A/N: Originally written for the fluff meme. I hope you enjoy! :)
Kurt awkwardly arranged a dozen shopping bags on his arm and turned to close the trunk of his car. After a moment of fumbling, he realised that he couldn't, weighed down as he was by the bags and sighed. He put the bags down again on the driveway beside him, pulled the trunk closed with a thunk and locked the car. Another moment was spent carefully rearranging the bags of clothing for the trek to the front door.
He managed to squeeze one finger out from between the bags to ring the doorbell. There was no reply. Kurt frowned and double-checked behind him: yup, Finn's bike was dumped on the lawn and Puck's car was in the driveway, so why weren't they answering?
Kurt rung the doorbell again, and again, no reply.
Kurt carefully lowered his shopping to the ground for a second time, so he could get his keys out of his pocket to unlock the door. Shouldering the screen door, he managed to lug his shopping inside. The house was silent. Kurt left the bags in the foyer, concerned, as he attempted to hunt down Finn and Puck.
"Hello?" he called, but heard no reply.
As he approached the basement, he heard a familiar midi tune – if he remembered right, it was from Finn's favourite video game: the one from the 90's with the guns and the unfortunate outfits. Kurt sighed, wishing they could have torn themselves away for long enough to save him the battle with the front door.
"Hello? Finn, Puck?" he called again. Again there was no reply.
Kurt wasn't intentionally sneaky as he made his way down the stairs – he was naturally light on his feet and had gotten in the habit of avoiding the creaky floorboards years ago. He reached the bottom of the stairs, and surveyed the room. His eyes widened as he took in the scene.
Finn and Puck were huddled on the bed, cuddling. Finn's arms were wrapped around Puck's neck, while Puck's were wrapped protectively around Finn's chest. Finn had burrowed his head into the crook of Puck's neck, between his head and his shoulder. Puck's cheek rested against the side of Finn's head.
Neither of them had seen Kurt come in.
Kurt fought a momentary urge to flee; he obviously wasn't meant to see this. The only thing that stopped him was the thought of his new clothes, stuffed into the bags, getting wrinkled. He needed to hang them up in his closet so they could breathe.
Kurt tried to think of something quippy to say, but his words failed him. It wasn't that he was jealous, not really – months of watching Finn and Rachel cuddle up in front of him had inoculated him against that. He was just utterly surprised. So instead of saying something, he took a step forward.
Finn and Puck heard that, and looked up, but didn't break out of the cuddle.
"You know," said Kurt, "You two really should have told me you were... cuddling."
Finn and Puck didn't respond, so Kurt took another step forward.
"Spider," Puck squeaked, sounding almost like a mouse.
Kurt looked around the room, and saw, sitting on the rug, a tiny, inoffensive, baby spider. "What, that?"
Puck and Finn nodded, wide-eyed.
Kurt re-evaluated the situation. A pair of controllers lay abandoned in odd positions on the floor. The characters on screen were being butchered by bad guys while Finn and Puck did nothing. The bed spread was pulled askew, as though Finn and Puck had quickly climbed up, and they were on Kurt's bed, not Finn's. Finn and Puck's position was more protective, than romantic, each trying to use the other as a human shield. "Oh... Oh! How long have you two been...?"
"Spider!" Puck squeaked again, more urgently.
Kurt sighed, grabbed a sheet of paper from the corner, and carefully levered the spider onto it. He took the spider and let it go outside. He stopped to pick up his clothes before returning to the basement.
Kurt carefully placed his clothes on the floor beside his closet. "At least you two have stopped... whatever that was." Finn and Puck had unlinked, though neither had ventured off the bed yet.
"Are there any more?" Puck asked urgently.
Kurt gave the room a cursory scan. "No."
"Oh. That's good," said Puck. He still peered at the floor before gingerly stepping off the bed. After a second, Finn followed him, just as carefully.
Kurt began to hang his new clothes, and was surprised when Puck slid in next to him. "Let us help you with that." Kurt frowned, but stepped out of the way as Finn and Puck hung the clothing for him.
After they'd finished, Finn turned to look at Kurt. "That was the bravest thing I've ever seen."
"What was?" Kurt asked.
"That thing with the spider," said Finn.
"It was, like, totally massive," Puck added, "And you picked it up with that tiny sheet of paper like it was the most normal thing in the world."
"You're my hero," said Finn.
"And mine," said Puck.
Kurt looked from one of them to the other, frowning. "Okay."
Finn and Puck stared at him with utter admiration in their eyes. Kurt fought the urge to run away. This time he decided to listen to his instincts, so he grabbed his iPod, made an excuse and fled the room.
Lying on the couch, Kurt thought that was that. Then, a couple of hours later, he heard it.
A piercing scream from downstairs.
"Oh my god, they're multiplying! They're back for revenge!"
"Kurt, help us!"