DISCLAIMER: I own nothing! All characters (with the exception of Brigit) and the world belong to J.K. Rowling. I will not do this every chapter because once is enough, no need to get repetitive.
Chapter One: Halloween Masquerade
They say it takes a moment to meet a person, an hour to know them, a day to love them and a lifetime to forget them...
Lily's POV: He used to sit there all the time. Under that big oak tree overlooking the grounds. Some days I would go out there to watch him, just to see that big lopsided grin. And every time I stared out across the water, I wondered. Was he really so bad? Did he deserve every horrible thing I said to him, every name I called him? No, I think not, but I was young, I was naïve. But it was that one October day that I realized I was in love with him. Well, maybe not that day. But it was the day that I realized that he wasn't such a bad guy after all.
It was just another lunch, on just another day. He sauntered up to me, just like any other day and threw his arm around my shoulders, just like any other day. I didn't bother shrugging him off; I kept walking, just like any other day.
"Heya, Lils! I was just wondering…" He started.
"No."
He looked at me with mock hurt, just like he did every day. At least then I thought I didn't hurt him. Back then, I thought he didn't know how to hurt, or even how to feel.
"You don't even know what I was about to say!" he said with his big puppy dog eyes.
"Sure I do. 'Want to go to the Halloween Masquerade with me?' And my answer, as always, is 'no.'"
He beamed that big lopsided grin at me. "Actually, darling, I already have a date."
That made me stop in my tracks. James Potter? A date? Before he asked me? Against my better judgment, I was hurt. I couldn't keep the jealousy out of my voice.
"Oh really? Who?" I asked, though I think my voice may have quavered. He looked a little uneasy.
"Brigit…" he said quietly.
With a great huff, I picked up my feet and stormed off. Brigit? That little whore agreed to go to the dance with James Potter? How could my best friend do such a thing!?
Through my angry thoughts, I heard his big feet echoing on the floor, his voice resounding in my ears.
"Lily!" he shouted. I damned him to hell for his Quidditch training as his hand shot out and grabbed my shoulder. "Lily, what the hell is wrong with you?"
I gave him my best glare through the traitorous tears welling up in my eyes. "Nothing."
He cocked his head to the side and gave me a quizzical look. "Lily, if you don't want me to go with her, I won't."
Through stormy thoughts, I was barely able to muster a lie. "I don't care who you go with, I just don't want to see her get hurt."
The bewildered look on his face almost made me laugh. "You're crying because…you don't want me to hurt Brigit?"
Damn traitorous eyes. "I'm not crying!"
"Okaaaayy… But what gives you the idea that I'm going to hurt her? It's just a dance. One night. It's not the rest of our lives."
My lie was slipping through its own holes and I was left looking like a fool. "And since when did that matter to you? Go away, Potter!" I was quickly losing my composure. I think my teary eyes played tricks on me, because I swore there was a smile playing at his lips. Suddenly those lips were right next to my ear.
"It has always mattered, Lily Evans. But if you want me to, I'll tell Brigit I can't go," he whispered, then he turned on his heel and walked away, leaving me to stew in my anger and tears.
I didn't realize it then, but that was the day I began to understand that every time James Potter said he loved me, he meant it.
James' POV: I loved that tree that looks over Hogwarts' lake. My dad told me the first time I ever got on the Hogwarts' Express that he and my mother had carved their initials in the trunk on their graduation day. It was my dream since then to someday write Lily's and mine. I knew that she loathed me, but I never lost that childish hope, that maybe, just maybe, someday, she would come running to me, proclaiming her love. Almost halfway into my seventh year, that hope had started to diminish. But that day, the hope flared to life with a brilliance that scared me.
I saw her walking towards the library, probably skipping lunch just to get some extra studying in, that little bookworm. My heart had somehow found its way to my throat, as it did every time I saw her, and I tried desperately to swallow it, as I did every time I saw her. As calmly as I could, I walked up to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. My heart stopped, because, not only did she not pull away, I swear she leaned into me.
"Heya Lils!" I said, my voice faltering with excitement and disappointment. "I was just wondering…"
"No."
Little witch was quick to shut me down. Honestly, I was only going to ask her what the transfiguration homework was (even though I'd already done it…), but that just hurt. "You don't even know what I was about to say!"
She looked at me with her 'you're-kidding-right?' eyes. "Sure I do. 'Want to go to the Halloween Masquerade with me?' And my answer, as always, is 'no.'"
Inwardly, I sighed. Clever witch. I had to admit, though, I had it coming. So, I just grinned at her. I saw a spark in her eyes that I couldn't quite place, but I liked it. "Actually, darling, I already have a date."
She stopped walking abruptly, taking my arm with her and causing me to stumble. I looked back at her, thoroughly confused. This girl hated me, or so I thought, but when she spoke, I could hear hurt and jealousy beyond her curiosity. That sound broke my heart and made me giddy.
"Oh really? Who?"
Now was the part where I felt guilty. "Brigit…" I said, hoping that she hadn't heard me. Unfortunately, she had. Her eyes flashed at me with an emotion I had always wanted to see, then her feet were flying across the floor.
"Shit, shit, shit," I muttered. Then I shot after her, thoughts racing through my head. Lily Evans, jealous? About me? I never thought I would think such things, let alone that they would be true. But there I was, chasing after Lily Evans, confused as all hell.
"Lily!" I shouted across the hall. I thanked Merlin for my Quidditch training as my hand flew through the air and caught hold of her shoulder. "Lily, what the hell is wrong with you?"
She glared at me through tear-filled eyes and my heart broke. I was the cause of those tears. "Nothing."
Knowing I was the cause and hoping I was the cure for her tears broke my heart even further and my voice refused to remain steady. "Lily, if you don't want me to go with her, I won't."
"I don't care who you go with, I just don't want to see her get hurt."
I cocked my head to the side, an annoying habit I have when I'm confused. Me? Hurt Brigit? In one night? I didn't think it was possible, but here Lily was, telling me she didn't want to see her best friend hurt by me. I was baffled. And hurt.
"You're crying because…you don't want me to hurt Brigit?"
The tears rolled down her cheeks and her glare intensified. "I'm not crying!"
Honestly, I thought she was beautiful when she was upset. It wasn't like she was dainty. Her cheeks were red, her eyes puffy, but she had never looked so attractive to me. It was the tears I wanted to stop, knowing that I had caused them. Really, what had I been thinking, going with Lily's best friend? I'm sure I would have cried too if she had decided to go with Sirius.
But really, where had she gotten the idea that I would hurt her best friend, that I would want to? I don't think lunch had ever been so complicated.
"Okaaaayy… But what gives you the idea that I'm going to hurt her? It's just a dance. One night. It's not the rest of our lives."
If possible, her glare intensified. I could barely see little slits of green from beneath her eyelashes. "And since when did that matter to you? Go away, Potter!"
I couldn't help it. My lips smiled on their own. I leaned forward to whisper in her ear. My heart did a quick jig as she took in a sharp breath.
"It has always mattered, Lily Evans. But if you want me to, I'll tell Brigit I can't go." Merlin, I wanted to kiss her so bad, but instead I turned and followed my stomach to where the food was.
Lily's POV: As I lay in my bed that night, I swear my curtains were animated. James' face swam all around me, his laugh whispering in the wind. Oh Merlin, I thought, I'm falling for the Prick. Did I love him, or did I hate him? I didn't know anymore. I hadn't left my state of confusion since lunch, and I hated it. I hated being out of control, not knowing the answers. Especially when I couldn't find them about myself. I started to play with my wand, projecting the time onto the ceiling of my four-poster. 3:45 A.M. Six hours. I'd been lying awake in my bed for six hours. Sighing, I slipped out of bed and grabbed my sketchpad.
I headed for the common room. As I rounded the stairs, I sighed in relief. No one was there. I mentally slapped myself. It was four in the morning. Who would be up? I sat down in a chair across from the dying embers in the fireplace. As I stared at the red and gold glow, wondering what I should draw, his face just seemed to swim before my eyes. Smiling, I flipped through the pages, past the happy portraits of my parents, the grounds after the first snow, a self-portrait I despised, until I found a clean page. As my charcoal pencil moved across the page, I could see that jovial face coming to life. His lopsided grin seemed to be laughing heartily at me. His stubborn midnight hair stood on end, as it always did after he ran his Quidditch-calloused hand through it. His warm hazel eyes stared at me with a molten look of ardour. As I sat back to admire my work, a teardrop fell across the page, warping the paper. Seeing the beautiful face ruined made me cry even harder. For some time my body was racked with sobs until finally, exhaustion took me and I fell into darkness.
James' POV: Sometimes I'd go down to the common room just for some alone time. I'd sit there and think…and think…and think some more. That night I was just sitting there, my brain too overworked from my run-in with Lily to think anymore. As I watched the ashen logs in the hearth fissile and make odd shapes, I heard footsteps on the girls' stairs. I quickly covered myself in my invisibility cloak, and just in time too. As my feet disappeared, I saw a flash of red followed by some purple pyjamas. And bright green eyes. She sat down in the chair right across from me and I was fully able to appreciate that porcelain face, those emerald eyes, the fire that framed her face. I drifted into a fantasy of the two of us (I don't think I really need to go into that fantasy…). And as I floated back, a soft smile came to her face. She flipped through the pages, and finally found the one she wanted, picked up her pencil and began to draw. Her eyes sparkled with a light I'd never seen before and I felt jealousy welling up inside me. Who was she smiling like that for?
As quietly as possible, I rose from my chair and strode over to her, leaning behind her to see what she was drawing. I gaped. She was drawing the face I saw in the mirror every day; she was drawing me. I think I became a puddle then. That look in her eyes, that look was for me. As she finished the portrait, a little splash hit the paper. Then another, and one after another they came, her body shaking with silent sobs. My heart broke for the second time that day. Again, I was the cause of her tears. When her sobs finally subsided, her last hiccup come and gone, I did the only thing I could think of; I took her to my bed.
Lily's POV: I awoke to light shining through the gap in the curtains around the four-poster. I panicked, thinking that I was missing my morning classes. I tried to wriggle my way out of the blankets to find that I was trapped by my own design. I sighed, finally remembering that it was Saturday. I turned to the curtains and pulled the gap shut, bathing myself in darkness. Hey, another few hours couldn't hurt, I thought. I laid back down into the pillows and noticed that the smell was different. Not a bad different, actually I rather enjoyed it. With another sigh, I cuddled up to them and promptly fell asleep.
James' POV: Knowing that Lily was in my bed did wonderful thing to my ego, but not so wonderful things for my body. From where I lay on the hard, uncomfortable floor, I could see Lily's silhouette move and pull the curtains closed. I smiled as I heard a content sigh. All the blood in my body rushed below the border thinking that Lily was curled up in my bed. I was too tired to worry about it though. I was so tired that I don't even remember telling my body to rise and fall into the bed. I just remember sinking into my mattress and feeling Lily's arms wrap around my waist.
Lily's POV: When I woke again the light was no longer shining from between a new gap in the curtains. I turned my head to see that James Potter was lying next to me. I looked down to see that his arms were wrapped around me protectively, almost lovingly. Honestly, I could have stayed that way forever, cuddled up with James, but with my reputation at stake, I shot straight up and shook him roughly.
"James," I whispered urgently. "James!"
His hazel eyes opened slowly, almost regretfully. "Lily?" he said hoarsely. Then his eyes widened and he, like me, shot up. "Lily! Oh Merlin, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to fall asleep, it's just, the floor…"
I looked at him with what I hope was pity. "Potter, tell me what happened."
James' POV: I awoke to Lily shaking my shoulder fervently and whispering my name. I didn't want to open my eyes, but I had a feeling that if I didn't, Lily would take more drastic measures to wake me. When I saw her bright green eyes alive with worry, I realized the gravity of the situation. I sat up quickly and started apologizing.
"Lily! Oh Merlin, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to fall asleep, it's just, the floor…" As I spoke, I realized how ridiculous I sounded.
She looked at me with true pity in her eyes. "Potter, tell me what happened."
I heaved a great sigh and looked down.
"WellyouwereinthecommonroomandyoufellasleepandyouhadthatsketchofmeandI-knewthatifanyonefoundyoulikethatyourlifewouldberuinedsoIbroughtyouuphereand-IsleptonthefloorbutitwasuncomfortablesoIdecidedtosleepupherebutIdidntdoanything-I swear," I said quickly.
She looked at me with a completely baffled expression. "Excuse me?"
"You were in the common room where you fell asleep and you had that sketch of me. I knew that if anyone found you like that your life would be ruined so I brought you up here. I tried to sleep on the floor but it was uncomfortable so I decided to sleep up here but I didn't do anything, I swear," I repeated.
"How gallant of you," she said contemptuously. And with that, Lily jumped out of my bed to find six very surprised eyes upon her.
"So our Jamsie finally got you in bed, did he?"
Lily's POV: "How gallant of you," I said, disappointed that Potter had brought me to his bed no ill intentions at all. I was hurt and angry. So angry, in fact, that I swung my legs over the side of the bed and jumped out before I remembered that Potter shared the room with four other boys. All I wanted was to get away from him. And as I found myself face to chest with Sirius Black, I regretted it. I looked up at dark, gleeful eyes.
"So our Jamsie finally got you in bed, did he?"
From behind the curtains came a disgruntled voice. "Don't call me that!"
My eyes narrowed as I turned to face the curtains behind me and said "No, not a chance."
Remus Lupin, my fellow prefect, raised an eyebrow at me. "What were you two doing in there if not shagging?"
My jaw dropped to the floor as I turned back to face Remus.
"Sleeping," piped in Peter, as if it were the simplest thing in the world really.
"Thank you, Peter," I said, grateful to have something to say. "That's exactly what we were doing."
Peter looked pleased with himself. Sirius suddenly noticed my open sketchpad on the night table. He picked it up and stared at the face of his best friend, then looked up at me. He repeated the process a few more times until I burst.
"Enough already!" I half shouted. "Yes, I drew that, but you know what? It's nothing more than kindling now!" I stormed over to Sirius, snatched back my sketchpad, and stomped out of the dormitory with what little dignity I had left.
James' POV: Almost two weeks after my fellow Marauders had found Lily and I in a compromising position, I found myself headed towards the Head Common Room. Lily hadn't talked to me much since that day, and she had reverted back to 'Potter.' I was no longer 'James,' and rounds were no longer pleasant. She insisted we split up to make rounds faster, but I knew better. Lily wanted nothing to do with me any more. She didn't look at me with that sparkle anymore; I might as well have been dead to her. And everything was going so well, too…
The fiery hope that had been burning dimmer and dimmer each day was nothing more than a spark now, but I held onto it with my life. I couldn't stop loving her, and for once, I didn't have an answer for my dilemma. Sirius did, though.
5 hours before…
"Prongs, really now, this broad isn't worth it," Sirius said from behind his Playwizard. I glared at him with all my being.
"Do you really get all your bedroom skills from a magazine?" I retorted, swearing one day I'd get one of the Playwizard witches to pop out and slap him.
"Maybe…"He looked at me from over the magazine with eyes alight with mischief. "Jamsie, old boy, if you want her so bad, I think I have a solution."
Wary to trust him, but wanting more than anything to get her to love me once again, I did the only thing I could; "Pray tell, Padfoot."
He smirked as he lowered the Playwizard. "Simple; the Halloween Masquerade is this Saturday."
I raised my eyebrows. "Sirius, I am not asking her to that dance."
He dropped the magazine, his eyes filled with mirth. "James, ol' buddy, ol' pal, did I say ask her out?" He held up a hand to silence my answer. "No, I didn't, see what I think you should do is…" He proceeded to tell me every plan he had in mind, most of them too dirty for me to even contemplate.
But one of them just might work, and that one I was staking my life on.
Lily's POV: As I silently slipped into the Head's Bathroom, a small gasp escaped my lips. The cream walls rose up around me in a globe, the pool-like bathtub curving perfectly along the edges of the far wall. Scented candles floated high in the air, a sunset painted upon the upper portion of the room. I'd been a prefect for two years, and, of course, I'd used the prefect's bathroom on numerous bad days, but this bathroom was a dream-come-true for a broken-hearted woman. I pulled a bottle of my favourite bubble bath and a huge chunk of chocolate from inside my fluffy white bathrobe.
As I started to walk towards the giant seashell in front of me, I slowly shrugged out of the robe, already the tension in my body melting. The air smelt of cherry blossoms and spring. With great difficulty, I was able to turn the giant gold knob and the water began to flow from the spout, filling the bath with warm bubbly liquid. I picked up my bubble bath, unscrewed the cap and poured the entire contents into the water. I stuck a toe in the pool and with a sigh slid my entire body into the bubbles.
I pulled the bobby pins from my hair and sunk further into the bath, my head under water. All the tension in my body melted away. As my stress floated away, my mind floated with it, going back to my bedroom.
5 hours before…
I sat on my bed, mulling over all that had happened in the past two weeks. I was no longer talking to Brigit, though, in her defence, it wasn't her fault. How was she to know that I was totally, unconditionally, in love with James Potter? Oh Merlin, was I in love with him. I could no longer talk to him for fear that I would start professing that love and never stop. I couldn't call him 'James' for fear that it would be a loving whisper. I could no longer be around him in close proximity for fear that I would jump him and never let go.
His face floated in front of me, causing tears of despair to well up in my eyes. I leaned over and pulled out the portrait from under my bed. As I stared at the beautiful face, marred by my tears, the hot liquid in my eyes poured out in an uncontrollable stream. My hands too shaky to hold the portrait anymore, it slipped from my hands and through the air to land at the feet of my former best friend.
"Lily," she said, bending to pick up the paper. "You can't go on like this."
My vision blurred by my tears, I looked up at her. "Brigit, I think I love him! But I don't want to! I can't!"
Like the true friend she was, she walked over and tucked me into a hug, the weeks of my mutiny vanishing. "Why keep it inside, letting it eat you alive? Nothing is worth that."
Into her shoulder, I sobbed. "Brig, he's got such a reputation for being a sex-god. How can I ever compete with all the girls he's been with? How can I trust that he doesn't just want me to be another notch in his belt?"
Brigit pushed me away. "Look, honey, if you want to die alone and sad because you never told James how you feel, it's fine by me. But he loves you and you're hurting him. Even if you can live with your own depression, can you live with his, knowing that it's your fault?"
"No, I can't," I whispered to the bubbles.
James POV: Slipping into the Head's Common Room, I shrugged out of my street clothes, hoping that Lily wasn't there to see. Today had been hell, and the only thing that had been able to make the stress disappear was my broomstick. After being out riding the winds for hours, my hair was stiff, as were my sweaty muscles. I grunted and groaned my way to the Head's Bathroom, hoping there I could find respite and relief.
As I opened the door, I found it lit solely by floating candles. I opened the door further to find a seashell bath filled to the brim with bubbles. What a wonderful bathroom, I thought sarcastically. As I neared the tub, I was shocked to see red hair peeking over the side.
"No, I can't," I heard Lily's voice say. I looked around, fearing she was not alone. I moved closer, wondering if the other person might be hidden in the bubbles. As I came to look on the face of the woman I had fallen in love with, I found her eyes closed, tears leaking from them.
"I can't live hurting him like this. I have to tell him…"
Now I knew she was alone. At least, she thought she was. But those words caused anger and jealousy to rise up inside me.
"What do you have to tell who?" I blurted, so caught up in my own thoughts that I let them escape.
Her eyes flew open and locked on me. A frightened squeak escaped her throat and she sank further into the bubbles.
"James!" she squeaked, a bit breathlessly. "What are you doing in here?"
I cocked an eyebrow. "Uh, I was going to take a bath…" I trailed off, suddenly struck with a thought. "You didn't answer the question."
She looked at me with growing anger. "I was under the impression that I owed you nothing."
You owe me a heart, I thought. "You don't," I said aloud. "But seeing as you can't leave without showing me everything and your wand is out of reach, I'd say you don't have much of a choice…" All the weeks of pent up rage and hurt came roaring to the surface, lashing out to infect the person who had caused them.
She looked surprised, and under the surprise, I could see another emotion. Hurt, maybe? "James," was it me or did that sound like a loving caress? "you wouldn't dare." A small smile found its way to her lips. "For the right price, you would do anything for me." She slowly began to rise from the water, I stood frozen, my mind in shock, my body rigid with anticipation.
Her shoulders rose from the bubbles first, the ivory skin hinting at what was lower. As she slowly stood, her hands rose too, coming to cup her breasts, much to my delight. But when her flat stomach rose out of the water and her hands fell, I was dismayed to see that the bubbles clung to her chest, obscuring the scenery from view. And then I knew what she was doing.
"Lily," was it me or did my voice really sound that strangled? I cleared my throat nonetheless. "Lily, what are you doing?"
A devilish smirk came to her lips. "Why James. I would think that the Sex God of Gryffindor would know what I was doing…"
Without thinking, "I'm not the one with that title. That would be Sirius. I'm second in line." What was I thinking?! Telling the girl that I loved that I wasn't as good in bed as the rumours said?! I was losing my touch…
"Second Best is good enough…" she said in a voice that had my body singing. She had risen completely from the water now, one leg propped up on the side of the tub—what a mundane word…it was so much more than a tub. It was a seduction pool—the water running off her leg in a way that had parts to the south reacting. She pushed herself out of the tub and began advancing toward me.
Lily's POV: "What do you have to tell who?"
My eyes flew open as my heart came to an abrupt halt. James. I squeaked, hoping that somehow this was just an illusion.
No, James was there, standing before me in his sweat-soaked birthday suit. Merlin he was perfect, and that did nothing to help me. I sank down into the bubbles, hoping to hide myself.
"James!" I said—was my voice always that hoarse? —hoping beyond hope that saying his name aloud would break the spell. It didn't. "What are you doing in here?"
"Uh, I was going to take a bath…" he said, as if it were obvious. Silly me. I thought he might have been in here because I was… "You didn't answer the question."
Damn. When in doubt, act like a cold hard bitch. That was suddenly becoming my motto, my go-to. "I was under the impression that I owed you nothing."
A thought flashed behind his eyes. "You don't," did he really just say that? I thought I knew James Potter better than that. "But seeing as you can't leave without showing me everything and your wand is out of reach, I'd say you don't have much of a choice…" Oh shit, did he really just say that?
Well if he wanted to play that way, I would play dirty. "James," I said in what I hoped was a sing-song croon, "you wouldn't dare." I smirked. "For the right price, you would do anything for me." I followed the words with an action I knew he would follow; I stood up in the tub.
As I stood, I knew that in order for this to work, I had to do it right. I slowly ran my hands up my sides, gathering bubbles as they went. I covered my breasts in a way that I was sure he would see differently. I smiled when his body told me he had.
"Lily," he croaked. A smile started tugging at my lips. He coughed. "Lily, what are you doing?"
I smirked, hoping to hide my dismay. His mind said he didn't want this, even though his body said he did. "I would think the Sex God of Gryffindor would know what I was doing…"
He didn't hesitate, "I'm not the one with that title. That would be Sirius. I'm second in line." I smiled, knowing he was losing it, and losing it fast.
"Second Best is good enough…" I was upright now; one foot out of the tub in what I thought was the signature pose. I lifted the other leg and found myself on the tiles, walking toward him in a way I hoped screamed seduction.
His eyes closed, his tongue darting out to wet his lips, his chest rising in an irregular fashion. I reached him and snaked a hand out to caress his shoulder, my arm pressing against his chest as I wound my way around him. Quickly grabbing my wand, I pressed myself against his back, my lips dangerously close to his ear.
"But not for me," I whispered, wheeling around and almost running out the door.
James' POV: I felt Lily's fingers lightly brushing across my chest as she circled me. I felt her press up against my back, her breasts tantalizing me. I felt her lean into me as she raised herself onto her toes. I felt her breath tickle my ear.
"But not for me," she breathed. I felt a cold wave wash over me as her words hit me. Not for me. Second best wasn't good enough for her. She didn't want me. She never wanted me. She never would.
But that look…the look in her eyes was so real. That couldn't have been a dream. She looked at me like that…didn't she? But she said she didn't want me. The fire in me suddenly died, and I felt myself crumble. An anguished cry escaped my lips, tearing my vocal cords as my heart was reduced to a shell that once housed a fire even Voldemort wouldn't fight. And Lily had never recognized that fire…
As my screams died, I slumped to the floor, somewhere in the back of my mind realizing that my cheeks were soaked and salty. The only girl with my heart didn't even realize she had it and she intentionally broke it.
"Why, why, why?" I sobbed, barely recognizing the strangled voice that came from my torn throat. "Why, Lily? Why can't you see that I love you?"
Lily's POV: As I leaned against the wall outside the bathroom, my eyes started to leak salty, warm liquid. I reached up to wipe them away and a scream that shattered my heart ripped through the walls. The scream continued for forever, reducing me to nothing, killing my soul. My knees buckled beneath me as my arms flew over my head, and I slid to the floor, my own screams matching James'.
"I'm so sorry, James. So, so sorry…" I whispered, my voice dead as my soul. As his screams died, I rose on shaky legs and made the long journey to my bedroom. There, unable to find the strength in me to stay upright, I fell into the pillows, into a bitter oblivion.
James' POV: On October 31st, Halloween, I found myself clothed in dress robes a colour that rivalled midnight. My heart lay behind my ribs, barely beating anymore. Even with a broken heart, that I was sure was beyond repair, I was still going to walk into the Great Hall with a beautiful girl on my arm and a smile I hoped would hide all my feelings. I sighed as I looked away from the mirror, picking up the plain black mask that lay on my bed. With another sigh I tried to flatten my hair one last time, then walked out of the dormitory.
In the common room, I waited at the bottom of the stairs for Brigit. I looked up when I heard footsteps coming down. She wore a powder blue evening gown that accentuated her body with a tasteful cut. In her hand was a golden pole, at the end a feathered mask the same colour as her dress. She stumbled on the stairs on her way down and I rushed to catch her. When she had righted herself and fixed her dress, she looked up and smiled at me.
Taking Brigit's hand, I walked proudly, if not whole, out of the common room door.
Lily's POV: I sat at my dressing table the night of the Halloween Masquerade. I had spent hours taming my curls, finally getting them to stay in the loose bun I had them in, but a few rebels escaped, and I was okay with it. It looked…nice.
And my dress…Merlin, my dress was amazing. I had found it one Hogsmeade weekend, and fell in love. I loved it. It wasn't flashy, it wasn't trashy. The emerald green perfectly matched my eyes and the little gold threads that adorned it didn't detract from its simple beauty, just barely accentuating it. This dress was made for me.
Too bad it was wasted on James. He didn't want me anymore, and I couldn't blame him. I had broken his heart, and I knew it all too well. I sighed, ashamed of myself, ashamed of what I had done. I stood and grabbed my green and cream mask, adorning it and sighing again. I decided that fussing over my appearance anymore would do me more harm than good and walked out of the room.
James' POV: I sat at a table in the Great Hall, hidden from the entrance, but I could see everything. I watched Brigit mingle, everyone but me completely transfixed by her American accent. I yawned, wondering if I should have even come to this dance, and looked over at the doors. My jaw snapped shut and I sat up straight, my eyes glued to the woman in the threshold.
The emerald green dress hugged her curves, then floated away, playing with my eyes and making my mouth water. Along the cut that slid from her shoulder to between her breasts was lined gold, twisting and curving in a Celtic design. Her red hair was pinned up loosely and some of the curls were free, brushing her shoulders. Her captivating eyes stood out starkly against the jade trimmed cream mask that rested lightly on the bridge of her nose.
Lily looked around and I saw the nervousness in her eyes. I also saw that she was alone. My heart stopped, then beat with ferocity. I wasn't letting go. I couldn't. I never would.
"It's a beautiful dress, isn't it?" said a voice that was inexplicably American.
"It is." Especially on her… I couldn't deny it, not even for Brigit's sake.
Brigit smiled at me as I turned to look at her. "James, she's my best friend, the first one I made here. I know you're in love with her, that much is obvious. And she knows it."
I gaped. My date was telling me all about my love life, and she was completely nonchalant about it. "Brigit—"
"No, James. Go ask her to dance. I know you're dying to," she smiled.
My smile was sad. "Brigit, she would never dance with me."
One eyebrow rose. "You really are oblivious…Look, you're wearing a mask, and it's dark. If she wouldn't dance with James Potter, would she dance with a handsome stranger?"
Her question raised a good point. She wouldn't know it was I. Lily would dance with anyone, as long as it wasn't me. I smiled at Brigit as I rose. I kissed her cheek and began to walk away.
"Good luck!" she said none too softly. My grin got even wider.
I tried desperately to swallow my heart as with every step it seemed to get wider in my throat. When Lily was close enough to touch, Sirius grabbed my arm and pulled me over to the table he sat at with Remus.
"She looks absolutely delicious," he said, nodding in Lily's general direction. I glared. He grinned. "Oh, right, sorry, nothing sexual about the way she's dressed tonight. She looks 'ravishing.'"
"She does look amazing," Remus said, I guess hoping to stop a fight before it began. I looked at him. "What!? She does!" he cried, throwing his hands up.
"Yes, she looks amazing," I said slowly. "And I was about to ask her to dance."
Sirius scoffed. Remus snickered. I glared. "Well, this was fun. I'm going to go do what I set out to do now." I got up and walked away, hoping to reach Lily without any more distractions. There were none.
Putting my hand on her lower back, I leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "Want to dance?"
She jumped, then turned to look at me. She smiled. "Sure."
I took her by the hand and led her out on the floor. As the first song began to play, we began to dance. Well, she did. I'm not sure what I did, but I do know that I watched her, transfixed. Her body moved with the music, flowed in and out of the airwaves. I smiled, knowing that if I didn't dance too, I would look like a fool. The song ended, but her movements did not. She kept dancing, even as the song changed to a racy tune. She flowed into it perfectly, letting the song weave itself into her dance, and I couldn't help but stare.
She danced and I moved (I could hardly call it dancing when I was so clumsy and Lily was so…perfect) and as each song ended, she never stopped dancing. I tried to move with her, but her dance was too fluid for me to follow. After a long time of her flawless dance, a slow song began to play, and I smiled.
Lily's POV: The stranger had asked me to dance and he looked so hopeful I just couldn't say no. We danced and danced, all the while, he stared at me the same way James always did. The songs changed but our dance did not. He moved as I did, never stopping, never changing.
As a slow song began to play, a smile broke out across his face. "Dance with me," he said, his sweet deep voice reverberating through my bones in a way the bass from the music could not. His smile was infectious, and I couldn't help but agree again. I stepped forward, my arms slipping behind his neck as his hands found their way to my waist. I felt an overwhelming sense of belonging engulf me, and something about it just felt right. I leaned into him, my head resting against his chest.
"You're beautiful," he said, and I couldn't help but believe him. I looked up, and suddenly felt the irresistible urge to kiss him. I found myself leaning forward before I commanded my body to do so, and I found that he was doing the same.
James' POV: Our lips only met for a second before Lily pulled away. The blush on her cheeks made her mask and her eyes stand out even more in the dim light.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, her voice barely penetrating the noise around us.
"Don't be, I liked it," I said, hoping she would take the hint and give me another. The deepening of crimson on her cheeks told me she took the hint, but she didn't act on it.
"That's not what I meant. I'm sorry. I'm in love with someone else."
The reality of her words crashed down on me. She was in love with someone and he wasn't me. I prayed for a hole to open in the floor and swallow me.
"Who?" I didn't even want to say it. It slipped out and there was no taking it back. Her face went red to her ears and I thought maybe I was going to get hit. I cringed.
Lily's POV: I wanted to let it out, just tell someone the truth. I really did, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I didn't know this man. I had just kissed him, and now he wanted to know who I was in love with. I couldn't tell him. What if he would tell James? What if behind that mask, it was James?
I couldn't answer. There were no words. I slowly backed away, and he didn't move to follow me. Once I was out of the door, I leaned up against the wall, taking a moment to remove my shoes. Then I bolted.
James' POV: I slowly made my way to the hall to find that Lily was gone. Leaning up against the wall, I looked up too the ceiling and sighed. She had refused to answer my question, and that was answer enough. She was in love with someone she didn't want anyone to know about. There was only one person she wouldn't want anyone to know she was in love with. And I knew him well.
Lily Evans was in love with me, and she would never admit it without help.