.// "Fine, I'll go pack my things right now. I'll be gone within the hour. I'm sorry to have imposed on you for so long." With that he rose from the table but his eyes never rose to meet hers. He began to walk away, but not before she got in the last word.
"Oh and Heero, I you need you here at 6:30 tomorrow morning, I need to leave early for the Senate meeting. I have a breakfast appointment with one of the Senators from L3. Please don't be late."
"Ryuokai" [1] It was all he could think to say before heading to his room to begin packing.
*** ***
"Oh Heeeeeroooo! Earth to wing-boy!" Her sing songing interrupted his thoughts again. "Did the Zero System take over again, darling? Come on Heero, I need you here in the land of the liiiiiving. About my schedule, do you think we could actually stay on topic for a while?"
"Yes Relena, I um… I've noted all the changes you made. Everything will be in order. Is there anything else you need, I was hoping to get out of here a little early today, remember? I'd like to get home and shower before meeting the guys for dinner. Quatre will only be in town for another two days, Wufei can't make it tomorrow and you have that thing the day after."
"Oh yes, 'that thing', how succinct," another jab "it's called a committee hearing, Heero. We're done for now, you're dismissed. Go have a good time with the other little boys but don't stay out too late, I have a breakfast meeting tomorrow and I need you here bright and early." She smiled, but it no longer had the warmth or the sincerity it once held.
He turned, shouldering his bag with the intent of getting out before she came up with a reason to delay – or detain him. //I haven't seen them in months, I won't let you ruin another night for me.// Once safely out the door of her office, he let out a small sigh. //Almost free, let's see how long she waits before coming up with another reason to toy with my life.//
She had been doing that all too often lately.
*** ***
8 months earlier
"Heero aren't you going to get for ready? We need to leave in twenty minutes if I'm to make in time for the cocktails." She was standing at the door of her office with an expectant look on her face.
"I am ready. //What could I possibly have done wrong now?// Is there a problem?"
"Ready?" She rolled her eyes and began shaking her head at him. "I am not going out with you in that! You are nowhere near dressed properly. Take it off."
"What? Take it off?" //Has she gone completely crazy, I am not going to strip for her pleasure in the middle of her office.//
"I am sorry but I am not going anywhere with you dressed like that." She turned to call one of the house staff over the intercom and instructed them on what to bring down to her office. Turning back to Heero she continued her tantrum, "Take it off NOW! I'm having one of the suits you left behind brought down. You look positively… shabby in that thing. I am so tired of seeing you look like you just walked out of a shelter. Haven't you bought any new clothes yet, you don't actually expect to keep wearing the same clothes for all of eternity, do you? How old is that suit anyway? Hurry up and take it off, I don't have any more time to waste on you and your inability to dress properly. Let's go, get moving, it's not like I haven't seen it all before."
Just as she said that a woman entered Heero's line of sight, she bowed slightly, handed Relena the item she was carrying and turned away to resume her duties. Relena stood in the open door way and refused to move. Not having any other options, Heero stripped out of his clothes and changed into the ones Relena had had brought down. He couldn't see the difference between this and what he'd been wearing before but resigned himself to just accept that this was Relena's newest way of humiliating him.
*** ***
The main reason he was meeting Quatre and Wufei for dinner tonight was because she had suddenly felt the urge last weekend to tour a facility working on new plant growth theories and had cancelled his free time. Time he'd planned to spend with the ex-pilots who had come Earth to get together this time, specifically because it was so hard for him to get away. They had all been planning this reunion for two months and in the blink of an eye, she had ruined it for him. It hadn't been the first time, but this was his job, his mission, he had to do it and the others had said they understood. Again.
This was the only night they'd be able to meet for a long time to come. It was only by the grace of God that Quatre had managed to extend his stay, and fortunately for Heero, Wufei was never too far away. Not that he saw the Chinese man much, mostly at official gatherings or whenever work, Relena's work, allowed their paths to cross. Trowa and Duo had both had to return to their jobs on Monday. He hadn't seen them in a while, his two best friends, or at least they used to be, before his life was consumed by Relena.
//If it wasn't for her need to meet with members of the Preventers, I'd never even see Chang, and I wouldn't even know if the others were still alive or not.//
His thoughts on the way home kept straying to the events of the last few months. Relena's behavior was getting worse. She was becoming more demanding of his time, expecting him to start earlier and leave later every day. And her evening activities were getting out of hand. She had taken a liking to one of the Colony Senators, he didn't remember which one nor did he care anymore. As long as she didn't expect him to warm her bed, he couldn't care less who she got to do it for her. It wouldn't have been so bad if she simply invited them home with her, that way he would be left out of the whole sordid affair. But her supposed propriety would not allow her to invite men to spend the night in her home, so she took to renting a suite at a hotel just outside the city. Each suite had a private entrance and enclosed parking; no one but Relena knew who came and went. Well, Relena and him, that is, considering that she had taken to making him wait outside and "guard" her while she entertained her guests.
As he entered his apartment he resolved again – probably for the millionth time – to stop giving in to her whims, to stand up for himself the way he should have been all along and to demand that she treat him with respect. But it would likely dissolve just like all the times before. Not wanting to think about her or how miserable she made him, he quickly shed his clothes and entered the shower, never noticing that his answering machine light was blinking. It had taken only 35 minutes for him to get.
Feeling slightly better with himself after washing away the remnants of the day, he emerged from the bathroom and took the three steps necessary to reach the closet to retrieve some casual clothes for their dinner. Despite his wealth and position, Quatre always insisted that they dine informally, that's just how they interacted with each other. None of the others would think to complain, Wufei never had been much for stuffy environments and Heero, Trowa and Duo were not the wealthiest men around. Despite her repeated claims that she paid him exorbitantly, his salary was not all that amazing, which explained his current living conditions. After finding himself suddenly homeless thirteen months earlier, Heero had lived in a cheap motel for two weeks before finding a place he could afford. Living in the city that was the center of government for the known universe did not make for finding affordable housing.
He was lucky that he'd overheard two Senate interns talking about a newly opened apartment building, it had been converted from an old hotel. The hotel had catered to extended stay visitors and all the apartments boasted a small kitchen area with a dinner counter, a reasonably sized bathroom, a small desk and a closet. The only missing elements were a bed and chairs. Of course the term 'apartment' was an exaggeration, at most it could be described as an efficiency. But Heero had found the rent reasonable and having few possessions, it space suited him fine. After acquiring a futon, which doubled as bed and sofa, a small second hand dresser, second hand television and a wooden stool, his "home" furnishing was complete.
Nearly dressed, he noticed the time and realized that he had more than half an hour to spare. A beer would be a nice way to unwind. Heero retrieved one from the fridge and thought about how he'd taken to drinking beer regularly after the first 'reunion' the pilots had organized six months after he'd left the hospital. He had been working as Relena's bodyguard for almost five months and it was the first full weekend he'd had off since.
*** ***
two and a half years ago
"Aw come on Q! How can you not have any beer in this place?" Duo was obviously frustrated.
With infinite patience, Quatre reminded him why, "Duo, you know very well that we're not old enough to buy beer, and anyway it tastes bad!"
A round of chuckles were heard from the other members of the gathering, including Heero himself who couldn't help but put his two cents in, "Well, I don't know if it tastes bad, but it can't be good for your health."
"Don't know? You mean you've never had beer Heero?" It was Trowa's turn to pipe up and he threw a questioning glance at the braided one.
"No, never." But he didn't get any further in his explanation as Duo took over the conversation.
"Much as I tried, I could never get the guy to loosen up enough to have a little brew with me. You know, Tro, he once threw out a six-pack I had. Said it 'killed brain cells and impaired my ability to function at full capacity'. Not that we needed to function at full capacity at the time, but hey, I wasn't going to jump out the window after it"
"Heero! How could you?" Trowa's mock shock and furrowed brow were clearly meant to tease. "I would have thought that someone in your position had imbibed a time or two."
"Well, I didn't say I'd never had a drink, I just said I hadn't drank beer."
"Heero I don't believe it!" Quatre was apparently quite shocked and turned his gaze to the one person who had yet to comment, his jaw dropped further as Wufei slowly nodded. "You too, Wufei?"
"Rice wine was frequently served after dinner at home, to help the digestive process." the Chinese boy immediately defended himself, which elicited more chuckling. "Unlike others, however, I do not drink merely to get drunk." At this he turned to the two boys who seemed hell bent on keeping this particular line of conversation going.
Trowa and Duo shared a conspiratorial glance, grinned and said, "We'll be back." They headed for the door before the others could stop them.
Upon their return, with no less than four varieties and strengths of beer, the two more experienced drinkers, presented each of the others with a beer they felt was appropriate to their tastes. One beer led to another and they swapped brands until everyone found something they liked. Heero found that he liked the heavy ales Trowa was also fond of and they had to make a second beer run before the night was through. They made at least two more before the weekend was over.
*** ***
As he finished off his beer, Heero finally noticed the blinking light of the answering machine. Hoping that it was not what he feared most, he headed in its direction to see just who had called. As he hit the button his worst nightmare came true. It was the head of security from the estate calling to say that Relena had decided she needed to return to her office in the Senate building to retrieve some paperwork she presumably needed to review before her morning meeting. He called the estate immediately, hoping that he'd be able to talk her out of it. He offered to come over extra early tomorrow so they could get the papers before her meeting, anything to just let him have the night off, his friends wouldn't be around much longer and he'd already stood them up once this week. But it wasn't to be. She resolutely shot down each of his suggestions, reminding him how important her work was and how critical it was that he her sole body guard – and one handsomely paid for it – had to escort her to the Senate building. She suggested that if he hurried back to her, he might be able to get to the restaurant in time for dessert. He hung up without further argument, it wouldn't have done any good. He grabbed his jacket and his cell phone from the desk before heading for the door. Maybe if he caught them in time the guys would delay their dinner plans, he hoped they would understand.
// This just isn't fair. Damn you Relena, I can't take this any more.//
But he would, just like he had before. Heero called his Arabian friend and made excuses for his inability to meet them. Quatre reassured the Japanese man that he understood it was unavoidable and would convince Wufei to go for a drink so that maybe Heero could make dinner after all, even if it was late. He promised that they'd wait as long as they could. It would never come to pass, after standing outside her office door for two hours Heero gave up hope; he called his friends and told them to go on without him.
As he waited for her to emerge from the office he slid down the wall to sit on the floor, a beer would have been really nice right now, so would something to eat. He'd skipped lunch today, as often was his practice when he expected to have a large dinner, which meant he'd had nothing but coffee all day. He would have given anything for one of Duo's candy bars or some of Trowa's ever present trail mix. The thought almost made him laugh, what would Dr. J think of him now? He was tired and grumpy, sitting on a cold floor fantasizing about candy bars because his mission in life was to guard a self-centered little brat. Well, the grumpy part anyone would believe, he wasn't exactly known for his social skills and Relena's increasingly razor sharp jabs had made him revert to his more silent ways. He'd actually started enjoying himself and coming out of his shell when he'd first taken the job with her. It seemed that her personality had drawn out some of his inherent youthful charm. He was nowhere near as graceful, funny or charismatic as Duo or Quatre, but he could hold his own in light conversation and had a decent sense of humor.
But that had been before and things had definitely changed. He couldn't quite put his finger on when or what had caused it, but Relena had started to treat him brusquely. She snapped at him, insulted him in front of others, and took every opportunity she could to privately humiliate and demean him. It had gotten so bad that he'd actually gotten lax in his duties eighteen months ago and had failed to properly plan security for one of her public appearances. In the end everything had turned out alright, no one was hurt – seriously or otherwise- but Relena had been angry. Very angry.
The widow of one of Dekim Barton's soldiers had slipped in with a group of doctors that were escorting Relena through the newly commissioned research wing of a hospital in South America. The woman had waited until they were in sight of the media to douse Relena with a good amount of fake blood – just some heavy red dye – and call her a murderer [2] and a hypocrite. The media was instantly on top of it, they hounded Relena about the woman's accusations, and she had refused to leave the hotel until her spin doctors were able to fabricate a story about the woman's history of mental illness and bring to light the story of the poor departed husband. In the end Relena made another speech about the horrors of war and how this woman's plight just showed that it would have a continued affect on society for a long time to come. She called on everyone to pray for the souls of the deceased and for peace of mind for those they'd left behind. If he hadn't known better, he would have said it was an admirable attitude. But being at the business end of her private wrath, he did know better. He also knew that that woman would never again see the light of day, not even he knew what institution she'd been committed to.
Maybe his current situation was his fault. If he'd been doing his job properly, that 'fiasco' wouldn't have happened and he might be in a more amiable relationship with his "boss". But then again, maybe he was just fooling himself. Her growing animosity and his inability to understand it had been the very reason he'd been distracted. The fiasco had coincided with one of the pilots' semi-annual reunions and all his friends were out of touch. Relena'd insisted that her American tour could not be postponed and that there would be no down time. Not only had he not been able to attend the reunion, he'd had no one to talk to about his concerns. Since that day, he hadn't even thought of asking her vacation time again. Tonight, she'd succeeded in ruining another meeting with his only friends.
He wondered if they still considered him that? A friend. He knew Quatre would never be as impolite as to suggest that Heero was purposely avoiding them or give him a hard time about it. He and Wufei had never really been that close to begin with so their friendship was always a tentative one. But Trowa and Duo were a different story and it concerned him to no end that neither of them had tried to get in touch. It's true that he hadn't either, but things were different for him. Most nights he got home so tired that he simply went straight to bed, after a small meal and a beer.
Beer. It was becoming a staple food in his life. He'd fallen asleep more than once in the last few months with his second or third beer in hand, not even opening up the futon to lay down. He'd awakened on several occasions hungry and damp because the bottle had tipped over in his sleep. He promised himself to make it up to his friends. He wasn't sure how exactly, since he never knew from one moment to the next what he'd be doing, but he'd try. He had to, they were the only people that he cared anything about and he wasn't going to lose that. He hoped.
A nudge on the bottom of his thigh woke him at 3am. He'd fallen asleep in the hallway. He groggily brought himself to feet, determined not to make eye contact with her, he was too tired to chance sparking an argument and he just wanted to get home. If he could get away with wearing the clothes he had on now to perform his duties of tomorrow – or rather later in the day – he wouldn't even bother going home. He took off down the hall expecting her to follow and had almost reached the elevators when he realized that she hadn't . Turning to see what was keeping her, he noticed that she was still leaning against the wall like when she'd woken him. "Relena?" he called softly, still not quite awake himself. Rather than answering, she lolled her head to the side and looked at him through glassy eyes.
Realizing there was something wrong with her, he made his way back to her side and when he got close enough it was brutally clear what was wrong. She was drunk. She pushed off the wall with her shoulder and grabbed onto his arm, making to move down the hallway. She hadn't even closed the door to her office. He halted her progress, figuring he would be better off tomorrow, when she sobered, if he didn't leave her office wide open. It would have satisfied him to teach her a lesson, but that wouldn't be the outcome, she would become irate that he'd neglected his security duties and that would only lead to another round of insults. Definitely something to be avoided.
As he took half a step in to grab the doorknob he noticed the condition of the room. Her desk was as pristine as it had been when they had arrived but the small conference table in the corner was littered with food containers, glasses and wine bottles; a man's tie resting on the back of one of the chairs. The sofa cushions were out of joint and the door leading to the large adjoining conference room was slightly ajar. She'd ruined his evening for this, to have a late-night tryst in her office. If he'd had any pride left, he would have left her in the hallway in her drunken stupor but he knew that wouldn't be in his best interest. He resigned himself to get her home and out of his hair, if only for a few hours.
//One day you'll pay for what you do to me. One day…//
owari
[1] Though I've seen it used mostly as "accepted", as in mission accepted, I understand that it can also mean "acknowledged", as in mission acknowledged. It's in this context that I use it, to me it's more Heero-like.
[2] Not that I agree, but PETA pulls this stunt all the time. No flames please, I'm entitled to my opinion as much as they are.