The Gift of Humanity - Re-Vamped

by KNeu21

(RV3)Sequel to 'TGoResilience-Re-Vamped'-Set during Eclipse: (RE-VAMPED VERSION): With no time to adjust to the idea, Leandra quickly begins to realize that all it means to be human isn't easy to learn. RATED 'M' for obvious reasons! You have been warned!

1. Chapter 1

ImPORTANT NOTE!: A few things I have to put here. I would read it all, since there is information in here that *will* probably be stated several times throughout the story. And it's fun. I promise it won't hurt.

Okay. Let's start with the very obvious-

DISCLAIMER!

I don't own any part of the Twilight series, and I don't claim to. As fun as that would be, I really don't. I don't own any part of SM's work.

I only own the characters you probably know all about by now, and they're a pretty rowdy bunch. Seriously. It's a circus in my head. Unfortunately, not all of them get along with each other, and they do get away from me now and then, but they're pretty harmless. Kinda. I'd watch out for the taller, dark haired one, though. He's a little shifty. (Dear God, that sounded so crazy..)

Now, onto the-

WARNING!

This story is rated 'M' for a very, very good reason! As with all of my stories, This one isn't pretty. In this story, just like all the others, is where you'll find far more bad days than good days. More rain than sun. More- You get it. Please heed my heads up if you're sensitive. Definitely not for the faint of heart, or squeamish. I don't like getting whined at.

I will put an "ImPORTANT NOTE" at the top of every particularly iffy chapter, but I do try to follow the guidelines of the site closely. No overly graphic descriptions of violence, yada-yada. Stuff like that, but I do mildly hint with just a dash of description. It's a very careful recipe, with a line that could be very easy to cross. Believe me. It could be worse. It'd be like a really jarring punch to the face every chapter if it could be. No joke.

However. It's not my intention to give anybody nightmares. That'd be against the rules.

That being said, I welcome you all to my little corner of insanity. Don't touch my crayons, and the hand-puppets will bite you. Cookies will be given between each chapter to those who review, but only if you have a very good imagination.

Okay. I'll shut up now.

Onward!

Chapter One

I had to be across the room, making it really difficult to see whatever Zack was trying to show me of his stupid pet turtle. If I ventured anywhere near it, it folded back up into its shell and wouldn't come out for fifteen minutes, sometimes longer. Even if I moved away. We'd learned that the hard way twice already today. I felt bad for scaring it without even meaning to, so I kept my distance now.

This being the first visit to their house since being back in town, I hadn't seen Mr. Jerk, Zack's pet turtle, since Christmas.

"That thing hates me." I sighed from where I sat on the side of his bed. Zack looked back at me from across the room, where Jerk's cage was set up against the wall by the bedroom door.

"Jerk doesn't hate you." Zack replied, lifting the turtle, "He's afraid of you. There's a difference."

The turtle had grown quite a bit since the last time I saw it, but Zack said it would probably double that size before it was finished growing. As it was, it was only about six months old when I first saw it. Just a little baby turtle. Now, it was about the size of a baseball. Maybe a little bigger. Apparently, those things could live for seventy or eighty years. That just freaked me out to think about.

I had to admit, though. I was curious, and I had a lot of questions.

"How do you know Jerk is a boy turtle?" I asked, and he laughed, "It could be a Jerkette." He turned it to point its butt at me.

"See how long his tail is?" He asked, and I nodded, "That means he's a he and not a she. The females have shorter and smaller tails, and brown eyes. He's got orange eyes." He'd sure done his research, "And under here.." He flipped the turtle over, much to its displeasure, given the flailing limbs, "See how it sort of like.. Dips right here?" He pointed to the lower part of the bottom of his shell, and I nodded a little, "Females are flatter."

"Oh." I muttered, "Why are the females flat and not the males?"

"Something to do with mating." He shrugged, "Him being creased like that makes it easier to um.. Stay on." I crinkled my nose. Cringing, "Just how they're designed. I guess they wouldn't want to make a lot of baby turtles if they kept sliding off."

"That doesn't sound very fun."

"Exactly." Zack laughed a little, righting the turtle again, "I wanted to make sure I got a boy turtle. So I did a little bit of reading on it, and I knew he was a boy when I got him from the pet store online. Poor Jerk probably isn't ever gonna have a girlfriend, though. Mom says she doesn't want a bunch of baby turtles running around."

"Why not?"

"Something about child support." He shrugged again, "I don't really get it." I shrugged as well, sighing. I had a few more questions, though.

"What happens when they flip over?"

"Onto their back?" He asked and I nodded, "Well, if they're healthy, they just turn themselves over."

"How?"

"Mostly, they use their head to sort of push themselves over." He replied, "If Jerk would let you near him, I'd show you, but that might just give him a heart attack. If they all really got stuck like that, there would be a lot less turtles in the world."

"So why are they called box turtles?" I asked, "Because they can live in a box?"

"No." He replied, "Because when they go into their shell, it closes up for better protection, boxing them in."

"Oh."

"You've seen that part." He laughed, and I nodded a little.

He placed Jerk back into his freshly cleaned cage, tossed in a few tomato and berry chunks he'd brought in earlier from the kitchen, and put the lid in place.

"I'll give him his mixed food later." He said, "That's just a snack."

"Isn't that all they eat?" I asked.

"No." He laughed, replacing and turning on the heat lamp, "Not even close. Sometimes I give him worms, crickets, live things like that. Bits of fish, which he really likes. Fruits, different veggies. Most of the time, it's a little mix of everything, which he loves."

"Wow." I muttered, "I would have just thrown in some lettuce and be done with it."

"It's a little harder than that if you want to keep them healthy." He replied as he turned for the door, "If you ever get one, I'll help you."

That was the sign that I could move. Standing up, I scooted from the room before Jerk could see me, and headed for the stairs while Zack stopped in the bathroom to wash his hands. I stood there at the top of the stairs for a moment, just to take a breath. I was having such a hard day.

It was visiting day, as Esme thought it would be best to let Heather know about the situation with Jack in person, in hopes being around the boys would help cheer me up. Heather, being the somehow sane sister of the psychopath in question, I would have thought that she really wouldn't want to know about what was going on, but apparently, she requested specifically to be informed about every new development.

I had to take Zack upstairs while they talked for a little bit, so Heather suggested that he clean Jerk's cage while we were up here. He hadn't done it yet today. Josh had taken over his dad's office for the day, as he was in trouble for falling behind in homework.

Alyssa had been warned first about the danger that could possibly be headed her way. All the way across the country in New York, which felt like we'd just gotten back home from. Just in case, and just so she could be on her toes. She accepted the warning, knowing full well that I wouldn't have even bothered telling her if I didn't mean it. She promised to keep an eye on everyone there, and I had to admit. She sounded like she was doing better. Not by much, but better than she was before, given Mikah's continued absence. Rose hadn't found anything out of place yet, and she checked often.

My dad was warned close second, and he lived just one state over in Idaho. The threat to him was probably a lot greater, considering that he was my biological father. The one that Jack, the psychopathic stepfather of mine in question, had tried so hard to erase from my life completely while I was growing up. He had a family he needed to take care of. Alice and Jasper both took turns with watching him. Neither one finding anything out of place yet either.

Given everything going on, Esme had been given specific permission by the state to teach me from home. I didn't need to attend public school, but my case had to be kept secret. From anyone except the one Carlisle kept in direct contact with. As a precaution, nobody else was allowed to access any information on me. My records were sealed. They didn't want to take any risks of that happening again.

It'd been a week since Jack had called. A week to the day, and I was definitely feeling the lack of sleep. I was sleeping even less than I slept in New York, but I found that when I did manage to sleep, the dreams I couldn't remember weren't a problem anymore. The last time I had one of those was the night before that woman tried to take me, and I knew exactly why that was. Thanks to Edward, the outcome I feared so deeply had been avoided. For right then, at least.

Unfortunately, I remembered every dream I had these days. If I ever let myself sleep enough to dream, which really wasn't often. It was a habit by now to wake up. Anything could wake me up, even with how tired I was, and anything included the feeling of falling asleep.

'Ms. Parker' and the man with her, both of the people who'd tried to steal me a week before, had been caught that same night. The police picked them up outside Tacoma during a traffic stop for speeding. With Carlisle not wasting any time, the cop that stopped them knew they were being looked for. Both would probably be charged heavily, and sent to prison for a number of years. I had no sympathy for them. I hoped they rotted away in there.

This was the first time in a week I was away from the house. I hadn't felt the need to go anywhere and risk anything.

I would have preferred to stay home today, but Esme insisted I come along, and I couldn't exactly argue with her the way I would with Alice. Somehow, it was just different. It felt wrong somehow to give Esme as hard of a time as I would give Alice. I didn't quite understand it, but I didn't exactly question it, either. It was just different.

So far, nothing involving Jack had happened that I knew of, but I knew that it was possible because of me, and the guilt was eating me alive. I doubted, though, anyone would tell me if anything did ever happen, because of that guilt I knew they knew I felt. I was a wreck as it was. I wasn't dealing well with this.

I yelped, the sound travelling down the stairs as I jumped about a foot in the air.

"Don't fucking do that!" I gasped, "What is wrong with you?"

Zack had made it a habit today of sneaking up behind me and scaring me every chance he got, just to see me react. This was the third time he'd done it, and it was getting really old, really fast. Oddly, he found the squeaking yelp I made funny.

He laughed, and darted away. Halfway down the stairs before I even thought to smack him yet. Josh passed me, chasing him the rest of the way down the stairs like an avalanche of skidding feet. Startling me further, as I hadn't even seen Josh leave the room up the hall.

A tell-tale thud in the hall downstairs between the living room and kitchen told me Josh had caught him. I stood there for a moment, just trying to slow my suddenly racing heart.

Leave it to Zack and Josh, Heather's two sons, to be the one little break from the seriousness of the situation I needed. It didn't work so well this time, but the effort was there.

"Mom!" Zack grunted, confirming my suspicion, "Josh is sitting on me again!"

"No I'm not." Josh called also, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Boys." Heather called from the kitchen, "Settle down, would you?"

"Yeah, Zack." I muttered, descending the stairs myself, "Settle down."

I passed them piled against the wall in the hallway. Josh was, in fact, sitting on the middle of Zack's back, effectively keeping him pinned. Pausing, I frowned a little as I studied them. That had to be uncomfortable for Zack, and I found I didn't envy him in the slightest.

"And aren't you supposed to be doing your homework, Josh?" Heather asked.

"I am." Josh replied, "I'm not really talking to you right now. You just think I am."

"Cute." Heather wasn't impressed.

"Ow!" And Zack wasn't pleased, "Get off me, you hippo! Leandra, help!" I hesitated. Was there an easy way to free Zack from Josh's butt weight? There was, but instead, I sighed.

"I would," I replied, "But you like to scare me. Why would I help you?"

"Because you like me so much?"

"Wrong answer." I muttered as I went on my way, ignoring the thumps, shouts and struggling behind me. I found Esme's side again where she sat in the kitchen with Heather, as that was where I was most comfortable lately. Even the boys couldn't distract me.

Heather studied me for a moment, her expression sad as she found mine to be less than cheerful. It was rare to even see me genuinely smile anymore, and I had a feeling that had more to do with the lack of sleep than much of anything else. I was worn down, but I was only doing it to myself.

It wasn't that I couldn't sleep that was the problem. The problem was that I wouldn't sleep. I was so stuck in the middle of hating myself for sleeping, even though I knew perfectly well that I needed to, that even my subconscious cooperated with me. My head wouldn't slow down, the tension wouldn't ease even a little. Nowhere near enough to let me sleep.

"Leandra, honey." Heather sighed, "Please cheer up. I hate seeing you so down."

"I can't." I replied quietly. I didn't exactly feel down, or depressed, but more like a numbness. A hesitation about feeling much of anything. A little like what Jasper could do, but I was doing it on my own.

"For what it's worth," She murmured, "I can't blame you a bit. I know what you're going through."

"You do?" I asked, curious.

"I do." She nodded.

"Jack was like this to you?" I asked, and for a moment, she seemed torn. Like she didn't really want to say anything, but I understood that part.

She wanted to make me feel a little better, though, so with a glance toward the hallway's fighting sounds that told her Josh and Zack were still occupied, she spoke again with a nod.

"I left home when I was sixteen." She'd told me that part already. Taking a breath, she nodded again, "I had Josh when I was seventeen. Zack followed him when I was nineteen. Zack wasn't even a year old before Jack showed up at my doorstep. I had roughly about four full years of the same worry you're experiencing, knowing the whole time he'd find me, and my babies. I know what you're going through, believe me."

"So Jack has always been like this?" I asked, and she seemed to understand.

"Always." She admitted sadly, "He attaches to people, and refuses to let them go."

"No matter how far you go." I whimpered, looking down.

"I'm sorry." She told me, and I glanced up briefly, "This isn't easy for anyone, much less just a baby." Her tone told me she was just as upset as she said she was, "I know it's hard, but please try not to give up. Just hold on. That's all you can do." I nodded again. I knew that all too well. She spoke again, "It'll get sorted. I know it will. I'm just sorry I can't do more."

The conversation paused as the boys came running into the room. Josh chasing Zack around the table. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary for them.

"Come on, guys." Heather told them, "Take it outside." Neither one acknowledged that, but seconds later, Zack darted back around the table and hauled it from the room. Josh following.

Heather spoke to me again, "Esme tells me you haven't had much of an appetite." Actually really grateful for the slight change of subject, I shook my head. That was true. It was harder to eat than it was for me to sleep, which was saying something, and being told there was very few reasons to hope didn't help that. Apparently, he'd always been this way.

"Every time I try," I said, "I feel more like throwing up." Which was also saying something. I loved Esme's cooking. I just really couldn't stomach eating very much lately. Literally.

"That's just the nerves, sweetheart." Heather replied. She looked to Esme, "Have you tried anything.. Medication wise?"

"We'd really like to avoid that route." Esme admitted, "It seems like too much."

"I don't want that anyway." I muttered, "I don't like taking stuff just to fix me."

"For one, you're not broken, so there's no need to fix anything." Heather murmured, "You're feeling.. Understandably overwhelmed, and trust me. That's normal, but you can't go without at least taking care of yourself. It's easy to want to just give up like that, but you have to remember all the people who care about you. I got lucky. So lucky. I don't know where I'd be without Mike, to be honest." I couldn't help smiling a little at the way she spoke about him.

"How'd you meet him?" I asked, "Mike?"

She smiled a little as well, more than willing to talk about the lighter subject.

"I was working in a small restaurant in downtown Seattle." She explained, "Mike came in for lunch one afternoon with some of the guys he worked with. I was sixteen, he was a brand new eighteen, and new to the city. He'd just left home himself, and as you can imagine, loving it." I smiled a little at the picture she described, "And I guess I took a liking to him. I just didn't let him know it at first."

I smiled slightly again, "Why not?"

"I think I was more worried about where I was in life at that point." She explained, "I wasn't exactly looking for someone like him. I was more concerned with where I was going to get the next half of the rent." I nodded a little, "He didn't make it easy to ignore him, though. He'd found his favorite new restaurant, and as much as I tried, I couldn't help being hopeful he came in every day."

I looked down again. That reminded me a lot of Mikah, and how I'd pretty much stalked him there for awhile. Visiting the store he'd worked at just to see him. I missed Mikah, even with how much was going on.

"He was so.." She sighed, "He was the change I left home to find. Everybody else I knew in Seattle, they were just people. He was different. I wasn't even trying to find him, yet there he was. He didn't even know it, but he was just waiting for me to see that myself."

Now that really reminded me of Mikah. She'd just summed up the way I felt about him so effortlessly, when I wouldn't have even known where to begin.

"The rest is history." She added, "The point is, don't give up. You never know when things will turn around, and move in your favor." It definitely did for her.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked quietly, and she smiled a little again.

"Sure." She replied, "Go for it."

"How come you never told Mike about Jack?"

"Leandra." Esme murmured, "Maybe that's not such a good thing to ask right now."

"No," Heather spoke, "It's okay. I can understand why she's curious." She took a breath, obviously sorting her thoughts, "That's a bit hard to explain. I grew up without much trust for anyone, Leandra. Even now, there are things I can't, and will not talk about." I looked down. That sounded familiar. She went on.

"Back when I met Mike, I was in a very bad place." She explained, "I was just trying to make it on my own. All I was trying to do was get by. Maybe to prove to myself I could? I'm not really sure what I was thinking back then.

"To admit absolutely anything about where I came from to him was impossible, and I guess by the time I felt like I could, I felt like it was too late and Jack was already back in my life. Mike, being the nice guy he is, suggested we move closer. So the boys could see him more often. How could I properly explain why I wasn't so eager to do that, without having to explain to him why I never told him sooner? There are some things the most understanding people can't possibly understand."

"I know what you mean." I mumbled, and she smiled a little, "But I still think he should know."

"He knows I don't get along with my brother." She nodded, "But I know the boys care so much about him, and he's always been so great with them. I couldn't do that. Not to mention the fact that Mike would hunt him down himself the second he knew exactly what happened there. I didn't want to be visiting my husband in prison for the rest of his life."

"True." I winced, "But what about you?"

"I appreciate your concern, sweetheart." She smiled a little, "But you don't need to be worrying about me."

It didn't seem right that she be the one to suffer, just to keep everyone else happy. Seeing my continued concern, she smiled again.

"I'm the luckiest person in the world." She assured me, "I've got.. A job I love, an amazing husband. Two wonderful boys I wouldn't trade for anything. Between you and me, I find it's a whole lot easier to focus on the good things, instead of worrying about how things can go wrong."

"How?" I asked.

"Learning how to change the way you think takes time." She patted my hands on the table, "But you can do it. Growing up, well.. It changes the way you see things. I know you probably hear that all the time, but it's true. Someday, you'll understand. You'll see one day." I sighed, but nodded. I wanted to understand everything now, but that someday obviously wasn't today.

"You wouldn't believe how much you're loved, Leandra." Heather told me. I smiled a little, but it faded quickly as I looked down.

"I know." I replied.

"Then believe it." She urged me, "And you'll be just fine, baby."

I turned sharply at the sound of something breaking in the hallway. The sound of glass breaking had Heather on her feet instantly, first concern then deep irritation crossing her features.

"I didn't do it." I mumbled, perhaps in instinct. She knew perfectly well I couldn't have done it, since I'd been standing there the entire time.

"Josh did it!" Zack's statement sounded suspicious, especially as pounding footsteps ascended the stairs.

"No I didn't, you big fat liar!" Josh wasn't pleased, following steps behind Zack up the stairs.

"He's gonna hit me!" Zack called loudly from up the stairs, followed quickly by a door-slamming thud. The shouts of arguing through the door drifted down the stairs. Heather's eyes closed, as if in despair.

"Please. Excuse me." Heather finally sighed.

"Of course." Esme replied, and Heather left the room. I sighed as well, shaking my head.

"I'm glad I don't have a brother or sister that I have to fight with." I muttered, but that only reminded me. I did have a sister. She was in just as much danger as my dad was. With a single, quiet sob of nervousness, I leaned forward, thumping my head on the table. If Jack or Ken ever got a hold of Lily, I hated to think about what would happen to my five-year-old half sister.

That one thought just made everything a lot harder.

"Honey, please.." Esme spoke up, and I looked to her. She knew. She always knew when I was about to cry. Honestly, I didn't know what I'd do without her hugs. Even if all they did was make it worse at first. I was having such a hard time, and she knew.

"Are you ready to go home?" She asked me, and with a deep sniffle, I nodded. Being here wasn't helping like it always used to. She nodded, "Okay. Come on."

I stepped back, letting her stand up. It was better that we went, anyway. The boys were both in trouble, and I sure didn't want to be around for that punishment. Heather held off on that, giving me comforting parting words and hug, but I didn't envy the boys as we left.

Alice was there the second we got back.

"Anything?" She wanted to know if being there had helped me. Esme only shook her head as I continued on into the living room. I found my usual seat in the chair, and sat down with a deep sigh.

They were so hopeful something would bring me out of this rut, but there really wasn't much anyone could do. As much as I wanted to believe Heather, I didn't, and before that? Not a chance.

Hearing Jack's voice for the first time in a year last week really did something to my dreams. I wouldn't tell anyone that, but they already knew I was having trouble even finding the want to sleep lately. Forcing myself to stay awake as long as possible. Even longer than before, and apparently, that was a problem.

My lack of sleep was making every day issues really hard to deal with. I'd noticed it a little bit before, but since I was on day four with maybe a half hour nap here or there and this was the longest I'd ever been awake straight, I was noticing it even more.

Can't find my matching sock? Time to cry. Can't find the TV remote? It's fucking gone forever. Can't figure out that math problem? Tear the whole page up. Can't figure out what word I was trying to read? Throw the book across the room. Accidentally stub my toe, or trip over something? Fuck everything, and I was done for the day.

As forced calm and numb as I made myself, I had a very short fuse, and short of knocking me out, there wasn't anything anyone could do. I was, as Emmett so accurately put it, pretty damn cranky. Getting even less sleep than I was used to, I had to agree with him. It was becoming pretty painfully obvious, even more than ever before, why humans needed sleep, but it wasn't happening anytime soon, and their concern was only growing. They watched, and they could see what this was doing to me. I knew that. I wasn't stupid.

"Leandra?" Alice's voice startled me, "I think-"

"If I could sleep, I would." I mumbled, lounging lower in the chair, "That's what you were going to say, right?" I really wasn't up to having this argument again.

"You can't keep this up." She sat on the armrest beside me, "It's dangerous to risk your health like this." I'd heard that a million times already, and I had about all I could take of it. She was poking me when I really didn't want to be poked.

"I'm not doing it on purpose." I lightly snapped, "Don't you think I'd sleep the rest of my life if I could?" That bothered her, "I would. I'd just sleep, and hope I never woke up."

"Then why won't you let Esme help you?" She asked. Meaning, what Esme used to do for me all the time in New York. It usually took a lot for her to insist I sit with her and let her hold me to sleep, but I refused. Both times she was concerned enough to offer, I turned that offer down, because I knew it would work.

"Because." I muttered as if that was an answer, looking down.

"Remember how well that worked in New York-"

"I remember." I lightly snapped again, "I'm not that stupid."

"Leandra, I'm just trying-"

"I can't be helped." I'd heard it all before. Forcefully, I stood up, "God, I thought you were supposed to be smart." I hated getting like this, but the more she poked, the less control I had over it.

"Hold it." She called, but I ignored her. She followed me anyway, "Leandra, you need sleep." She rounded, blocking my path.

"There's a lot of things I need." I grumbled. I had to stop walking to avoid running straight into her, "Like right now. I need to not be bugged about this."

"Any sleep at all will only help you."

"You wouldn't say that if you were in my head, so back the fuck off!" She glared, crossing her arms. With a quiet sob, I turned away. I shook my head, unable to even look at her, "Please stop with this. I'm suffering enough."

"I know." She replied, "I know you're suffering, and I'm trying to help you."

"Just leave me alone." I muttered, "That's all you have to do. Is that so hard?"

"Yes." She answered, "Come on." She attempted to take a gentle hold of my wrist, but I yanked it free. I didn't like that from her any more than I liked it from that bitch in the yard. Mainly because I knew what Alice was intending to do.

I moved for the door, the only exit to the porch in the room, but she countered, "Uh-uh. Wrong way."

"So now I'm stuck in here?"

"Yes." She replied simply, "Until you at least try to sleep, you're stuck in here."

"It's not happening." I growled, sitting back down in the chair I'd just vacated.

"Leandra, it's either let Esme help you, or let Carlisle give you something." She stood in front of me, "I'm done watching you do this to yourself."

"I'm done letting you boss me around."

"You're not allowed to be done."

"The fuck I'm not."

"And the language." She muttered.

"What?"

"Stop it."

"Why?" I stood up, stepping around her, heading for the kitchen, "It's not like it's killing anyone."

"You're ten years old." She glared.

"I am?" I asked, my tone exploding with sarcasm, "Wow. I really didn't fucking know that. Thanks."

She sighed, "I don't want to fight with you."

"Then leave me alone."

"I'm going to talk to Carlisle about giving you something." She told me.

"Doesn't mean I'll take it." I grumbled.

"Leandra." Esme sighed the second she saw me, "You really shouldn't be fighting with her."

"She started it." I grumbled, heading around the counter for a water glass.

"She's right." Esme countered, "Please just consider it."

"Not you too." I whined, filling the glass with water. I really didn't want to fight with her too.

"Are you hungry?" She asked me instead. I sighed. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. She asked me that instead of cooking a lot these days, otherwise most of what she made, short of a bite or two, went to waste.

"Not really."

"A few bites." She requested quietly, so I sighed again, rounded the counter and sat down in one of the seats there. Showing my cooperation. Taking the hint, she immediately got started heating something up from the night before for me.

I looked over as Carlisle walked in, just getting home from work. He'd been working as few hours as he could get away with lately. Probably needing to focus all he could on me and what to do about me.

"Alice is going to rat on me." I informed him before the garage door had even closed behind him.

"They were arguing again." Esme explained gently.

"She wants you to drug me." I sipped from the glass of water again, "To force some stupid pill down my throat to make me easier for her to handle."

"It's not like that, and you know it." Alice stepped into the kitchen, "Carlisle, you need to do something. She's getting worse."

"Alice." Esme corrected her, putting a stop to that right there. Probably to keep me from stop giving what little cooperation I'd chosen to give so far.

"Yeah, Alice." I grumbled, and she huffed, turning. I shook my head. I knew she was pissed off at me, but I was pretty pissed off at her, too. A small bowl was placed in front of me, and I looked at it for a moment or two. I had agreed to a few bites, and I couldn't exactly go back on that now.

Sighing, Carlisle followed Alice, which made me feel a little better about eating. I wasn't being watched as closely. I managed about five good bites, and three half ones before I couldn't have any more. That was more than I'd agreed on anyway, so other than a light request to try a little more, Esme didn't push it.

I left the kitchen, rubbing my tumbling stomach. Carlisle standing from where he and Alice sat, probably talking about me, was my cue to leave.

"Leandra?" Carlisle called toward my retreating back.

"I'm not taking anything." I replied firmly, ducking into my room and shutting the door firmly behind me.

I knew from experience that all I was doing by acting this way was hurting myself. Jasper had shown me that back in New York, which was why I just wanted to hide away from it, but then again, what would it matter? There was no way I could possibly be hurting any more than I already was.

To keep myself awake, I made sure to sit on the floor. Upright, against the side of my bed. I wasn't taking any risks.

"Leandra." Alice was outside my bedroom door. I ignored her, so she spoke again, "I know what you're doing, and it's not going to work."

"Then what am I doing?" I grumbled, and the door came open. I was curious to know what she thought I was doing. There was no possible way she knew.

"You're trying to push us away." She replied, crossing her arms, "Hoping we'll somehow get tired of it, and kick you out."

"Wrong." I sighed, "But not a bad idea. I'll get started on that."

"Then why?" She asked, her tone a whole lot gentler as she took a few steps forward, "Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you suddenly so distant? So stubborn, and so mean when all we're trying to do is help you? It's never been like this before."

I looked down, studying my hands clasped together. I wouldn't answer that. I never did every other time they'd asked about it, so why would I answer it now?

"Alice?" Carlisle was in the doorway as well. Taking the hint, she sighed and turned. Leaving the room.

I kept my silence, though. Over the course of the next half hour or so, he talked to me, but I didn't talk back. I didn't want that stupid little pill in his hand. I did take it from him, but only chose to throw it across the room as hard as I could. That should have told him my choice. He caught it before it could even bounce off the wall, and returned to my bedside with a sigh.

"Talk to me." He requested.

"There's nothing to talk about." I mumbled.

"Leandra." He wasn't willing to let it go.

"I just don't see what the big deal is." I said, "Why can't I just stay awake if I want to?"

"Staying awake for extended periods of time like this is very bad for your health." He replied, "Humans need sleep. It's just how it goes. Keeping yourself going like this can lead to numerous health problems. At very least. Humans use sleep to replenish themselves. It's sort of a reset for them, which they need to stay healthy."

"I don't care."

"You should." He pointed out.

"But I don't." I countered, "I can't sleep anyway."

"You've hardly tried-"

"Yes I did." I snapped lightly. He held up the pill once more, and I took it from him, just to move to throw it again, but his hand caught mine.

"Please." He murmured, "Just this once." I shook my head. I wasn't willing to budge this time. Instead of throwing it, though, I reached over and dropped it on the table beside the bed. Giving the offending pill a parting glare before looking to him again.

Remembering the last time I took that damn thing, my dreams weren't quite as bad as they were now. What would taking that do now? Sighing, I looked up at him.

"I know." He told me, "I understand you're afraid, and I can't blame you, but there are certain risks to your health that need to be considered now the longer you go without allowing yourself the sleep you require."

Again with that. I sighed, "I slept yesterday."

"Half an hour hardly counts." He replied, "And you weren't sleeping the way you should. You were half asleep, at best. The moment you actually did start to sleep the way you should, you woke yourself up."

"That's not my fault."

"Just try, Leandra." He requested softly, "Please."

"I did try it." I muttered, "I tried that damn thing in New York. I'm not taking it again."

"Then at least tell me why."

"I shouldn't need a reason."

"Leandra, how am I going to help you if-"

"I don't need help."

"You may not need help," He said, "But you do need sleep."

"I don't need that either." I grumbled, forcing myself to my feet, "I don't need anything. I'm just fine how I am."

"Your behavior is telling me otherwise."

"Then check again." I replied, turning for the door. He caught up to me easily, standing in my way briefly before kneeling down in front of me.

"Listen, Leandra." He told me, catching my wrist lightly as I moved to turn away, "You can't do this to yourself. I know what you're doing."

"No you don't."

"I do." He replied, "I know. I understand completely, and if you'd just-"

"I'm fine." I was getting mad again, "Why won't anyone believe me? What do I have to do to prove that?"

"Start sleeping again, for one." He answered, and I looked away, "Maybe eat a little bit? You're so bitter. Distant all the time, and I don't know what to do to help you, because you refuse to talk about it." I tried to turn away again, but he held fast to my wrist, "Leandra, listen. Please listen. I know what you're going through, but you don't have to go through it alone. We heard it too. We understand-"

"You have no idea." I snapped again, but kept my tone quiet, "You don't know what that's like, Carlisle. He's all I remember. He's the one that raised me. He was the only parent I had. I grew up with him talking to me like that, even worse than that, and I know you think you know what that can do to someone, but I do know. I was there. I don't need your help. I don't need anyone else's help. I need to be left alone!"

"I understand that." He said again, "But something you're not understanding is that he's not the one in your life anymore."

"Yes he is." I insisted.

"In what way?" I sobbed now in my irritation. Fighting back tears as hard as I could. I yanked my wrist from his hand, moving for the door again.

"Leandra-"

"Just because he's not right here doesn't mean I don't see him all the fucking time." I was losing that calm, "What part of that is so hard for you to get? It's not over! It's never been over!"

Out in the hall, Alice stood there with a very unhappy look on her face.

"Now what?" I snapped sharply, "You want to start in on me again too?"

"Alice." Carlisle sighed, and once again, I knew he was saying more than just her name, "I think it'd be a good idea. We can't risk it anymore."

That confused me. Obviously an earlier discussion they'd had, she didn't reply to him. She didn't even look at him. Keeping her eyes on me. Seconds of watching me later, she shook her head and walked away. Which relieved me. I was already feeling pretty damn defensive, and I didn't want to fight with her anymore.

I continued on my way. I didn't know exactly where I was going. There weren't many places for me to go, so I settled for pacing by the couch.

Watching me from where he sat on the couch, Emmett stayed quiet. The way I felt, had Emmett said something, I would have hit him.

I had never felt exactly like this before. Not that I remembered. The outbursts in New York were different. This felt different. In New York, I felt angry. This felt more like desperation. Frustration, but not anger. Fear drove me, kept me going.

Oddly enough, I felt cornered. All the time. Even here, I felt like my back was against the wall, and there was no way out. I knew exactly why I felt this way, but I didn't understand why I felt the way I felt here of all places. I trusted everyone here with my life. That hadn't changed.

I'd felt this way for a solid week now, and it was getting harder to deal with. It wasn't the fear I felt before, when I knew that woman was coming for me, but this was all my own. It was just not the same.

A squeezing pressure, a choking anticipation. The same anticipation I felt in the dark, but it had spilled over into my daytime life. I was so scared, all the time, and nobody short of Jasper could fix that. He couldn't even fix it. He could only cover it.

To them, it'd be difficult to tell the difference between acting out this way and the way I'd acted out in New York, but I could feel it easily, and it was driving me up the wall. Getting bugged about it only made that worse, because I didn't know if I even wanted to explain it, much less if I could.

Carlisle watched me as well, but he didn't speak this time. Probably letting me calm down before trying again, but he wasn't willing to leave me alone completely.

It took me a few minutes, but surprisingly, I did start to calm down. I could suddenly breathe again, pausing in my pacing. My stomach ached and tumbled, and I sighed, sitting down in the nearest chair. Gripping my hair in my hands, the tugging helped with the tension. The constant tension that refused to fade.

I hated what I was allowing to happen to me. As easy as it was for everyone else, I just couldn't pretend everything was fine. I couldn't handle the squeezing pressure or the choking anticipation and I was losing it. It was ripping me apart like I knew Jack would the second he had me again.

I let my hands fall from my hair at that thought. My hair was like a handle for him, something of mine he gripped tightly and painfully every chance he got. I didn't like the reminder.

I looked over as Alice descended the stairs again. Standing back up, I tensed in preparation for the fight undoubtedly coming. I didn't want any more pressure from them, but I didn't have anywhere to run to get away from it. The pressure today was a lot heavier than it had been yet, and I was cornered.

"Relax." She told me, and though I narrowed my eyes a little, I sat back down. Laying back in the chair, slouching a little. I rested my eyes closed. I was too worn out to keep that up for very long, so it wasn't a surprise how quickly I had to take her advice. How quickly I could suddenly breathe again.

Behind me, the door opened and my eyes opened with the sound.

"Thank you, Jazz." Alice's statement had me look back. Sure enough, Jasper was home. Stepping inside with his eyes on me.

"That's not fair." I muttered, "And you know it."

"What isn't fair is the way you're making yourself feel." He countered quietly.

"Yeah." I replied bitterly, "Because I can control it." The sarcasm was heavy, "I don't care what emotions you take. I won't go to sleep."

"I don't just take them, Leandra." He stepped around the chair to stand with Carlisle, "I manipulate them. Meaning, I can change what you feel. That means either dulling them completely, or switching them for different emotions. Right now, your fear is making you hesitant. I can change that. You'll be a whole lot more cooperative."

"Cooperating isn't an emotion." I frowned.

"Bet me." He countered. I hesitated.

"I don't want to." I wasn't willing to bet against him when it came to emotions. He knew what he was talking about better than anyone when it came to that subject.

He sighed, "Cooperation is all about how you feel about something."

"You wouldn't do that." I muttered, looking down at my hands resting on my stomach, "I didn't ask for your help, so you wouldn't do that. You wouldn't make me feel something when I don't want to."

"No, but you certainly need it." He replied.

"I'm fine."

"It takes a lot to upset Alice." He explained firmly, "A whole lot."

Without the more intense emotions, I could feel bad again. Nowhere near how I felt the last time Jasper had to stomp on my temper, but I did feel bad. I hadn't wanted to upset her. I glanced over at her. Her arms crossed, she watched me right back.

"She started it." I grumbled, my eyes down again, "I just wanted to be left alone."

"When your behavior starts threatening your health, that's when we get concerned." He told me, "And right now, we're all very concerned."

"It's not that big of a deal." I sighed.

"It is that big of a deal." He argued.

"How can not sleeping even affect me that bad?" I asked, "Yeah, I'm tired. Sure, I'm a little snappy, but you'll get over it."

"It can affect a lot of things, Leandra." Carlisle spoke up, "A lot more things than you just being a little tired."

"God," I groaned, laying my head back, "I don't care."

"Stop that." Alice barked from where she stepped around the chair as well.

"You stop it." I stood up. Was this round two?

"Leandra, what is going on with you?" She demanded.

"Three goddamn guesses!"

"Whoa." Jasper stepped forward, his frown deeply disapproving. He must have felt that quick increase in anger. Either that, or he hated that word.

"Both of you, stop it." Esme stepped into the room, "That's enough." I looked down as Jasper move to stand between Alice and I.

"Leandra, I told you back in New York that I wouldn't do what I did again, but I have to say that I'm tempted." I knew what he meant. He meant taking every other emotion aside from my emotional pain, which only increased that pain. The first and last time he'd done that, it hurt me so bad, he swore never to do that again. He didn't like causing me that much pain, or punishing me that way.

"Do it then." I snapped, looking up at him, "I don't care." I turned, heading for the porch. I couldn't help feeling, as I made it outside onto the porch without a change, that I'd just called his bluff.

I took a deep breath outside, closing my eyes for a moment as I leaned tiredly against the railing. The rainy weather woke me up a little more, but there was a limit to that.

"Why are you torturing yourself like this?" Emmett had followed me.

"Might as well get used to it." I mumbled, and he sighed.

"You know we'd never let anything happen to you."

"That you can help." I corrected, "Sometimes bad shit happens, and there's no way to avoid it. You heard what he said."

"I heard his threats." He agreed, "But that doesn't mean he's going to win. No way in hell."

"This is stupid." I sighed, "Why are you doing this? You know what he can do. I'm not worth all that. All that crap Alice said on Christmas, she was wrong. I'm barely worth the air it takes to keep me alive. Just hand me over and be done with it."

"Don't tell me that again." He told me firmly, "You're the one who's wrong, shorty."

"You don't deserve whatever he's going to do." I shook my head, "It's not fair to you if I stay. I care about you too much."

"You're sure not acting like it." He pointed out, "What the hell was that in there?" I stayed quiet, looking forward again, "You would rather go back to that, than stay where it's safe, because whatever he might do might inconvenience us a little bit?"

"Yes." I sighed, "I've been saying that this whole time."

"Oh, shorty.." He sighed as well, shaking his head.

"What?"

"Is that the reason why you haven't been sleeping?"

"Not the whole reason." I shrugged a little.

"Then what is the rest of the reason?" I looked down at that question, "Come on, shorty. You can tell me."

"No I can't."

"And why is that?"

"I just can't." I muttered, "I don't know what the big deal is. It's not possible for me to stay awake forever. I'll pass out eventually."

"And that's what worries us." He replied, "You need to sleep, not pass out."

"Remember when I passed out for twelve hours?" I asked.

"That's your goal?" He countered, "Do you know how bad that scared us?"

"I'm not saying that's my goal." I replied, "I'm just saying it'll probably be like that."

"Well, whatever you're doing, you need to stop it." He was never firm with me. Not like this. I frowned. The last time he was like this was back in New York, when I was putting up a fight about school. He sighed heavily. His hand found my upper arm gently, and he turned me around to face him, "Did you know, that if you go long enough without sleep, you could develop a whole lot of serious health problems, that could eventually kill you? Yes, you could die. Yes, not sleeping could kill you."

"So what?" I grumbled, moving passed him, "I'm going to die soon anyway. Might as well make it my choice." He stared after me for a second or two, probably outraged, but I never looked at his expression.

"Just hold on there." He followed me back into the house. I had nowhere to go anymore to be alone, and that was just making everything worse.

I stepped passed Carlisle, headed back for my room. I ignored all the other shocked expressions on my way through the room.

"Leandra." Esme wasn't having that, though. That made me stop. I didn't want to fight with her too. She was the last one I hadn't fought with or snapped at yet.

"What?" I asked.

"Explain yourself." She told me firmly, and I sighed. Turning a little, I leaned back against the wall, looking down.

"There's nothing to explain." I replied.

"That's bull." Emmett was upset now, which was even harder to do than upsetting Alice.

"Just.." I whined, covering my face with my hands, "Please. Leave me alone. Just drop it."

"See," Emmett said, "I would have, but you said something that is really undroppable. Like hell I'm letting that drop."

"I didn't mean to say that." I shook my head, keeping my face covered, "That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" Jasper demanded.

"I don't know." I replied, "Just.." I didn't know how to explain it, "I'm sorry, okay?"

"No." Emmett shook his head as well, "Not okay." I didn't know what to say, or how to feel. Jasper's controlling my emotions was messing me all up, which really wasn't hard to do even without his help.

I yelped as I was suddenly hauled off my feet and thrown over Emmett's shoulder. The second that registered to me, though, I was already in my room and being lightly tossed onto my bed.

"Surprise slumber party." He said, watching as I fought off my bed. He just picked me up and lightly tossed me again. Right back onto my bed. About the third time that happened, I started getting pissed.

"Stop it!"

"I'm not going anywhere until you sleep." He countered. I stood up again, and ran toward the door this time. Of course it wasn't fast enough. I didn't even notice how close I was to crying until I was suddenly sobbing. Shoving against him and hitting at him, furious.

"Come on, shorty." He said, "You can hit harder than that, can't you?" I didn't like being made fun of, so that just pissed me off even more. He caught my blows easily, keeping me from hurting myself. He spoke over the sound of my cries, "See this? This is called a temper tantrum. This is what happens when you haven't slept enough in over a week."

"I don't care!"

"Yes you do." He replied easily, "You care."

"Move!"

"No." He laughed, "Did you really expect that to work? I guarantee Rose's temper is a lot worse than yours is right now. You're tired, and the only remedy for that is for you to sleep."

The only time he'd let me go was when I moved back, away from him and away from the door.

"We've suggested that you sleep," He spoke as I gave up and flopped back onto my bed, rubbing my eyes. Sobbing hopelessly, "We've asked you to sleep, we've pleaded with you to sleep. I'm sorry, but now I'm demanding it."

Crying was the opposite of helpful to my cause. Crying just made my eyes burn if I opened them, so I had to leave them closed, but the longer I left them closed, the more I desperately wanted to fall asleep.

Forcing myself to sit up, that told my brain that sleeping wasn't possible right then. Even if I couldn't open my eyes.

"Go to sleep, shorty." He told me, "It's the only option you have. Pretty soon you're going to start hallucinating, and I don't want to have to be the one to tell you those chipmunks aren't real, so I'm going to wait here until you get some sleep."

"You're going to be waiting a long time." I muttered, fighting back more tears.

"The good news is that I can also pretty much guarantee that you'll give in way before I do."

I fought off the bed again, "I have to pee."

"Go pee, then." He said, stepping back, "But that excuse won't work again, so make it good." I stepped passed him. Though I had intended to make a run for it, I actually did have to go, and rinsing my face off with cool water felt amazing, so I didn't regret it.

I tried to run the second I stepped out, but he wasn't the only one that found this to be a good idea. Carlisle caught me before I even made it to the couch, lifting me up as well. I expected that, so I just managed to hold my curse words back. Glaring at him instead.

"I'm sorry." He said, "But Emmett is right. Enough is enough. It's time for us to intervene." Stupidly, I started to cry again.

"Stop it." I snapped at Jasper through tears.

"I'm not doing anything." He replied simply, "That's all you." It sure felt like he was, but I knew he wouldn't lie about something like that. I could tell in his tone that he was being honest.

"I know you don't want to sleep." Carlisle spoke again, "But I also know you'll feel differently once you have." He carried me back toward my room himself, much to Emmett's amusement.

"She's not happy." Emmett chuckled, "That look."

"Emmett." Carlisle corrected quietly, setting me back onto my bed. I hated that, as I honestly wasn't too sure I could stay awake in here. I glared at the comforter, deeply unhappy with this pressure.

"I'll tell you what, shorty." Emmett said, "One hour. One hour of sleep, and you can get up, but you have to give it an honest try." Carlisle looked over at him.

"One hour?" I asked after a short pause, "And you'll stop bugging me about it?"

"I'll stop bugging until this becomes necessary again." He replied, "I'll stop bugging, Alice will stop bugging, and so will Carlisle. One hour of sleep, and we'll leave you alone about it."

That sounded reasonable. I was obviously getting a lot in return for just laying here for an hour. That offer was very tempting.

"What do you say?" He asked, "One hour of your time. After that, you can get up and continue terrorizing us. Run around, kicking puppies and drowning fish or whatever it is you little demons do." I deserved that title.

"I don't terrorize anyone," I grumbled, "And I don't kick puppies, but fine." I sighed heavily and laid down, curling up on my side. Just so he'd think I was getting comfortable. Completely ignoring the fact that I actually was.

"I can't try with you staring at me like that." I muttered, cuddling a pillow to me. Carlisle instantly got moving, heading for the door.

"Fine." Emmett said, "I'll be standing right outside the door. I better hear snoring in five minutes."

"I don't snore."

"You know what I mean." He said, "And I'll know if you get up."

"So what if I do?"

"Then the hour starts all over again." This was getting complicated.

"How's that fair?"

"One hour, shorty." He pointed at me, "Even if you don't sleep. Just.. Lay in here and think about.. Whatever it is you think about. Just humor me. Down time."

"Fine." I muttered, and he nodded. Turning, he crossed the room. Following Carlisle from the room, and shutting the door behind him. I looked to the clock on the bedside table. It was five-thirty-two in the evening. I could hold out and lay still until six-thirty, but an hour seemed like such a long time now.

Resting my eyes couldn't hurt..

By the time I opened my eyes again, though, nine hours had passed. It honestly hadn't felt like I'd fallen asleep, but I obviously had. It only felt to me like seconds had passed. The clock reading two-forty-five in the morning, when I'd only just closed my eyes to rest them seconds before. When had I fallen asleep?

"Leandra?" It was someone coming in that had woken me up. It was Alice, probably coming in to see if I was still alive. Probably just making sure I hadn't laid down and just died. Closing my eyes again, I barely remembered giving her a grunt in response. She spoke again, "You okay?"

"Go away please." I mumbled into my pillow, "I'm not done." She laughed a little.

"Do you want your nightlight on?"

"Don't need it." I mumbled again, which was true. Other than looking at the clock to see what time it was, I left my eyes closed. With my eyes closed, I didn't care either way. I was too tired to be afraid of the dark right then.

"Okay." She said, "Emmett is still right outside, so if you need anything-"

"'Kay." I grumbled, "Go away please." She laughed again, and I assumed she left, because I was able to fall right back to sleep. I should have been surprised she was in here at all, with how much crap I'd given her the last couple of days. Alice must not have been the type to hold grudges.

Opening my eyes next, it was seven-thirty in the morning.

"Dammit." I mumbled sleepily. I had no choice but to get up this time, as I really needed to use the bathroom. I forced myself to sit up fully and stand. To my surprise, Emmett was still standing outside my bedroom door.

"Whoa." I muttered, but more out of surprise of how long I'd slept.

"Feel better?" He asked.

"Shut up." I grumbled, turning and heading for the bathroom, "That's never working again." I closed the door firmly behind myself with a sigh.

"And by the way," He called from the hall, "You do snore. A little bit, but you snore."

"Go away." I barked toward the door. I hated that I'd given in like that, but I reasoned with myself. I wouldn't have given in if Emmett hadn't tricked me like that. That hadn't been my fault.

"What do you have against sleeping?" Emmett asked the second I left the bathroom, "You didn't dream."

"I would have if I hadn't been so dang tired." I replied, stepping around him, "You're lucky I don't hit you."

"You tried to yesterday, remember?"

"Shut up." I grumbled again. It was sort of surprising thinking back now about how I acted. I hadn't even realized at the time how different I'd been acting. Like I was recalling memories from a different person. That couldn't possibly have been me.

"Do you know how many times I got called a genius?" He asked, "I'm proud of that."

"Well.." I grumbled, sitting down in the chair, "Like I said. That's not happening again."

"In all fairness, I never said I'd wake you up after an hour had passed." He told me, "I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry. Actually, no. I'm not sorry that I'm not sorry, because I care about you, shorty. I wasn't just going to let you keep that up."

I sighed, "I know."

"What's bugging you so much?" Emmett asked.

"Three guesses." I mumbled. He stayed quiet, so I spoke again, "Emmett, what if Edward hadn't been here? Where would I be now? I can't stop thinking about that. I don't ever want to end up there, but.. What happens when I do?"

"You won't." He told me, "I won't let you."

"You keep saying that," I sat straighter, "But you would have. I don't blame you for not knowing, but you would have. You would have let her take me, and I'd probably never have seen you again. She would have taken me, and I'd never see any of you again. Do you know how hard it is on me to know that?"

"It's true." He murmured, "We didn't know. We thought it was because of all the rules we'd been breaking with you, and truthfully, they weren't very happy about that, but to send someone out here to take you really didn't make sense because they weren't that unhappy with us." He sighed, "But see, you held out."

"I know I did." I replied, "But think about it, Emmett. You heard him talk, but you really have no idea what kind of person he is. He promised he'd see me again, and he doesn't make promises without keeping them."

"Are you forgetting what we've told you repeatedly?" He asked, "I promised you'd never see him again, shorty, and I don't make that promise without keeping it. There are seven of us. Two humans. No contest."

"Two of them," I shook my head, "Two humans who know how to not get caught, and with enough money waved at them, anybody would help him. I'm not safe anywhere."

"You're safe anywhere we are." He argued, "Do you really think we'd let you out of our sight? Do you really think we'd just let someone take off with you? Anywhere you go, we'll go. It's not a problem, shorty." He sighed, "That's why you haven't been sleeping. You don't feel safe anymore."

I looked down. I didn't want them to know that.

"This is a problem." Emmett sighed again.

"I didn't want you to know that." I muttered, my tone shameful, "I thought if enough time passed, it would fix itself."

"But it hasn't." He observed, and I shook my head.

"Not yet." I admitted.

"What would help?" He asked.

"Go back in time?" I suggested, "Before that day. That's the only thing I can think of." I curled up lightly.

"You'll see, shorty." He assured me, "Nothing can get to you here."

"How is Alyssa?" I asked, and he smiled a little. Knowing I was changing the subject.

"She's good." He replied, "She and the others are just fine."

"Does she know Rose is there?"

"No." He replied, "Rose is just keeping an eye on them from a distance."

"What about that counselor?" I asked.

"Not a whole lot we can do about her without proof, shorty." He said, "It's a little difficult. Rose was tempted there for a minute to take her out, but Carlisle won't let her."

"Why is she being so nice to me suddenly?" I asked, "I thought she still hated me."

"She's never hated you." He replied, "She actually admires you."

"She does?"

"Yeah." He laughed as if that were obvious, "Do you have any idea the guts it takes to stand up to her the way you did that day? Pissed off or not, that was pretty amazing."

"I shouldn't have spoken to her like that." I muttered.

"And she knows you're sorry." He explained, "She just really didn't know how to react, and I guess she still doesn't, but she respects you for it. You're really not what she expected."

"Why won't she tell me that?"

"It's a little hard to get her to open up like that." He replied, "To anyone. She's a little more complicated than Alice." I nodded a little, understanding that, "She has trouble sometimes expressing how she feels, and a lot of the time, she comes off as.. Well, a little cold. It just takes some time to get to know her. Just don't tell her I told you all this. She'll take my head off."

Unfortunately, I laughed a little. It faded quickly, but it was a laugh nonetheless.

"I won't." I told him.

"So.." He muttered, "I wouldn't think of it like that. She's not suddenly being so nice to you. She's finally coming around, and learning how to show it."

"Why?"

"That day, last week.." He answered, "Well, it wasn't just hard on you, shorty. You don't know how hard it was on us to think you were being taken. All of us."

"Oh." I mumbled, looking down.

"Especially to think you were going back to her?" He asked, "Even if Jack-ass actually hadn't been there. To know what she put you through was enough. It took work to get you away from there, and she wanted you back? Hell no. So I did what I could to keep you here."

"You stalled her just as much as I did." I recalled, and he smiled a little.

"I wasn't letting you go without some sort of fight." He replied, "I didn't think I could beat her into an unrecognizable mess, but I could argue my ass off. Just to buy you a little more time to wait for Carlisle."

"Thanks." I sighed.

"Not only did I know you'd want to see him one last time, in case she did take you," He explained, "But I knew he'd know more about what to do, and boy did he." I nodded a little, agreeing with that, "You don't know how hard he's working for you, shorty."

"I know."

"You have no idea." He murmured, "I know it's hard, but cut him some slack. It's one thing to run back and forth, like the rest of us have been doing, but who do you think we call if we find something off? Who do you think directs us where we should be?"

I hadn't thought of it like that, but he continued.

"There's a reason we consult with him for everything," He told me, "And that's because he needs to know this stuff if he's going to keep everyone going. He knows what he's doing. If everyone just sort of ran around doing whatever the heck they felt like, hiding stuff from him, well.. This little grouping here really wouldn't work too well, now would it?"

I looked down.

"The same goes for you, shorty." He added, "You're part of this now. He'd never say anything, but I know it gets to him how iffy you are to really trust him."

"I trust him."

"But you're holding back." He corrected, "Just the way you do with all of us. It's no secret around here that one decent gust of wind could send that trust toppling over. It's flimsy, at best. One slightest issue or mistake, and you yank that trust, everything Carlisle works for, right back like nothing and it's back to square one."

I hadn't even realized it, but he was right.

"Before all the crap last week, that was the most we'd had your trust." He sighed, "There was definite progress, and we were just getting to the good part, but literally overnight, all of that was gone because of that Jack-ass." He sighed, "That's not your fault, but to find out that you don't feel safe anymore? Well, that just pisses me off at that fucker for taking that from not just you, but us."

"I'm trying." I whimpered.

"I know." He replied, "Geez, shorty. I don't blame you. Nobody does."

"I'm sorry." I said, "For the way he is." He sighed heavily, running his hand through his hair as he clearly had to think about his response.

"How many times have you told Alyssa not to apologize for the things someone else says or does?" He finally asked, "And don't say that it's not the same thing, because it is. You need to look around you, shorty. You're not to blame for anything that happens."

"You heard what he said."

"Yes." He said, "I heard him. I heard every word, shorty, but just because there are witnesses to his jack-assery doesn't make him right. That's all he is. Some pathetic little excuse for a sub-human, that talks nothing but shit to make himself feel better. He's the kind of person that only causes pain in other people because he's nothing but a scared little boy himself. Think of him as a person like Sammy. In his mind, nothing can touch him, but he's in for a really rude awakening when reality steps in and brings him down a few hundred places, or six feet under."

"Wow." I muttered, actually surprised. I'd never heard him make so much sense in one little speech before.

"He hides behind you, thinking he can somehow intimidate us the way he does you, and he's about to learn fast that that shit doesn't fly." He added, "There's no fucking way he's going to win this. No chance in hell, and one day soon, he's going to wake up to find his worst nightmare has found him. So.."

He reached forward and poked his finger lightly against the end of nose. Keeping it there, and surprisingly, I let it stay there.

"Stop apologizing for what he does." He told me, "It makes absolutely no sense. It's like an ant apologizing for the foot that crushed it, or some animal apologizing for the keepers at the zoo for imprisoning it. It's like Alyssa apologizing for the things Sammy did or said. Exactly the same."

"I'll try." I mumbled, and he smiled a little.

"Nothing he ever says or does would ever, ever, ever, ever, ever change the way we see you, and for damn sure wouldn't change how we protect you." He sighed, "The only thing it does is make us more determined, shorty. You're busy worrying about what could have happened when you need to focus on what actually did happen. You're just as safe now as you've always been with us. I promise."

"Okay." I sighed, and he finally let his hand drop.

"Next time, don't torture yourself." He requested, "Talk to me about it if nothing else, because we can't stand to see you suffer."

"What do I do about my dreams, though?" I asked, "I don't like seeing them."

"They're worse now, aren't they?"

"Much." I admitted.

"We could always have Alice interrogate you again." He suggested, "That seemed to free up some room in there the last time, right?"

"This is different, I think."

"How?"

"Because I heard it." I replied, "His voice. That changes things a little bit."

"It's worth a try, isn't it?"

"Not today." I muttered, laying back.

"Why not?"

"I don't like talking about that stuff." I mumbled.

"Nobody expects you to like talking about it." He said, "I just know it helped last time." I whimpered, leaning forward and rubbing my eyes roughly.

"Come on, shorty." He noticed.

"I wish we could just go back." I mumbled, falling and laying to the side, "To two weeks ago. Before we left New York, and I could just.. Change everything."

He sighed, "Is this about Mikah now?"

"It wasn't." I replied, "But now it is."

"You know he's fine."

"I'd rather be able to talk to him." I admitted, "I miss him so much."

"You're too young to be this love sick, shorty." He muttered.

"It's not even about that." I shook my head, rolling to my back to look at him, "It wasn't really ever about that. It was like.. When I was sad, he knew how to change that. Without even trying, just by talking to me, he made everything okay again. He made everything better. I guess that sort of thing was addicting.

"I know he'd know what to say this time, too." I sighed, "And who even knows if I'll even see him again this time? And if I do, who even knows if he'll be the same person he was before? That's who I want to see. I don't want to see someone that looks sort of like him, but completely different. I miss who he was before. I miss old him. Not new him. People change when they're turned, don't they?"

"Not completely, shorty." He finally spoke, "There'd still be a little bit of that in there somewhere."

"But he won't be the same."

"Well.." He sighed, "Probably not the exact same."

"Would he even remember me?" I asked quietly, "He probably wouldn't even know who I was. I'm nothing but a human to him now. That's what he eats."

"You're overthinking."

"I don't care." I sighed, sitting up, "It's better to overthink about this stuff than the stuff I usually overthink about these days, isn't it? It's one thing or another. I wish I'd known what would happen to him that night. It's not fair."

He hesitated a moment, looking down, "You sort of did."

I looked over, "What do you mean?"

"You probably don't really remember this, because you were.. Really pretty out of it, but-"

"Don't you dare." Alice suddenly landed in the open space beside me on the couch, "She doesn't need to know that."

"Oh, come on." Emmett muttered.

"No." I said, "What do you mean?"

"Emmett." Alice spoke again, "How is telling her this going to make anything better?"

"Tell me." I murmured.

"The night you first woke up, after being unconscious for so long?" Emmett prompted, and I nodded. Ignoring Alice's frustrated sigh beside me, he went on, "You were pretty insistent on going to see Mikah. You wanted so bad to go see him, but of course with nobody thinking much of it, there was no way we were letting you go anywhere in your condition."

"So.." I frowned, "That means I knew something was going to happen."

"I think it's safe to say." Alice mumbled, "But we were just thinking it was normal. Your thoughts weren't making a whole lot of sense, so we didn't think anything of it."

I didn't know how to feel about that, to be honest. Had they listened to me, his disappearance probably could have been prevented, but with pretty much everything out of my mouth not making much sense, why would they put any thought into it when I brought him up?

"It's not your fault." I eventually said, sighing.

"You're not mad?" Alice asked hesitantly.

"No." I replied, "I'm just.. I.. It's hard for me to believe I could call that when I'd been out pretty much that whole day."

"I already told you." She said, "Your gift is developing. I have a few theories about that, but we'll get into that another time."

I looked over at her, "Is that why you believed me so easy when I told you that something was going to happen last week?"

"Partly." She nodded, "That, and I know if your gift is going to develop as much as it can, you need to know that you'll be listened to. You need to be taken seriously, and it paid off."

"Not for Mikah." I argued, looking back down.

"Maybe not for Mikah." She replied, "But that wasn't your fault. You tried for Mikah, but had you not insisted so much that something was going to go wrong, Carlisle might not have found that woman's visit quite as odd."

"Really?" That surprised me.

"He knew to pay closer attention." She replied, "So, in a way, you helped prevent her from taking you."

"I actually did something right for once?" I couldn't believe it.

"You did." She nodded, "Reminding him of the dream you couldn't remember also helped. You did exactly the right things that day, Leandra."

"I couldn't have done it without everyone else." I reminded her, "All I really did was freak out."

"For good reason, shorty." Emmett added quietly.

"I know." She murmured, "But everything you did allowed us to help you. You bought yourself just as much time as Emmett bought you."

"That changes things a bit." I muttered to myself.

"You need to have more confidence in yourself, Leandra." She told me, "I know it's irritating at times, trying to see around something. Believe me, I get that. Until you know for sure, there's only so much you can do. I can tell you that I believe your ability is going to be a lot stronger than mine is."

"Even if I can only see me?"

"Even then." She said, "Because I can't see that far ahead. You obviously can." I gave her a small doubtful look, "If you were dreaming, trying to see what was going to happen last week back in October, do you know what that says about your ability?"

"Maybe I just know him well enough to know what he was going to do." I reasoned, "That doesn't mean I'm anything special."

"That's the doubt that needs to end." She replied, "That right there. With all the evidence right in front of you of what you can do, why do you still doubt?"

"Just how I am, I guess." I shrugged a little, "I've never been worth anything before. I don't know how to be worth anything now."

"That reminds me." She muttered, "Leandra, about what Jack told you-"

"He was being nice." I mumbled, looking down instantly, "I don't want to talk about that."

"None of that was true." She pressed anyway, "Not one word of it. Em's right."

"I am?" He muttered, and the surprise in his tone was slightly amusing to me.

"He's nothing but a coward." She ignored him, "He himself knows it, and we all do. I just want to tell you not to listen to him."

"I'm so scared." I finally admitted, shaking my head a little, "I don't want to go back to him." Even I knew getting me to admit that was a big step.

"And you won't." She replied easily, "Leandra-"

"I don't want to go back to him," I went on, "But I will if I have to."

"You won't." She repeated, her tone firmer, "I promise. You won't."

Unable to help it, I leaned forward and hugged her.

"Please don't be lying." I whimpered as she returned the hug.

"Have I ever lied to you about something like this?" She asked, "Have any of us lied to you?" I didn't reply, because we both knew the answer to that, "I still stand by what I told you a year ago, Leandra. We promised to help you get away from him, and we intend to do that. You're right. It's not over yet, but it will be."

"I'm sorry." I told her.

"I know." She replied, "You weren't yourself, and that's understandable, but you can't do that again. I don't care if you're moody, but you can't force yourself to stay awake like that."

"Can staying awake like that really kill me?" I asked, sitting back.

"Not staying awake specifically, but it can cause problems with your heart, and other vital organs that can kill you." She replied, "For example, if you're awake long enough, your heart can give out. Blood pressure is effected, which could lead to all sorts of heart problems. Emotions are all over the place, and let me guess. There are parts to this week that you don't remember."

I looked down.

"Lost bits of time you don't remember losing?" She asked, and I nodded a little, "That was you. Compensating for the lack of sleep by making you sleep. You could be awake, but to you, you were asleep. Make sense?" I nodded again, "That's not the kind of sleep you should have been getting. The way you were acting was caused by not getting the sleep you needed, so nobody could really blame you for that exactly, but it's very dangerous to go so long."

"Then there's the whole hallucinating thing." Emmett added, and I looked over at him, "I'm actually surprised that didn't happen."

"What is that?" I asked.

"That's where you start seeing things that aren't really there." He replied, "Not just thinking about them, but actually seeing things. Or it could be hearing things that were never really said. It's basically your brain playing tricks on you because it's exhausted."

"Why was I so mad?" I asked, "For no reason, I was mean."

"Probably the adrenaline." Alice answered, "That happens too. Without that half hour of light sleep every now and then, it would have been worse."

"I won't do that again." I finally relented, "It's just.. Really hard to want to sleep when I know I.. Or think I'm not safe, you know?"

"But you are."

"I know that, but.. It's.. Hard to explain."

"You're highly defensive." She nodded, "And that's understandable too after what happened last week, but you can't let it affect you like that."

My attention was taken by Jasper's return, frowning a little. He risked coming back during the day? Normally when he was over in Idaho watching my dad, he stayed there until at least evening, when he could safely return. Unless Alice called him, like she did the day before. I watched him immediately start up the stairs, not saying a word to any of us.

"Excuse me." Alice murmured, standing up.

"Okay." I mumbled, watching after her as well. Emmett stayed with me, though, so I didn't feel as weird speaking again, "Something's wrong."

"No." He replied, "He just has a question or two for Carlisle."

"Questions that couldn't be handled with a call?" I asked.

"Exactly." He sighed, picking up the TV remote. I frowned, but stopped pressing. Flipping through the channels, he seemed pretty eager to let it go too. I watched as he by-passed all the movie channels, landing on a news channel.

That seemed like a first, but I could recall all the times he'd done that during the week.

"The news?" I asked, and he glanced over at me.

"I'm checking the oil prices." He muttered, and I didn't believe him, but I sighed.

Needless to say, it was a little hard not to believe everything they told me during that talk. Both Alice and Emmett did have many, many points, and I knew they were right, but part of me was afraid to believe that I was still okay. Still pretty shaken, and still very afraid. Jasper wasn't around today. Probably off taking his turn watching over my dad.

Now they knew, however, what Jack was capable of doing to me, even over the phone. How afraid I was of just one person, much less two, was finally made undeniably clear.

I knew I probably should have felt embarrassed or stupid over how I'd been acting lately, but six straight years of hearing that voice, that tone, those threats, those words was bound to leave its mark. My dreams were one thing. This was real.

He was real again. Hearing him behind me in the store that day didn't set me off this bad, oddly enough, but that could have been because he never spoke directly to me then. Though his very presence in itself was a threat to me, he never threatened me out loud. Not like that.

I returned to my room not long later, sitting cross-legged on my bed. For once, focusing on something more than what was going on with me lately. The snow-globe Mikah had given me resting on the bed in front of me, playing its little tune quietly, muffled by the blanket.

I hadn't done this in awhile, just looked at it. This object meant more to me than the necklace did, because he'd given me this himself instead of me only finding it after he disappeared.

I revisited the memories I had of him now, and though they did hurt, they didn't wound me anymore. Though they didn't wound me anymore, I was still hurting.

With all the things he said to me, I honestly wondered what he would say if he was here now. It really bothered me to think that if I ever saw him again, he wouldn't be the same. He wouldn't be who I grew to consider one of the best friends I ever had.

And then, there was the fact that I probably wouldn't even see him again for a long, long time, if at all. Whatever he was doing there in that vision or whatever I'd had of him was obviously changed by now. Probably more than enough to change that part too. That was depressing.

Sighing, I plopped a pillow over the snow-globe. Staring at the pillow for a moment, I sighed again and pulled it away. I missed him too much to cover him with a pillow. As stupid as it was, I was still mending my hurt, and I knew it'd take some time to do that.

A/N: First chapter in. Not too much going on, but I like how it came out. Every story has to start somewhere, right? :)
THANK YOU to those that reviewed the final chapter of last story! I was a little worried about that change. I was convinced it was too different, but I'm glad my faithful reviewers don't think so! :D THANK YOU so much!
As for chapter two, it won't be long, as I made sure to move on with that before editing this one. :) It just needs a final go over, and should be ready to go on out in a few days at most.
Until Two, my friends! :D